Saturday, April 18, 2009

Idle Threats

Why do we choose to date losers?

What motivates us to pursue someone who lives at home with their parents, drinks all the time, has no motivation to do anything with their lives, and never has any goddamn fucking money?

What exactly is it that makes us say "Mmmmm, yes, boy, I want piece of that fucking action."

Like stepping on our sunglasses or forgetting where we parked our car, I like to chalk it up to plain stupidity. Sometimes we just don't know any better until it's too late.

But on the bright side, at least when you forget where you parked your car, your car doesn't threaten to kill itself.


Yeah, they pretty much do that dumb shit all the time.

Just ask Sarah.

Sarah had been dating Alec for about ten months. One day she woke up and noticed something really annoying stuck to her sweater.

It was Alec.

You see, Sarah had witnessed two dawns on that particular morning. First, the beautiful sun had dawned on her, which absolutely sparkled with possibility.

The second thing to dawn on Sarah that morning was the fact that her boyfriend Alec was a humongous loser.

Sarah had big plans for life, and had recently decided to take her first big step by applying to a university. She was accepted, and was absolutely elated at the prospect of starting a new life.

Alec was thrilled as well, and together they joined hands and danced in a small semi-circle for at least 13 minutes. Which was great, except for the fact that it never happened.

What actually happened was that Alec got upset that Sarah got into some dumb stupid college. What the hell did a retarded university have to offer Sarah that Alec couldn't provide her, aside from the well manicured ivy plants and economical food plans? And why did his girlfriend have to run off and be all, like, motivated and stuff?

See, Alec had big plans for life too. It was Wednesday, which meant that on Saturday (which was three days later!) Alec had to mow the lawn, because that was part of the agreement he had with his grandparents to live rent free in their house. And free rent is a good deal when you don't have a job in your twenties! Score!

That morning, Sarah knew what she had to do.

Sarah wanted to go out and experience life, a real life, and Alec would do nothing but hold her back from achieving her wildest dreams.

So Alec had to go.

Sarah tried to let down Alec easily at first, but Alec put up a fight. And by fight, I mean he cried like a baby.

Then he whined, and then he pleaded, and then, according to Sarah, he "punched a tree," which not only shocked our nation's arborists, but also caused the price of Sarah's college textbooks to immediately increase another 3.5%.

For reasons unbeknownst to myself, our readers, and Sarah, Sarah eventually gave in and decided to take him back. "Against my better judgement," Sarah adds.

Sarah went off to college and the problems immediately escalated. Alec called her every hour of every day to complain that he missed her, and to endlessly whine about how he never got to see her anymore.

When Alec did visit Sarah, all he did was try to pressure her into having sex with him. Which is annoying enough for most women, but even more so for Sarah, who still proudly carries her HymenBank VISA© platinum card.

Finally Sarah had had enough of it, and dumped his sorry ass.

At which point Alec immediately started threatening to kill himself.

It got bad enough that the police and Alec's family eventually had to get involved, and it turned into a really ugly situation very quickly.

Alec then began to confront Sarah at her church, so she knew it was time to extract herself from the situation. She decided to cut off all ties to Alec, and instructed him to never, ever contact her again in person, or through Facebook, email, telephone, hand-written letter or well-meaning carrier pigeon.

Alec agreed to never contact Sarah again through an extended series of well-constructed emails. Sarah then threatened him with a restraining order, and if he contacted her one more time, she would press charges.

To which Alec promptly resonded with another email.

Go ahead Alec.

dearest Sarah

first and foremost I wish to apologize for sending this last desperate plea for I know that you with good reason probably hate me. that said I can not and will not ever leave you completely. your words in the church that day were the most painful thing I could have ever heard still even though you could not have ever hurt me more than you did I still love you my love is one thing that is a hard thing to get and once you have it it is not so easy to toss away I only wish that you understand that I cannot and will not ever completely be over you.

because I stupidly fell in love with you a girl who is a selfish, arrogant, brat concerned with only one thing getting hers and the rest of the world can burn for all she cares.

oh I am sorry but that is what you are plain and simple and I only wish I could honestly say I don't care about you anymore but I can't so instead I will stupidly go on loving you for all eternity.

by the way I love you more than my own mother and that is one thing that should be scary to me because my mom went through hell to get me this far.

p.s. dont be surprised if you get this several times because I don't know if you have blocked me on here or any other site I wish you could understand the pain your words inflicted on me cause it hurt a lot to here you say you were afraid of me killing you when I have no means of doing so nor would I ever want to do such a thing.

Yeah, Sarah! You're so selfish and arrogant for going to college! Think about someone else for a change, like maybe, perhaps, oh, I don't know, maybe someone in their twenties that lives with his grandparents and is really good at Guitar Hero.

Alec once again tried to contact Sarah on her birthday, but Sarah rightfully denied all of his overtures. She then received another email from Alec, titled "now i'm gone."

To: Sarah

From: Alec

Subj: now i'm gone

and here is the reason

goodbye sarah

i tried my best but apparently it wasn't good enough

After killing himself a second time, Alec likely enjoyed some refreshing libations and a light (and certainly wholesome) chicken salad, followed by sending Sarah another harassing email a week later.

Dear Sarah

I hope you know what you have done i needed you and you aren't there and I cant go on living like this I always feel like shit I want to lay with you in the sun every day I will NEVER hurt you or intentionally bring you harm I have only love and respect for you I am confused and wish I could hold you and hear you say everything will be just fine that is truely all i ever wanted and probably all I ever will want cause you brought me true happieness

Please if I am not too late and if your heart hasn't been won by another then PLEASE help me I definitely cant stand the separation any longer If it is just Impossible for you to feel anything Please at least let us be just friends I cant sleep without it ok that is all I have to say.

I appoligize for everything I am just as much to blame for the horrible state of our friendship as you are and yes you do share the blame I don't care what you say you NEVER bring up suicide at the end of a relationship now if you think it is easier to be me than it is to be you let me remind you who had a heart attack at less than half the age he ever expected to have a heart attack at so there you have it a valid reason why we both have had hard shit to deal with.

His email went on longer, but I think we all have other things to do at this point, don't we?

Cookies are baking, dogs are peeing on the carpet, and I actually have a date in two hours, who will probably end up writing a letter about me to PLFM, and I will end up having to criticize myself.

Sarah's last email hurrah?

You're just giving me evidence I could possibly use in court for harrassment. Now get lost and STOP CONTACTING ME.

Good job, Sarah, but now you need to follow up on your threats and file a restraining order. This guy is not going away, period.

PLFM would like to add a note to you women out there currently dating losers. Yes, I'm talking to you. You know who you are.

Losers are horrible to date, but even worse when you dump them. They have nothing else to lose except you, and it always leads to situations like this or worse.

If you sit around wishing your loser boyfriend would get a life, I have a better idea. Why don't you get a life and dump your fucking loser boyfriend.


Feel free to discuss your loser boyfriends and girlfriends in the comments.


  1. "HymenBank VISA© platinum card" and "well-meaning carrier pigeon" are the reasons I love you so much Weas.

    I'd stalk you on your front porch if I had the time and motivation, but I have to mow the lawn next Wednesday.

    Thanks for making me laugh coffee through my nose this morning. That means so much to me!

  2. So you think it's ok to not update for days and days? You think you can make up for it with something funny and clever, like this? You think I'll just forgive you?

    Well... ok then. Just checking.

  3. "HymenBank VISA© platinum card" <--- that made my morning, Weas.

    As for the letters.... wow. That guy really is a whiny little bitch. I echo your encouragement to GET THE RESTRAINING ORDER ALREADY. He doesn't look like he's going anywhere, otherwise.

  4. Wow, that guy sounds pretty familiar to me.

    "You hurt me soooo much why do you keep hurting me oh by the way you suck but I love you so much and I want you back please don't ignore me."

    Totally endearing.

  5. Gah... so bad. I never got a psychotic letter per se, but after I broke up with a guy he tried to commit suicide and apparently I was in his suicide note. He ripped it up before anyone could read it. Yikes.

    Unfortunately, restraining orders aren't worth the paper they're written on, but it might scare the fellow. I think the best bet is to find him a loser girl to latch on to so they can be pathetic together.

  6. Why would these men want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with them? And calling someone a selfish, arrogant brat is so not the way to win someone's heart.

    Having had a family member commit suicide, I find these type of empty threats to be the height of manipulation. I'd have called his bluff and told him to either do it or stop with cheap ploy for attention.

    Glad to have you back Weasel. How was the date?

  7. "After killing himself a second time..."

    I think I just woke up the whole dorm howling.

    Looks like your plan to seduce an entire harem is working, Weas!

  8. Good Lord--is Alec still peeing in his nappies?

    "One day she woke up and noticed something really annoying stuck to her sweater."

    Hilarious! Fortunately I've never had this happen--dumped 'em long before it got to this point. I'm glad Sarah finally got a clue.

    Have fun on your date, Weaz, you sly dog. ;)

  9. Yet more evidence that men who cannot use commas are not worth anyones vaginal excretions.

    Great post, good luck on your date!

  10. @Sheildmaiden: "Yet more evidence that men who cannot use commas are not worth anyones vaginal excretions."

    That needs to go into Garner or Strunk & White!

  11. Maybe Alec's grandparents can fork out some dough for grammar lessons?

    Punctuation is your friend. Seriously.

    If I ever notice something like that stuck to my sweater, I am going to direct him to hear for how *not* to handle life's little challenges.

  12. God, I feel so sorry for this guy's grandparents. Lord. Go your whole life, working, raising your kids, watch them grow up and get married, you finally are ready to retire and enjoy just you and your spouse again, and then -- ta da, here comes your mentally ill grandson to live. This actually kinda bums me out. I wonder if they all know the extent of his problem? Why doesn't it appear that he's getting help? And Sarah, why haven't you gotten that restraining order yet?? Get a gun to along with it, though.

  13. Oh man, that is so very sad... it's like a yeast infection. every time you think it's gone the smelly residue shows up again.

    36 & Single

  14. Wow he's the king of run on sentences... and I thought I was bad.

    What a loser. Unfortunately a guy I know did commit suicide after his girlfriend broke up with him this past Feb. It was a shame. He was good looking, hard working, nice guy. No one should threaten suicide. Its a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

  15. I had an ex-boyfriend that used to threaten suicide every time I told him I wanted a break.
    Like "hellkell", I also suffered the suicide of a family member less than a year before my dumb ass ex-boyfriend started making his suicidal threats. He was well aware of how much my loved one's suicide impacted me, so he used it to his advantage and tried to manipulate me to stay with him. I was weak and naive, to say the least.

    One time he asked me to come over to "talk" and I saw a loaded gun that was conveniently placed near his bedside. After a while, it got old and I eventually dared him to go through with it.

    Needless to say, that loser is out of my life now.

  16. Like others here, I have suffered the suicide of a family member and I have been manipulated by a boyfriend who knew he could get me to do whatever he wanted by threatening suicide.

    My policy now is, if you threaten suicide it's an automatic dumping. I will do what I can to get you the help you need, but you will never again see me naked.

    And nice to see you posting again, Weasel. I've been eagerly checking your sites every day like one of the pathetic stalkers you write about. :-)

  17. @Hellkell: "Why would these men want to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with them?"

    They're desperate losers. Figure it out.

    As for idle threats, you are indeed correct. Urging him to "DO IT FAGGOT" is the proper answer, whether it succeeds or not. It says you don't care, so the threat loses power. And if they kill themselves, well, that's one less problem. WIN and LULZ either way.

  18. uck this sounds exactly like a guy I used to date. He was still living with his parents when I went off to college and would complain when I didn't talk to him on the phone EVERY night for three hours but he refused to come visit me because he was "too busy" (aka playing video games for 72 hours straight)

    He would always pull the "I'll never love anyone but you and you've crushed my heart and Im floating in an endless sea of sadness" (yes he actually said that) our attempted breakups ended up being 6 hours of me on the phone listening to him begging me not to go

    When i finally got rid of him he was telling me he had been thinking of killing himself and I just told him that was his problem now not mine and just hung up. It was wonderful

  19. I have to classify suicide threats in this context as abuse. They are EXTREMELY manipulative, and it's also a clear case for the man blaming the woman for his own problems. I think a guy like this might eventually become a wife-beater. Good for Sarah for getting out of this one and choosing a life instead of a loser.

  20. *is astounded as always at the stupidity*

    Yeah, nothing seduces a woman into opening her thighs for you, like calling her 'selfish' for wanting a life, and threatening suicide if she leaves you. I'm getting moist just thinking about it...


    I don't know if a restraining order would do much, but blocking him as much as possible and never ever EVER answering him again would probably help.

    I am very curious about the "It got bad enough that the police and Alec's family eventually had to get involved" part. Although, if the cops are already involved, then maybe a restraining order WOULD help?

    Thank God I weeded out the 'living at home with parents, sans job'-types from the get-go back in my dating days.

    Hope your date ROCKED, Weasel!

  21. A restraining order couldn't hurt.
    If it's legal, wherever Sarah is at, perhaps she should get some pepper spray or mace.

  22. Oh, man. This post had me dying! Weas, good luck on your date, and don't worry about being submitted to PLFM!

  23. In one of my (unfortunately many, though I have also had good luck) forays into online dating, I started getting messages from some guy whose profile seemed all right for initial message exchanges. After a few messages, I didn't hear from him for a couple of weeks and then he started writing that - for no explained reason - he was going to suck down overdose amounts of painkillers and an excessive amount of alcohol. I told him that if he was alive to read my reply message he needed professional help, not a girlfriend. And then I blocked him.
    It was like some kind of speed record - I wasn't even dating him and he was already threatening suicide. WTF? Why do people (not just guys) do this? I've been clinically depressed and have an understanding of the suicidal impulse, but I've never wanted to threaten someone with it when they left me.
    Now, excuse me whilst I fantasize that my next date is half the aware, funny guy Weasel is. Hope it went well, dude!
    -- Lo

  24. this blog makes me wish i saved all the desperate e-mails, instant messages, and facebook messages from my ridiculous ex. If only i had known there would be a way to publicly humiliate him!! hehe :D

  25. I've been with my ex [who slept til 4pm, played only video games and spent 800 a month on random crap while being in debt for over 30000 dollars] for two years before I woke up and saw the light. I dumped his sorry ass, but since we were living together and I was too nice, I couldn't just lock him out. So we spent the night in the same bed, with him staring at me all night and then telling me in the morning "that he had considered everything to get me back. From proposing marriage to killing himself."

    Needless to say, I kicked him out, though it took a while, since I intended to keep the house. He kept saying that he needed my keys for the stuff he'd stored somewhere else in the apartment building. He even had his mother e-mail my parents to get the key back.

    ..So glad I got rid of him.

  26. I got a suicide email once from an ex, who is still very much alive. It creeped me out, but then one of my male friends - who also happens to be an ex but the less-stupid kind - said if you send a suicide email, you just don't want it badly enough.

  27. I couldn't even read all the way through those letters...all I heard after a while was the "wah-WAH wah-WAH" Charlie-Brown-Teacher thing going on in the back of my head.

    Sounds like that guy's penis just needs to shrivel up and fall off.

    Anon 1:34 - If nothing else, get a version of IM that automatically logs your conversations. That way you'll at least have something for the fond memories :P

  28. A bit of an echo at this point but....

    Dear Losers,
    Please, do NOT fear punctuation. Those keys are present for a reason--my eyesight and comprehension being one of the smallest.
    Also, spellcheck is your FRIEND. Quite possibly the only one you have at this point, so rely upon it heavily.
    Thank you.

    Weasel----happy fun date!!! :)

  29. God I have me a winner.

    Slept with another woman because he was "mad at me" and did it just to spite me.

    His career involves stocking groceries at the local Hannafords, and he says that is good enough to put me through law school.

    scoffs. At least I am done with his sorry ass!

    Good post weasel! Good luck with your ladyfriend.

  30. @anonymous, 11:21am, Apr 18.

    "Needless to say, that loser is out of my life now."

    Makes me curious as to how. Did he finally win something, if only a Darwin Award?

  31. Sometimes I worry that I might have done somthing PLFM worthy-and then I read posts like this and realize the line between "upset" and "psychotic" is not at thin as I thought it was

  32. When it gets to the "suicide" notes it's time to pull in family, friends or even professionals. Even if they don't mean it, the mere mention of it shows the situation is already out of your control.

    My mother in law's ex boyfriend threatened suicide with his current girlfriend and unfortunately followed through. The way he did it though seemed to suggest he intended to maim himself but didn't receive help in time. Goes to show the lengths seemingly normal people will go to when they feel desperate enough.

  33. Back in high school, I had to hear the "I've been having dark thoughts" conversation about fifty times from someone I wasn't even dating. He was interested, though, and a turbo creeper to the point that "no" was a word he just didn't seem to hear or understand. Every time I'd shoot him down, I'd have to hear the "dark thoughts" conversation a day or so after (and I shot him down MANY times). I told him to either see a counselor or stop trying to be a manipulative prick, since it wasn't going to work.

    Sadly, he did neither. Fortunately (I guess), he's still alive; I still hear from him periodically about how woman are bitches and nobody understands him.

  34. Urgh, some people are just too desperate. What kind of sane person would think suicide a good solution to being dumped? If you REALLY love someone, you'd respect their decision to leave you, for whatever reason they might have. I mean, seriously, it's just a boy/girlfriend, there are other things in life.

  35. This is far too similar to my most recent ex. We started dating in high school and when I got into law school and he decided to try to become a video gaming champion (i am not jking... that sort of thing actually exists) I found myself very bored for conversation let alone anything else.
    Dumping him turned out to be hell. He tried to cut his wrists at my house so I had to call the cops. And three years later still sends me letters stating he misses my 'wandring eyes'. Wtf is a wandering eye?

    Brilliant stuff as usual Weasel

  36. Oh god. And here I thought I was reading the situation of what my loser boyfriend tried to do to me when we broke up. Since it seemed to so perfectly fit.

    Other then there was one difference I guess. It wasn't that he was going to commit suicide. He was trying to convince me (and the rest of my friends/family) that I was intent on committing suicide. :| However that works.

  37. biskuits said...I still hear from him periodically about how woman are bitches and nobody understands him.

    WTF is up with these assholes that are so mentally fucked up the only people that would have a conversation with them are the voices in their pea brained heads, and even they don't want to associate with them, always having to call us bitches because we don't want their whiny, psycho, worthless dumbasses in our lives anymore. God these asstards really start to piss me off! When are they going to realize that it's really a reflection of them in the mirror they are screaming bitch at!

    Anyways hope your date went well Weas!!

  38. @ wheelin126

    I found it a little silly that he complained to ME, a woman, about how all women are bitches. Never could figure out what he was going for with that one; his tone suggested sympathy, but his words suggested a kick in the pants. XD

  39. Hello all. This is 'Sarah.' I just want to clarify a few things that people have said.

    1. The restraining order. I don't have a physical address anymore - since sending the emails to Weasel, he's moved to Pennsylvania with his mother. And that's all I know about where he is now.

    2. Mace/Pepper spray. As far as I know, it's legal where I am. That's a good idea, thanks.

    3. Guitar Hero. 'Alec' sucked at Guitar Hero. I always won.

    P.S. I would feel so sorry for that poor carrier pigeon.

    Best of luck with your date, Weasel. :)

  40. WTF is up with all these ex-gfs wanting to get guys threatening suicide 'help'? Tell him to off himself. Hell, print him out directions on how to do it creatively. It's not your problem, and you're not his mother. Mugabe, do you people need a clue?

  41. Seeing your posts seriously makes me mad that I never saved my share of psychotic men-letters.

    Like the dude who thought i was trying to get pregnant.

    Or the dude who thought that because I got out of his bed in the middle of the night and decided to leave his loser-ass that I FIIIIINALLY decided he didn't want to marry me.

    Men are fucktards. Seriously.

  42. I dated a guy in my younger and foolish years who I repeatedly tried to break up with. (Yes, I was stupid) and he would always come up with some way to garner enough sympathy from me that I would give in and stay with him. It got ridiculous to the point, though, that he would save up awful things so that he could spring them on me when I would try and end the relationship. He kept the fact that his mother had colon cancer from me for a month and a half so that he could use it as ammo, "How can you break up with me NOW when my mom has CANCER???" Uh.. yeah. He was a very special guy.

    When I finally managed to shake his ass he made friends with my brother (who he could not stand when we were together) so that he would have some sort of connection with me still. Then he went completely off the handle when I "only" waited two weeks before I started seeing someone else after we broke up. He said if I had any respect for what we'd had then I would have never gotten over him so quick. I told him he was free to draw his own conclusions from his own statement. :)

    Wish I still had the email he sent me when I asked him for my puppy photos of my dogs back. (He was holding them hostage on me and I asked him to mail them to me.) It was just awesome. :p

    He finally went away and stopped talking to my brother when he found out I was engaged. I felt bad for my brother because he honestly thought my loser ex was his friend. Ah well. (part of me feels it serves him right for even *wanting* to be friends with the jackass in the first place)

    I never did get my puppy pictures.

  43. Oh, jeez, Tammy. It sucks that your brother didn't tell that manipulative suckhole to die in a fire already. I had an ex who threatened suicide. I'm a bad person because I wasn't inclined to panic or worry--he did this routinely, and as someone upthread said, in an abusive relatinship, this is just another weapon in their arsenal. He then started calling one of my friends and they became friends. Said "friend" then informed me that I was a horrible person because my ex really loved me and that I should just settle for him as I'd end up alone. To which I said, "Being alone and happy beats the hell out of being tied to a manipulative dickbaag."

    No, we aren't friends anymore, BTW. Anyone who'd hang out with an ex and berate me for breaking up with him (especially someone who damn well knew why I broke it off and how bad things got) is no friend at all in my book. And anyone who says that all men were like him and that I should just get used to it (yes, she said that) is just a fucking moron.

  44. Anon said "No, we aren't friends anymore, BTW. Anyone who'd hang out with an ex and berate me for breaking up with him (especially someone who damn well knew why I broke it off and how bad things got) is no friend at all in my book."

    Hey I've had a few of those...notice I did say had!! :) I had one that became good friends with the gal my boyfriend was cheating on me with and I also ended the relationship with him because of, try to get me to go on a camping trip with a group that the ex and gal were going. She said I should go so that we could kick "Jane's" ass. Ya because I'm just that stupid and gave a crap that much...of course I didn't go, I told my soon to be ex-friend that "Jane" did me a HUGE favor and she could have him, there was no way in hell I would ever fight for or over him.

  45. ...some of us who live at home do so for other reasons and have jobs and help out financially. *wibble*

  46. I appoligize for everything I am just as much to blame for the horrible state of our friendship as you are and yes you do share the blame I don't care what you sayThis is almost verbatim what my ex wrote to me in one of the breakup emails... "I'm so sorry, but we were both at fault here, I wouldn't be such an asshole if you didn't keep provoking me".

    He had enough sense not to start with the cusswords when trying to get me back, so the letters aren't even entertaining, just huge emo passive-agressive manipulative whine-fests.

  47. "promptly resonded"

  48. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 19, 2009 at 9:50 PM

    Damn, am I the only human on the face of the planet who had breakups that went well? Whenever I broke up with a dude, we decided we didn't like each other anymore and didn't talk to each other anymore (since I usually wasn't "friends" with the dude beforehand).

  49. I'm gonna go hug my boyfriend for not being a loser like this. Another great service this site does is remind me that trying to tickle me when I'm studying is, however annoying, not that bad.

  50. My first boyfriend was like this. I stayed with him for like a year and a half... I wish I saved the emails for this blog but I deleted them all.

    One time I went to Mexico for one week to help build a house for a family of 6 living in a 1-bedroom shack with no running water. What did my bf do? Threaten to commit suicide if I went because being away for a week was too much.

    I also ride horses competitively and regularly go away for a weekend at a time to compete. This usually gave me about a month of headaches before hand and I would have to call him to make sure he wasn't cutting himself while I was at the competitions. I had considered giving up horseback riding so I did not have to deal with his shit... but then I realized it was something Ive done my entire life and there was no way in hell I was just giving up my passion so that stupid crybaby would be happy.

    Breakup was messy as hell as you can imagine... lots of very nasty emails. He hated horses, but he tried to get riding lessons after the breakup to see if he could win me back. lol. He pressured me into having sex, a LOT... and if we didnt have sex he would get insanely depressed. Fun fun fun.

  51. First off, Mr. Moron needs to learn how to punctuate, because even I had a hard time trying to work out what the hell he was on about. Secondly, it is obvious he doesn't mean everything he says because he said it was his last effort to contact her several times. Why can't men simply get over themselves? It is like watching the same thing over and over again. yeish!

  52. Homeboy needs to get himself to a therapist. As a former therapist myself, in that situation, I would feel it's my duty to at least offer to hook him up with a good shrink.

    But yeah, this story makes me want to go hug my boyfriend (a phD student with a healthy work ethic), too. Unfortunately, my little brother is one of those "don't really have a job, live with the parents rent-free, and don't have any ambitions whatsoever except to get past whatever level of whatever PC game I'm currently playing" types. He had a girlfriend for a few years, but alas, she went to college, is about to graduate and get a real job and she finally realized he was kind of a dead weight. My sister and I warned my brother if he didn't shape up, she was going to leave him, but the warnings went unheeded. She's a nice girl and I can't believe she put up with him for so long. From what little tidbits I can gather (I live halfway across the country from my brother and parents), he did not make the break up easy. In fact, one of the earlier anonymous posters sounds a little bit like her...

  53. because I stupidly fell in love with you a girl who is a selfish, arrogant, brat concerned with only one thing getting hers and the rest of the world can burn for all she cares.Sarah dear, use his own words against him.

    If you are such a selfish, arrogant brat concernd with only one thing... Why would he want you so badly? Ask him why he can't do any better than you?

    It might work as far as getting rid of him. Along WITH the restraining order to show him you are serious. You threatened it- follow through or it becomes the same empty threat his suicide has become.

    HymenBank VISA© platinum card!

    Brilliant Weasel! Just brilliant! Yours is a gifted mind.

    As for why women date losers- Leykis 101 again. From the professor of poon- Women like a fixer upper. If they feel like they have 'changed' or 'fixed' your problems- it boosts their self esteeem.

    Ladies- boost it yourself by booting his ass and kicking him to the curb!

    So if the date went well, is your prospect looking to join the harem? LOL!

  54. I just had another cold-hearted, selfish bitch thought.

    If they threaten suicide when you try to break up with them- point out that if they go through with it, either way, you win. You are still rid of their sorry, manipulating, worthless ass.

  55. Alec sounds a lot like my high school boyfriend, who didn't feel it necessary to put any effort into school because he was convinced he was going to be an Olympic archer despite finishing in the bottom of the pack at numerous local tournaments.

    We started dating freshmen year and he was a jerk. I'm pretty sure he was cheating on me with a girl he had dated previously. He was mean to my friends and surly around my family. And every time I tried to break up with him, he would cry and beg me not to. Eventually, he started cutting himself whenever I got mad at him or tried to break up with him. I felt bad for him, so I took him back every time.

    My junior year, I broke up with him for the last time, and asked another boy to homecoming. The ex just pretended that I hadn't broken up with him. He behaved as if nothing had happened. When I explained to him that we were not a couple anymore, he began threatening suicide. I was miserable and didn't feel that I could tell anyone what was happening. Finally, my parents became so concerned about me that they sent me to a therapist. Eventually, it became too much to keep holding in and I told my mom everything. So she called his mom and told her that her son was threatening to kill himself.

    The next day, nutcase approached me at my locker with a big shit-eating grin on his face and told me that was initially very angry that I ratted him out to his mom, but "It's okay- I forgive you". I told him there was nothing to forgive me for, as I had done nothing wrong. He was livid and spent most of that year and part of my senior year doing the "You're such a bitch! We should get married some day!" thing. And the whole time telling me that if I didn't take him back, he would "splatter my brains against the wall". In the spring, as prom approached, he continued pretending that I hadn't broken up with him, asked me to the dance, and was enraged when I told him that I didn't want to go with him and I already had a date anyway.

    Finally, we graduated and I went off to college. He stayed in our suffocating little home town, continuing his high school job wearing the Little Caesar costume at the local Caesarland until it closed. At the age of 30, he's still very much alive and glorying in his dreams of professional archery. I've run into him a few times since high school at weddings and such, and he literally makes me feel nauseated.

    Insincere threats of suicide really are abusive. I think the worst thing society has done for girls is conditioned us to think that we need to always be nice. We really need to teach kids, and girls especially, that when another person is violating your boundaries, you do not have to be nice or caring. This guy didn't particularly care that I didn't want to be with him. He didn't see me as a human being, and so I had no obligation to sacrifice my own happiness and mental health to protect his precious feelings. To this day, I regret that those years were so miserable. At the same time, I'm glad I got out when I did and that things didn't turn out much worse.

  56. mr. mrs. fangfaceApril 20, 2009 at 1:09 PM

    Even the etiquette website Etiquette Hell says that safety trumps etiquette.

  57. @Cut-N-Jump, while I think Lykis is an ass, he's on to something about the fixer-uppers. I dated my share in my late 20's, but eventually woke up. Now if I want to fix something up, I'll buy a house, thank you very much.

  58. Cut-N-Jump: "cold-hearted, selfish bitch thought"

    That's hardly 'bitch'. That's just logical. He's an adult. Taking care of himself is his responsibility and not your problem. You're not the heart of the world.

    You bitches need to spend less creativity thinking of ways to call yourselves bitches, and break the habit of 'helping' when it's least helpful and misbehaving or being 'tough' when it's least useful.

  59. @Anon 2:08...

    "You bitches need to spend less creativity thinking of ways to call yourselves bitches, and break the habit of 'helping' when it's least helpful and misbehaving or being 'tough' when it's least useful."

    WTF does that even mean?

    Fuck it. Hi there, Luis.

  60. This comment has been removed by the author.

  61. Anon/Luis- you couldn't do any better than that? Bitch, please

  62. Hellkell- I happen to like the Tom Leykis show and found it pretty much spot on in a number of various categories.

    Fixer uppers- sure. I know a guy who married one. Thought he would solve her problems. She had two kids during their marriage caused him a ton of problems, she damn near killed their little boy, he got arrested and the list goes on...

    I dated a self proclaimed 'bad boy'. Yeah, it's all fun and games until the bullets start flying around.

    Sorry, I thought I should seperate the two comments so I did. I didn't want to taint this reply by also responding to the taint, formerly known as Luis.

  63. Oh, boy, did I have one of these. Except he was 32 when we started dating (I was *17*, btw), lived with his parents and all of his funds were devoted to the vintage GI Joes he collected - that was his only reason for working: that he could purchase more GI Joes and accessories and then set them up around his bedroom in creepy dioramas. Also, he had a daughter who was about 9 years younger than me, whom he hadn't seen in years, from some previous girlfriend.

    By the time I finally managed to shake him PERMANENTLY, he was 37, I was 22, and I actually had to DRUG HIM and pack up his stuff while he slept, and then drive him to his PARENT'S house and drop him and his stuff off. He still called me again, twice, but stopped after the second time when my boyfriend at the time (who was later my husband) was heard speaking to me in the background. He contacted me once more via AIM and then disappeared. I later found out that he, after finding out I was getting married, got married as well, then his wife left him, had the baby in another state and sent him divorce forms. Last I heard he had gotten another girl pregnant and they were possibly engaged. That poor girl.


    Fuck am I happy to have such an amazing boyfriend now!!!

  64. Cut-n-jump--to be fair, a lot of men date loser women as well. I've known a lot of guys who have dated women who didn't work, didn't want to work, or who lied to them and treated them like shit. And they'd complain that women didn't like Nice Guys like them (while ignoring the nice, stable, and normal women who were interested in them).

  65. Women can't be losers. They have vaginas. VAGINAS.

  66. Cut-N-Jump said...

    Anon/Luis- you couldn't do any better than that? Bitch, please
    ROFL CNJ - sounds like were calling for the check...

  67. I had one who wouldn't let go, but he confined most of his contacts to late night phone calls. With an elephant's memory for every sexual contact we'd had, it was tiresome even though he was a rather clever fellow with a great sense of humor. By this time he was living at the other metropolis in the state.

    Finally a few years later without contact, it sounded like maybe we could be friends again. He told me he'd gotten married. Married! How wonderful (and I asked) what's she like?

    "She's the most like you I could find." Started to describe her, and it completely creeped me out. I haven't talked to him since. I mean, he was not a loser like the real psychos here, if you don't count wearing shorts almost every day of his life.

  68. I actually had a boyfriend who thought he might as well start laying the guilt as early as possible, and who told me -not once, but several times - that since we'd started dating he wasn't suicidal anymore. I wanted to dump him a month in the relationship, but it took me ten more to actually get there. In the meantime, he managed to maim my self-esteem so badly that, more than ten years later, it hasn't recovered yet.

  69. I dated a guy once who told me, "I now have a reason for living!"

    Um, sorry dude, but if you didn't have a reason for living BEFORE you met me, I sure as hell don't want to be responsible for you!

    He was also a major hypochondriac. Blech....

    I dumped his sorry ass as fast as I could. Of course, he told all his friends what a horrid, evil bitch I was and I MADE him love me. Boo fuckin' hoo!

  70. MackTruck, please send your story to Weasel.

  71. "by the way I love you more than my own mother and that is one thing that should be scary to me because my mom went through hell to get me this far." <-- yeah, i'll bet his poor mother DID go threw hell in raising this looser...only to watch her unemployed, clingy son take up space in his grandparent's basement - yeah, very far indeed....

  72. OMG. Flashback! I have not told anyone this, not even my therapist, but here goes. In college I had a nice boyfriend, but he took a job out of town and told his friend to look after me. Yeah. Right. This guy was a MAJOR loser. He drunkenly caused a car accident that put me in ICU for 10 days and then after I recuperated somewhat, started pressuring me for sex. I had only had sex one time ever in my life, and here's this asshole... mind you I was a college freshman and he was a senior in high school! Finally he started to threaten to kill himself if I didn't give in. Eventually, I broke. Afterward, I felt so violated. Even typing about it makes me nauseous, and that was 1986! On the plus side, the experience motivated me to get involved in a lot of 'women's issues', including becoming a volunteer hospital rape councilor for several years. But I have no patience for the suicidal. Dude, hand me the gun, I'll load it for ya. Another plus, however, was that it prepared me to deal with my completely insane sister-in-law. Her family had put up with her bullshit for years and I wouldn't. Life is too short to put up with the bullshit of some crazy-ass bitch leaving suicidal voicemails on my phone. My husband followed my example and she couldn't take him ignoring her crazy-ass-shit. So she got crazier. Now we have a restraining order. Makes the holidays awkward, but at least I don't have to worry about her committing hari cari on my front lawn in front of my kids anymore.
    (and I did this as Anonymous because I don't have a URL and can't figure out how to sign in with the screen-name I usually use, which is Rothase)

  73. Anonymous said...
    Cut-n-jump--to be fair, a lot of men date loser women as well. I've known a lot of guys who have dated women who didn't work, didn't want to work, or who lied to them and treated them like shit. And they'd complain that women didn't like Nice Guys like them (while ignoring the nice, stable, and normal women who were interested in them).

    I will completely agree! There are just as many lazy, unmotivated, selfish, clingy, thought process challenged, humanlike creatures out there of BOTH genders. They are everywhere...

    I doubt they know what they want, so how the hell would or could anyone else? The wackaloons usually claim they want one thing and do or go after the total opposite.

    Funny thing is either gender isn't usually well received by those sharing the same. The lazy folks leach off whoever around them allows it, for as long as they allow it. When the money, house, car, clothes, etc. stops and the 'well dries up' they move on to wherever it is flowing freely.

  74. Women are virtous, shining, wholesome bastions of decency and zealous protectors of the public weal. To suggest the possibility of otherwise is to court unhugginess.

    Turn back, posters. Turn back before it's too late.

  75. casualencountersblog, I can't decide whether you're a troll or whether you're awesome. X3 At the moment I'm leaning towards the latter.

  76. Alec is an ENERGY VAMPIRE!

    "by the way I love you more than my own mother and that is one thing that should be scary to me because my mom went through hell to get me this far."

    Um...this is so wrong on so many levels. If this doesn't scream 'I'm a needy ball and chain that will ruin your life just like I've ruined my mom's', I don't know what does. Reading that mess, I am having far more empathy for his parents, grandparents and English teacher than I can muster for him.

    Perhaps Sarah will become a brilliant scientist and perfect the technique for retroactive abortion. Losers such as Alec would no longer have to be responsible for removing themselves from the gene pool, since they can't do even that right.

  77. I had an ex who thought he would garner sympathy by begging my brother to help him move out of our place. When my brother called me to ask if I really wanted the ex out I told him that I would appreciate any help in getting ther jerk out as fast as possible. When that didn't work my ex spread rumours about me being a cheating whore and that I had "turned" into a lesbian. SO mature...I wonder why it didn't last.

  78. That could have been my sister's life had she not finally dropped the loser she was with....

    I mean NOT only was this guy living at our parent's house rent free, he was eating more than our entire family combined and NOT paying for anything. He was not even doing chores to earn his keep and he was breaking things in our parents' home (even trashed out the computers we had with spywares, trojans, viruses...). No job, no money, no goals, no respect for anyone... and to make matters worse, he was pulling my sister's heart strings so that she'd give him what money she earned at Job Corps to support him like some trashy ghetto pet. He got $500 out of her before our father got involved.

    This speaks volumes about how naive my sister was... well, now she's got herself together and is going into the Airforce.

  79. casualencountersblog said...
    Women can't be losers. They have vaginas. VAGINAS.

    LMFAO!!!! Bravo, bravo!! *standing ovation cheering loudly*

  80. Knew a guy like this in high school. He dated a friend of mine for over a year before she dumped him, despite his constant suicide threats. Once he figured out it wasn't working, he tried to get with me. Silly me actually went to a movie with him (please note, we saw The Mummy, middle of the afternoon, no meal assosciated with it). I thought it was just friendly, but he took it as an excuse to start calling me at random times and rambling on about whatever until I got tired of being polite and finding some reason to get off the phone. He never actually asked me out, but apparently decided that things weren't progressing fast enough for his tastes and started going out with another friend of mine.

    And then he had the nerve to tell her he was only going out with her to make me jealous.


    Of course, don't get me started on that friend. She did dump him, but last I heard, she was moving back into town to get with him again, even though he has an extremely pregnant wife.

    The mind boggles.

  81. Are you saying I have to choose. Can't I be an AWESOME troll.

  82. "I also ride horses competitively and regularly go away for a weekend at a time to compete. This usually gave me about a month of headaches before hand and I would have to call him to make sure he wasn't cutting himself while I was at the competitions. I had considered giving up horseback riding so I did not have to deal with his shit... but then I realized it was something Ive done my entire life and there was no way in hell I was just giving up my passion so that stupid crybaby would be happy."

    WOW.... isn't it AMAZING how a person can manipulate you, when ALL you are doing is DATING them!?!??!!?!?!??!?!?!??!

    Perspective, kids, perspective...

    Heh... I used to turn down dates because I was getting ready for a horse show ; )

    "Alec is an ENERGY VAMPIRE!"

    YES. In my circle, we call them Emotional Vampires.

    It is so WEIRD that people think they can be more attractive by being more and more pathetic. Maybe the gubmint should require a course in HS: "Respect and Pride 101." Week one would cover standing up straight, breathing through your nose, and wearing pants that cover up your underwear and asscrack.

    I've dated a few of these self-absorbed douchebags... as my friend says, "We've all done our charity work."

    I dated/lived with this guy who played up his French accent (I later found that he'd lived in the US for 16 years before I dated him) and told me that my boobs were too big. When he ate my housemate's food and she calmly confronted him, he wailed "I cannot live in zis house filled wiz hate!!" and left.

    I've since found his truly awful website, since I was listed in his Love Resume (no shit!), and have seen elsewhere that he is STILL looking for his dream gypsy bellydancer girl that he can drum for. Heh... he's over 40 now....

    He was one of those people who wanted to get married after dating for a few weeks.

  83. CP-
    It is so WEIRD that people think they can be more attractive by being more and more pathetic. Maybe the gubmint should require a course in HS: "Respect and Pride 101." Week one would cover standing up straight, breathing through your nose, and wearing pants that cover up your underwear and asscrack.

    ROFL! I love it!

    I once cured a kid of wearing his pants so low his tighty whitey's was a hangin' out the top and his asscrack was showing out the top of those. I merely asked him if he understood that, the 'look' he was sporting, had originated in prison as a way of letting others know you were, ahem, available?

    Of course this was inside Fatbruger and I was not quiet, embarassed or shy about asking.

    He yanked his britches up so fast he almost gave himself a wedgie. It was Priceless.

  84. @cattypex: post his website! I could use a laugh or ten right now.

    @casualencountersblog: you are the bestest, most awesomest troll ever. My monitor would be so dry without you.

  85. My God. As I read this I said aloud, "This person has a penis?"

    Honestly I can't imagine anyone past the first stage of puberty acting THIS bad.

  86. hellkell.... I will email it to you if you want...

    It's quite possibly the cheesiest thing I've ever seen. Or heard. Of course it has music....

    OH!!! I forgot! Pursuant to the topic at hand, about 9 mos. after I broke up w/ him he showed up at my sister's dorm room w/ a MANUSCRIPT and a letter telling the world that this was going to be a bestseller.

    Of COURSE I was in his novel, and OF COURSE he bitched about what a horrible person I was, and OF COURSE he included poorly worded, explicit descriptions of EVERY SINGLE amorous encounter....

    We laughed our asses off for a year before I finally tossed it.

  87. Please do...just add after my username.

  88. @johnocide I hear you, bro.

    As *I* read this I said aloud, "Notice, incidentally, that the theory of syntactic features developed earlier suffices to account for irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules. Conversely, the appearance of parasitic gaps in domains relatively inaccessible to ordinary extraction is not subject to the system of base rules exclusive of the lexicon. Nevertheless, this selectionally introduced contextual feature can be defined in such a way as to impose a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. It appears that a descriptively adequate grammar is to be regarded as the strong generative capacity of the theory. On the other hand, the speaker-hearer's linguistic intuition delimits problems of phonemic and morphological analysis."

    It was just, like, "whoa."

  89. CEBlog--that comment was one of your best yet. Like whoa.

  90. @casualencountersblog: IZ DAT SUM CHOMSKYBOT??? Well played!

  91. I nearly ended up dating a loser like this. We were friends; I accidentally went on what he thought was a date with him; I let him know it wasn't, and then I endured a series of hour-long phone conversations. Best line? "This is the worst mistake you'll ever make." Via text. Classy. Coupled with on-going whinging and a weird connection between my not dating him and his cat dying (which existed purely in his head), and stalking me around my school leavers' prom...yeah, quite glad I ran out of that one - considering we were never even dating and he went stalkery on me!

  92. SO many men are simply and profoundly incapable of understanding that You.Are.Not.Interested.PERIOD.

    As I read the freaky entries, it further strengthens that premise - that's a really weak understatement, by the way.

    So's the first sentence, come to think of it.

    Damn, dudes are FREAKS.

  93. Hah! I just read this question from my Interpersonal Communication book...

    "Research finds that relationship dissolution is a significant influence on men who commit suicide, but not on women (Kposowa, 2000). Can you suggest any reasons for this finding?"

    Yeah, men are the real bitches!



  95. that was seriously the most enjoyable post ive read in 2 weeks

  96. I once knew a guy like this. Never dated him, but he pulled the suicide threat with me a few times when he felt he wasn't getting my undivided attention. I told him, "Well, you do what you feel you need to, I won't stand in your way!" And that was the end of that. He decided shortly afterward that I wasn't a compassionate, attentive enough audience and wandered off to more gullible pastures.

  97. Hey this sounds like an asshat I dated. We dated for two months, I dumped him. As a result he sent me 40 text messages in a single night, and called my phone ALL DAY. I had to turn it off, and then when i turned it on for the briefest second, there he'd be, calling me.

    I changed my number.

    I then went to check his blog to make sure he wasn't doing anything else that was nutty. He wrote that he couldn't believe I had changed my number, and he hadn't done anything to deserve this.

    Then, he proceeded to send me up to 15 emails a day. In some emails he'd write about how much he missed me and wanted to get back together with me. In another he'd write about how lonely he was. In another he'd call me a whore. In another he'd threaten suicide. I got maybe 150 emails, all of which I never responded to.

    And then he found my myspace. I had deleted my old one because he was harassing me on it. My new one didn't include my name or identifying info. He proceeded to contact everyone on my friends list and tell them I was a deceitful whore. Then he wrote to me begging me to be his friend.

    When I cut off all ways for him to contact me and had him picked up by the police after he had lurked outside my house several times, he proceeded to write me letters. He told me he had ended up in a mental hospital and it was all my fault. If I wasn't such a bitch slut, he wouldn't be there. He also said he hoped I was dead and that he wanted to kill my pets and slash my tires. Then he sent me a box with his shoes in it (?!)

    He also called my house every day for an entire year, until I had that number changed.

    Keep in mind I NEVER responded to any of this. Only in the beginning I told him to leave me alone because he was stalking me. To which he replied "I AM NOT A STALKER".


  98. That Sarah was a mean female dog. Use idiotic teenager american slang like 'loser' is an indicator good enough.
    Valuing people based on their wealth? What else do you expect from a female dog? Ahhhh-hah-haha-hahah-haaa!

  99. I'd like to make a bit of a note on the side of the losers. Sometimes, they really can change. Maybe they've got some kind of insecurity or damage that's keeping them from moving on in life, maybe it's simple inertia, or maybe they ARE an emotionally stunted manchild, but before you give up on them...try giving them a little help, first. Set them up with a therapist, encourage them to get back in school and get a job (even a crappy job flipping burgers is better than nothing, and if you can build a work ethic, that's progress), find out their hobbies and help them make friends through them. You'd be surprised at the changes some people can make. Even slow progress is still progress. However, remember that THEY have to make this step too, you can't do it all for them. If they refuse to follow up, dump their ass.

    The reason I'm mentioning this is because I used to be a loser, a big-time loser. I actually lived in the (admittedly spacious) basement of my dad's house, I flunked out of college, and was unemployed. I barely ever showered, and blamed everyone else for my problems. Thanks not just to a wonderful girl, but to a whole host of supportive friends, I managed to move on with my life, get a job, get back in school, and get moving again. Hey, if I ever break up with her, we'll see if I manage to avoid showing up on here.

  100. I had a really big loser of a boyfriend at one point. He was super-sweet at first, but then he just got more and more . . . bland is a good word for it. We didn't talk much anymore, and all he wanted to do was play videogames and watch movies. He was very unmotivated to do anything good for himself or me.

    I asked him constantly to come for walks with me, or just to talk, but he constantly refused, and sat in his dorm room, playing videogames. He was lazy, unmotivated, and didn't even want to leave his hometown (that he supposedly hated) without someone with him.

    He didn't bother to try and spend time with me, I had to do all the work, so I broke up with him. The first time I tried to do so, he chased after all over the building we lived in until I acquised and took him back.

    The second time, I refused to talk to him, and he did exactly what I knew he would when I broke up with him.

    He went back to his ex. And her girlfriend. Hahaha

  101. Stuff like this makes me glad I'm ASEXUAL.

  102. In high school (HIGH SCHOOL, mind you) I dated this guy, and I was his first girlfriend, first kiss, first "love" (yeah, sure) all that cute shit. He was an absolute pussy. I mean, he cried pretty much any time I said anything other than "I love you." So pretty soon I wised up and got rid of his ass. He never directly threatened to kill himself, but believe me, people were certainly afraid he might. He called one of my friends several nights in a row, crying about how much he missed me. Dude, it was one thing when he cried to ME on the phone for FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES, and then cried ALL DAY at school the next day (and we had every class together...ughhh), but to call one of my FRIENDS? Get a life. Ladies, if you ever date someone who texts you at least every ten minutes, and assumes that you hate him or he did something wrong when you don't answer, take it as a warning sign and GET RID OF HIM.

  103. I think a lot of the way that someone breaks up with someone. I see nothing wrong with contacting someone to find out why they broke up. Especially if the person just says they need a break cause he was depressed and we may get back together My ex did that and it really confused me and I just wanted a straight I wanna move on or I just need more time. So moral of the story is I would believe contact is warranted if the person doesn't give a reason and leads the other to believe they may want to get back together. When I contacted my ex to get a straight answer he just blocked me.