PLFM Presents: How to Get Your Ass Fired

A few of our dedicated readers recently alerted PLFM to some drama transpiring over on LiveJournal, and since the source of the drama falls directly in line with our particular subject matter, we're going to re-post the offending email and let you guys take a little peek at exactly what went down.

On that note, put your creep mittens on.

We've covered quite a few stories here on PLFM regarding work relationships gone awry. In extreme cases, the offender blatantly threatens, harasses and stalks our victims. In other cases, however, we come across situations where the male offender readily admits they may have crossed over the line of acceptable workplace behavior, yet feels everything has been completely blown out of proportion.

Today, you'll decide.

Here's the background:

Let's say you find yourself working in a dead-end retail job. In all likelihood, you hate your job and the insufferable morons you have to deal with on a day-to-day basis, but you have mouths to feed, bills to pay, and you don't necessarily want to live in a cardboard box anytime soon.

So you go to your shitty retail job every day, you grin and bear it, and at the end of the night you clock out content you just bought yourself another day of survival until something better comes along.

Then you show up to work one day only to find the following email in your inbox, sent from a certain male co-worker with whom you've only briefly exchanged a few pleasantries:

You really should just close the message and go about your day. This is the kind of letter that you write and then promptly burn. I'm not fond of following the rules so I sent it anyway. Seriously though, this is not going to be an easy message.

You've made an appearance in my dreams twice now. This is not good. You make me uncomfortable enough irl. The second dream was more significant than the first. You were the hero, and you saved my life from some pirates who were after me. I suppose I should be thanking you.

Could you think about... How many conversations have you had with me that weren't in someway work related...1? maybe 2? Even off the clock I think the only real time I've spent talking to you was showing you my ipod...but even that is work related. Even then, I was terribly uncomfortable.

This is because life has taught me that I have no business associating with the pretty people. Even after moving through several churches growing up, I was just never accepted. There isn't anything I can do about my face. It's not my fault. I've extended true efforts of genuine friendship toward people time and time again, only to get treated like a disease.

I can't control my dreams, so you're my only hope. Please stay out. Please?

You didn't accept my 2nd friend request and I can understand. I could be reacting prematurely. Maybe you haven't seen the 2nd one yet. Honestly though, I'm surprised you accepted it the first time. Thank You though. That was a huge confidence builder at a time when I needed it the most.

No one should have to suffer through a letter like this from a coworker. This will be my last communication with you apart from work.

The strong warning at the start of this is because I do not wish to have a discussion about this letter. Especially at work. I'm sorry, if this is has made you terribly uncomfortable. I'm sorry if you hate me.

You are unequivocally everything I've ever liked about any girl I've ever liked. However, You should be thrilled to know that I have no interest in you romantically. I know your name isn't Sarah, does that count for anything? Do you really drive to/from XXXXXXX all the time?

I'm sorry that you read this. However, If you didn't read it, Thank You so very much.

Got it?

Of course, now you're expected to just go out on the floor and work side-by-side with this guy all day long and just pretend you never got the letter.

Sound feasible?

David certainly didn't have a problem with it, so he emailed this exact letter to one of his female co-workers. Unfortunately, she did have a problem with it, and consequently turned the letter over to upper management.

David promptly found his ass fired on the spot.

David didn't take his sudden termination lightly, so he decided to re-post the letter in front of thousands of people on LiveJournal in what appears to be a somewhat hare-brained scheme to garner some sympathy from the masses:

I understand how that could make someone uncomfortable, but after dreaming about her twice I.Was.Freaking.Out.

Store manager is claiming this was harassment, but I can't find anything in hours of reading about various laws that will support this isolated message as harassment.

The thing that sucks the most is when I came back from my lunch I was planning on apologizing to her. I wrote a note on my lunch with only her first name on the front and inside it says "I am sorry"

Instead, I was fired.

Sounds like someone's fishing for a little hug, no?

Needless to say, David's misguided plea for sympathy backfired in an absolutely catastrophic manner. Hundreds of LiveJournal members, male and female, descended upon David's ravaged carcass to literally strip meat from bone. To make matters worse, David slipped up when defending himself and not only admitted that he knew she had a boyfriend, but that he himself has a fiance. Touche!

David now says he deeply regrets sending the email, though we surmise this might have a bit to do with the relentless onslaught of deep and soulful ass-poundings he currently finds himself enduring on LiveJournal, along with the relative lack of ass-slapping he will now likely receive in the confines of his own bedroom.

A few supporters have heroically come to David's aid, claiming this case constitutes just another example of "man-hating" women overreacting to a man's simple overture of fondness for a woman, but the vast majority of participants call it an easy case of sexual harassment in the workplace.

While PLFM found David's initial letter creepy enough to print within the confines of our half-assed blog, we didn't find it nearly as creepy as the idea of pursuing a half-assed, attention-seeking apology note scribbled on the inside of a wrinkled lunch bag.

In the comments section, please feel free to address whether David's letter might have creeped you out, and whether you feel his email warranted an immediate termination.