Cineplex Ohmygod

Kristin recently finished off another round of unsuccessful dates through Match.com, and had pretty much given up on the whole idea of online dating.

"I wanted chemistry, and I wasn't finding it through the computer. A guy may look good on the screen, and even in person, but when there's no chemistry, there's no chemistry. Period."

Kristin ignored her profile for a couple weeks, but checked in on a whim one day to find a message from a guy named Mark.

"Hi! I saw you as I was looking through some profiles. I think you sound interesting, would you like to meet me after work for a drink sometime? If not, I understand and good luck out there in the dating world!"

Kristin checked his profile, and was surprised to discover that he was quite good-looking and apparently successful to boot. Kristin wrote him back a note and asked him a few questions, which he answered within the hour. He seemed pleasant, funny and genuinely excited to meet her.

Mark invited Kristin to dinner that Friday, and they had a great time together. No awkward moments of silence, no lull in the conversation, and he even buttered her rolls. And I mean that literally, not figuratively.

Mark and Kristin spent nearly six hours together that night.

"We had a great time. He was really funny and seemed really interested in me, plus he was polite like men used to be, he pulled out my chair before I sat and he put my coat on me before we went outside."

At the end of the night, Mark walked Kristin to her door. Mark had mentioned earlier that he had hoped to catch Gran Torino the next night, and asked if Kristin would like to join him. Kristin said yes, but according to Kristin, it came out more like "HELL YES!!!!"

Mark pecked her on the lips, got in his car, and drove away.

Kristin says she was floored. The guy was hot as hell, successful, and funny, and had just taken her on one of the better dates of her life. "I had butterflies after the first date. Good thing!"

Good thing indeed, Kristin.

We can't wait to hear about the second date.

Or... can we?

Cue the Jaws theme once again please.

Prince Charming came by the next evening and parked directly in front of her house. Kristin was still getting ready when she heard a car horn, so she looked outside to see Mark waiting in the car with the engine running. Perplexed, she called Mark on her cell.

"Hey, I'll be ready in just a second," she said, and then laughingly added "Why didn't you just call me and tell me you were outside instead of honking the horn?"

His charming response?

"Does it really matter?"

Turn up that ominous music a notch.

Kristin got into the car to find the Mark from the previous evening had been replaced with a surlier, less-talkative version. Kristin's initial excitement to see him wore off rather quickly. He wasn't talking much, didn't smile, and was getting angry with the traffic.

When they arrived at the theater, Mark and Kristin found a seat together and waited for the movie to start. Kristin heard someone call her name behind her, and turned around to see her high school boyfriend sitting a few rows back with his new boyfriend. They had remained friendly over the years after he came out of the closet, and she hadn't seen him in a while, so she excused herself to go say hello.

"I was gone all of five minutes," Kristin insists.

She returned to her seat, and Mark scowled at her.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"That was just a guy I knew from high school," she answered.

"OK, whatever. Did you sleep with him?"

Kristin, at 27, found that question a little perplexing. And rude. "Is that really any of your business?"

Mark didn't respond right away, but rather found it more appropriate to respond mid-way through the movie. "Yes, I do. I'm on a date with you, and leave me sitting here alone to go talk to a guy you obviously fucked."

Kristin's blood began to boil, but she remained quiet. After the movie, Mark and Kristin got up to leave the theater. Mark was ahead of Kristin as they shuffled out, and Kristin had to use the restroom before they left.

"He was so far ahead of me at that point that I practically had to yell out to him that I was going to use the restroom. He turned around and looked at me and just stood in place as if he was going to wait for me. Which he didn't. The fucking asshole left me at the theater with no ride home."

That's right folks, Kristin finished up in the theater restroom and Mark was gone. She called and got no answer. She texted him and got no response. In a fit of rage, she texted "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!"

Kristin got a ride home from her ex-boyfriend, and found an email waiting for her when she walked in the door.

From Mark.

Take it away, Prince Charming.

1. First of all, what gives you the fucking rights to tell me to call you instead of honking my horn. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? You were supposeed to be READY and you weren't ready and it was late and I told you how much I wanted to see Gran torino. The funniest part is for all the time you must have taken to get ready you didn't even look that good. Seriously I usually date 8's and above. You do not meet that qualifications tonight.

2. I suggest that you never tell a person you are on a date with to calm down when they are driving as it just provides more of a distraction and makes a driver angrier.

3. You left me sitting for 15 minutes in a theater all by myself, do you not understand how inconsiderate that is especially when you go to talk to a guy that you obviously fucked or are fucking lmao? We were on a date and on a date that means you should be paying attention to me, not all the other guys you fucked before you met me. I was embarrassed that I sat there alone while other people looked at me and thought I was some loser that goes to movies by himself. Thanks for that, very nice of you.

4. I DID waited for you for 5 minutes and when you did not come out I figured you left me there so I just left, so no FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.

You are really one classy lady you know that. Does your whole family speak that way? Maybe you need to take a class on manners Kristen, that is not how civilized people speak with each other.

I have given this some consideration and I will be willing to go out with you again under the following rules.

1. No talking to other guys you FUCKED.
2. Especially no talking to GAY GUYS YOU FUCKED.
3. I drive again and honk my horn at you.

Just kidding I wouldn't go out with you again. I don't like to date women that have sex with gay guys.

Well good luck dating to you you're going to need it, and lose my number NOW I don't want you getting drunk again and calling me. By the way on your next date maybe you shouldn't get so drunk? just something for you to think about.

BYE

Way to show your maturity level Mark.

"I don't even know what the drunk reference is," says Kristin, "I didn't even have four drinks the first night we went out. For me, that's certainly not drunk. Never in my life have I met such a jekyll and hyde asshole!"

We agree, Kristin.

We agree.