Wednesday, May 6, 2009

A Love Story? PLFM Doesn't Think So




Ladies and gentleman, allow me to completely waste 8 minutes of your life.

If only you can stomach what I'm about to show you.

Either you will think this is cute, or, more likely, your vagina will dehydrate to the consistency of astronaut food.

You see, Ben Ryan used to have a girlfriend.

Two fucking years ago.

Ben's girlfriend left him for reasons "he can't understand," which means she essentially abandoned him.

Now, if Ben can't understand why she left him, then that means he likely didn't cheat on her, because unless he was a total idiot, then he would understand why she left him.

So let's rule that out.

So now, why would a woman just abandon her boyfriend if he wasn't cheating on her?

Well, he either:

a. was a complete fucking assclam.
b. was a needy little boy.

or

c. was unemployed.

Ben spent the past two years pursuing this ex-girlfriend.

She has not responded to any of his attempts at reconciliation, nor has she sought him out.

So Ben put together a little video to win her back.

Actually, it's not a little video, it's a long video, towards the end of which I had to extract my head from a hastily constructed noose hung from my chandelier.

We'll let Ben explain his video, entitled "Love Story":

“Love Story”

Genuine real life love story of one man’s journey through time as he gives his all for one chance at a dream. Entirely filmed, produced, and directed by the man you see and him alone over the course of nine months.

I believe the person I made this video for is living somewhere with her family and I truly hope they are all happy and doing well. I made this video to present on youtube because it was the only way I felt I could reach out to her to let her know how I still feel.

Everyone should fully respect her privacy and wishes because I don’t know how she views me now after all this time. We were together for two years and I don’t know why for certain she was gone. I sincerely only want her to be happy even if that means me being out of her life. She is an awesome person who deserves the very best and I just hope she is able to see this.

Got it?

Nice enough.

Now here's the video that took him nine months to produce.

If you have any tortilla chips, please prepare them now, because this video is fucking dripping with cheese.






Now, I understand the end where he says "You must always tell people you love them blah, blah, blah" ... and I totally agree.

But is an exhibition of one's four-wheeling skills set amidst various semi-nude feats of strength really how a man thinks he can win a woman back? Is that what women miss? Is it a man's well-seasoned ability to bunny-hop through tires and transport rocks? Do they miss bun-splitting slacks and weight-lifting leotards?

Well, he's well built, but he was that way when they were dating, and she still left him. It certainly won't make her come back.

And it didn't.

At the end of the video, you may have missed the pop-up, so here it is again:

"Loren has seen this though I haven't heard from her. So I truly hope she is happy and living her dreams."

My guess?

Loren would completely expect something like this from Ben, whom she has been actively avoiding for two years.

And this video is exactly why.

He's a cheesy, arrogant and dickless buffoon completely unreceptive to the real-life needs of a woman, and this video couldn't be any more symbolic of why she left him in the first place.

If he still can't understand why she left him two years ago, he either hasn't thought about it much, or more likely, doesn't think there is anything wrong with him that finely tuned set of deltoids can't cure.

It's been two years, Ben. Get over it and move on.

She knows you love her, and apparently doesn't care enough to respond.

Life isn't like "Say Anything," where if you just harass a girl enough, she'll eventually come back to you because it's cute that you care enough to stalk her. If we learn anything on PLFM, we learn that stalking isn't "cute" or "charming" in any way.

Women leave men for a reason, and that reason doesn't go away with an elegantly prepared song-and-dance number.

Sure, I might be making assumptions here, but I guarantee you I'm right.

Please agree or disagree in the comments.

In the off chance anyone out there knows or can contact Loren, please email me at weaselworden@yahoo.com. I'd love to see if she would share her side of the story.

212 comments:

  1. Whoa, cheesy is right, Weasel. *shakes head* Cheddar, monterey jack, havarti, and blue cheese mixed together in a 30-foot high ball has NOTHING on this guy.

    I especially appreciated the close-up shot of his forearm in the opening scene or two. *sarcasm*

    I think someone needs to put down the camera and go put some big-boy panties on. Meantime, excuse me while I go dry-heave in the corner.

    ReplyDelete
  2. it IS a love story...between a boy and his sad, over-inflated ego. I don't know what was worse; his driving or his inability to properly lift heavy objects; he's going to make some chiropractor very rich, very soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It gets worse - this guy goes out and spams the link to his video all over forums, pretending to be a worshiping fan. Here's a link to a thread where people called him out for the loser he is (and made videos to make fun of him).

    http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/41555/the-ballad-douche-quadbike

    ReplyDelete
  4. I thought this video was just some satire, but wow, friken wow, he was for real.

    Weasel i logged on tonight hoping you had posted,
    much LOLing on this end

    ReplyDelete
  5. Gosh, I don't have a clue why Loren would leave, other than the fact this guy is so into himself that nothing in the whole relationship could have ever been about HER. [eyes rolling back in head] If it was about her, we would have been spared the "I'm so built and pretty and don't you just love all my muscles. How about this angle? And this one?" and it would have just been about him loving her. What a complete fucking idiot.

    When will men like this get a clue, it's never just about THEM. I hope Loren is happy today with someone who loves her for HER.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OMG. I thought the video was funny, until I saw the cracked.com file name in one of the comments here--"the-ballad-douche-quadbike"! I almost spit out a mouthful of morning tea.

    Observations:
    1) In several shots, the camera zooms in or out. While technically he could have shot most of this himself, can one autozoom? Filmmakers please chime in.

    2) He's so stupid that he takes the energy to throw hay up in the loft, then crawl up and throw it right back down?

    3) He almost killed himself in that ATV rolling shot. Whew. That would have really harshed his project.

    4) No wonder he hasn't met another woman. Ya gotta be somewhere besides a field in the middle of nowhere to do that.

    Sad...oh, well, no, funny actually. I'm going to go watch the cracked.com parodies now!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Who was the woman in the tractor with him, rubbing his head? Why doesn't he go out with HER, instead of making this douche-wad video?

    It's probably his sister, because no other woman within a 300 mile radius wants to come between him and his ego!

    Cheese is right. I love me! See how good I am at picking up rocks, hay, and turning over tractor tires? You know you want me back, Loren! Puke....

    ReplyDelete
  8. If my ex made a cheese-tastic video for me, that would be just the nudge I needed to call the police and file a restraining order. He's annoying enough without involving youtube!

    ReplyDelete
  9. God, what a waste. I can only imagine what I could accomplish with his looks...

    I don't think it's worth the loss of personality and gain of (slightly more)narcissism though.

    Also, anyone notice his musical taste has been heavily influenced by 1980s Romance movie soundtracks?

    ReplyDelete
  10. WTF????..This guy is a major douche bag...

    FYI..I'm 6 months pregnant & can toss my hay bales around like that too..whoopty doo...

    ReplyDelete
  11. Also, Loren is typically the male spelling of the name. I wonder if her name is actually Lauren and he's too much of a muscle-bound idiot to know that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I sooo wanted to see this asshat toss a bale up into the loft, and have it come whanging back down onto his head. But even though I'm sure it happened, I'm also sure he edited it out. Super Coolness Dude couldn't POSSIBLY let anyone see that!

    FWIW, anyone smart knows the best way to get hay up into a loft, is to use a hay elevator. But that's not macho enough, I suppose.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Did you see him hoist the hay bale with one hand? Those things are heavy.

    I'll take him off of Loren's hands, he can live in the hayloft and do my bidding.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Truly. Epic. Douchebaggery.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I really wish I had something witty and clever to say. All I can seem to conjure in my head is


    HAA. [stewie griffon from family guy style.]

    ReplyDelete
  16. So was that a desperate plea for the one that got away or his audition video for "Baywatch"?

    And how come every time the song said "When I see YOU smile" it showed him smiling?

    I did get a lot of good laughs out of this one though only until the song ended, and then it was perpetual cringing until the bitter end.

    ReplyDelete
  17. IT GETS BETTER, TOO. If you go to the youtube page for the video, you can read the replies he gives to the people who comment on his vid (mostly positive comments, so far). An example:

    "Hi Abey. Thank you so much for watching my film and sharing your thoughts. I always do my best to keep an open mind and am a very introspective person. I honestly felt she was worthy of my efforts in this video and deserving of everything I gave her the two years we were together because how she made me feel during my time with her was awesome and immeasurable. However that was the past and I don't know how she views me now. If she doesn't share my feelings then I want to find the one who will"

    Link is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iIYRZWBd9Y&feature=player_embedded

    ReplyDelete
  18. (as he points out, you have to click "view all comments" to get the full force of his douchebaggy replies)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yeah, I don't buy that he filmed this all himself. Although I don't have sound right now (thank the lord), at the beginning as the is walking over the ridge, the camera pans up. How on earth would that be possible to do by yourself? Did he build a robot of some sort? Has autofocus and face tracking come that far? In any case, I'll watch this when I get home so I get the full cheese effect.

    ReplyDelete
  20. If this video was made by him and him alone, how the hell does he video himself? Not only is he a cheese hound, he's even too stuck up to give credit where it's due. I couldn't get past the first 2 minutes without getting myself in trouble for laughing hysterically in the office. I like the part where he's spreading out his canvas to write his missive (I'm assuming it's something cheesy like "come back to me") and his ass is so very obviously being showcased by his arched back. What a freakin' idiot. Nice ass though... :)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Yeah, Weasel, we gotta talk abotu those eight minutes. I'd like 'em back now.

    A fucking John Waite song? For reals? Jesus.

    I hope he knew the owner of the cornfield. In my mind, it goes something like this: "Honey, we got aliens leaving some truly fucked-up crop circles in the back forty. I think they're a bunch of lovesick douchebags."

    ReplyDelete
  22. See kids? This is what happens when you ride a quad without a helmet.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I would say that I want those 8 minutes of my life back, but he did have a nice ass, so I will only be requesting 4 of those minutes back, please.

    ReplyDelete
  24. The problem is that he's ALL ass, not just his bum!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Man, I hope Loren's drinking buddies don't continuously give her shit about this. Because if I were one of her drinking buddies I TOTALLY would.

    ReplyDelete
  26. "Cheddar, monterey jack, havarti, and blue cheese mixed together in a 30-foot high ball"?

    I beg to differ. That thing is pure Velveeta 'n' spray Cheese dusted in Kraft green foil can shaker cheese. With a Cheez Waffie or two on top for garnish.

    What an asswipe.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Googling "douche quadbike" reveals many treasures related to Mr Ben Ryan Metzger, the all-American, bale-flingin', tire-rollin', cheese-grinnin' hunk of steroidally infused beef in the video, not least among them The Douche Quadbike T-Shirt Emporium:

    http://douchequadbike.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  28. "Did you see him hoist the hay bale with one hand? Those things are heavy."

    Ten bucks says that was a styrofoam block with some hay glued around it xD

    ReplyDelete
  29. Is there a reason people keep telling him he's Captain America? (referring to his youtube comments). How come no one has called him Captain Douchebag yet?

    ReplyDelete
  30. He did another video, incorporating some of his scenes from his I Heart Loren video. Let's see if I can link it. It's freakin' HEELARIOUS!!!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWDyoO42qIw

    ReplyDelete
  31. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iIYRZWBd9Y

    ReplyDelete
  32. Just from watching this he looks like he really loves himself - it seems to be like look at me, how hot and strong I am why would she not want to be with me? I could be wrong I don't know the guy but thats just how he comes off!

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dear God, this guy has a TON of movies about himself on Youtube!

    I don't know whether to laugh, puke, or do both.

    Run Loren, RUN!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Oh god, hook me up with a man who can lift heavy things!! HOTT.

    *dies of LOLZ*

    ReplyDelete
  35. My first impression is that I bet he gets a lot of e-mail from interested gay men. Everything about that video sets off my gaydar!

    Loren, hope you have upgraded...

    ReplyDelete
  36. As if I didn't hurt myself enough laughing at Weasle's comments, now I am rolling on the floor under my desk about the mental image of this guy (thanks, Spanky) as a giant talking green foil can of pseudo-parm. OMG.
    Rothase

    ReplyDelete
  37. I couldn't make it all the way through the video. The first however long of looking at the back of the quad in the grass, too long looking at an arm with a paintbrush making a blue line...

    My friend always claims-

    "ALL men are retarded, and I swear, I am married to their king!"

    I guess I better go call her and break the news.

    Tom has been dethroned.

    ReplyDelete
  38. >>In the off chance anyone out there knows or can contact Loren, please email me at weaselworden@yahoo.com. I'd love to see if she would share her side of the story.<<



    So if she didn't send this, who did?

    Please don't tell us he sent it himself...

    That would just add to his new level of low.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Cut, I'm assuming one of Weasel's harem found it and sent it to him.

    Apparently, it's made the rounds and is a BIG joke to many people.

    Plus, from reading some of the other blogs, Mr. Sensitivity threatened "legal action" against people who were calling him a douchebag faggot.

    He has no sense of humor, which I don't find surprising at all. Anyone who would put a video like this out on Youtube is just an attention whore. It has nothing to do with Loren, whom I'm beginning to believe doesn't even exist.

    ReplyDelete
  40. mr. mrs. fangfaceMay 6, 2009 at 12:17 PM

    Good god, this guy is a giant entitled ass-clam (awesome word, Weasel) douche-wanker. *yark*

    What baffles me is the outpouring of positive comments he got on his YouTube. I'm just not getting how he's getting all this female support like "OMG u r so sweet!" or "Lorenz dumb! i'll take u insted!" I'm guessing these people are either dumbass little girl children who don't know any damn better yet or they're the female versions of the dudes featured on this site and feel solidarity for other entitled douche-wankers.

    MackTruck, I too think there's a good chance that Loren doesn't exist. Although I think there's also a good chance that Loren does exist, but he only met her once and had a fucking stroke when she wouldn't agree to marry him.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Wow, just...wow.
    I am like many of the readers of both your blogs, mid thirties, mid sized, multi horsed, and I would like to say that I personally and routinely can do most of what this overinflated infant can do physically; pick up bales with one hand, (though I generally don't put them on my shoulders, because I hate chaff in my bra) change tires, move a four wheeler, hell, I could climb that rock route easy too, though generally I would follow the nicely marked hiking trail. I can even stand with one leg up on something large and look longingly into the distance like an easily confused and distracted underwear model in the Sears catalogue. So what's the big deal about this guy, he can do it all in Dockers?
    Sad, sad, sad.

    ReplyDelete
  42. If I was Loren, I would be so freakin' creeped out. That video is Grade A Frightening.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Now, are we even SURE this is for real, and not some elaborate Borat-sized Internet punk?????

    Like Bonsai Kittens?

    ReplyDelete
  44. The "I love you" scream had me rolling on the floor.

    ReplyDelete
  45. mr. mrs. fangfaceMay 6, 2009 at 12:46 PM

    I'm hoping that it is a prank, cattypex, but considering the behavior of the other creepers on this blog, I'm thinking there's a good chance (uh, 50%, I guess) that this dude is being completely serious. But I really hope that that's not the case. :c

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm totally betting that it's fake self-promo material.

    And it's SO HOMOEROTIC!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. This guy strikes me as the kind of guy who can never be truly happy... until he has those pesky ribs removed so he can blow himself.

    And I think you are right cattypex. I wonder how long it took him to make all of those fake youtube accounts so he could make comments on his own video?

    ReplyDelete
  48. Hysterical, I totally needed that today, thanks. Hey Ben Ryan, she left you because you are a complete and utter tool! Was wondering how long it would take him to have a shirtless scene (3 min). Love the weight belt.

    ReplyDelete
  49. *BLINK*
    Even though this guy is a grade-A douchebale, he appears pretty strong and if I were Loren, I'd be a bit frightened. Seriously, I would not know how to respond to this video, mostly because I am a normal human and not yet up to that level of crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  50. I join the ranks of those saying they can do all the 'feats of strength' and with my puny little hundred pound self too. A 'win me back' video, in my book, would have piles of clean and folded laundry, footage of floors being vacuumed and mopped and bathrooms being cleaned. That would make me give a half second consideration.

    ReplyDelete
  51. LOL LOL LOL. I'm going to have my girlfriend watch this since she's had a stressful day. It'll make her laugh. XD

    ReplyDelete
  52. Maybe its just me but I thought this was a fan video for brokeback mountain at first.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Okay, it doesn't look like anybody else found this, so I'm going to do the honors.

    Bonus points to the people who guessed it was shameless self-promotion!

    "I've been looking into this, and it's very confusing and stupid.

    This guy... he filmed this gay love video, but he's trying to use it as promotional material to be chosen as the actor for Captain America. That's... yeah, ok. And he also tosses a couple links to cancer sites in the video description, so when anyone calls him or whoever his dumb spamming buddies are on it, they can reply "HOW DARE YOU HE IS USING THIS VIDEO TO FIGHT CANCER".

    This same type of thread is just repeated across all sorts of forums. The opening post with "OH GOD THIS BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES WHAT A BRAVE MAN HE IS SO GREAT" and then accusations that the native forum dwellers love cancer and hate Christmas when they call the video gay and lame."
    (Navigator2001Plus - Administrator - Cracked.com forum)

    Apparently he is not only claiming to be fighting cancer, but he is using this video(dedicated to his ex-girlfriend) to try and secure a role as CAPTAIN AMERICA. What the holy balls.

    Oh and, about a dozen other accounts spamming the video on forums. Not only is he probably creating his own fans on YouTube, he's bringing them out onto the forums of the world.

    Loren, wherever you are, you did the right thing, sweetheart. Run. Run, and never look back.

    ReplyDelete
  54. he's only making it more obvious to her as to why she left lol.

    ReplyDelete
  55. I hate to break Ben's oh-so-sensitive heart, but Daniel Craig is playing Captain America in the new Marvel movie.

    Ben "I'm a closet gay" Ryan Metzger, even with all his humble sensitivity, somehow didn't manage to even raise one quirk of interest from Marvel.

    If his Loren debut is any indication, the guy is hammier than a truckload full of pigs.

    ReplyDelete
  56. @Spanky:

    >I beg to differ. That thing is pure
    >Velveeta 'n' spray Cheese dusted in Kraft >green foil can shaker cheese. With a Cheez >Waffie or two on top for garnish.

    LOL! I thought of including that, yes....but then again, I don't consider Velveeta actual, you know, *cheese*.

    ReplyDelete
  57. "What baffles me is the outpouring of positive comments he got on his YouTube."

    I'm sure he's got a whole arsenal of fake youTube accounts, and the real comments (i.e. all the ones calling him a douche) get deleted as he's got all of his comments "pending". What a shocker.

    ReplyDelete
  58. BEEEEEEEP...

    Um, yeah... that's my gaydar going off. There are just no words for how completely ridiculous this "guy" is.

    36 & Single

    ReplyDelete
  59. I just got all the way through the video. My damn computer kept freezing on a certain frame for XX seconds then skipping on ahead. Maybe it was trying to protect me somehow? I dunno.

    Sad fact is, this video and guy, reminds me all to well of the first guy I dated. Yeah, he was that into US being an US. As in forever.

    Thankfully, at least my guy didn't turn out to be a self promoting, pompus, blowhard with shit for brains like this guy.

    Popeye still carries a torch but at least he knows when to blow it out and set it down for a while... unlike Ben.

    Better grease up ol' Rosy Palm there Ben. That's likely the only action you will be getting (hopefully) for a long time.

    ReplyDelete
  60. I sort of resent the time I spent watching that video, even though it is cringe-funny.

    All I can really say is that I feel guilty for posting to this thread and thereby giving that flaming meathead douchebag faggot asslicker any more publicity.

    ReplyDelete
  61. I lost interest and respect for him at "When I See You Smile".

    Actually, that's a lie. There wasn't any interest or respect to lose.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I gotta say, there's an awful lot of pans, zooms, and handheld work for a video made by one man alone. But I can't imagine whoever actually held the camera ever wanted their name associated with this, ever. I just hope Mr. Hay-baler Tire-heaver paid them well for this embarrassment.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Gotta love that passive-aggressive little "Meet me halfway" note at the end. He spends the entire video declaring his love (by moving objects from one place to another?), except for that little bit at the end where he accuses Loren of not holding up her end of the deal. How frakking romantic!

    ReplyDelete
  64. Weas I don't know what you think about us if you honestly thought for a second that someone would give you flak for making fun of this dumbass!

    ReplyDelete
  65. Got home and could finally watch the clip. Then went downstairs to do laundry. When I came back up, my 5 and 4 year old girls had turned the video on again and we watching it. And even they were laughing! "Why is he lifting those tires, mommy? Why is he climbing that rock?" And does anyone know where this was shot? I went to college in the Ozarks and that scenery looks like southwest MO or northern Arkansas. Anyone?
    Finally, now I can't get the thought of Festivus out of my head, with its feats of strength!
    Rothase

    ReplyDelete
  66. Supertight short shorts? A turn on? really?!
    haven't seen anything this horrifying since encountering a passing jogger that had his brains hanging out.

    Was I the only one expecting him to kiss his own bicep?

    ReplyDelete
  67. Don't you all get it? In the end he CARRIED THE BALES ON HIS SHOULDERS!

    Do you have any idea how hard it is to pick up heavy loads like that when your jeans are skin tight?

    Deep man. Deep.

    ReplyDelete
  68. That vid was even more difficult to watch than 'Master Chris', you know the Eddie Munster wannabe.

    ReplyDelete
  69. mr. mrs. fangfaceMay 6, 2009 at 7:42 PM

    Andi:

    Well, there are over 4,000 comments and a lot of them seem to be positive; I doubt that one person would've had enough time to create that many fake accounts and post that many positive comments while also spamming about a million forums with his video. After taking a quick look at some of the accounts that posted positive crap, they seem to be real people doing their own thing on YouTube. As douche-tastic as this guy is, I doubt he'd waste his time trying to come up with that many convincing accounts (especially ones with about a thousand videos on cheats for some online game for little kids). But these people seem to be teenagers, who we all know tend to be gullible dumbasses. So I guess people thinking this jackass is awesome isn't that surprising. *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I posted a comment bashing his acting skills on his newer captain america video, where they all said he was amazing and much better than chris evans cap, he was shite, anyway my comment has to be approved by him, so it never will, god knows how many negative comments he's not allowed to be seen

      Delete
  70. mr. mrs. fangfaceMay 6, 2009 at 7:43 PM

    P.S.

    The censoring of new negative comments also does not surprise me.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Wow, what a self-involved prick. No wonder she left him. I would too. This video has absolutely nothing to do with her.

    DUH.. Get a clue...

    ReplyDelete
  72. BTW, I didn't get past 4:16, I just couldn't stand it anymore!!!

    ReplyDelete
  73. Good lord, I've made it less than a minute in, and *I* want to dump his sorry ass, without having met the guy! What a complete and utter ass.

    ReplyDelete
  74. OMG!!! I laughed so hard I cried! The first half of the video was boring and seemed to be on a constant loop....a loop of his ass that is. Seriously there were more close ups of his ass than there are mosquitos in the everglades during the month of July! What a complete waste of oxygen! Although I have to give him full points for making me laugh with the "I'll run up a mountain and shout for your love" scene! hi-larious!

    ReplyDelete
  75. @Emily: I was wondering the same thing. The song doesn't say 'When I see myself smile', it says 'When I see *you* smile'. I'm not thinking that fazed him, though. He clearly loves to show off his ripped self and all the fabulous stuff he can do with it. *rolls eyes and yawns* I was waiting for him to finally get to the point of what the protracted 'see me lift tires, throw hay, and push a flatbed with rocks on it' stuff was about, and...zzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, I sweat so many gallons of sweat for you and worked so very hard and taxed myself to the uttermost, just for you, sweet object of my obsession!

    Fifty bucks says he hauled everything to the field in the back of a pickup truck and had help laying it all out. Rock climbing? Only for a few shots. He walked up a path to stand at the top of a cliff, and the flagpole was somewhere easily accessible on flat ground.

    Not every woman swoons and goes weak in the knees for guys who look like a Ken doll. They do absolutely nothing for me.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Bo Duke wannabe..and not even close. More like Barbie's Ken, and I bet the resemblance continues below the belt too!

    Forgot who said it, but yes, I was expecting him to kiss his own bicep.

    I haven't seen so many clenched-ass shots since George Michael's "Faith" video...and by the way, that song makes a better soundtrack for this thing that the one he used. At least "Faith" is danceable.

    It's totally somewhere in the Appalachians. I was thinking VA, but it could be anywhere from VA down. But the Rockies aren't that rounded.

    He can quit crying about his love though, he seems to have his two greatest loves in his life right now - himself and steriods.

    ReplyDelete
  77. If you watch some of the other vid it looks like it was a 2 for video. It was apparently his ADDITION tape to be the new Captain America!!! Geez what a way to show just how much you love someone...LOL Sadly a family member of mine actully married a guy much like this moron. He spent more time in the mirror than she did, was addicted to pain killers and even stole MY pain meds from the birth of my first son. This guy is a loser, absolutly worthless and Loren is one very lucky gal to have gotten out of this freaks way.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Here's a vid where you can see him in his Captain America pose and the tights(excuse me while I gag)This is why he's spamming places with his "Love" video it's got to be some kind of stunt
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWDyoO42qIw&feature=related

    ReplyDelete
  79. mr. mrs. fangfaceMay 6, 2009 at 9:48 PM

    Um, wow. That Captain America crap was just beyond fucking lame. Now I'm torn between thinking all this spammy "Love Story" crap is shameless, douchey self-promotion and a lame-ass prank. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  80. Let's hope for Loren's sake that he was at least good in bed before she moved on. >.>

    ReplyDelete
  81. He also made a "Trailer" for his sad little video. My guess is Loren left him because
    a) He's a terrible driver
    b) He'd rather spend time rearranging rocks than working on his glaring personality defects.

    Either way, Loren got out in the nick of time. Good work, Loren!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8hwMjWkvAU is his trailer.

    ReplyDelete
  82. Wears dress pants while performing "hard" physical labor, walks/runs like he's got something in his ass, scales the pole like a pro...this dude is gay.

    I thought my ex's were as crazy as they came, it's kind of comforting...in a sick way...that someone else has had to put up with far more epic douchebaggery.

    ReplyDelete
  83. This guy has to be gay, and Lauren must be a guy? :)

    The Captian America vid was hilarious.

    Seems sort of like a fake love vid to me, done for either the actor or the filmer to get some attention.

    ReplyDelete
  84. This is soft-core gay porn right? Right? Please?

    ReplyDelete
  85. I can see EXACTLY why she left him.
    I can also see that he had to have someone doing the camera work.

    I would laugh SO HARD if anyone made something like this for me. Then again, my own mother tells me I have a heart made of ice, so *shrug* Not the kind of woman who likes this sort of thing.

    ReplyDelete
  86. If he video is any indication, their relationship went like this: his muscles, his hair, his truck, his four wheeler, his muscle wet, his must with a shirt, his tight jeans, his muscles dirty, his muscles without a shirt, his four wheeler, his muscles accessorized with a girl.

    ReplyDelete
  87. lmao that video was so cheesy!

    when he was falling down, and he lifted
    the small rock!

    and his car *broke* down so he
    took of his shirt!? lmfao.

    omg pahahahah.

    ye i love you heres a video
    of me doing a bunch of random stuff
    to show my body..like wtf!?

    but i gotta say..
    the i love you in writing was pretty cute
    ! >.<

    ReplyDelete
  88. @Caryl: I doubt he's good in bed, he seems way too into himself.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Douchebaggery at it's finest!

    I am a 23 year old woman, not in terribly great shape, and I can lift bales (80-100lbs each) one in each hand. I can chuck bales up onto the truck. I can carry an 80lb bag of grain on each shoulder (and get it there). Add to the bonus, I routinely wrassle 1300-1500lb horses!

    I hate guys that are that obviously gym musclebound. You can tell the difference between a man who spends hours in the gym perfecting his physique and a guy who gets muscles doing mostly the stuff he displays in the video - a lot leaner, nicer muscle...

    And that ass kind of made me feel a little sicky. I don't dig the way guys built like him walk, either, all cock proud, chest pushed out, ass hanging out behind like a pansy.

    SO not attracted! (And kind of grossed out, too!)

    ReplyDelete
  90. I wish I could unsee that horrifying, bleached smile he fakes whenever the lyrics go 'when I see you smile' D:

    ReplyDelete
  91. And oh yeah -- the farm I live on is called "Rocky Valley" for a reason - I move rocks like that all the time. At least every spring, a couple hundred have grown in my riding ring!

    ReplyDelete
  92. As another poster said, ALL comments that don't gush on about how WONDERFUL Mr. Assclam is, aren't posted.

    I tried to post a comment on both this vomit-inducing video, and the Captain America one. Neither one was "approved". So if you're not some tween girl gushing on about him being soooo romantic, or a made up poster agreeing with him, nothing you write will show up.

    Manda, I feel your pain. I'm in the piedmont of SW Virginia, and the horses are always kicking up rocks in the paddock and pastures. Not to mention I've bent more lawn tractor blades on the damned ones hiding in the grass!

    ReplyDelete
  93. hellkell said...
    @Caryl: I doubt he's good in bed, he seems way too into himself.


    I call Bullshit. He probably wants the woman on top so he can look at himself in the mirrored ceiling! ROFL!
    ____________________________

    If he comes WITH the farm, truck and tractor, I would take him, so long as there is a gooseneck thrown in and he stays under the barn where he belongs. He is only allowed out long enough to clean stalls- after I have put the horses out, so he isn't near them to spook them with his mere presence.

    I'm thinking similar to Hunchback of Notre Dame... But then, even Quasimodo had a better personality!

    ReplyDelete
  94. Ummm....am I the only one who saw this and immediately thought "gay porn"? Are we sure that Loren didn't leave Ben because she was tired of being his beard? Maybe those are Ben's issues? Maybe? Cuz otherwise - damn dude - being muscular doesn't make up for being a dork. Geez!

    ReplyDelete
  95. @Cut-n-Jump: There's probably no room for anyone else in his bed, what with his ego being so big.

    ReplyDelete
  96. I was wondering who was actually shooting this film, because there is no way he was all alone. Are his friends just milling around going "Really Ben? You want to just push some tires and we'll film it? Oh, it makes a U. Wait. Really Ben? I think Loren really doesn- You know what? We'll shoot it. Just because we care..."

    That is the cheesiest thing I've ever seen, and I'm pretty sure my IQ dropped a few points. Thanks, Weasel. Now I can barely type and I have to go finish writing my book. I see how it is. =P

    ReplyDelete
  97. I'm pretty sure he shot it himself. I've been learning video editing software at home lately, and it' pretty amazing what it can do. Zooms, pans, angles, you name it.

    ReplyDelete
  98. @HellKell- and after all these years of 'juice abuse', he's probably wishing his dick was big too.

    ReplyDelete
  99. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  100. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  101. I swear, I will try to get it right this time.

    I am reminded of the lines in the movie The Money Pit, when Shelly Long's character goes to dinner with her ex Max.

    Max-
    Anna, please,
    I have finally discovered...
    there is only one person
    in the world who matters to me.

    Anna-
    And that's you.
    I've known that for a long time.

    Max-
    No. You love me, and I love you.

    Anna-
    You love you.
    I love Walter.
    Change the names to Ben & Loren- waahlaa!

    ReplyDelete
  102. God, he's totally Internet famous now. I feel a burning sense of rage and hatred directed at something unspecific.

    ReplyDelete
  103. Awesome.

    http://www.someonemademe.com

    ReplyDelete
  104. Whoa. Does anyone see the makings of "The Burning Bed II" in that cheese fest? Gack. Poor Lauren.

    ReplyDelete
  105. I love you too Ben!! I'll call you? Lunch?

    Warm regards,

    -- Loren

    ReplyDelete
  106. I was finding it all quite humorous until he went & used the Dragonheart soundtrack. One of the best scores ever & he taints it with his crazy.

    ReplyDelete
  107. I watched it with the sound off. I kept hearing the Benny Hill theme in my head. Made it a bit more bearable, but I still say that damn truck he was pushing should have rolled back and over his leg. Maybe some time in a cast would be good for him.

    ReplyDelete
  108. you had me at wrinkle free, flat front khakis.

    christ the last 2 mins would be cool if fucking Steve Sanders wasnt in it.

    hol-y shit. new drinking game!
    drink everytime you see his bubble ass!

    ReplyDelete
  109. 1) There isn't enough brain bleach in the world and I will never get those 8 minutes of my life back.

    2) Does he know he's gay? Because I do. Took all of 10 secs of the video to figure that out. He even walks like he has to wear a butt plug. Every time there was a shot of his ass as he was walking away, I couldn't escape the feeling I had a wedgie to pull out of my ass.

    3) Apparently the Douche King thinks that tossing hay bales and tractor tires around is what will make Loren weaken and crawl back to him, but if that doesn't do it, getting lost in his own back 40 will. Seriously... what about, "almost died in my own corn" is supposed to make Loren swoon?

    ReplyDelete
  110. Oh, and CNJ - Money Pit... one of the funniest Tom Hanks movies of all time.

    "Ahh. Home Crap Home."

    ReplyDelete
  111. Pencils down, boys and girls: we have a winner. We have DEFINED 'assclown'.
    In soooo many ways ...

    ReplyDelete
  112. Would have been the most hilarious soft-core gay porn ever! Although, I'm pretty sure that most gay guys would find him just as unappealing as most heterosexual women. Clearly he's a bad lay. He'd forget you were in the room, getting caught up in the "now see me flex this muscle".

    Whoever noted the difference between oddly pumped gum muscles and the lean physique resulting from hard work, were right on point. The latter is extremely attractive, whereas the former just looks plain weird, while signaling an unflattering degree of self-involvement.

    Oh, and plastering pictures of your ex across the net doesn't spell love, it's a violation of her privacy!

    ReplyDelete
  113. Oh fucking hell. There's enough cheese here to feed the world's mice for centuries!

    If this guy is really serious, he's not really psychotic - just sadly deluded to think she'd ever come back to him, and so far up himself he's seeing the back of his own teeth on the third pass around.

    When he smiled the first time during the appropriate song, I was almost expecting a "perfect hero with sparkly teeth" special effect.

    One thing I do take my hat off to him for - he makes an OK vid. But as we all know, even brilliant production values can't save a turkey of a script. I suppose he could make a living doing corny vids for even cornier country music songs about love's labours lost; he's got the self-absorbed male angst just about right.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Oh.My.God.
    What did we ever do for entertainment before Youtube?
    If I was Loren, I'd change my name and leave the country.
    Run girl! Run for the hills!

    ReplyDelete
  115. To the Anon who pointed out the RUINATION of the Dragonheart score: WORD. WORD WORD WORD. The lame flaunting of his muscles and ZOMG DRAMATIC poses looking off into the distance were bad enough, but then he had to drag Dragonheart into it? So not on. At least the music was better than the cheesetastic "When I See You Smile," but the juxtaposition of something I love with, well, THAT made me cringe.

    ReplyDelete
  116. If she doesn't come back to him after something like that, one of them must be really stupid. (It's also fun to add words, like ow, when he falls. or "Tire, My old arch nemesis", especially in the voice of the terminator. :D

    ReplyDelete
  117. She left him because he's gay.


    BTW those were bales of straw. MUCH lighter than hay.

    ReplyDelete
  118. What a FUCKING MEATHEAD. UGH. GAWD this boy makes my husband look like a SAINT.

    ReplyDelete
  119. "Does he know he's gay? Because I do. Took all of 10 secs of the video to figure that out. He even walks like he has to wear a butt plug."

    OMG. I think I just peed a little.....



    I still think it's a prank.



    Does Henry Rollins know that his neck's missing?

    ReplyDelete
  120. I think we have all seen the extreme definition of the word-

    EGOTESTICLE!

    ReplyDelete
  121. ***UPDATE***

    My email inbox has been deluged regarding Mr. Ben Ryan and Loren in the past 24 hours, including emails from several people who claim to know Loren.

    She wants her privacy, and I gather at this point she has already read this entry and hopefully all of your comments.

    All I will say is this: Looks like my (OUR) theory was pretty much spot on.

    Loren, if you're out there, please still feel free to contact me at weaselworden@yahoo.com if you would like to add a few words.

    My readers would LOVE to hear from you!

    No, we're fucking DYING to hear from you.

    We will do fucking circus tricks just to hear from you.

    -Mike aka "The Weasel"

    ReplyDelete
  122. Come on you guys! Giant biceps and hey bail hearts!!! How could she resist?

    ReplyDelete
  123. ...I watched the vid again (because I just HAD to show it to my housemates), and am now sure that he's about to paint an 'A' on that flag.

    ReplyDelete
  124. a: i've never wanted more for a quad to spontaneously combust.
    b: this looks like a ridiculous entry video for the world's stongest man competition.
    c: the only way his little film would ever impress a woman is if she were looking to hire a farm hand.
    d: i don't know what's worse, him wasting 9 months of his life making it, or me wasting 7 minutes and 43 seconds of my life watching it.
    e: run loren, run.

    ReplyDelete
  125. Caryl said...
    Let's hope for Loren's sake that he was at least good in bed before she moved on.

    Don't ya know the roids shrink the berries like sun-dried tomatoes!?? I wouldn't mind having him around to unload hay the only problem is I'm not sure he could handle the heavy 3-tie bales...they weigh just a little bit more than a 2-tie bale of straw. The tire running scenes describe Mr. Ben perfectly...ASSTARD!!! Loren is now in custody of the Ben protection kind of like the witness protection except this is reserved for all of Ben's ex's so they can escape unharmed from his huge ego and self love!! lol

    ReplyDelete
  126. I can hoist two hay bales at once. So as someone also said whoopty doo.

    I'd like to see Loren do a video. With visuals of the eye witnesses, police reports, ER reports, and restraing orders. Dude looks like the kind of guy who gets all pissy when he doesn't get what he wants. He disappointed me when he didn't jump off the last cliff.

    ReplyDelete
  127. The rest of you have aptly covered what I wanted to say about this, but I will add one thing:
    I wanted to see him running down a hill frantically with a big tractor wheel rolling after him.

    also, WTF? why did you have to fall so much? in addition to being an clam of the ass variety (love that word, btw), it just makes it look like you have some sort of neurological problem that makes you always have vertigo.


    ...dammit, you guys are too funny. I can't think of anything clever to say that even comes close. Bravo.

    ReplyDelete
  128. hyena overlord- He disappointed me when he didn't jump off the last cliff.

    Best line ever!

    ROFL!

    ReplyDelete
  129. What? Straw bales, rocks, and monster tires?

    Where's the shot of him carrying Kerri Strug?

    ReplyDelete
  130. Man, that was lame. Several opportunites for this douche to off himself and he didn't do it!

    C'mon, flip the truck in the ditch, roll the quad on ya, expire from heatstroke in the corn field, drown in that river, fall on the rocks. It's like several failed suicide attempts or something.

    I agree that it pings the gaydar immensely.

    I hope Loren can build a case against this asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  131. You all need to see this immediately:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUp962diPF8

    ReplyDelete
  132. What the hell? I was just reading through the youtube comments for this horrible video and a lot of them are positive?

    Check this one out :
    "dang you must've gotten really fit from this O.o
    but seriously, you had to place the camera somewhere, go back, drive/run past the camera, then go and check if the film is okay. that takes toooo much work, loren should reconsider her choice."

    YES!!! Loren should reconsider her choice because he had to "place the camera somewhere, go back, drive/run past the camera, then go and check if the film is okay."

    THIS MAKES SENSE. COME BACK TO HIM LOREN!HE HAD TO MOVE AROUND A LOT AND STUFF!

    ReplyDelete
  133. I couldn't even make it to the three minute mark.
    I think I'm going to puke now.

    ReplyDelete
  134. Oh GAWD! Totally agree with everyone!

    Gaydar was starting to ring a bit...

    I was hoping that the ATV would crush his non helmet wearing head.

    I thought parts of it were Stongman competition tapes...

    And if a guy is too drunk to drive, then takes off his shirt and goes out in the fields to pick up rocks in his Sunday clothes, well heck, I'd leave him too! Ruining those trousers with hard work, and I suppose you expect me to wash them? Nawt!

    Also, at 4:05 or so, that long range pan while he's swimming could NOT be done alone! Definite shenanigans there!

    Yelling with post production echo made me retch.

    All the shots of his muscle bound graceless body made me retch.

    Corny field of love message made me retch.

    Poor acting/over acting made me retch.

    Hey, I found the source of Swine Flu!

    ReplyDelete
  135. The Douche Quadbike thread at Cracked ( http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/41555/the-ballad-douche-quadbike) is hilarious, but it will take a while to get through it. The definitive Ben parody song to come from it is this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUp962diPF8

    I also want to mention that any profits from the Douche Quadbike T-shirt store (mentioned earlier in the comments; here's the link again: http://douchequadbike.blogspot.com/ ) go to the American Cancer Society.

    ReplyDelete
  136. First off, I couldn't even make it through the first 2 minutes of the original video.
    I threw up in my mouth.
    Reading all of the comments here has had me laughing hysterically all afternoon...

    This guy defines douchenozzle.
    And my gaydar went off, and then blew up.

    Weas, assclam...that's made of win.
    Pure win.
    It's now become my new favorite word.
    I hope that guy ends up rolling his quad out in the middle of nowhere and lays bleeding and injured, until some wild animals come and pick his sorry carcass apart.
    Manipulative assbag.

    Now back to my task of wiping Mountain Dew off my screen.

    ReplyDelete
  137. It saddens me that this man is afforded the right to exist. He represents everything that is twisted and wrong in American (particularly rural) culture. I hope his rippling traps and sick off-road vehicle are comforting him on those lonely nights in the heartland of desperation.

    What a Douche!!

    ReplyDelete
  138. I NEED HIM! I need him to move some hay, fix some fences shovel manure and if he's good I'll let him pat a few tires and run through them.

    Pathetic...

    ReplyDelete
  139. Look for a video on YouTube called "The Ballad of Douche Quadbike".

    ReplyDelete
  140. Here's the link for "The Ballad Of Douche Quadbike" It's hilarious.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjLKBYveF1Q

    The guy that made it is my hero.

    ReplyDelete
  141. The lyrics to "The Ballad Of Douche Quadbike"
    It's full of win.

    I'm a sad and lonely douchebag
    In a cold and cruel world
    With tight pants and a quad bike
    And a stalk-on for a girl
    Gonna spam my way across the earth
    To prove to you i'm sweet
    Not just a narcissistic golem
    Made of random lumps of meat

    So babe I'm sorry I was mean to you,
    I'm sorry I turned traitor
    I'm so sorry that I fucked that waiter

    But I'm not gay any more
    Had a taste for man ass babe,
    But I think I've found a cure
    All I need to do is lift some things And arrange them on the floor
    And you'll come back to me for sure,
    And I won't beat you like a whore any more

    I'm not much good with words, babe, with music or with art,
    But I'll roll the tyres of my sincerity Through the cow field of your heart
    The rocks of longing I will lift,
    The hay of sorrow drag
    And I'll hope nobody notices that I was gonna
    Paint the wrong name on that flag

    And I'm sorry that it's been so long, I'm sorry that I did you wrong,
    I'm sorry all the steroids took
    Six inches off my dong

    Least I'm not gay any more
    All these fishtails on my quad bike is why my ass is sore
    I got a maybe for a movie part,
    Got one foot in the door
    I'll spam my video on messageboards galore
    And everyone who sees it will adore me

    Hmm, strike a pose

    So Loren baby for you and Hollywood I'll quit the dicks and the rectal friction
    Even though it's a reasonable assumption to make
    That your existence is a total fiction

    I'm not done with you yet,
    Our relationship failed baby,
    But i haven't written off the debt
    I'll make a dick out of myself on the internet
    And if you hate me then cancer you will get

    ReplyDelete
  142. I personally prefer the dance mix of the Ballada of Douche Quadbike.

    ReplyDelete
  143. A friend was describing another friend's over-gelled, over-Drakkared, overly-exfoliated yet very redneck significant other....

    the "Achy Breaky Boyfriend"!

    ReplyDelete
  144. I just threw up in my mouth a little.

    ReplyDelete
  145. Am I the only one who sees quite a lot of, well, sexual frustration in this video?... :O

    The smiles at "when I see you smile" were definitely frightening.

    ReplyDelete
  146. So did I. Then I kind of chewed it and it tasted like lunch, so I ate it again. But once it was gone I was left facing the memory of this video again and, loathe to regurgitate lunch a second time, I shit my pants instead.

    ReplyDelete
  147. Holy shit.

    What the fuck was that?

    The first five minutes look like a recruiting video for the Soviet Union. Man that's good stuff.

    ReplyDelete
  148. Is he humping his ATV?

    ZOMG!!1! MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES!

    MAKE IT STOP PLS KTHANXBAI

    ReplyDelete
  149. I wouldn't even waste a good bag of tortilla chips on this 7+min. video of a man that looks like he's applying for a chance to be on Survivor!
    I get the whole 'lets show our feelings' but WOAH! Back up there buddy! Usually it's women that have a hard time letting go but when it comes to a guy and it's been over 2 years it seems a bit-coo coo.
    Couldn't he have just made her a mix tape (cd) of songs they shared and sent it to her and spared us all this video?!

    Good luck in the future if any other woman ever attempts to be with him and always feel 2nd to Loren...

    ReplyDelete
  150. 'over the course of nine months'

    My first thought? 'That is going to be one ugly baby.'

    Hey, I was right. Babies make up for being demanding by being adorable - sadly a talent this guy doesn't have.

    ReplyDelete
  151. Actually Loredana its not survivor he's trying to get with this video.

    It's Captain America.

    ReplyDelete
  152. Please. My ex can flip 1800 pound round bales by hand. He's still my ex because he's an assclown who happens to be gigantic and strong.

    And Daniel Craig is such a better choice for a movie role - any movie role - that it's laughable.

    ReplyDelete
  153. Weasel-
    She wants her privacy, and I gather at this point she has already read this entry and hopefully all of your comments.
    ----------
    My readers would LOVE to hear from you!

    No, we're fucking DYING to hear from you.
    ----------


    Although we are 'fucking DYING' to hear from Loren, if she were to comment here, even annonomously, that would be all the proof needed, that she cares enough to make a statement.

    That could potentially send the egotesticle assclown off on another mission to create yet another video. Rather, that probably would send the egotesticle assclown off to make another one.

    This video was bad enough, do any of us wish to waste another 10+/- minutes watching the sequal? It would certainly be a trainwreck that we would have to look at, right?

    Loren, I can understand and wish to express my grattitude to you for sparing the rest of us the tragedy of round 2!

    ReplyDelete
  154. Why is Daniel Craig playing Captain America, anyway? A Brit?

    I find that amusing. Not that he's a bad choice, just wondering why they chose him over an American or Canadian actor.

    NOT wondering why they chose him over Captain Assclam Quad Abuser, though!

    ReplyDelete
  155. Cut-N-Jump: you're operating on the assumption that he made this video for Loren. He didn't. He made it as promotional material to try and get himself hired as an actor. He's a self-obsessed jerkbag who's using a broken relationship as a dishonest framing device for his resume, he doesn't give a fuck about his ex-girlfriend. It's all him, him, him.

    ReplyDelete
  156. Also, it's entirely possible that Loren is in on this and is still with him. Check the girl in the tractor cab.

    ReplyDelete
  157. Hey, I thought it was clueless but sweet. A lot of effort was put into that, talent be damned. It's not like he's stalking her and threatening her.

    Oh, and he IS a beefcake. Geez people here are cynical and bitter.

    ReplyDelete
  158. Baywatch x Rambo x Mulan x Cliffhanger and cheesy beyond belief :) Hilarious

    ReplyDelete
  159. That. Was. EPIC! .. If epic = FAIL, that is.

    ReplyDelete
  160. @sebastiancreed-

    No I got the self inflated, egotesticle, manwhorish, casting call hopeful part of the video.

    Besides the tractor girl, there were also a few stills of him with a girl, that I caught.

    Weasel stated a few people who know Loren contacted him and she wishes NOT to respond. Doing so may cause another video, if not for Captain American, maybe some other part in another film which he would consider to make him a star.

    I don't blame her a bit for not responding. We would surely end up with more insane ranting like Sanchez got in the link that Weasel posted for all of us.

    Ben is truly a worthy candidate for PLFM.

    ReplyDelete
  161. Please. There's no way she's with him, even secretly. There's no room for three in a relationship - her, him and his ego. Especially with that size of an ego.

    ReplyDelete
  162. This was posted on another site that I peruse, usually horse stuff, but it must have been a slow day. Anyway, I had an epiphany today about that blond guy that is in love with himself. Anyway, I don't think there is a Loren, or if there is, she may just well be the blond with him on the tractor. I read some of the youtube comments, too many really, but there are way too many say, "Hey you should be the guy to play Captain American in the movie they are going to make." So I came to the conclusion that this guy wants to be Captain America in the movie, but since he has no acting talent what-so-ever to get an agent to get him into a casting call for the role. So, he came up with this idea to get his face seen. OK my worst thought was he has been cast to be Captain America in the Hollywood flick and this is was some viral internet thing. Oh the horror.
    If I'm wrong, I agree with everyone here that is saying, likely unecessarily, "Run Loren Run!"

    ReplyDelete
  163. He struck me as gay. lol. Like seriously, he's still int he closet.

    ReplyDelete
  164. I can lift, push and do every "muscley" thing he does there and I am a 5foot 8, 130 pound girl. Sheesh! *insert nacho cheese dip with movie*

    ReplyDelete
  165. Oh Lord. I suspect a hoax or a stunt of some sort. Maybe the guy wants to break into show buisness and thinks he can make a splash with a hit viral video, ala the "Obama Girl" (who was actually an aspiring model or singer or something like that.)

    Ben's actually really hot. Really good looking and well built guy. Doesn't mean he can't be nuts or pathetic but I doubt someone this good looking would be a creepy stalker. Could happen, sure.

    ReplyDelete
  166. Agatha, guys like Ben make the worst stalkers. After all, how could someone not be interested in someone as good looking as him. Um, easy you egotesticle bastard.
    Wanna be happy? Find an average looking geek/nerd. Guys like Ben are a dime a dozen. OK and that creepy smile doesn't help him at all.

    ReplyDelete
  167. I just vomited in my mouth a little.

    ReplyDelete
  168. I made it exactly 1:45 seconds in before I couldn't take anymore. I think I felt my IQ plummet to depths of idiocy never before explored just from that little bit...

    Oh dear god I can't remember what 1+0 is!! 8O

    ReplyDelete
  169. Also...I completely agree with those of you who say this is nothing more than a desperate way to try and garner some eye-candy B-movie role.

    Some of--wait, no, ALL of the scenes in this obscene parody of the stereotypical story of a lonely, love-starved tall, blonde and handsome man video SCREAMED "I'm going to pose this way to show off my steroid-induced-pectoral muscles and look brooding off into the distance like a complete and total douchebag."

    Thank god, my intelligence has returned!! :D

    ReplyDelete
  170. Winning an ex-girlfriend back with this video = Epic FAIL.

    Attracting a new BOYfriend: Maybe...

    ReplyDelete
  171. Here's an appropriate response, I think:

    SLAB BULKHEAD!(Seriously...I tried to watch this, and that's what I thought of.)

    ReplyDelete
  172. Some of the folks at Cracked.com are talking to him via fake youtube accounts and found out that the tractor couple are in fact his brother and sister in law... Supposed to be a "throwback" to the "earlier, happier times". BLERGH.

    Anyway, heads up for this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipwcd3fUDR8

    A true classic.

    ReplyDelete
  173. ok, i couldtn even make it for throguh the whole thing, i watched my screen wondering when there was going to be..i donno, maybe soemthing about this chick he is so hung up on it seems more like a tribute to how much he loves himself, thankfuly iam really not into the buff "look how much i can lift" guys. when ever i thought of self absorbed men, all that came to mind was a clip from the movie american pyscho i think? the guy was doing his bizz with a woman and at the same time looking in a full length mirrior making muscle man arms at himself . sadly this sence was replaced by...well...that sappy ass video..maybe i can rent it and watch it like 50 times and rid my brain of this video...anyways hopefuly his ex is happy now where ever she is

    ReplyDelete
  174. Seems that all he really cares about it himself and his own needs. He's a bit selfish. Loren split up with him without explaining it, maybe, to see if that would make him realise that her needs mattered too. Whether he would do something completely selfless to win her back.

    And he didn't.

    ReplyDelete
  175. The author of this site is an ass-clam, not Ben. And his ^&$#*& ex-girlfriend, probably, too.
    Wish you all the bad,
    -Ben supporter.

    ReplyDelete
  176. it's like he's been borne yesterday. he doesn't understand the reality around him

    ReplyDelete
  177. What a shame, he's a really good looking guy with at least a few talents. Too bad he's a total idiot when it comes to relationships.

    ReplyDelete
  178. I know it is late in the game, so to speak, but I have been laughing my behind off reading the comments -

    By far my favorite "I am going to have to tell her Tom has been dethroned" [woke the dogs up on that one]

    I have no opinion on this video, except to say I wish [like others] I had that few minutes back.

    The comments were better. Thank you.

    [Oh, wait...I do have one comment...Definitely a ploy for Capt. Am. Definitely.]

    ReplyDelete
  179. That's the most hilarious crap I've seen on this blog and possibly the internet ever! What an epic epic EPIC Fail. By the time I got to that forum link where he had spammed his own video saying that anyone who says the video is gay hates America and is going to have a lawsuit because 'you are one of those terrorist', I was literally crying with laughter tbh. O and how he's used this tape to audition for Captain America. xD


    This is the greatest .

    ReplyDelete
  180. I guess Loren left him because she accidentally fell down a hill while carrying huge bags of lead and he was powerless to stop her.

    All that's changed now.

    ReplyDelete
  181. I need to get me one of those douche quadbike shirts.

    ReplyDelete
  182. This guy is extremely self-absorbed. Part of me wonders if his obsession with Loren is an excuse to make a seven and a half minute video of him showing off his half-naked body doing unnecessary things. (I mean, really? I doubt he spends his whole day doing throwing hay in and out a barn, rolling wheels and throwing rocks around for no good reasons, and traveling to distant cliffs just to yell out to someone that can't hear them that they love her.)

    Incredibly, incredibly cheesy, like you said. Normally, I would give props to a guy who sticks to his guns (no pun intended), but this is a very wierd level of obsession (or self-absorbedness). I think he wants Loren back so she can stroke his already inflated ego.

    ReplyDelete
  183. That was excruciatingly boring. How in hell did you people watch it till the end?

    I couldn't stand watching a cute muscular guy showing off for seven minutes straight. Go figure.

    ReplyDelete
  184. I am always searching online for articles that can help me. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  185. You can still see the unemployment levels are high even after a few years of the recession first hitting. I like the fact that they try to call it a double dip recession vs calling it a depression but if it goes down for travel a couple years, then goes up briefly should it "count" as wiping the slate clean...You can see the effects in the honeymoons industry as people did not have the disposable income to book cruises or other activities that cost a pretty heft entertainment fund. Same is true with global brands joining other brands such as flight center to recapture lost market share...whatever happens people need jobs or they will begin to riot...once the unemployment checks stop.

    ReplyDelete
  186. This blog is really wonderful, i liked too much because is related with men themes and i became interested. Of course i like all about the men. They are really beautiful.
    Actually i found an interesting sites called costa rica homes for sale and catched my attention becasue i want to get a beautiful house in a good price too.

    ReplyDelete
  187. I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at www.saveabreakup.com I totally recommend this site, saveabreakup.com helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...

    ReplyDelete
  188. I was able to get my ex back after I followed the instructions at www.saveabreakup.com I totally recommend this site, saveabreakup.com helped me a lot, all I can say is big THANKS!!! I'm so happy now...

    ReplyDelete
  189. I don't think you get it. Listen to the words of the song. "When I see you smile I can face the world, I can do anything." At the beginning he couldn't get anything right and then all these feats. Ok the ending is a little hokey. Give him credit for a well produced video. He must be a sensitive guy, the video is well done. I've done stuff light this when I was younger and learned it scared the hell out of women. Too sensitive too clinging etc. Too bad.

    ReplyDelete
  190. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you can be a great author.
    I will be sure to bookmark your blog and will often
    come back someday. I want to encourage that you continue your great writing, have a
    nice day!

    My site ... wikivs.com

    ReplyDelete
  191. The Tao of Badass is one of the best systems I've ever used. It teaches guys how to get hot girls without really trying. The real tasty meat is in the videos. Goldfish is just one of the many techniques that Joshua Pellicer teaches men the secrets of seducing women. Goldfish teaches how to attract women without changing your personality. Imagine being able to control women and to get them to do what you want. I'd always dreamed of being able to influence women, but never knew how before. The Tao of Badass Changed My Life . Today, I have more female attention than I'd ever thought possible. The videos are easy to understand and well explained. The book has completely changed my life. I'm talking to girls that I never used to approach. I'm dating women that I thought were too good for me. The whole system is amazing and it's made me become a better person. So read my honest and unbiased The Tao of Badass Review before you buy it!

    ReplyDelete
  192. People of European descent have an excess of insulin circulating in their bloodstream.
    But if she already has a diet full of fresh produce, forbidden foods
    like whole grain oats, beans and peas are excluded from diet.
    Hyperinsulinemic diseases of civilization: more than just a little controversial.
    The overall winner for weight loss. I ate vegetables,
    meat, vegetables and fruit.

    My web-site - Ketosis Diet Menu

    ReplyDelete
  193. I've learn several excellent stuff here. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how much effort you place to make such a great informative site.

    Feel free to visit my web page ... Cheap Louis Vuitton Bags

    ReplyDelete
  194. If you would like to improve your familiarity simply keep visiting this
    website and be updated with the most recent news posted here.


    Feel free to surf to my webpage; Sito Ufficiale Gucci Borse

    ReplyDelete
  195. Hi to all, as I am genuinely keen of reading this blog's post to be updated daily. It consists of fastidious data.

    Also visit my homepage :: article source

    ReplyDelete
  196. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I
    could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates.
    I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

    My web blog; Converse Pas Cher

    ReplyDelete
  197. Excellent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your
    site, how could i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a
    acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this
    your broadcast offered bright clear idea

    Feel free to surf to my web page More Help

    ReplyDelete