A Self Fulfilling Prophecy

As a general rule, women cannot stand needy, insecure and smothering males. Psychologically, above anything else, those traits will repulse a woman faster than baldness, obesity, and lack of cash flow combined. Why? Because a woman, whether she likes it or not, is usually pre-disposed to seek the exact opposite qualities in a male.

On the whole, most women will prefer a challenge rather than the man that kisses her toes 25 hours a day. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? He always has to check up on you, he always thinks you're cheating, he wants to know who you're on the phone with, and he constantly questions your friendship with male acquaintances. He is known as a beta male.

LB was serving in the Army. She was shipping off for a stint in Korea, and had been dating Mike for just a couple months. Mike was an ok guy, and LB insists that although he seemed a little too excited about her, "I thought we had a pretty good thing going."

Before she left, Mike began bringing up the idea of marriage and babies. After two months. LB admits she was pretty young, and "didn't know how to lay the smack down yet."

Learn the smack, ladies, learn the fucking smack. It will save you a lot of trouble down the line dealing with beta, needy, and smothering men.

So LB travels to Korea, and rather than isolate herself in her barracks all night thinking about Mike like she should have, LB dared venture out in an attempt to have an actual social life with her fellow service members, male and female. God forbid.

So after another likely long and boring phone conversation, Mike decided to scribe LB a bizarre and massively insecure letter to discuss some of the "happier things" about their relationship. Except he kind of got sidetracked on the bad part of their relationship (his insecurity), and then pretty much forgot to write about anything else.

I can almost feel his knees shaking in worry as he writes this.

I leave it to you, Mike:

Hey Mrs. xxxxxxx (eventually),

How's Korea? Anyway I thought you would be wondering why this letter was taking so long to get to you. I think about you all the time you know - 24-7, even in my dreams. Every other dream has you in it. Unfortunately not all of the dreams are good ones. I'm not sure if I told you but pretty much all of the girls I've been with have cheated on me. I know it's not fair to you but I can't help but having bad thoughts about you and other guys. It's just that experience has left me very untrusting. Well I don't want to write about it too much - ask me about it the next time we talk - I know I'll be too scared to bring it up. I want to tell you to quit telling me stories about getting drunk with a bunch of guys until 2 in the morning but I'd rather know everything. You don't know how hard it is for me to go every day worrying about this stuff. The sad thing is that even if you don't cheat on me is that I'll probably always believe you did. Well I want to get off this subject and on to happier things - just promise me if you do ever do cheat on me, that you'd keep those lovely lips above the wasteline. Trust me! That would make the difference between a storm and a hurricane. The thought of you having sex with another guy is nothing compared to the thought of you doing that for him. I could probably get over sex but definitely not that. Anyway - we should probably talk about it.

Well, I said I was going to move on to happier things but there's not much to talk about. I just talked to you on the phone 15 minutes ago. I guess I should just let you know that if I had to choose between you and air I'd be dead.

Love,
Mike

"Naturally," LB writes, "I promptly dumped him."

Way to lay the fucking smack down, baby.

You just saved yourself 10 years of hell.