Saturday, January 31, 2009

When A Letter Lasts Longer Than A Date

If you asked PLFM reader Mary how many regrets she has about going on a date with Erin, my guess is she'd say 651.

Her first regret would be going on the date. The other 650 regrets would be the exact word count of today's featured psychotic letter. How do we know that? He counted them for us.

Mary went on a date a while back with a guy she'd met over the internet. He seemed nice enough, so she agreed to a dinner date. Unfortunately things got a little shaky right off the bat.

"Now, he was a nice guy," Mary says, "I wasn't repulsed or anything, but he had some obvious relationship issues. I knew this due to the fact that he talked constantly about bad dates and bad relationships that were "never his fault"."

But he was a nice guy, and being the kind person Mary is, she thought it sounded like this guy really needed a friend. With reservations, she agreed to watch a movie with him at his house.

DJ Pathetic, please cue the ominous music.

At Erin's home, Erin was kind enough to offer Mary a glass of expensive wine. Except he didn't have any expensive wine, nor did he have any glasses. So she got some cheap ass strawberry wine in a plastic cup, which may or may not have had a cartoon mouse on the side glorifying the joys of spelling the word "CAT."

He sat close to her and tried to snuggle, and she leaned away. He tried to kiss her, and she leaned away further. He tried to kiss her again, and she leaned away even further. Mary had only won the Bronze medal in leaning in the 2002 Olympics, so when he tried the third time, Mary was out of leaning room and simultaneously accumulating an impressive layer of wall spackle on the shoulder of her new sweater.

He wanted to play hardball, and she knew what to pitch. "I don't feel any chemistry with you Erin, and I'm not interested in being anything more than friends."

He said "ok." They finished the movie, and Mary got up to leave even before the rolling credits had even identified the name of the 2nd Unit Gaffer. I mean, who doesn't wait around for that shit?

And as she walked towards the door, Erin asked for a second date. She said maybe they could hang out again, but only as friends. Needless to say, they didn't.

Two weeks later, Mary met a new man she really liked, and they began to date.

And here comes Erin, folks. For the kill.

Remember, this is after one fucking date .....

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Erin in 3 .... 2 .... 1 ....


Hello there. How have you been? Get your marks back from your exams? How's your boyfriend? Care to tell me why you deleted me from MSN? :)

Let me take this time to share a few words, starting with the date we went on.

Forgive me if I sound arrogant right now, but I took you to a nice restaurant where I paid the check, we played Guitar Hero while sipping strawberry wine, and we watched Superbad while cuddling. A lot of girls would say that sounds like a really nice first date. I told you how beautiful you looked, words which I did mean (and no, I was never trying to get inside your pants). I opened up to you saying how much it hurts me for girls to suddenly reject me after appearing to get along with me before, and I told you that it hurts me when I'm blocked and deleted from MSN. You looked me in the eye promising you wouldn't do that to me. And now I see that you've deleted me. You also promised me a second date, yet only about 2 weeks after that night, your Facebook says you're in a committed relationship. 2 weeks. Wow, somebody is sure in a hurry for getting laid.

I can understand if you deleted me had I been an ass to you, or if I became jealous over your new boyfriend. The truth is that I've always been nice to you, and I was supportive of you when you first mentioned that you're now taken. I dare you to find a single chat log where I was anything other than sweet and kind to you. During our date (which you knew I had anticipated for a long time), you looked me straight in the eye while we were cuddling and told me point blank, "I feel no chemistry with you." That really hurt me, it continued to hurt me the rest of that night, and it wasn't necessary to say that during the actual date. You could've left that for our next MSN conversation, but you had to crush my mood for the rest of the night.

It's obvious to me now that you didn't want to be with me during that night, and that after then you decided you never wanted anything to do with me again. That doesn't explain why you acted nice to me on MSN afterwards, using your usual smiley faces and being nice. What good was it to lead me into thinking you still wanted to talk to me when you obviously wanted nothing more of me? Do you actually think that avoiding honest communication was ever doing me a favor? It was only doing you a favor, because you didn't have the backbone to speak your mind.

I really had wanted to make this friendship work and see it possibly become something more, because I had genuinely liked you a lot and you made me happy. I believed you were better than the girls who had hurt me before and who hadn't showed any concern whatsoever, but I was once again proven a fool. The only thing more sad than how all of this has made me is knowing that you will simply delete this message as soon as you're done reading it and never think of it again. You've already decided overnight that I am worth nothing to you, and you will never care about me again. The only reason I wrote you this letter is because I needed to give myself the closure that you have already refused to give me.

You should consider yourself special; I'm likely the only guy to take the effort of writing over 650 words just to tell you to go fuck yourself. Enjoy your life in your own little world. When your relationship fails, and I know it will, be sure you remember this letter and the decent man you threw away. Your conscience isn't finished with you yet.


Hey Erin?

You seriously need some mental help.

And by the way, notice how I save myself from typing 647 extra words in the next sentence.

Go fuck yourself.


  1. As Mary's older sister, I got to hear all about this guy first hand. I am quite excited that her letter was the first on this new blog... does that make me a nerd??
    Yay Mary!!!

  2. Oh, and the saddest part of all?? He sent allll of that on his cell phone.

  3. Ahhh, the poor lad's just traumatized because when he was born his mother wanted to name him Aaron, but unfortunately didn't seem to know the male spelling of the name, and instead named him E-R-I-N like John-Boy's little sister on the freakin' Waltons! This resulted in being taunted all his life for having a "girl's name" and probably more than one swirly in a middle school boys' room toilet. So of course he can't conduct himself properly in a relationship as an adult, poor guy!

  4. Good LORD. He typed that all on his CELLPHONE? So it's not even like he had a word count easily accessible, he counted that shit by hand! Christ.

    Also, for the record, Guitar Hero and Superbad and cheap strawberry wine out of a sippy cup - that sounds like a really awful first date. Kudos to you, Mary, for getting out while you could!

  5. He thinks Guirtar Hero, cheap wine, and Superbad make a good first date? Where was the dinner at, Chucky Cheese?

  6. Wow. That's, like the freakin' textbook case of entitled "Nice Guy" syndrome. The stupid, it burns...

  7. I love the new blog!

    As for this guy, I cringed as I kept reading the next paragraph. Creepy, pathetic guy.

    I agree about the name Aaron vs. Erin.

    This wasn't a text message, hollybeanie was kidding.

    Garret of

  8. OMG.... I've had some real losers, but this makes those guys look, um, charming.

    Love the new blog... can't wait for more!!

  9. Trust me, hollybeanie was not kidding about the cellphone thing. He sent this email on facebook, and at the bottom of the message it said "Sent via Facebook Mobile"
    So he sent that monster of an essay on a cell phone/blackberry type device... and after the cheap ass date, I am pretty sure it wasn't anything as fancy as a blackberry.

  10. Oooooh.... I'm onto Weasel's plan now! He's posting all of this so we'll REALLY appreciate the guys in our life that prolly annoy us sometimes, but are NOTHING like this. Brilliant!

    *picks up phone to call boy*

  11. that is one crazy dude, even more crazier is that boy wrote it on the cellphone!

  12. Hooray! I'll never start jonesin' between "Crap Email From a Dude" installments again!

  13. I once had a guy write me a farewell poem. It was about a log floating downstream and how I made him feel. He made the mistake of leaving it on my answering machine so I could play it for everyone.

  14. I actually cut and pasted into word to count the words... 669. I did this because I couldn't believe it wasn't more, a LOT more judging by how booooooring, ranting and self-obsessed it was. Have I mentioned it was boooooooooooooring??

  15. Wow...that's amazing. I'm impressed and I work in a mental hospital with charts where I see less wordy rants all the time.

  16. It's bad enough I have to share this dipshits name but I also get to share the spelling of it...CRAP!!! LOL I had a dumbass that kept calling me on my cellphone and no I didn't give him the number either a now ex friend did, I never answered or called him back. He would call me 3 times a day and say this is Stanley you don't know me but...I'd usually have it erased by now. This went on for a week (3 times a day) finally he called and started cussing me out telling me he thought I was pretty but now I was fucking...I couldn't make out the rest because he hit a bad area and his phone was really breaking up. The story didn't end there but it all started because he had passed me driving down the road and saw me (I drive a semi and so did he) and started asking about me, that's where Chuck's stupid ass gave that idiot my number. I gave Stanley his own special nickname of Stalker Stanley and I don't even talk to Chuck after the nice phone conversation I had with him concerning the whole thing. He basically told me to be nice and take one for the team. That was after I told him I didn't appreciate him giving my # out to strangers. I pretty much told him to go f himself and he could take one for the team and hung up on him and have not talked with him since.

  17. What was he? 18 and had gotten his older brother to buy the wine for him?

  18. Single guys don't seem to understand the difference between friendliness and being interested in them. They think if you don't tell them to f*ck off and are nice to them that you must be interested. And if you're blunt and slam those brakes on them they act all hurt like this fool because they're too ignorant to read the discreet signs that you are not interested!

  19. This blog is pure win. My friend suffered from a Nice Guy emo wansgter as her first boyfriend. God, what a douche he turned out to be.

  20. Welp, he was right. She DID NOT forget his letter...

  21. Fucking hysterical.

    I had a date once where I climbed out the passenger door window of the car. His door was broken and I was trapped. He kept making moves and asking me if I thought his nose was ugly. Luckily, the window worked.

    This poor guy shot himself three months later and in his note he mentioned that girls didn't like him because of his nose.

    It was awful.

  22. This sounds like every guy who ever worked in IT with me. Passive aggressive bitches who blame the girl if they can't get laid. Riiight.

  23. This guy has some serious issues.
    First off, (this is coming from a gamer chick)
    Guitar Hero and watching Superbad does not constitute a fabulous time.
    It's men like him that make me miss being a lesbian.

  24. Oh god Nosnikta.. that's possibly the worst story I've ever heard. It was sad/funny until the part where he shot himself... It's almost like rhinoplasties don't exist in his universe.

  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

  26. I love how he gets angry because she's not upfront about her feelings and because she's upfront about her feelings.

    All in the same letter.

    " looked me straight in the eye while we were cuddling and told me point blank, 'I feel no chemistry with you.'"

    "...Do you actually think that avoiding honest communication was ever doing me a favor? It was only doing you a favor, because you didn't have the backbone to speak your mind."

    Translation: "You didnt have the balls to tell me I have no chance after you told me I had no chance."

    Well Erin, that just seems a little repetitive.

  27. I, personally, would REALLY prefer a guy to tell me there's no chemistry DURING the date rather than have me thinking everything was fine, being all over someone who wasn't interested, and then getting slammed on MSN later with the, "Yeah, I really didn't like you all over me like that." I'd feel like a fucking idiot. I don't really understand this man's problem, but maybe that means I'm not delusional. God, I hope that's what it means XD

  28. Mmph. I had to tell my last boyfriend to leave the blunt way. I wish I didn't have to, but subtlety was lost on the guy. Luckily, I never heard from him again. Instead, I got the exact opposite of a goodbye letter: I came home from work to find all his things gone. I can only assume he felt a lot more strongly towards me than I guessed, which is funny since one of the problems was that he originally flat out told me that it would be short term and he laughed at the mention of love.

  29. I've just posted a great one of these over at my blog...

  30. Superbad as a date movie? How old is this guy, 12? 13?

    I was at this gathering one time where this IDK even how to describe this guy. All I can say is that you took one look at him (around age 40) and KNEW he still lived in his parent's basement. Ya know? A real bottom feeder. No ambition, no career, little if any education, drove a beater car, but had every video game system ever sold.

    So bottom feeder starts chatting me up. I don't respond beyond a "that's nice". He keeps chatting me up. I start looking over his head around the room still muttering nothing more than "that's nice". I turn away from him as he's talking and wander over to a seat. He follows me talking to the center of my back. I sit down in a chair that's by itself, he drags a coffee table over and keeps yammering away. I am no longer even mumbling "that's nice" anymore. I pick up a magazine. He's still talking. I begin to read the magazine. He's still talking. I lean into the light better, turning my back on him in the process. He's still talking.

    I pretended to read that magazine for the better part of an hour, and he kept yammering away the entire time. I wasn't talking to him, looking at him, or even acknowledging that he was alive. Worse: there was no booze here, so no, he wasn't drunk.

    My ride was finally ready to go, so I got up and left, he followed me all the way out to my friend's car STILl TALKING. I think I would have had his entire life story had I listened to a single word he said. He asked for my phone number as I was getting in the car, I just shut the door w/ out responding.

    Two months later, I have the misfortune to run into him again. (He was a friend of my friend's friend...if that makes any sense.) He starts "ooh so good to see you again..." I cut him off "what do you mean again? I don't know you." (I did, wasn't going to admit it) He tries to remind me of the other gathering, I'm like, "I'm sorry, I just don't remember meeting you at all". He starts telling me about the "great chemistry" we seemed to have, and how he felt "sparks" when we chatted at the last gathering. I just shrugged and said "I don't remember you at all".

    All I could think of was that if he felt sparks, he needed to get his damn finger out of the electric socket.

    So yeah, I mumbled "that's nice" two or three times vaugely while looking at everything but him, turned my back, walked away while he was still talking, picked up a magazine, started reading it as he was talking, turned my back on him a second time, and ended the evening w/ slamming a car door in his face.

    And he thought I was into him.

    I found out later he spent weeks complaining about what a bitch I was and how I led him on. Good thing I didn't actually break his annoying neck (which I was thinking about), he'd have probably thought I was asking to marry him.

    I think a lot of "nice guys" are nice only in their own heads. The rest of us consider them clueless, obnoxious, whiney ass boy-men.

    I'm single. I'm staying that way. Thank you. :P


    *calling hubbie to tell him yet again how wonderful he is*

  32. Wow, this is just too painful to read to come up with some kind of a quip. I just had to register how excruciating this is even to imagine.

  33. OMG! Words just seem to fail me...

    Guitar Hero, Superbad and let me guess- Boones Strawberry Hill, bottled recently from the southern facing slope of hell, swilled out of a dixie cup. Booyaah!

    God for anyone (not just women) to put up with that, then have to endure reading the letter off the PDA to follow???, and not feel the need to throttle him and spare the rest of us- Surely you have achieved your sainthood status.

    Either that or you are hoping to brush him off onto the next unsuspecting hack.

  34. I am so stoked for this new spin off blog! I almost wish i was single to see if i could collect some of these letters myself...almost

  35. Dammit- another blog I just got to read. Its a wonder I ever get any work done.

  36. Wow. Guitar Hero, Superbad, and strawberry wine. I forget if you mentioned, but was it in a box? Honey, that's not a date, that's a very low-key college party.

    I also love how he's basically stalking her.
    I had a guy like that once. He kept trying to cuddle once, and I kept moving away, not even leaning, I would freaking MOVE. It wasn't exactly subtle, but I suppose it wasn't forward enough. He just didn't get it. Sadly, he also knew that I HATE to be touched. Hate it. Especially cuddling. I can count on one hand the people whom I don't mind touching me and have fingers to spare. He knew this, in NO uncertain terms, and still he tried.
    He also calls to much. My roommates met him once, ONCE, and dubbed him "The Stalker"

  37. Like the blog Weasel. I've got it tabbed. )

  38. Having just received a series of very similar psychotic hate emails from a man I went on a single date with, I am finding this very therapeutic. Great blog.

  39. What a winner ...

    Love the new blog! :D

  40. This comment has been removed by the author.

  41. I think I have been contacted by this scary pathetic asswipe! Thank god I never went out with him.

  42. As soon as someone mentioned that OTHER girls had blocked his MSN, I'd be out!

    Out, out, out!

    That's a sure sign of a nut/stalker who can't take no for an answer. Why give a guy like that a chance? You already know he's trouble!

    I don't have a single ex blocked on anything...they are EX'S, they don't bother me and I don't bother them.


  43. Basically making me cry to read this vag-reborn handwringer whine to the tune of OH SHIT SHE TOLD ME WE HAD NO CHEMISTRY THEN BLOCKED ME ON MSN DRAW ME A HOT BATH AND BRING ME MY RAZOR.

    At least tell me he's 12. There has to be some excuse for this unmitigatedly eyeroll missive of Lose, Extreme Edition.

  44. THIS IS HILLARIOUS!!! Tragedy is the best comedy.
    Thank you for posting this.

  45. >> Lady Meerkat said...

    Single guys don't seem to understand the difference between friendliness and being interested in them. They think if you don't tell them to f*ck off and are nice to them that you must be interested. And if you're blunt and slam those brakes on them they act all hurt like this fool because they're too ignorant to read the discreet signs that you are not interested! <<
    That is so very very true, Lady Meerkat.

    Unfortunately for me, I am a man who suffers (or suffered, not sure if I'm cured yet or not) from this same syndrome.

    I misread interest in several women over the years. Thinking that a flick of the hair, a leg crossed in my direction, a slight touch when in close company with other people, meant that she was into me. I was so very wrong.

    Problem with me, and possibly every man who has this same malfunction, is that I imagine the relationship in my mind. I roleplay conversations between myself and the girl I'm obsessing over. It gets to the point that eventually I'm convinced the imaginary relationship was in fact real, and that she has the same feelings for me that I have for her, when in fact, it was all just inside my head.

    Now that I recognize this as the problem, I no longer show interest or look for interest in women. Because I know that if I think a girl likes me, then I've done it again, I've fooled myself into thinking that she does like me, when I know bloody well that she does not.

    I should mention that I have Asperger's Syndrome, and it is a contributing factor to my inability to read the 'signs' that you mentioned. If only I could see them, perhaps I'd have a chance of finding someone who really was interested in me. But alas, I've given up, because I would rather be safe than seem like that creepy stalker kind of guy.

    I only want a true loving relationship, and would never bring harm to a woman. Yet, many men like myself are misunderstood, and assumed to be the worst sort of person you can imagine, and I know you do that, because it's your way of 'playing it safe rather than sorry.' I do not fault you with that either.

    Until they find a cure for Asperger's and Love Shyness, I will continue to remain single and virgin, at the age of 36, and avoid falling in love again because I know its only in my own imagination.

  46. Holy crap. This is the last post I've read and the scariest. I think I've actually been on a couple dates with this guy. Glad to see nothing at all has changed.

    Oh, and Eric? Don't blame Asperger's. Having Asperger's and being a self-pitying reject who blames everyone and everything else for his problems are two completely separate things.

  47. To Undergrad RN: Just for the record... :D My husband is in IT and he is the most wonderful, perfect, ideal, and well-adjusted man around. Everyone (including my gay male housekeeper) refers to him as *Saint Insert- his-name-here*

    Granted, he IS the only one I can vouch for...

  48. ANON 12:12
    F/U to Undergrad RN:
    I read your post as "..ever worked in IT..." and missed the ever important *WITH ME* Sorry! D'oh

  49. Clearly a man possessed of a social disorder, and the awkwardness of the situation made me cringe. However, i'm sure quite a few people here have done something that warrants a systematic drubbing on a blog from a collection of peers with the antithesis of their personality.

    I think you can be a nice guy without being the creepy slacker type that seems to be an addendum to the term nowadays. I'd just like to advocate for those so-called guys right now. Sometimes nice guys can't afford a bottle of chateau mouton-rothschild and champagne flutes because they work in a job that may not have a high wage but it lets them have some things that make them happy. Sometimes nice guys have poor taste in movies, but hope that you have a sense of humour about it. Sometimes nice guys have friends who happen to be girls who enjoy pressing little coloured buttons on a fake plastic guitar like an idiot. Sometimes nice guys don't notice the subtle flick of your large toe suggesting your clear and obvious disinterest in furthering the relationship.

    I'm not defending Erin, i'm just defending the group of men he has been erroneously identified with =)


  50. I used to wonder why women were so bitchy to a guy right off the bat. The guy says 'hi, can I buy you a drink' and the bitchy gal says "go a way, loser." It seemed like overkill to me.

    Now I realize why they do it. I've had run-ins with guys like Erin. Anything other than outright hostility is interpreted as encouragement. And if you're outright hostile, you're a bitch. You're screwed either way. You've either fed the pathetic stray and he won't go away, or you're a bitch. It's better to err on the 'bitch' side - at least you don't get barraged with emails and voicemails.

  51. To the previous poster:

    I think that if you can afford Guitar Hero, you can afford wine glasses. Or glass glasses, even. I mean, you can pick up a whole set of glasses at Goodwill or a garage sale for $2 if you're poor. (But again: are you really that poor if you can afford Guitar Hero and the system to play it on? Methinks not.)

    Maybe you, the nice guy, might be a Guitar Hero-playing Boones Farm afficionado who eschews material objects like glassware. Perhaps that's just your journey in life. But at the risk of painting with an extremely broad brush, I think it's safe to say that after a certain age (like the age of majority) a woman on her own is usually acquiring certain material objects that make her home more comfortable, functional, and attractive to herself and to guests- things like sets of glassware and cookware, or curtains, or more than one set of sheets and towels. And frankly, that woman looks for the kind of guy who has enough household awareness to have those things, too. If a woman comes to a guy's house and all she sees are a 60-inch flatscreen TV and Guitar Hero in the living room and nothing else but takeout cups in the cupboard, one crunchy towel in the bathroom and no sheets on the bed (because they're being used as curtains, even worse) then that is a sign that the guy wants a mommy, not a girlfriend, and is in need of to too much remedial housebreaking to be worth the effort of dating. Or even sleeping with, because God knows what's on that bed or what level of personal hygiene this skeeve practices or skips over.

    So if you're "nice" or "nice but clueless" or just clueless, here's a clue: If you want to play ball, buy some damn equipment so you can host a game. That includes: 2 sets of sheets (so you have sheets to put on the bed while you wash the other sheets), 2 sets of towels (that would be bath, hand towel and washcloth-same washing theory as the sheets), a set of glasses, a set of plates, and maybe a pot or pan or two. There you go!

  52. the guy has too much free time!even my essays are not that long :P

  53. This guy isn't really as bad as the other stalkers. Pathetic yes, but he was polite and consistent throughout his letter, unlike the bipolar nutjobs who tell a girl to burn in hell because she's a fucking slut and ask for a second chance in the next paragraph. And she was kind of bitchy to knock him off her MSN without anything going wrong when she sai she wouldn't.

  54. Recommend the book, 'The Gift of Fear' by
    Gavin de Becker, for anyone interested in learning more about how women need to learn how to say 'no' and mean 'no' and pay attention to the 'redflags' that may have been present, before this woman placed herself in Erin's domain. She was lucky to escape his clutches, and end up with just a letter.

  55. I do not think he was 'polite' in his letter, and I also think that there may be more to it than her simply knocking him off of her MSN, since he said that she was conversing with him after the date. I think that he did not get the message that she wanted a 'platonic' relationship, and he obviously wanted more. He even said so, in his 650 words. I think that he was simply seeing what he wanted to see, hearing what he wanted to hear, and interpretting things the way he wanted to. I did not see that he was kind and polite at all.

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