(Note to readers: All names in the following post have been changed. The pictures have been altered to hide the identity of the offender. I know a lot of readers would prefer I post everything, and legally we're entitled to, but we really don't need to go there in order to get the point of our story across.)
Today's PLFM entry all began innocently enough.
Now, as most of you know, our busy WWHM office produces two blogs simultaneously. Our original blog, Why Women Hate Men-The Blog, re-posts preposterously clueless and pathetic male personal ads submitted by our female readers, whereby we instruct our hard-working staff to mercilessly flog the original author of those ads like an uncooperative mule.
Our second blog, Psychotic Letters From Men, emerged from the swamp only six months later in response to the hordes of female WWHM readers who began to submit their own personal stories of pathetic and / or abhorrent male behavior, many of which contained original and delightfully voyeuristic copies of threatening emails, bizarre letters, and, of course, the accompanying restraining orders.
Yet sometimes we receive correspondence which could land on either blog, and today we opened up just such an email.
WWHM reader DM recently submitted a large batch of moronic personal ads to Why Women Hate Men- The Blog, the last of which she highlighted "This is my personal favorite!" in red text.
Brimming with excitement, we hastily adjusted our crotchless briefs, put down our bear claw, and focused our weary, bloodshot eyes onto the computer screen. Unfortunately, we felt a bit let down when we found this complete snore of a personal ad:
Lets be realistic -34M
I am a cute athletic guy that looks younger than I am. I am single no kids just a cute little puppy. I am straight edge. I have a reserved laid back personality but I can be very direct and forward too. I am not shy at all either. I have a sales background mostly in mortgages.
More about me .... I like sports, I play everything soccer, volleyball, golf, mt bike and more. I went to XXXXX to be a gym teacher before I got into sales and I used to coach youth sports for my younger siblings. I like playing ps3 video games like call of duty 2 with my younger brother or Wii golf with my dad. With a girl I just like to watch movies and enjoy some quality time together. I tend to be a homebody not into the bar scene or clubbing.
I am looking for someone drama free and someone who also wants to be happy with me. Any race and legal age is fine. Please no drugs or smoking. I have a facebook and myspace so if you contact me send me your links and a pic of yourself in the reply. I also have aim and yahoo messenger chat so we can get to know each other better that way first.
Not too bad of an ad, though certainly not WWHM material. He's single, athletic, close to his family, relatively good-looking, and he openly expresses his affection for kids and animals.
Sounds like someone you might enjoy making a casserole with, snuggling up to in front of Sleepless in Seattle, or perhaps a man you might even choose to marry and engage in horrifically boring missionary-style sex with once a month for the rest of your life.
Perplexed with her submission to WWHM, we checked back with reader DM's email, only to find a little explanation below the link she provided:
"Why is that my favorite you ask? Because it has a reply attached to it!"
Sure enough, the public dating forum Seth utilized allows visitors to post replies, and it appears a nice young woman discovered a little bit more about Seth than he was willing to disclose upfront. As such, she attached the ensuing response underneath his personal ad:
ok, lets really be realistic.
im not really here to judge you however since you are a registered sex offender who is really only out for sex maybe you should put that in your add. I guess its a good thing that you dont have a degree in teaching gym since you wouldnt be able to as a registered sex offender.
Point is is that when you are online looking for someone maybe you should include that if they arent willing to sleep with you on the first date your not interested considering when WE talked and i stated that i wasnt interested in sex that i wanted a long term relationship i suddenly wasnt good enough anymore.
It then also didnt take much to google your name and megans law to see that you are a registered sex offender.
Which you never told me.
We suspect Seth didn't receive many replies after that pleasant little note landed underneath his personal ad.
Are we done?
Not even close.
The above accusation is pretty serious, so we wouldn't post this story without the ability to somehow verify it's authenticity.
Fortunately, Seth left a direct link (which PLFM deleted) to his YouTube channel, where he invited women to come view some of his "funny videos" before they replied to his personal ad. Unfortunately for Seth, the title of his YouTube channel also contains his real name, which PLFM then cross-referenced with his listed hometown.
PLFM then plugged his name directly into the publicly available court records of the state in which he currently resides, and sure enough, look who popped up:
Gross, you say?
But it gets worse.
PLFM spent some time perusing a few of Seth's court records in order to determine the exact nature of Seth's original arrest. Occasionally we hear of cases where 16 year-old males find themselves forever branded "sex offenders" for having consensual sex with their 15 year-old girlfriends, which we personally feel is a complete load of horseshit. The states that still carry these laws on the books seriously need to pull their heads out of their collective asses, and we wanted to make sure this wasn't the case with Seth.
While we couldn't determine the exact nature of the arrest that led to Seth's "sex offender" status, we found quite a few other recent arrests that might be of interest to any woman currently perusing the internet for potential mates.
Seth's recent arrest record includes, but is not limited to:
Display of Obscene Sexual Materials
Multiple Harassment Charges
Corruption of Minors
Statutory Sexual Assault
XXXXXX - Person less than 16 Years of Age (charge X'd to anonymize state)
Intimidation of Witnesses
Retaliation against Witnesses
Disorderly Conduct (Hazardous and Physical)
Providing False / Misleading Testimony
Disorderly Conduct (Obscene Language)
...and, worst of all, a speeding infraction for driving 2-15 mph over the speed limit!
Seriously, who would want to date someone with such wanton disregard for our nation's well-rounded traffic regulations? Disgusting!
Anyway, reading through a few of the online court dockets can provide even more insight into Seth's self-proclaimed "drama-free," "reserved," and "laid-back personality."
According to one court docket:
(Seth) agreed to meet K.P., a minor, at the XXXXXXXXX Mall in March of this year.
K.P. entered the mall with a friend and saw (Seth). (Seth) appeared older than he had represented to K.P. online, so K.P. and her friend walked past without acknowledging (Seth). (Seth) saw K.P. and her friend leaving the mall approximately 30-45 minutes later.
(Seth) followed K.P. to her car, jumped on the hood, and kicked the right fender. The cost to repair the damage, which the court determined was caused by (Seth) jumping on the hood and kicking the fender, totaled $1.535.57.
According to his personal ad, Seth seeks a woman with whom he can "watch movies and spend quality time together," which somewhat contradicts the evidence presented against him in court during just one recent harassment charge:
On XX-XX-XX, Seth emailed his ex-wife and demanded to know her current address, saying "tell me or I will find out on my own, and that will make me more angry than I am now!"
On XX-XX-XX, Seth repeatedly called his ex-wife, hanging up several times and leaving at least one long, obscene and threatening voice message around 11:42 PM. In this message, Seth said, in pertinent part, "You don't fucking ignore me like this! Now I'm gonna have a problem! I'm gonna have to teach you a Fucking lesson you goddamn bitch! When I say call me, you fucking call me!"
On XX-XX-XX (the ex-wife) filed a criminal complaint.
On XX-XX-XX, Seth called (ex-wife's) house while Trooper XXXXXXX of the XXXXXXX State Police was present. The Trooper directed Seth to stop calling (ex-wife). Seth did not follow Trooper XXXXX's advice. Seth called back while the Trooper was still there.
On XX-XX-XX, Seth sent (ex-wife) a two-page long threatening email, saying (in part) "i have not burnt down your new house you just bought either even though i should cause you don't (sic) deserve to have a house .. . do not make any mistakes with me."
On XX-XX-XX Trooper XXXXXXX filed a criminal complaint (against Seth).
On XX-XX-XX Seth emailed (ex-wife) saying "I left a message for you to contact me via email and you did not. Instead I learned that you directed my calls to the police where I also learned you tried to file a complaint against me. . . This is the second time you have made the mistake of getting the police involved in our personal business and this is the last time I will give you a chance to correct your mistake . . . You will reverse everything you have done. You will terminate any and all complaints made against me and when I call your phone I am to get you, not the police. You will also talk to me whenever I want to talk to you for as long as you live . . . You must realize that after everything that happened to me in my life, both recent and in the past, now there are days when I care and there are days when I do not care and I'm just taking each day as it comes. I'm not afraid of anything, therefore, I could do anything at any time."
The court then states:
In repeatedly threatening (ex-wife) and continually calling and emailing her after being asked to desist, both by (ex-wife) and by a State Police Officer, Seth was harassing, annoying, and alarming his ex -wife. In particular, inflammatory language like "I'm not afraid of anything, therefore, I could do anything at any time," "This is the last time will give you a chance to correct your mistake," "Do not make anymore mistakes with me " and "That will make me more angry than I am now" was clearly designed to alarm the victim.
The numerous attempts also clearly satisfy the repeated conduct requirement in the harassment statute.
Seth's defense at trial centered on his assertion that there was a legitimate purpose for his attempts to contact his ex-wife. As he summarized in his closing argument, "[it] was because of XXXXXXX related issues" related to XXXXXXXXX the two had previously shared. (Ed. note: Not children)
Disregarding all communications other than the threats, Mr. XXXXXXX has still engaged in repeated communication which serves no legitimate purpose.
So, how might you feel about dating this guy now?
We have, and in all honesty, Facts of Life comes on in 10 minutes. According to Comcast, it's the episode where Tootie gets caught smoking a cigarette at a party, and everyone acts like she just shot the fucking Pope. We gotta go.
But first, let's resolve the purpose of our post so we can all feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Dating online involves inherent risks. You have no fucking idea who you are about to meet. Just because he's a good-looking attorney doesn't mean shit.
PLFM effortlessly acquired all the information posted in this blog entry in less than three minutes, and we didn't even make the unfortunate mistake of blowing Seth in his car first.
Ironically, in producing a blog about stalkers, we've learned quite a bit about how they operate. We suggest you turn the tables by utilizing the same stalker tactics when researching your potential online dates. Which you should do. It's easy stuff, and well worth your efforts.
Nearly every state, county and city posts all criminal records online, and some even post civil cases online. You can determine whether your potential date has recently murdered someone, or whether they have 16 lawsuits currently pending in civil court for failing to pay a debt. Divorce cases, child custody battles, this stuff is all posted online for free in many states. Or, if you'd like, you can pay some hack online search company $50 to find the same information you can get yourself for free in three minutes. Fun!
PLFM also learned stalkers can find surprisingly good results by cutting and pasting email addresses into the Google search bar. Often, you can determine which forums a person might visit, and even read their posts. In fact, as we've mentioned before, that's exactly how we discovered one of the stories we posted to our blog wasn't exactly truthful. Thanks, stalkers!
(Sound of everyone googling their own email addresses.)
Of course, we're not just picking on men here, as this same advice applies to men trying to find out about women they're interested in dating. You won't get off the hook that easily, ladies, and you have to admit there's quite a few of you out there that are just a few croutons short of a salad.
If you've recently met someone online who didn't exactly turn out to be what they claimed, please feel free to post it in the comments.
(After producing WWHM Blogs for over a year now, we're determined to earn one US dollar for our efforts. As such, we've teamed up with Babeland, a classy, reputable female owned and operated sex boutique with four stores in Seattle and New York, as well as Amazon.com. If you'd like to buy anything off Amazon, please just link to Amazon through one of our unsightly, box-like banners!)