Wednesday, April 1, 2009

New Year's Heave

We all tend to go a little crazy on New Years Eve.

We go out, we get astoundingly drunk, and we hang out with a bunch of other crazy people we don't know. And it's great time, because everyone's being crazy.

But therein lies an interesting problem.

If we're all expected to act crazy on New Year's Eve, how do we discern normal people acting crazy because it's New Year's Eve from the people that are actually psychologically crazy?

How do we know who's just having fun vs. who goes home from the bar and sews a coin purse from the scrotum of the neighbor's dog?

The answer is, we don't.

And unfortunately, Erika found out the hard way.

Erika went out on New Year's Eve with some friends, and some friends of friends. Normally a pretty safe and secure group if you trust your friends, which obviously you should.

Erika admits she's a little off-kilter, and ended up meeting a nice gentleman named Robert. Robert and Erika really hit it off that night, and Erika was rather charmed by Robert's sick and twisted sense of humor.

Robert kept mentioning he was crazy, but Erika assumed he meant like the boyish "I'm so crazy, I find the most disgusting things funny.... ..." type of crazy.

Robert lived about an hour of town, and the two lovebirds were drunk out of their minds, so Erika invited Robert to spend the night at her apartment.

They went home and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. They exchanged some DNA, exchanged their phone numbers, and had a great time.

"The next morning," Erika says, "everything seemed totally cool."

Robert returned home, and Erika and Robert spent the next few weeks text messaging each other daily. They had a funky little long-distance romance going, and couldn't wait to see each other in a couple weeks when Robert was coming back into town for the weekend.

Finally the big weekend arrived, only Robert didn't arrive with the weekend. He never came by at all. Erika was a bit concerned, until she got a text message late on Saturday night from Robert.

Robert: Sorry, I was in jail.

Erika: For what?

Robert: I about damn killed that boy.

Now, this concerned Erika.

Most people call frantically from jail, screaming of false arrests, confusing circumstances, and huge misunderstandings.

Robert, on the other hand, said "I'm in jail" the same way you or I might say "Please pass the green beans" at a pleasant Thanksgiving dinner hosted by your grandparents.

Erika was beginning to have second thoughts about her quirky New Years Eve lover, but dismissed it as an isolated incident. He seemed like a really nice guy, and they had a lot in common.

A couple days later, Robert sent her a new text asking Erika for a picture.

Erika: What do I get out of this?

Robert: Have faith.

Erika: Faith we will get to hang out this weekend?

Robert: Faith that I'm an alcoholic and I'm going to whoop you.

Erika: What?!!?

Robert: Have faith that I will get drunk and beat you to death with my fist.

Erika's jaw hit the ground.

There had been no argument, no miscommunications, nothing. "I stopped all communication with him at that point," Erika says, "I hadn't done anything to make him mad."

The next weekend Erika was out at a bar when her phone rang. She looked at phone and saw "Robert" on her screen, and assumed it was another Robert she knew. She answered the phone to find "I'm going to beat you to death with my fist" Robert on the other line.

He was in town, and wanted to get together. Erika told him that she wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. Robert explained that he had just been joking with her, and figured she would understand that he was kidding around. He just had a crazy sense of humor.

"I don't really want anyone to tell me they're going to kill me, joking or not," Erika told him. He pleaded with her to no avail, and Erika eventually ended the conversation. It was over and done with, she thought. She promptly changed his phone ID to "Robert Do Not Answer."

Then the texts and phone calls really started coming in at all hours of the day and night. Robert called her constantly, pleading for her to pick up the phone. He called from other phones and left messages for her. She ignored all his texts and phone calls.

Finally, during Mardi Gras, Robert decided to leave Erika some special messages at 2:45 in the morning.

Take it away, Robert.

(Edited for clarity. As if that helps any.)

Message #1

Suck my dick like an ice cream bar. You know who I am, you don't want to know. Cause I'll fuck you in your bootyhole. I'm crazy. I'll use dawn dishwashing liquid to fuck you in the pussy, you dirty old dish liquid. I hope you die you dirty old whore.

And 2 minutes later:

Message #2

It's a goddamn mother fucking thing you didn't answer your goddamn mother fucking phone. Cause you fucking fatass motherfucker don't ever get no dick in your life and now you have to worry about Robert in your life. But don't worry because I'm going to pimp your ass and when you hear a thump at 2 in the morning, you know it's gonna be Robert up in the motherfucker.

And you know Dean's got your number. Dean's got your number. So it ain't just me, it ain't just me. You stupid ass whore. you come all the way from my city, you stupid ass mother fucker. You rich ass. Toyota. Toyota.

Certainly sounds like someone needs a prescription. But is he done?

Two nights later, Robert sends a solitary text to Erika.

"It is what it is."

True indeed Robert.

It what it is.

Thankfully, Erika hasn't heard from him since. She adds:

"I'm not sure if he got bored of me, or gave me up for Lent."

Let's hope both.


  1. Woah, thats some seriously fucked up shit going on there, he sounds like a real charmer...

  2. Gee, Robert reminds me of an emotionally-abusive guy I used to date in college (before I wised up), who used to say everything was MY fault, and then would whine and say "But I was JOKING!!!eleventy11!!" when I got pissed at him.

    Except Robert is about 100x more batshit crazy.

  3. OMG this guy is a NUT! He's so bizarre it's even beyond batshit crazy. EEEEEEEEEK!

    Thank goodness Erika is ok! Er, she IS still ok, right?

  4. ....... 0_______o.

    Yeah. That about covers it.

  5. I admire this guy. Toyota, toyota, bitches! Out.

  6. She should call the po-po on that mofo.

    But seriously, yeah.

  7. He obviously has bad mental associations when it comes to Toyotas. I wonder how he feels about Hondas? Or perhaps American mades like Ford and Chevy? Things to ponder......

    Some folks are crazy, and some people are batshit, need to be locked up in a rubber room kraazee. Robert fits the latter description.

    I'm thinking not just a restraining order, but a tazer, some mace, and a nice guard dog are in order for Erika.

  8. Oh, and let's not forget that permit for carrying a concealed weapon.

    Erika's probably going to want to get a nice .38, y'know, just in CASE.

    Part of the reason I love VA; I can carry without a concealed weapons permit.

  9. True.

    It is what it is...and it is fuckin' crayzeee.


  10. yay!!! this is actually my friend and i told her to submit his crazy shit! yes, she is fine and still hasn't heard from him. she's got a lot more of his wonderful rap lyrics. i think he should be put away and get published.

  11. What in the....


    I recommend a straight jacket. Dipped in molten metal. And lots of sedatives.

  12. Anonymous, please ask your friend to share some more of Mr. Whackjob's astounding rap lyrics with us. I haven't laughed this hard in weeks.

  13. People give marijuana a bad rap, but it's alcohol which really turns you into an asshole.

  14. Hmmm...sounds like last night on the web cam. Dumbass with a gun. Hence, why the webcam wasn't a big selling point for me.

  15. I was able to discern from that text message that he was joking. This entry is much less outrageous than the others. Until the little "poem" messages, i don't think that Robert was really in the wrong.

  16. @Mack Truck: Acuras probably send his crazy ass over the edge.

    Wow. Glad Erika put the brakes on this fool. ProTip: when someone says they're crazy, take them at their word and run.

  17. You guys are so judgemental. He CLEARLY only wanted to beat her to death with his fist in a boyish "I'm so crazy, I find the most inappropriate threatenings of violence toward women humorous" way. Lighten up!

  18. Good greif. Extra points for having a non-clueless heroine this week, weasel!

    Maybe hes a Chris Brown wannabe? With the awful lyrics and violence, sounds like he has a good chance.

  19. No Anon, you don't joke about beating someone to death. That isn't funny in the slightest; that's just squicky. This GUY is just squicky D:

  20. Mack Truck - yeah, I was thinking along the same lines.

    Like, boyfriend needed a little something up his a 12 gauge barrel?

  21. Definitely not a joke. Too disturbing to be a joke.

  22. ... See this is why I never date cons. Or ex cons. Or anyone who was ever arrested for "Almost killing that boy".

  23. Crazy. Seriously, I hope she did call the cops about him..! Who says they're rap lyrics??

  24. Anonymous said...

    I was able to discern from that text message that he was joking. This entry is much less outrageous than the others. Until the little "poem" messages, i don't think that Robert was really in the wrong.

    And this is why women doubt their instincts. Someone always comes along to say, "Lighten up! It's just a joke. What's wrong with you."

  25. Mack Truck, you can carry just about anywhere w/o a concealed carry permit--you carry open. But even w/ a CC, you still can't go into many public/all govt. buildings.

    And really, a .38? I had one--way too pissant for me. Sold it, and got a 9mm. Much more comfortable to shoot.

  26. Robyn, very true. But I wouldn't take my handgun into a public/govt. building anyway.

    In fact, I don't tend to carry it unless I'm target practicing, or going camping. I don't have any delusions about being Annie Oakley! :)

    I love my .38 with a 4" barrel. I tried a 9mm, and wasn't happy with the way it felt in my hand. REALLY didn't like the .22. Talk about a pissant gun!

  27. disorganized schizophrenia.

  28. I ran into a early highschool sweetheart many years later and was thrilled. Turns out he was every bit as nutty as this one. He would suddenly say odd things out of the blue about how he's just so brilliant it's appalling. (and truly believing it) But also told me he was heavily medicated for all sorts of mental illness. Then he proceeded to tell me I'm only listening to him because he is so successful in life so I can use him.

    I walked away and never answered another call. Build yourself up? Great... try to assault MY charactor.. no freekin way.

  29. @bhm: Blaming someone else for your doubt?

    If the suggestion of a basic possibility is all it takes to raise personal doubt in a decision, then the problem here is not the suggestion. The problem is having reasonable doubt and acting without clearing it up (or, if you judged the situation accurately and eliminated doubt, then being so easily impressionable to ignore yourself and readily defer to others).

    There are reliable ways to figure out situations. How does Erika do it? Robert, entirely out of nowhere, professes alcohol dependence and threatens violence. Odd considering their strictly amorous history and her never asking about his bad habits: a cause for disbelief. What does she do about this disbelief? She asks him to clarify: 'what?'.

    Does that work? What usually happens when someone tells an offensive joke and you ask them 'what you say?!'? They'll admit they were telling one only if they're ready to ruin the joke. Else, they'll plow through to grant you the benefit of figuring it out eventually, and they'll maybe even exaggerate the joke to make that easier. Which is what happens here. The possibility remains open.

    What does she do? She breaks off communication abruptly and basically asserts 'death threats are serious, whether or not they are jokes'. Is that true? Are deadpan threats of violence nonexistent in comedy? Does no one have friends? Jokes, by definition, are not serious. That's part of what makes something a joke. Taking a joke too seriously just means humor is lost on you and you fail @ comedy.

    And to some, acting unfairly/mean because you misunderstand a joke is a terrible sin, worthy of derision and contempt. I can picture people dismissing her as totally irredeemable and pushing this joke even harder to exploit her misunderstanding and express their outrage and ridicule.

    I would have offered to fight it out in the Thunderdome before concluding he's serious.

  30. Luis, if he had beaten her up or beaten her to death, guys like you would have been dogging her for not seeing the Obvious Threat. Either humorless or clueless. Blah, blah, blah.

    FFS. Even if he was "just joking" it's creepy and she doesn't owe him any more phone calls or any more of her time. Try prying your head of of your ass and thinking a little more rationally next time, dear. You fail at logic.

  31. I agree with Anon above.

    To clarify his statement would have put her life at risk. In any situation that results in a bad feeling it's best to leave rather than worry about a correct interpretation. Plus, he's completely capable of manipulating the conversation to try to get her guard down. Any form of clarification could have gotten her killed.

  32. I think I dated Luis. Or his absolutely clueless twin. So now not getting a joke (and isn't a joke supposed to be funny?)is worthy of derision and contempt? I'd rather be thought a humorless asshole than dead, thanks.

  33. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 2, 2009 at 10:37 AM

    To go from "I want to fuck you" to "I'm gonna kill you" to "My friend knows who you are and is gonna kill you" just goes to show that Robert's a fucking nutter. Luis, I have no fucking clue how you think this jackass could be joking, unless you're also the type that says "But, leik, OMG I WAS JUST JOKING!" whenever you get called out on your crappy behavior.

  34. I think I would've passed the "I'm gonna beat you to death with my fist" txt off as "Oh that Robert, he just has a weird sense of humor!", had it not been for the "Sorry, I was in jail for almost killing a boy" txt from the previous weekend.

    Toyota, Toyota!

  35. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 2, 2009 at 1:17 PM

    I drive a Mazda. Am I also to die because it's Japanese, or are Toyotas the only Japanese cars Robert has a problem with?

  36. @Anonymous, bhm: NO U.

    You guys act like asperger's is a style and people have no power to control situations. The world's a cutthroat place where they must either urgently respond with their instincts or expose themselves to total danger and suffer death or injury. This is absurd. People can take a safe position and figure shit out before acting. And I don't see a much safer position than the end of a telephone a city away. Is he going to reach through the phone and strangle her? What's stopping her from telling a joke to check how serious he is?

    And powerless? She exercises her power when she safely cuts him off, and terminates with him over the phone. She imposes her will not to see him, and he obeys. Does she take any precautions in case he doesn't comply? Unless she keeps guards company, probably not. It looks like she expects him to obey. Did he want to do this? No. Did he have to? No. The threat is already there. Should she expect a crazy man not to carry through only because she tells him she doesn't want to see him? If anything, that should aggravate a crazy man. She thinks he's dangerous yet no physical confrontation, no unwelcome visits, only words. She knows she probably doesn't have to do much besides merely tell him to leave her alone, which gives her power over the situation. She likewise demonstrated power on new years (by harmlessly engaging risky behavior).

    Yet you tell me she can't safely suss out the situation from the safety of a telephone before applying this amazing power that can backfire? Bullshit. Clearing up doubt is unsafe and a bad idea? Bunch of douchebags, all of you.

    This is not only about consideration. And it's not about what you owe other people. It's about you. When you act judiciously, it reduces mistakes and keeps them from backfiring. It makes your choices more powerful instead of undermining them.

    I've genuinely had people I vaguely know offer me death threats over nothing: intense look in their eyes, confrontational body language, everything. I might be alarmed at first, but since I'm safe, I'd continue talking flippantly, and poke humor or make some absurd challenge to find out they were joking. And it'd be good fun all around.

    I am not sorry to point out the doubt here or the room to do something about. Valid point is valid.

    @hellkell: It always was since time eternal. You already are the former, and practically are the latter (due to the former).

  37. Luis, I bet you are one of those guys who says truly obnoxious shit and then claims "I was only joking, lighten up, wouldja?"

    You're also forgetting one point in your dissertaion of wank: you are a guy, the terms of you feeling threatened are completely fucking different.

    But hey, what the fuck do I know, I'm just a humorless half-dead bitch.

  38. Luis, give it up. First of all, nothing you said is valid. Secondly...wait, there is no second.

  39. So Luis, because Erika CHOSE to take Krazee Boy at his word and cut off communications with him, she's a bitch because she can't take a joke?

    And the rest of us are a bunch of evil douchebags because we're not giving him the benefit of the doubt, even after all his insane textings?

    Seriously dude, your rationale is fucked 3 ways from Sunday. If someone makes me uncomfortable, then yes, I'm going to cut them off at the knees and cease communicating with them. Not try and ferret out if they were "just joshing".

    That kind of shit isn't JOKING, it's a precursor to something else even less giggle inducing, like say, being hacked into little pieces.

    You also says he's not stalking her, and she has control of the situation. Then what are the continuing texts, escalating in lunacy and the promise of violence, if not stalking?

    I don't consider that as him leaving her alone, nor that she has complete control over the situation.

    If YOU can see him as being completely normal and in the realm of "just kidding", then I have to question your take on reality. Seriously.

  40. He's completely normal and in the realm of "just kidding". YOU HUMORLESS BASTARD.

  41. I agree with what Monica said. It's the recent jail time for "almost killing a boy" that makes me take the death threat seriously.

    People don't make joking death threats when they get out of jail for almost killing someone!

  42. There is nothing funny about some fucktard telling you he's going to beat you to death.
    I had a similar experience as Erika...except after I broke off contact and he threatened to kill me, the fucking nutcase kicked in my fucking door and held a loaded gun to my head to show me how much "he loved me and couldn't live without me."
    But then again, what do I know, I'm another humourless, coldhearted bitch.

    Someone needs to chlorinate the dating pool, that's all I'm gonna say.

  43. So I am wondering why Erika hasn't called the cops on this POS?

    He was in JAIL. Warning bell #1.

    He threatened your life. Warning bell #2.

    How many bells are you waiting for, to go off here.

    That SOB pulled shit like that with me, he might be rethinking things from either a jail cell, the loony bin or a shallow grave.

  44. bhm-
    I agree with Anon above.

    To clarify his statement would have put her life at risk. In any situation that results in a bad feeling it's best to leave rather than worry about a correct interpretation. Plus, he's completely capable of manipulating the conversation to try to get her guard down. Any form of clarification could have gotten her killed.

    I believe the short form of this is:

    "Better cautious, than dead!"

    Luis- get bent.

  45. Hey Luis: It's you isn't it Hunh? Hunh? - Robert?

  46. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 2, 2009 at 5:50 PM

    Luis, even if he is joking (which I highly doubt he is), a lot of times, when people are trying to be "funny," they're just being fucking stupid. So your assertion that attempt at funny = funny doesn't hold up. There have been a few notes on Passive Aggressive Notes that illustrate this quite well.

    That said, Robert's still a fucking nutter. And I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out you were Robert (or his friend/associate/what-the-fuck-ever Dean).

  47. Luis, just keep on digging yourself a deeper hole. A few more comments here and you may find yourself the star of your very own post on this blog.

    I'm not denying that FRIENDS can jokingly make death threats to each other and it can be funny. But the key word there is FRIENDS. In order NOT to sound like a freaking psychopath, you only pull that with people you KNOW WELL---aka, not a girl you've met all of once. Isn't an important part of a joke in knowing your audience?

  48. I don't think Luis is Robert--he sounds far too lucid (still an ass though), but let's see.

    Toyota! Toyota!

    Nothing? Then he's just a random douche basking in the female attention he clearly doesn't get any other way.

  49. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 2, 2009 at 8:28 PM

    Maybe Luis is really a woman that hates other women because she feels she's in constant competition with them and keeps failing.

    Or he could just be a clueless tool. :D

  50. >>She promptly changed his phone ID to "Robert Do Not Answer."<<

    LOL I have done that!

    Robert does sound like a real nut case. It sounds like he gave up and went away but it's scary that he knows where she lives. Good argument for car sex if you must have one-nighters with guys you know nothing about!

  51. I didn't see anything to weird about it until I read the text saying he had been in jail for about killing the boy...then I got cold goosebumps! Then I took everything Mr. Nutjob said pretty much serious. Hell I was getting ready to load up the old revolver with my personal defense rounds after reading he wanted to kill her with his fist. Holy fuck are you brain dead Luis?? This crazy bastard had been in jail for a violent act and you think he was "joking" when he threatened violence against Erika?? WOW!!
    *brain just imploded*

    fuglyhorseoftheday said...
    She promptly changed his phone ID to "Robert Do Not Answer."
    LOL I have done that!

    LOL so have I!!

  52. @hellkell: Oh, I'm a guy? Surprising! Prove it. Who's making assumptions?

    And, yes. You very likely are if your words indicate anything.

    @Sparkywonderlizard: O rly? Then there was no room for doubt. The people before were debating nothing. And they're debating nothing now. Uh huh...

    @Mack Truck: And you don't read carefully. See what I was in fact critiquing before shooting one out: some anon was saying the threat may not have been delivered sincerely and her supposition may be false. Then another poster dismisses this by saying people pointing out these very real possibilities make women doubt their instincts. I affirm anon's point by asserting that doesn't make the possibility any less real or consideration worthy, instinct is a poor basis for decisions, doubts can be remedied, and Erika apparently didn't remedy them well.

    She interprets something seriously when people (and not me alone) see other viable (enough for debate) options, her premise that it's unconditionally serious is false, and she decides to end things because of a behavior she assumed he was claiming all along ('sick sense of humor'). There are lots of great reasons to leave this guy (his poor character, recklessness, inconsideration, brashness, discomfort-inducing behavior, etc), and choosing any of those would make perfect sense. There is no need to neglect relevant considerations or suppose something not well understood. If she really needed to use that reason, then she could have made sure the threat was genuine without perceptible change in risk (since this is over the phone) instead of simply supposing it was. If I were her, I'd simply have left him for making me uncomfortable (a great reason), but under no circumstance would I pretend he meant it seriously unless I knew it so.

    And he did comply to never seeing her according to the above: he never faced her in person or visited. He left her annoying messages to probably pester her, it looks. Highschool. I'd call them threats, at worst, if I thought they were serious. If a phone call and an insulting message is 'stalking', then maybe you need to learn a new word or review the ones you should already know. This is an insult to actual stalkers everywhere who put their heart and soul into their craft. Stalking used to mean something. Stalking = SRS BUSNS

    Everything else happened later and I'm not even talking about that.

    @Anonymous: Toyota, Toyota, bitches!

    @mr. mrs. fangface: Of course situational humor doesn't work when it falls flat and people don't participate, though the more perceptive colleagues around the person attempting the joke might snicker at the mark who doesn't get it. It requires some cooperation to really take off.

    Stupid isn't funny? I see a poverty of imagination.

    And I wrote attempt @ funny = not serious, not what you wrote. Nice try. gg

    And yes: I have something to confess. I'm Robert and I'm an avid PLFM reader. Join my posse. We call ourselves the Toyota, Toyotas, bro.

    @Cut-N-Jump: NO U. If you actually buy that whole garbage that people can 'manipulate the conversation' to make you lower your guard and forget reason or that danger is possible over the phone, then maybe there are serious issues here.

    @Anonymous: Tell that rule to the people I see do this. I don't think they heard it, or care. All I know is when it works, it works brilliantly. Good times.

    Ever consider it could be a test? 'Can this person roll with me? She sleeps with me, but is she funny?'

    @Everyone else: Keep firing ad hominems. It doesn't change the pertinence of my point or the point some others have: she made a possibly wrong supposition when she didn't need to.

  53. Luis = troll?

    guess it had to happen 'sometime'.

    If not a troll, then obviously his/her/its head is so far up the arsehole that he/she/it can see the sun shining.

    I must be very staid, absolutely humourless and boring, because if ANYONE ever said anything to me like what Robert said to Erika I would have been notifying the psych services and the 'local' cop PDQ.
    OK, so I live in a different hemisphere and a different cultural environment, this makes for another perspective.
    Plus my 'humourless' personality has been raised in a culture where such comments would NOT been seen as humour even amongst friends.

  54. mr. mrs. fangface said...

    Maybe Luis is really a woman that hates other women because she feels she's in constant competition with them and keeps failing.

    Or he could just be a clueless tool. :D

    Amongst women there always a male cheerleading component. They're the ones that try to pass blame on to a rape victim by stating that rape would never happen to them because they know how to protect themselves or that they can spot a rapist.

  55. OMG! Luis is lolwut from the other thread!

    Weasel, this is a sincere request to you - can we PLEASE institute some sort of Troll-B-Gone measures now?

    I think the women who submit these have gone through enough without being dragged around AGAIN by people without even basic empathy or understanding for other human beings. (And I'm sure men who submit things in future will go through a similar wringing, albeit more along the lines of calling them "weak sissies" for going through it/talking about it, rather than "stupid bitches who don't deserve anything else" in some way or another.)

    It's really sickening to see these kind of posts. The world is fucked up enough as it is. We want a safer place here.

  56. Luis said...
    @Cut-N-Jump: NO U. If you actually buy that whole garbage that people can 'manipulate the conversation' to make you lower your guard and forget reason or that danger is possible over the phone, then maybe there are serious issues here.

    Seriously Luis, what planet do you live on? It's obviously not Earth. Manipulative conversations, either by phone, text, or in person is the precursor to a violent attack. Or at least that what happens here on Earth. Perhaps Mars is bit different.

    Attackers don't go around with a label on their heads so you can identify them. One of the methods of staying out of jail is to disguise yourself as much as possible. This involves manipulative conversations as a main component and it is also the main component in luring a victim.

    You should read Mr. Mrs. fangface's passive aggressive notes. Violent humor, such as Roberts, assuming that it is indeed humor and not a direct threat, is usually a sign that something is wrong. Luis, I believe that you are just arguing for argument sake because I find it hard to believe that someone is that stupid.

  57. It doesn't really matter what any of us will say as Luis ( possibly aka Robert ) will find some bizarre pseudo-logical explanation to counteract it.
    He is, in fact, a troll.

  58. Luis' ability to respond several times at such great length, and to myriad individual posters each time, suggests to me that he has entirely too much time on his own ... not impossibly due to his social failings indicated by his approval of Robert's behaviour.
    Luis' inability to recognize the difference in situations in terms of potential danger for men and women and his utter lack of comprehension in terms of why women would find something that could be construed as threatening not funny indicate to me a basic lack of empathy; his inability to admit that a woman could be afraid for real reasons, even if she hasn't been able to confirm them, suggests a disregard for anyone's experience that's not the same as his own - narrowminded and ignorant of personal safety.
    In other words, Luis sounds like someone who could be the subject of a post. Social interaction FAIL, troll-tool.

  59. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 3, 2009 at 5:39 AM


    True, true.

    Hey, maybe Luis is really Ann Coulter! (Remember that troll?) But like all trolls, she was forgotten rather quickly. I'm sure we'll do the same to Luis once Weasel posts another tale of crazy and awkward.

  60. Good grief. I almost feel like if I were in her predicament I'd need a therapist myself just from his psycho babble.

  61. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 3, 2009 at 5:55 AM

    Luis, another part of joking is knowing your audience. Obviously, you don't know your audience here.

    Y'know, you remind me one of my coworkers. It doesn't matter what you say to this dude, he's just going to find a way to use it as support for his ideas (Hey, Sparkywonderlizard, maybe Luis is really my coworker!). The really bad thing about this dude is that he's both ignorant and condescending.

    But you're a troll, and I've got things more exciting than the internet to do today. (*gasp!* Weird, I know!)

  62. Typical bloviating obfuscation, Luis. As well as missing the point by a country mile.

    Tell me, can you EVER post anything that's less than 3,000 words long?

  63. Never mind Luis, don't answer that.

    Ladies, let's not feed the troll. If he doesn't get what he wants, he'll go elsewhere. Or maybe explode from the lack of attention.

    Either way, it's a win.

  64. More of the same Luis. TL;DR.

  65. Luis said:
    "Ever consider it could be a test? 'Can this person roll with me? She sleeps with me, but is she funny?'"

    If that was a test, I'm sure Rachel is happy that she failed.

    Gee, I wonder if Kelly from the previous post was just being tested, too. FFS

  66. Luis-
    And yes: I have something to confess. I'm Robert and I'm an avid PLFM reader. Join my posse. We call ourselves the Toyota, Toyotas, bro.

    Luis you should have gone with Nissan. Of course maybe it's a little to close to the truth. You know Piss-ant. You sound like a Titan driver.

    @Cut-N-Jump: NO U. If you actually buy that whole garbage that people can 'manipulate the conversation' to make you lower your guard and forget reason or that danger is possible over the phone, then maybe there are serious issues here.

    NO U? How unimaginative and completely unoriginal. How long did it take you to come up with that? Did you think of it on your own of hear someone in grade school using it?

    Total Comprehension- FAIL. Spelling too. Care to buy a letter and another vowel?

    Gee such a long and drawn out reply to me. All I said was- get bent. It still stands.

  67. Hmm, generally whenever I see a troll I don't bother reading much of what it says. I didn't even notice it confessing it was Robert until Cut-N-Jump mentioned it.
    Funny that.

  68. Luis is posting novels here because this is the only place he can get any attention from women at all. Let's stop feeding the Cheetos munching troll posting from his parents' basement. If we stop feeding him, he may stop humping our cyber legs. But he won't stop at his attempts to demonstrate his nuclear stupidity. It's passive-aggression as performance art.

  69. Anon said "Let's stop feeding the Cheetos munching troll posting from his parents' basement. If we stop feeding him, he may stop humping our cyber legs."

    ROFLMAO!!!!!! and EEEEWWWWW!!!!
    *runs to bathroom to scrub legs*

  70. @ Anon: I'm totally stealing "nuclear stupidity."

  71. @bhm, Sparkywonderlizard, Anon, mr. mrs. fangface, Anonymous: These comments speculate about me rather than discuss the substance in our comments or the main entry. I suggest you listen to Mack Truck. This works on anyone: troll or not.

    You seem to suppose I'm a man (if not Robert, an ex-bf, Ann Coulter, a Martian, or a coworker). This speculation is interesting but useless: I am actually a composite committee (including all these people and Martian) operating on orders of the Likud party to gain control over public opinion.

    This over-reliance on ad hominems and rhetorical stratagems lacks substance and betrays a weak position. It only proves the predominant commenters are incapable of rational discourse or addressing ideas. Note that I've mostly refrained from submitting such petty techniques on you (exceptions include hellkell and Cut-N-Jump who were contributing nothing of substance and really asking for it).

    But perhaps I should meet you at your petty games as follows:
    @Anonymous: Welcome to the internets.
    @mr. mrs. fangface: Very weird. Flossing the cat's teeth?
    @hellkell: lolwut?
    @Cut-N-Jump: NO U.

    And now:
    @bhm: Unless you live in the Star Wars universe (do you?), Jedi mind control techniques do not exist: no one is a master of the Force, and women are not weak-minded individuals subject to that control. I'll demonstrate: I have Jedi mind control powers. "You will not write back. You will not write back." Prove me wrong.

    If mere words can override a person's ability to reason (or allow entry into their head or whatever) and make them compromise themselves, then there is something DEEPLY wrong with them.

    The threat is already there. She's on the phone. He's a city away. Nothing is lost uttering a few more words to test whether he is serious. Only information is gained (and something to potentially report to police).

    She does not compromise her safety. What people say and do are entirely independent. You're inflating the difference in risk.

    Please do something about Jar Jar. He's annoying.

    @mr. mrs. fangface: See @Anonymous. Just because you have a rule doesn't mean it applies universally.

    @Sparkywonderlizard, Mack Truck: Not allowing yourself to understand what is plainly written does not make it pseudo-logical or obfuscating. You might be surprised (or not care) what logical lapses (or nonpresence) appear in your writing when inaccurately addressing something plainly written only a few screens above it. Since you were responding to an idea I wrote, maybe you're missing 'the point'.
    The idea I've been affirming is very simple: the threat may have been false. End.

    You can object all you want, discount the possibility without reason, claim the difference doesn't matter (when it's crucial: a false threat is not a threat), and subjectively argue a false one still implies all kinds of terror and doom (which wouldn't make it entirely false, now would it?) through even weaker speculation. It does not change the reality of the circumstances: the man's character, impertinent conversation, context, history. Some people were saying they could tell he was joking. I had my suspicions, too, and considered this possibly a case of a girl incorrectly engaging her defenses though I don't blame her.

    I blame you for obstinately opposing such an basic idea. You were saying acknowledging such possibilities makes women doubt their instincts, like if reality disagrees with instincts, then reality's to blame. Really? When I was pointing out how she could discern reality (over the phone) and that she did not do it effectively (plus the pitfalls of failing @ comedy/incorrectly taking shit seriously), you were predominantly saying that urges her to endanger herself. What? She could easily add a few words without added risk.

    This leads me to suggest you guys just want to vilify something no matter the reality. You can't admit logical, very real possibilities that conflict with your world view because then he's not the extreme villain you need him to be--just something slightly human. You need extremes, not mediocrity. If there's doubt, you'd rather cut and burn and believe the worst even when you can easily, harmlessly resolve that doubt. Enjoy that diversion. It gets old.

    The threat may have been false. Live with it.

    (Takes surprisingly little to troll here: disagreement. Such troll-prone people.)

  72. This is erika. Well, I could not post all of his brilliant texts/voicemails. But I guess I should add that the night he called after the beat down text, he was in town. He said he was coming to the bar that I was in. He knew b/c I was at an event we had discussed. He came to the bar, but didn't see me and left. That prompted more calls.

    I learned through others more about his history and it wasn't pretty. Lots of fire and fights. I only wish people had shared more about him that day we met!

    Oh and I guess I'm a humorless bitch since I decided that I didn't want to see him again. I really come fill a book with all the calls and texts I got almost daily. Nevertheless, I since haven't heard from him.

  73. Luis,
    You really do have a reading comprehension problem. Let's add to this a complete ignorance of the subject be discussed.

  74. It's hard to keep track of who I'm replying to, so, in general: Sure people joke about death threats after proclaiming they almost killed a boy.

    ...Just not people you'd want anything to do with. It's entirely possible that he was kidding...

    ...This time. I dont know about you, Luis, but I'm not willing to run that risk if the person making the threat, joke or otherwise, isn't important to me. If the guy was playing with a full deck, he would have stopped trying to communicate with her long before Toyota, Toyota. She really wasn't in control of the situation. The person who creates fear, is in control of the situation. That person, for the record, was Robert. There's nothing stopping him from showing up on her doorstep. I mean I know THAT'S never happened before, but hey! It's possible that some day, maybe, some woman might get murdered in her bed. And you know, maybe they'll base 110 tv shows off of it! No, not everyone is out to get you, but the people that believe that nobody is EVER out to get them are putting themselves at great risk. I dont care for political correctness or touchy feely liberal(Sorry, I'm not trying to start a big political debate, I'm just driving home a point...) bullshit. Humor is great. In fact, a death threat or two is funny among close friends and with minimal detail. I.E, "Man, if you forget to move my laundry I'm gonna kill you." On the other hand, "Man, if you do nothing at all except invite me to your place, I'm going to beat you to death with my fists!" is a little less appropriate. Luis, I beg the question, how much detail has to go into a death threat for it not to qualify as a joke? It's all about context. "Just kidding" doesnt clear the whole thing up.

    And by the way Luis? You're a dick.

  75. @Cut-N-Jump

    Thank you SO MUCH for pointing out the NO U thing...I thought I was reading it wrong at first, but apparently...he really is THAT ridiculous.

  76. and jesus christ, Luis, captain of the humor defense team, whats this about?

    "You seem to suppose I'm a man (if not Robert, an ex-bf, Ann Coulter, a Martian, or a coworker). This speculation is interesting but useless..."

    It's not useless. It's funny. Aren't you the expert on funny? You use the word "petty" to describe our humor, while defending the threat of murder?

    And you know what, while I'm giving you unneccessary attention, let me sum up this statement for you:
    "If mere words can override a person's ability to reason (or allow entry into their head or whatever) and make them compromise themselves, then there is something DEEPLY wrong with them."

    In other words, you're just telling everyone not to listen to you. You say she should have checked to see if he was serious. I say that by your logic, your logic can be ignored and dismissed.

  77. hmm, I am the only one that thinks Luis jumped to the defense of "Real Stalkers" a bit too much and how it's a "insult to them as they put their heart and soul into it". If Luis is not Robert... then he's obviously a die hard stalker if real life. Only one of those could be so passionate about trying to justify what Robert did.

  78. @bhm: Unsupported assertions. Baseless. (BTW, you just proved people think for themselves, despite your contrary suggestions. Manipulative conversation does not work on independent thinkers. Lazy thinkers pay.)

    @Liz: Who's to say the proclamation wasn't a joke based on provided context? You know how you can't see the future? Well, only the process forming a judgment matters to decide validity. Actual consequences are irrelevant. A valid (strong) judgment must hold for all (most) possible consequences when the premises hold. For example, the judgment "The moon is made of blue cheese. Therefore, President JF Kennedy was assassinated." is invalid (and weak) though the consequence is actually true. "If JFK was assassinated, then JFK died. JFK did not die. Therefore, JFK was not assassinated." is valid because the form modus tollens is valid. So mentioning that he actually turned out to be Looney Tunes (her conclusion is true) is irrelevant to my discussion about her judgment's unreliability (the truth was contingent, hence why I mention possible falsehoods). (Likewise, mentioning hypothetical violence is a red herring. He could still murder her. The Pope could murder her unprovoked! Either could happen despite her actions in the main entry.)

    This contingency and false inferences stir controversy. The unimaginative dullards objecting would say something different if the contingent were false. Moreover, they think this idea suggests she should risk another encounter. It doesn't and I in fact say the contrary: she has alternative reasons to break it off, she could form the judgment reliably without risking an encounter, etc. However, that shouldn't matter and only diverts from the idea others and I were discussing rather than address it properly. Our idea is she made an unreliable judgment: no more, no less.

    Fear only works if you release control. You still have your control when you're ready to assume it. Those people who act secure may simply know what they're doing (ie, judge the situation and manage risk well) or not care.

    The detail is immaterial. In fact, lurid, technical detail and an ominous tone raise tension. Until ... gotcha! Making it funnier. You figure it out with communication and feedback. And I've already discussed that rule about close friends doesn't really hold: see previous comments.

    And you're an anal fissure. Now lay off silly insults.

    @Liz: NO U.

    @Liz: It can be petty and funny. Still petty. Although the voice in your head read it seriously, it wasn't. And look what you conveniently omitted with ellipses (...)! You know what you did. It contradicts your claim. Defending the threat of murder is funny.

    That next quote has nothing to do with what you wrote.

    @Anonymous: Fails @ comedy.

  79. @Luis--tl;dr. But thanks for proving me right (on both the nuclear stupid and the cyberleg humping).

  80. yeah.....Robert is in serious need for a high dose of anti-psychotics.

  81. Luis,
    Lazy minds? Why don't you inform yourself before you write so won't sound ridiculous, i.e. stop being mentally lazy. I can guarantee that you would be easy to set up if someone wish to attack you. The notion that you are somehow above it all is the best humor you've produced so far.

  82. @Anonymous: 'tl;dr' If you dr'd, then you don't know. (ie, NO U)

    @bhm: No support here, either. Logic involves things like premises and proof. Thanks for playing ... thread over. New entry.

  83. This comment has been removed by the author.

  84. Luis-
    >>Note that I've mostly refrained from submitting such petty techniques on you (exceptions include hellkell and Cut-N-Jump who were contributing nothing of substance and really asking for it).

    @Cut-N-Jump: NO U.<<

    Luis you truly are a dick as someone else mentioned. Not a stiff, hard, sizeable, silent but useful cock, just a dick. Limp, shriveled and totally useless. Not even worth the wrikle of flesh and fat you might be comprised of.

    You have gone beyond being just Nuclear Stupid, you are now considered Galacticly Retarded.

  85. @Cut-N-Jump: Galacticly Retarded... good one.

    So much for the last word, Luis.

  86. @hellkell: @Cut-N-Jump: Galacticly Retarded... good one.

  87. "...and when you hear a thump at 2 in the morning, you know it's gonna be Robert up in the motherfucker."

    And when you hear a savage snarling and ripping noise, followed by an explosion you know it's gonna be my Rottweiler ripping your throat out and me blowing your fucking head off with this shotgun.

    Or maybe I should aim for a vital organ instead.


  88. Luis is right, he actually knows something from logic. However, it is ok to be defensive in such circumstances. I mean, mistakenly ending relations is sad. Mistakenly meeting an axe maniac is deadly.

  89. I swear to god, I think I dated this guy!!!

  90. Mmm, I think I'd be willing to find this thing funny if I wasn't just getting to know the person. Really creepy humor can be funny (in fact, I actually found the responses from Robert hilarious, likely because I wasn't in any way involved in any of this). The only problem is that when you've basically *just met a guy* there is little precedent to tell whether or not he's joking.

    I think I'd be a little inclined to agree with some select others here in the comments if he wasn't so "all-or-nothing" on the issue of the humor; I don't think that Erika was out of line to feel uncomfortable for the state of the relationship.

    And the messages that Robert sent at the end make me think that, indeed, Erika was probably making the right decision in this instance.

  91. "Have faith that I will get drunk and beat you to death with my fist." I had to google that to see if maybe it's an Eminem lyric. It's not. At the very minimum, we should applaud him for his originality in generating his physical threats.