Tuesday, August 18, 2009

PLFM Wastebasket

Folks, we originally intended to post a serious entry and a humorous entry today, but after spending all day yesterday whipping out our comedy post, the backstory fell apart and we discovered some new information that negated the entire post.

It happens, and it sucks.

Thank you PLFM reader PS for dealing with my annoying and continuous questions.

Luckily, reader JH sent me an interesting piece tonight to replace our original comedy piece.

I think you've all seen this type of guy before ladies, so get out your clam buckets and assume the position. Guys, don't ever be this guy. You may as well pack your balls in a block of cheese and march into a valley with a pan flute.

Now, I don't have any backstory on this piece as it was published on Craigslist (Chicago), but I think PLFM contributor JH summed it up best in her email:

"I saw this on missed connections on craigslist. This guy wrote a fucking novel about how this girl stopped talking to him. I can only imagine its because he's pathetic. He asked questions like 'Why are you so afraid to show any weakness?' and standard PLFM 'You clearly don't want my friendship, you don't care about me as a person at all'. Of course he goes on for much longer about how lame he is and why she clearly stopped talking to him. Its classic: sad, pathetic and totally psychotic."

Well said JH.

We're going to call it "How To 100% Guarantee You Will Never Have Sex With Your Ex-Girlfriend Again."

Hit it!

Before I left, you wanted to meet up with me. So we met up, and had dinner. Before this, we had met up a few times,. for breakfast, to the thrift store, and at your friends on the 4th. Before I left for my trip, I became very frustrated and upset. You told me that it was about me, that you were going to come see me if I wanted.

But ultimately you revealed that you wanted to see me. You also made little white lies about feeling better and doing "fun" things, like watching the fireworks which you actually didn't do. You were staying up real late at your place alone feeling bad. Why did you have to put up some kind of front to make yourself look better? Why are you so afraid to show any weakness? Why do you allow your pride to take over your ability to be real and have a meaningful conversation with someone who truly loved you? Was it some kind of sick game, a way to get back at me before I left?

See you had labeled me and my behavior incorrectly, and when we talked that night we both felt better. You actually opened up and we shared something meaningful. You had made me feel like shit by acting proud of the fact that I got upset in front of your friends because I still love you.

It was sick and I wanted to hate you, but you wouldn't let me. You told me, "I don't hate you" so we talked. You made a big effort to see that I wouldn't harbor any hard feelings against you.

But when I came back, things changed. It was a completely different behavior. You ignored me, denied me and it killed me. You don't even know how much.

But then I find out that you went on a trip. You didn't want me to interfere with your little vacation, you wouldn't allow even a hello and goodbye. And you do this in the name of "protecting" yourself. What are you protecting yourself from? Your life? Your life as you knew it? Are you protecting yourself from a feeling that you no longer wish to have for somebody you want to forget about?

I'm not a machine, I can't erase my memory or feeling after a couple of weeks. And if anything, I spiraled. I fell into such a dark place and you ignored me.

You were out east, I found out in a very strange situation. How am I supposed to feel? You say that you don't hate me, but the only thing you're doing is pushing away everything. You clearly don't want my friendship, you don't care about me as a person at all. It's so sad to see, to see how I fell into it. And you try and convince yourself that you're right because you don't have to deal with my "passive aggressiveness".

But honestly, that's a projection of yourself. "Oh hi.." Yeah, ok great, yeah I'm glad to hear from you.. I'm eating a sandwich, I don't care about your vacation, leave me the fuck alone.

I'm so ashamed that I believed you so much and that I fell for you so hard. I don't know what kind of satisfaction you get from all of this. I've never hard heartbreak like this before but I don't know what you want to believe... I think you don't want to believe.

I know you tried hard, and we had our ups and our downs. I want to heal, I really do but it's so hard to do when I feel like I have been led to believe in something that wasn't real. We had a good conversation before I left, you told me you didn't hate me... How am I supposed to heal when you ignore me like you hate me?

I've done so many things recently, had some good times and bad. It's just amazing to see how it all ended and to see my fears come true. Your friends look at me like a stranger and apparently I guess that's what I am now. Is this really about protecting yourself? What are you trying to protect yourself from?

I know I had a void in my life, and it was something that I needed to fill.. So I'm writing and going to record soon. When you have a void, you seem to have this pattern.. I was afraid of it and I guess you're better off now. I don't care if you've moved on to someone new. Isn't that whats supposed to happen? But you told me that you were always going to be there for me, that you'd still be my friend.

I just don't understand anything anymore. I really don't. I don't know why it's so hard to extend the courtesy of talking to someone that you loved and who loved you. We shared so many things and you can try as hard as you'd like to deny it but you can never take it back.

So there you go.

One large stack of "It's Your Fault" pancakes, and a nice coating of guilt syrup to finish it off.



  1. Y'Know Weas, I think I just had enough of the back-and-forth from this guy to actually feel seasick...

  2. It's like being on a metaphorical rollercoster.... *PUKE* D:

  3. It was like watching someone pulling the wings off a fly... and I was the fly.


    36 & Single

  4. Jesus fucking christ man warn a bitch before you post that fast. I didn't expect to see you for another month or two. I choked on my cheerios

  5. An act of passive agression: the art of implyed accusation employed as an act of manipulation rather than facing the fact that you can't always get what you fucking want.

    Him: Why do you hate me?


    You are a hatefull person!

    Her initial response:

    Hatefull feelings towards the manipulative bastard as his definition of hatefull is not doing what he wants her to do, read him,

    Her secondary response:
    Guilt because, yes, at this very moment she do hate him and yes, she did once recipricate his feelings of loooove.

    Her delayed response:
    Anger towards self for being manipulated into labelling him "a friends"

    A friend is entitled to a part of the limited amount of time and concern you have left after dealing with work and family matters, which he'll spend moaning about the unparaleled wastness of his hurt emotion just to make sure that she knows that she's a cold hearted bitch.

    I sooo get why she stopped taking his calls!

  6. Gaaaah! Its painful!!


  7. yes it's she did, sorry, shouldn't type while infuriated

  8. And that is why you shouldn't try to make them feel better when you break up with them, ladies. Guys never take a hint. No "We can be friends!" Just "I never want to see you again. Bye."

  9. lol

    Look at all these self-serving conclusions without proof! All I see is a guy expressing bitterness about feeling misled and not getting treated upfront. Guys get hurt and bitter, too. It's a natural reaction. Calling it a 'guilt trip' doesn't prove the feelings aren't true.

  10. I got a bit confused. He said something about him going off on a trip and then got pissed off because SHE went on a trip. Hellooooo, people have lives too.

    I just don't get that kind of clinginess, especially after it seems he only knew her for a short time (a couple of dates and that is it). Thank christ I've only met some weird, creepy guys and not whingy psychotics.

  11. There is no greater comedy than the craigslist personal ads. They rank right up there in tragedy too.

  12. Oook...that was painful to read. O_o

  13. I doubt I'd lose to much sleep after hearing that guy gambled on jumping a train crossing and lost.

  14. Anon 12:38, Yep, I got sidetracked by my own issues with passive agressive types and lack of spine.

    However, now feeling somewhat calmer, I refer to Anon 12:57: big selfpity afterparty, little show, indeed.

  15. Uhhh, he sounds totally crazy and I completely get why she stopped wanting to talk to or hang out with him. Hello, she probably told you she was going to see fireworks or whatever to have an excuse to avoid seeing you, not so she could put up a stoic front for you while sitting 'sadly at home' or whatever. Like she honestly 1) cares what you think about her, and 2) is OMG SO SAD without you. I'm willing to bet this girl made a few excuses to avoid seeing this guy, then told him to GTFO of her life for reals when he didn't get the hint, and then we get this...this...letter thing. This crime against letters. What a bitchy needy crazy.

  16. It's hard to tell what went down based on his writing, so the imaginative reconstructions readers post here amount to worthless, self-inspired projections.

  17. Regardless of what happened and the projections people make, its still pathetic to put all this on Craigslist's missed connections.

  18. Anonymous 9:38-

    Still, I think it made HIM feel better, which might be the begining of "moving on".

    9:24- I agree. We don't know the full story, so it's hard to judge. Well, at least for SOME of us.

  19. "You clearly don't want my friendship, you don't care about me as a person at all."

    Men always say they want to "stay friends" but it really just means:

    (a) they want to retain their possible booty call rights after you've "cooled down"

    (b) they want to try to end things amicably enough that you don't try to get any kind of revenge, no matter what heinous things they have done to you.

    Ask an ex to be a friend and help you move and you will see how true this is!

  20. I'm not that familiar with Craiglist other than purely for buying and selling stuff, but I would have assumed "Missed Connections" is for exactly that, rather than to whine for several hundred words at someone whom you presumably know well enough to have gone out with her (and friends?) several times. Yeah, pathetic.

  21. 'Men always say they want to "stay friends"' if you're ugly. I've never seen a predominance of men say 'Let's just be friends!'

  22. He sounds like he's about 17 and this is his first breakup.

  23. The line about how he's not passive aggressive...hooboy.

    HONEY. You are posting this ON CRAIGSLIST.

  24. ugh and double ugh...had to stop reading, it's that painful

    Yet another poor soul in need of some medication

  25. Two thoughts: WTF is up with this? "...I'm eating a sandwich, I don't care about your vacation..." He's eating a sandwich? He just rode that random thought right off the rails...

    And: "...so I'm writing and going to record soon..." He's making music? Please god, kill the rest of us now.

    And dude, she doesn't hate you doesn't mean she wants to live in your back pocket. Grow the fuck up.

  26. "Are you protecting yourself from a feeling that you no longer wish to have for somebody you want to forget about?"

    Um, duh. I always find it amusing when these guys SAY exactly what's going on and then dismiss it. Grow a pair and move on, dude.

    Nice post, Weas!

  27. Girls, when you are at the end of a relationship with a guy and the idea of "let's be friends" comes up, smash it down with a sledge-hammer because this is what happens.

    Don't try to make someone feel better by promising friendship. Act like a bank robber, here. Get in, do what you came to do, and get the heck out of Dodge! Don't look back. If you made a mistake, that's your fault.

    By the way, how did he know she was 'staying up real late at [her] place alone feeling bad'? Oh, I bet he has friends in the FBI, CIA, and Canada watching her . . . :)

  28. "let's be friends" comes up, smash it down with a sledge-hammer

    YES. The ONLY times "let's be friends" has worked has been when I've gone on three or fewer dates with a guy, and it just turns out that we're not suited to being in "a relationship" but we enjoy hanging out together.

  29. "Girls, when you are at the end of a relationship with a guy and the idea of "let's be friends" comes up, smash it down with a sledge-hammer because this is what happens."

    OMG YES.

    Unless you're like 36 years old.... (I'm 39) and both of you have enough normal life experience or something.

    When young'uns think that they can be all perfect and do that... well... they end up on HERE.

    Part of maturity involves realizing that sometimes, there's just no perfect solution that will make everybody happy.

  30. Anon 7:12, Excellent job being non-judgmental. You've obviously got that figured out.

    Oh god, what a painful letter. That read like one of my ex-boyfriend's blog posts.

  31. Yes, I'd have to agree with one of the comments up there...here's another crazy psychotic male who needs medicated!

  32. actually, i'm still friends with my ex, and we stopped dating when we were in our early 20's. it can work if you're both not complete psychos.

  33. The worst of this is that they're both probably pretty crazy.

    But honestly, this guy is SO bipolar about this it is unbelievable. Honestly, since I found this site I've been feeling kinda weary about my own abilities. There's a lot of stuff on here, so I wonder: "Oh shit, I'm a guy, I don't wanna fuck up this bad."

    Then again, it is like when you learn about a disease and think you have it, y'know? So I should probably not worry, this guy is just crazy.

    Actually, I wonder if something like that could be posted. Addressing worries from guys about being psychos. I know I'd like to hear some success stories, outside of TV and stuff.

  34. I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at www.saveabreakup.com I totally recommend this site, saveabreakup.com helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...

  35. Ha.

    I have a similar problem with someone myself - maybe he IS psychotic?

    After letting him know on numerous occasions that I want to be by myself - not with him - he still clogs my inbox with guilt trips/accusations/confessions of unrequited love.

    This is an excruciatingly painful read though.

  36. I didn't find this one psychotic at all, just a bit melodramatic and clearly tortured by the crazy ex gf.

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