Folks, we originally intended to post a serious entry and a humorous entry today, but after spending all day yesterday whipping out our comedy post, the backstory fell apart and we discovered some new information that negated the entire post.
It happens, and it sucks.
Thank you PLFM reader PS for dealing with my annoying and continuous questions.
Luckily, reader JH sent me an interesting piece tonight to replace our original comedy piece.
I think you've all seen this type of guy before ladies, so get out your clam buckets and assume the position. Guys, don't ever be this guy. You may as well pack your balls in a block of cheese and march into a valley with a pan flute.
Now, I don't have any backstory on this piece as it was published on Craigslist (Chicago), but I think PLFM contributor JH summed it up best in her email:
"I saw this on missed connections on craigslist. This guy wrote a fucking novel about how this girl stopped talking to him. I can only imagine its because he's pathetic. He asked questions like 'Why are you so afraid to show any weakness?' and standard PLFM 'You clearly don't want my friendship, you don't care about me as a person at all'. Of course he goes on for much longer about how lame he is and why she clearly stopped talking to him. Its classic: sad, pathetic and totally psychotic."
Well said JH.
We're going to call it "How To 100% Guarantee You Will Never Have Sex With Your Ex-Girlfriend Again."
Before I left, you wanted to meet up with me. So we met up, and had dinner. Before this, we had met up a few times,. for breakfast, to the thrift store, and at your friends on the 4th. Before I left for my trip, I became very frustrated and upset. You told me that it was about me, that you were going to come see me if I wanted.
But ultimately you revealed that you wanted to see me. You also made little white lies about feeling better and doing "fun" things, like watching the fireworks which you actually didn't do. You were staying up real late at your place alone feeling bad. Why did you have to put up some kind of front to make yourself look better? Why are you so afraid to show any weakness? Why do you allow your pride to take over your ability to be real and have a meaningful conversation with someone who truly loved you? Was it some kind of sick game, a way to get back at me before I left?
See you had labeled me and my behavior incorrectly, and when we talked that night we both felt better. You actually opened up and we shared something meaningful. You had made me feel like shit by acting proud of the fact that I got upset in front of your friends because I still love you.
It was sick and I wanted to hate you, but you wouldn't let me. You told me, "I don't hate you" so we talked. You made a big effort to see that I wouldn't harbor any hard feelings against you.
But when I came back, things changed. It was a completely different behavior. You ignored me, denied me and it killed me. You don't even know how much.
But then I find out that you went on a trip. You didn't want me to interfere with your little vacation, you wouldn't allow even a hello and goodbye. And you do this in the name of "protecting" yourself. What are you protecting yourself from? Your life? Your life as you knew it? Are you protecting yourself from a feeling that you no longer wish to have for somebody you want to forget about?
I'm not a machine, I can't erase my memory or feeling after a couple of weeks. And if anything, I spiraled. I fell into such a dark place and you ignored me.
You were out east, I found out in a very strange situation. How am I supposed to feel? You say that you don't hate me, but the only thing you're doing is pushing away everything. You clearly don't want my friendship, you don't care about me as a person at all. It's so sad to see, to see how I fell into it. And you try and convince yourself that you're right because you don't have to deal with my "passive aggressiveness".
But honestly, that's a projection of yourself. "Oh hi.." Yeah, ok great, yeah I'm glad to hear from you.. I'm eating a sandwich, I don't care about your vacation, leave me the fuck alone.
I'm so ashamed that I believed you so much and that I fell for you so hard. I don't know what kind of satisfaction you get from all of this. I've never hard heartbreak like this before but I don't know what you want to believe... I think you don't want to believe.
I know you tried hard, and we had our ups and our downs. I want to heal, I really do but it's so hard to do when I feel like I have been led to believe in something that wasn't real. We had a good conversation before I left, you told me you didn't hate me... How am I supposed to heal when you ignore me like you hate me?
I've done so many things recently, had some good times and bad. It's just amazing to see how it all ended and to see my fears come true. Your friends look at me like a stranger and apparently I guess that's what I am now. Is this really about protecting yourself? What are you trying to protect yourself from?
I know I had a void in my life, and it was something that I needed to fill.. So I'm writing and going to record soon. When you have a void, you seem to have this pattern.. I was afraid of it and I guess you're better off now. I don't care if you've moved on to someone new. Isn't that whats supposed to happen? But you told me that you were always going to be there for me, that you'd still be my friend.
I just don't understand anything anymore. I really don't. I don't know why it's so hard to extend the courtesy of talking to someone that you loved and who loved you. We shared so many things and you can try as hard as you'd like to deny it but you can never take it back.
So there you go.
One large stack of "It's Your Fault" pancakes, and a nice coating of guilt syrup to finish it off.