We've had a tough couple weeks here at PLFM, haven't we?We've showcased some absolutely insane stalkers, a few creepy lurkers, and a pathologically obsessed bodybuilder who tried to woo his ex-girlfriend back by documenting his recent accomplishments in the transportation of hay, stones, and other farm products.
So today, PLFM has decided to offer up some lighter fare; a zesty appetizer of assclown if you will, sprinkled with the pungent odor of desperation. A long simmering dish of cluelessness, now served directly into the face of the chef.
This is the tale of one of those guys.
The guy from your distant past that just never gives up on you, no matter how many times you express your complete indifference to his proposals.
He's a Hare Krishna camping next to your vagina, yet knocking on your door every morning just to remind you he's still camping on your lawn, just in case you change your mind.
Simply put, he's The Pest.
Lets fumigate our crotches, shall we?
Lea moved from rural Oregon to Southern California when she was 12 years of age. Once Lea arrived in her new neighborhood, she decided to make as many friends as possible to ease her transition into the Southern California lifestyle.
Lea first befriended a boy up the street named Matt. Matt seemed a little socially awkward, but he had a great collection of video games to play with, and a very nice swimming pool to lazily waste away the hot summer afternoons.
Even at 12, Lea realized Matt had a controlling and bossy personality. In fact, Matt was hellbent on teaching Lea about the two most important things in life.
First, Lea needed to accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour. Only Jesus could lead Lea to happiness, and only by following His word would Lea would be accepted into Heaven. Lea needed to be saved, and Matt would willingly assist Lea in accepting Jesus Christ.
Secondly, Lea needed give Matt a blowjob.
Proving once again that you can never beat the creamy combination of religious fervor and sloppy blowjobs. It's the peanut butter and chocolate of the religious right.
Lea found it odd that the path to Jesus Christ traveled directly through the kittenish and marble-smooth testicles of a 12 year-old boy in San Diego, California. Not convinced, Lea instead agreed to a committed relationship with Matt, which of course at 12 years-old lasts about as long as pudding on a stick.
Matt told Lea they had to french kiss in the pool to christen their new romance. Lea tried, and nearly choked to death after swallowing a large amount of chlorinated pool water.
Disgusted, Lea broke up with Matt and stormed off into the sunset completely disgusted at the sudden collapse of their relationship, totally frustrated at the sexual imbalances already creating havoc in her life, and longing for someone to replace the most magnificent relationship she had ever experienced in her 12 years of life. How could she possibly ever forget her deep and lasting love for Matthew?
Three minutes later she saw a frog and completely forgot about Matthew.
Lea tried to avoid Matt from that point forward. She walked home from school a different way every day for weeks, until one day Matt caught up with her. He begged her to come back to his house, and Lea steadfastly refused. Matt persisted until Lea had finally had enough. She told Matthew that if Matt kept bugging her, Lea would get her cousin to beat Matthew up.
Matt went home and told his parents that Lea had threatened her. Matthew's parents came over to Lea's house with Matthew to talk to Lea's parents, and according to Lea, her parents "laughed Matthew's parents out of the house" in a flurry of Bible pages.
Lea didn't see much of Matthew again until high school, when Matthew took a job as a tech helper for the high school drama department, where Lea had taken an active role in producing school plays.
Now, at this point in the story, we must discuss an important discovery Lea had made in her early high school years. You see, Lea, a female, and the author of this blog, a male, have one thing very much in common. Namely, when we desire a snack, we both immediately reach for a refreshing box of Vagina Chex.
Lea is a lesbian. A term which women decipher as "I don't like the cock," and a term which men immediately decipher as "Threesome!"
Lea never hid her sexuality, nor did she promote it. She simply admitted it, which in high school is the equivalent of wearing a hardhat with a 90 foot neon sign affixed to the tip with an arrow pointing to Lea's face, saying "The girl directly underneath this hardhat is totally lesbo-tronic!" whilst a tornado siren blared Sarah McLachlan tunes from her backpack. Essentially, everyone knew Lea was a lesbian, including Matt.
After one particular play wrapped, Lea decided to throw a wrap party at her home. It was the typical high school affair; keg on the porch, music blaring throughout the night, and half-naked teens running around flaunting their tight and limber bodies, oblivious to the eventual scourge of time. Assholes.
Anyway, at one point during the party, Lea became involved in a saucy game of spin the bottle. One thing led to another, and somehow Lea ended up taking her shirt off and exposing her breasts to the entire party, causing an immediate explosion of 16 year-old male erections that was heard across 14 neighboring counties.
The hardest erection sprouted from the loins of Matthew, who suddenly had developed a very non-Christian view of the world.
Matthew simply never forgot this glorious moment in his life. It was if he had seen the coming of Jesus Christ, though I doubt Jesus was truly the one coming.
Matthew once again began to hound Lea constantly. In fact, let Lea explain how bad it got:
"For the next two years of high school he constantly worked on all the plays and asked everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) if they knew when there was going to be another one of 'Lea's cast parties'. This would be said in a nasally voice and followed up with a leer and a weird half-assed wink."
Matthew followed Lea everywhere, inquiring about her activities and, of course, the well-being of her breasts. Matt would corner Lea and demand to know when she had people over. He insisted on invitations to her get-togethers, even though Lea made it very clear that Matt creeped her the fuck out. But Matt just never got it. He talked endlessly about "that night when Lea showed her breasts," and told everybody that Lea was his "ex-girlfriend."
Which was true, for about 23 minutes 5 years earlier. But throughout the remainder of her high school years, Matt just couldn't let go of "the night." Clearly, it was the highlight of his life.
Lea was relieved to get away from Matthew when she finally graduated from high school, and eventually she forgot about him.
Until five years later.
Lea was perusing her Facebook page when she noticed she had a friend request. Lea clicked on the request, and found Matthew's shit-eating grin staring her in the face. Lea mulled it over for a while, and decided "he'd been an awkward teenage boy pimply with hormones back then. He couldn't possibly still be such a creep now."
Lea accepted Matt's friend request, and figured if there was ever any correspondence between them, he'd probably just be upfront and apologize for his foolish, stalkerish, and silly behavior when they were kids, right?
No, that annoying buzzer sound you just heard was not your oven.
Matt immediately sent Lea a Facebook email congratulating her on her 21st birthday, and offered to take her out for a drink. Lea thanked Matt, but reminded him it was actually her 22nd birthday, but sure, if she was ever back in San Diego, maybe she'd meet him for a drink. She never for a minute actually considered taking him up on it.
Which led to the following exchange via Facebook:
Matthew
hell yeah i will take u for a drink i was just getting off work but i will take u out anytime hottie.
Lea
Sorry Matt, maybe you misunderstood. I live with my girlfriend in Oakland, and I meant like a friendly hang out drink. You know I'm gay right? :)
Matthew
well... ill tell ya what... ill hook up a night where we get a group up and ill let u kno and u come down with some of ur hottie chicka friends and we will all go downtown k? maybe sometime in Aug on a Fri night. :) sound good?
Lea
Thanks Matt, we'll see. I'm not really much for the club scene, though. You have fun without me.
Matthew
ok well maybe we can hang out when u come down in august, and if u have the money i can hook u up with a car stereo from my work. :)
Strange, in that Lea never said anything about coming down in August, nor did she mention she was in the market for the latest in discounted mobile electronics.
Creeped out once again, Lea figured she'd just avoid Matthew from now on, but didn't need to be rude and actually delete him from her Facebook account.
August came and went, but a year later Lea actually did put together a trip to San Diego.
Unfortunately, she posted her intention to travel to San Diego on her Facebook page, forgetting that Matthew would be able to see it.
Matthew immediately sent Lea an email, telling her that "she owed him a drink," which was a strange reversal from his earlier request to buy her a drink. Lea didn't respond, so Matthew began to barrage Lea with emails, including a link to cheap Sea World tickets. Because even lesbians like dolphins!
"We should totally go!" he said.
"Totally not!" thought Lea.
Matthew then caught Lea off-guard one night on Facebook chat, which led to the following creepy exchange saturated with what you and I might refer to as "the willies."
Matthew
what's up? hey im starting my model photography again. thought of you and your sexy body. if ur ever wanting some photos done let me know. its not like i havent seen that body of urs. lol.
Lea
Umm...No. That's a little weird of you to ask, to be honest. Good luck with that, though.
Matthew
lol what the modeling or the modeling with me behind the camera. lol no worries, ur attractive and i thought to extend the invatation
why is it wierd ?
Lea didn't respond that night, so the next morning she woke up to this:
Matthew
common u had no problem with taking of ur top in high school
Matthew
so what is it or r u just going to ignore me ? i thought we were friends even tho i am ur ex?
"So I wrote back, incensed and creeped right the hell out," says Lea.
Lea
Hmm well, it might be one of a couple things:
a) I am all for being friendly and I wasn't going to say anything until you did this, but let's be real here; you and I are not friends by any means. I invited you to like ONE cast party in high school that EVERYONE got invited to, and you made creepy remarks for years afterward. And I am certainly not your ex. We hung out for a stressful week or so when we were 12 that wasn't fun for me at all. Or did you somehow forget that we NEVER hung out and I ignored you all through high school? If you ever even saw my 'body', you need to get over it because it was MORE THAN SIX YEARS AGO and I'm an adult now, not some dumb little drunk teenager. We should BOTH be adults by now.
b)Why would you even think I'd be into that? I had no idea you even liked photography because, once again, we ARE NOT friends. I'm not a model. And if I wanted pictures of me taken, don't you think I could probably get my GIRLFRIEND (yeah, that would be the girl I'm kissing in all of the pictures of me) or one of my friends or, god forbid, a real professional photographer who wouldn't ogle my 'sexy body' to do it? Here's a protip: real photographers don't pan facebook for their clients and then pressure them when they refuse. Find someone you actually know or maybe someone who, I don't know, LIVES there?
The point? I don't know you, you SO don't know me and it is INSANELY creepy and weird to assume I'd be okay with you offering to take pictures of my 'sexy body' just because you saw my tits like once in high school. Grow up, buy a dictionary and look up the word 'oblivious'.
"I haven't heard from him since," says Lea. "He deleted himself off of my friends list and I can only hope he maybe, somehow, some way, learned something from this interaction, even if it was just 'don't fuck with dykes'."
Well said, Lea, and congratulations for finally ridding yourself of a lifelong creeper.
Do you have a guy that's been pursuing you forever and just can't take the hint?
Put it in the comments, or even better, send it in along with all your other bizarre or psychotic correspondence to PLFM at weaselworden@yahoo.com.
Yikes....
ReplyDeleteI think there are a few guys in every High School who just selectively ignore the giant "DO NOT WANT" sign on teenage lesbians foreheads.
ReplyDeleteThe worst thing stalker experience that I ever had was pretty mild. There was one boy who pursued me for three years of High School. He talked to every single one of my friends, told everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) what an enormous crush he had on me, and announced his latest thoughts about me and our non-existent relationship to his bus every morning. I had people who I'd never spoken to in my life coming up to me to tell me what he had said about me. He figured out where all of my classes were and waited for me in the hallways.
The best part is that he didn't think I had any idea, as though my friends weren't totally creeped out by him and his relentless pursuit.
I finally shot him down flat, and he continued to nip at my heels until I told him "No means NO." And started taking different routes to and from my classes.
Oh, and he lamented the whole thing to his bus for weeks. Not talking to anyone, just...announcing himself.
He never sent me anything in writing, or I would've loved to relay it to PLFM.
lol, I had a creepy stalker guy once. The worst part was he had a gf but proceeded to bug me all the fricking time. Hallelujah, I am free. *takes a bow*
ReplyDeleteBest revenge? Ignoring him while talking all about my hot, terrific in bed, new bf. XD
Lea- if you're out there- your email rejects everything I send to you. Please contact me!
ReplyDeleteWeasel
weaselworden@yahoo.com
...man, it's really weird when PLFM posts an entry where the girl has your name and the creepy guy who stalked her starting in junior high has the same name as the creepy guy who stalked you in junior high.
ReplyDeleteMine wasn't nearly this bad, though.
Pretty bad when even dykes have stalkers. Good for you, Lea!! Way to grow some big ones :)
ReplyDelete36 & Single
I still have a creeper who won't stop popping up from time to time.
ReplyDeleteI was a freshman in college when I went back home to see a friend's band play a gig. My friend had a band with his two older brothers, who I thought were pretty damn cute. While there, a guy approached me and asked if I knew "the guys." I said I did, and he told me he was close friends of theirs, that he had gone to college with the eldest one. I got it that this guy was attracted to me, and he seemed attractive enough, and I thought "who knows? Befriending this guy could bring me closer to the guys in the band."
BAD IDEA. I have learned my lesson. However, I got myself a real stalker.
I exchanged AIM names with this guy - "J." The next day, I talked to J online. We talked a long time. He paid me a lot of attention. I liked the attention. We exchanged phone numbers, and then we talked on the phone. He really just seemed like a nice guy.
Then he said "Love ya" when getting off the phone with me. A day after we had just met, and after only one phone call (of about 20 minutes) and an AIM conversation (maybe 2 hours - while I was writing a paper). That's when the alarm went off.
The next thing I know, J is always calling, and I'm making excuses for why I can't talk. I continue to talk to him on AIM because being female in this culture, I was raised to be passive and give the benefit of the doubt instead of following my instincts.
Then J showed up at my school - about 2 hours from where he lives. Just to see me. And it creeped me out. When saw me, he gave me the longest, creepiest hug I've ever had. It was a bear hug, and he stood there for what felt like 5 minutes (and was in actuality probably a minute and a half) holding me, petting my back, and breathing deeply... it was awkward to say the least. And then I made up a story about how I had to meet my father and couldn't hang out. It worked.
He continued to talk to me online, and I continued to pretend to be too busy to take his calls. I thought I'd just phase him out and he'd get the hint. He didn't get the hint.
When I started dating a guy at school, he freaked out at me in an AIM conversation. I told him we weren't dating, but he acted hurt and flipped out at me. I then blocked him. And then blocked his other 5 screen names.
About 4 years later, he found me on myspace. I friended him, just accepting for the hell of it. He wrote me a long, creepy message about how I mean a lot to him. I then de-friended him 4 days later.
About two months ago, he requested to be my friend on FB. I rejected it. Then a week later, he requested to be my friend again. I again rejected him.
Haven't been contacted since. Has he learned to give up yet? My instinct says "No," but a girl can always hope, right?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a lesbian.
However, when I see gay guys, I dont assume in my head that they'll want a threesome.
I had a Craigslist hookup (dun dun dunnnnn) a little over a year ago. The sex itself was pretty good, but afterwards...
ReplyDeleteStandard phone call: "Hey, you doing anything tonight? Oh, how about tomorrow? No? The next day? Are you suuuure tonight won't work? C'mon! This weekend?"
Repeat almost every day for the next couple weeks. Including calling once or twice in the small hours of the morning. He was informed rather clearly that the "how about now? what about now? now? are we there yet?" routine is NOT a good way to get into anybody's pants. Eventually, my attitude morphed from "ok, I want to sleep with you again sometime, just stop bugging me right now" to flat-out "BUGGER OFF!"
The weird thing? He still IMs me from time to time! At least once a month. I don't respond, as I don't want anything to escalate, but it's still fucking pathetic. One hookup. A year ago. Not quuuuuite as bad as this dude, but still beyond the bounds of normal human behavior.
I have one. Been planning on submitting it for a while. The guy still hasn't gotten the idea. Hopefully you'll see my story up here soon. :P
ReplyDeleteOh yes, this suddenly reminds me of Alex, whom I made the mistake of kissing at a rave on New Years Eve when we were 18. My friend was dating his brother - he wasn't ugly or anything, but it was kind of a charitable act because he'd never kissed a girl, so I said I'd show him how to kiss.
ReplyDeleteDidn't realise that it would be his first kiss, ALSO on his first tab of ecstasy, and his first time he hadn't been rejected by a girl he liked. A heady combo.
I declined to meet him but he turned up a couple of places he knew I was going. Told some people he was my boyfriend. I didn't want to be horrible, but like Lea, I lost my patience, and then everyone thought I was a bitch because he was 'harmless'.
Here, let me fix this for you:
ReplyDeleteI think there are a few guys [...] who just selectively ignore the giant "DO NOT WANT" sign on [...] lesbians' foreheads.This is why every w4w ad on Craigslist is suffixed with "NO MEN NO COUPLES". Seriously, go and look.
This is why you don't make do with subtle hints and playing 'friendly'. People have this interesting ability called talking. You might want to try it sooner.
ReplyDeleteSure, the guy's a retard for not picking up on your subtlety. You're just as retarded for not picking up on this (10 years should be enough) and becoming direct and clear. This is a case of doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.
Unfortunately, there seems to be a sort of social free pass when it comes to this sort of verbal behavior, considering it to be a kind of inappropriate flattery, while the women in question, if openly offended, are though of as cruel and unfeeling. Hence you tend to give guys the benefit of the doubt, viewing each occurrence of verbal creepiness as a single event, while leaving yourself open to allegations of not making yourself clear.Its a damned if you do and damned if you don't situation.
ReplyDeleteReally, this kind of behavior should be recognized for what it is: the verbal equivalent of showing our unwanted dick in a woman's face while in the company of other, which even among baboons are considered a crude and unseemly sign of supposed dominance!
@Anon 7:01: Please. We've seen several examples here of guys hit right between the eyes with the old cluebat, and they STILL refuse to get it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
ReplyDelete@hellkell:
ReplyDeleteTotally agree. Besides, why is the onus always on the WOMAN? Shouldn't someone be teaching these men (not ALL men, just the clueless ones) that if a woman's response to your overtures is less-than-enthusiastic, it's time to back off and look elsewhere?
And even if she IS only playing at being 'less-than-enthusiastic' because she's into mind-games, that's not a justification for continuing to pester her or any other woman. #1: Do you really want to date someone who's that manipulative? Really? And #2: Trust me, if she's sekritly interested, I'm sure the moment you turn your back, she'll be chasing after YOU instead. Either way, backing off is the best strategy.
Man, I am SO glad I've never had a stalker....but that's because my two favourite words when an annoying boy (and I use the word 'boy' deliberately) is pestering me, are "my boyfriend" (whether I actually have one at the time or not).
Ex. Boy: "Can I have your phone number?"
Me: *friendly smile* "Well, I COULD give it to you...but I don't think MY BOYFRIEND would like that." Rinse, repeat.
Gah. Stalkers. I haz them. Really, the ones who are angry at you are more overtly threatening than the ones who luuuuuuuuuurve you.
ReplyDeleteI've told guys off on my blog four, five years ago. All conservative. They've all threatened to out me--and some have---and now I'm getting threats at my house. Funny, they're such big strong guys. I'm a combat veteran. What are they going to do? There's other things I'm afraid for---they'd do collateral damage---but them? No. They're just mean, cowardly little shits. I've got one guy who's been obsessed with me for five years. I mean, literally, he's obsessed, but then again, he's the sort of dipshit who calls Hillary Clinton "Hitlery" and Obama "Osama." Wow, that was....juvenile....when I first heard it. He's also a shitty writer. The others are a bunch of Libertarian/Republican types who are just about in a frenzy now that the Repubs are out. Oh, yeah, and they're gun nuts who like to talk about big, hard guns and long hard knives.
Nothing significant there at all.
No, no. It's simple. Clear and direct = more effective than not clear and direct. Always.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the onus is on YOU not because you're a woman, but because he is after you. You would have to ward him off exactly the same if you were a guy or he were a she. He's not magically gonna do it himself.
You're 'damned if you do' only if you care about misguided social image. Shallow.
And that boyfriend line doesn't work. How about trying "No, sir" or "No, you may not"?
It's stupid using the "my boyfriend" or "my husband" line.
ReplyDeleteYou know why? Because you're giving them hope if the BF or DH were out of the picture, you'd GLADLY go out with them.
I know that's not what you MEAN, but that's what these lunatics HEAR.
NEVER use that line, because you're just encouraging the creepazoid. Plus, with some of them, they'll think it's an invitation to off their "rival" for your affections.
Just tell them, "Leave me alone, you cretin. I don't want anything to do with you, ever."
If they persist, a nice restraining order is always good.
You DON'T have to be nice to these freaks, nor do you owe them an explanation.
"You DON'T have to be nice to these freaks, nor do you owe them an explanation."
ReplyDeleteYES. Repeat, repeat, repeat it to yourself.
I'm one of those Too Nice Women.... damn, it's hard to overcome lifelong subconscious conditioning!!!
Cattypex, sometimes being a bitch is all that a woman has to hold onto.
ReplyDeleteMy parents, and particularly my father, raised me to with the belief that there was NO ONE better than me.
Gender doesn't make someone better, and except for physical prowess, there's nothing a man can do that a woman can't.
My father was a feminist long before there was a word for it. He wanted to make sure his little girl knew how to take care of herself, and he gave me the confidence and tools to do it.
I love my father for letting me know right from the start that it's OKAY to tell a creep no, and to get lost if they made me uncomfortable. He's the greatest man I've ever known.
@Anon 12:38: OK, I don't have time to go into all the ways you yourself aren't getting it (are you He Who Shall Not Be Named?), and I agree that clear and direct is the best policy, but let's be real--most people are non-confrontational. Especially women. Until we teach girls that it's OK to not be "nice" and teach boys to catch a clue, we'll be here debating this.
ReplyDeleteHellKell- I thought I was the only one reading that Anon post thinking (are you He Who Shall Not Be Named?)!
ReplyDeleteI have never had a problem telling anyone- male, female, younger/older, where to go and what to do when they get there.
I have tried teaching my daughter respect must be earned and can easily be taken away.
Sometimes you just gotta let that batshit, psycho, crazy, inner bitch out to play.
No, no, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel.
It's a shame Lea is a dyke, because her spelling, grammar, and punctuation get me kind of hot. And I haven't even SEEN her tits.
ReplyDeleteI am amused that Anonymous thinks SHE should be clear and direct and communicative, but doesn't seem to think that HE should maybe be clear and direct and say "Hey, it seems like you keep blowing me off... I really like you, let's either start dating or drop the whole thing. Oh wait you're a lesbian. You're pretty serious about that, huh?" etc...
ReplyDeleteRE: "Klingon" men... my mom had one she couldn't pry off. She dated him briefly and he would Not Stay Away. He'd sit on her porch just to say hello to her... wait there mournfully while she went to and from her dates, etc... for years...
Finally YEARS later, after my mom got married herself, the guy writes her a letter like this:
"I am getting married next month. But if you tell me not to get married, I won't! Just say the word! Here's my contact information again!"
Way to sound committed to your new relationship, dude. At least he was moving on (sort of?)
Anon @12:38 --
ReplyDeleteSHE TOLD HIM SHE WAS GAY. How much more clear and direct could she possibly be? She was polite, but she was VERY VERY CLEAR.
Do you make a practice of hitting on lesbians to "convert" them or something? If so, you have some serious issues.
@ Anon 7:01: While I agree with you that clear and direct is always the best (if not the easiest) course of action, Lea wasn't exactly being cryptic or sending mixed signals in her remarks to this guy. She may have been polite in phrasing her refusal, but it was unequivocally a refusal nevertheless. I mean, emphasizing again that she's gay, stating plainly that he misunderstood if he thought they could have more than a friends kind of drink, and then telling him just to go have fun without her... any normal, non-creeper person wouldn't have persisted.
ReplyDeleteIf she had responded to him with "yeah, next time we'll go out!" or replied to his inappropriate photography question with "well, I'm not looking for photos now, but I'll let you know if I ever need them" or the like, then I would say that she was playing "too friendly" with him. I've heard people I know respond to creeps with those kind of remarks, and it just invites more creepitude later. So, while I agree with you that it is a problem that girls are taught to be overly nice, to me, Lea's responses weren't of the sweet, deferential kind of nice that exacerbates the problem. This guy was just choosing to ignore the plain-ass evidence staring him right in the face.
(I mean, really. If the girl is KISSING HER GIRLFRIEND in her facebook pictures, you can't get much more direct and clear than that. Tearing him a new one in a gloriously bitchy response was the only cure for the pest problem.)
Ah, here: "So on the big awards night which is really cool, I stayed long enough to see him win awards for the best headshot (picture) and he won top five in both modeling competitions he entered."
ReplyDeleteSame link as above.
Oops -- sorry at above comment. Have too many PLFM windows open at once, and this was meant for the continued mockery of the Captain America wannabe.
ReplyDeleteI learned the hard way that you have to be direct in high school. I went out with the best friend of an ex, which was a big mistake. They both went to high school in a different city so most interaction with both was online and on the phone. I was 15 and a total nerd so I was a bit enamored by the fact that someone of the opposite sex was even interested with me. I had the sense to flat dump guy 1 when he cheated and refuse any attempt at reconciliation. I kept in touch with his best friend though and a year later we were dating.
ReplyDeleteLong story short, he turned out to be more clingy and clueless than I thought possible. We were friends first (or so I thought) and things were bad for him at home and he was a nice guy, so I didn't want to be mean or hurt him and tried the whole hint thing. Which, of course, failed completely. He couldn't understand that I wanted a partner, not someone to grovel at my feet and blindly worship me. I tried to tell him to cool off, while the sentiment was sweet, I was interested in talking about life after being married for 30 years at the age of 15.
Finally, I figured it out and was firm with him. So he threatened to commit suicide, did lots of drugs and made poor life choices (like moving to Las Vegas after admitting it would be stupid to do with a drug problem) because what was the point in making healthy choices without me. I realized our whole friendship had been engineered to get me to go out with him and completely cut him off. He made a few more attempts to get my attention, which I ignored. I talked to him a couple of years ago and he had finally gotten himself worked out.
I was always really clear and straightforward with friends and boyfriends after that. It's worked out in my favor. I'm now married and one of the things my husband fell in love with was that he could depend on me to tell him what's going on, whether it's "I need more time to think through what I'm upset about," or "I'm mad because you did this," or, "I realize it's irrational and I'll cool down in a bit but I'm upset because..."
It's amazing how truly clueless some people can be though. It's true that women should be direct and clear about voicing these types of things but I do feel for women who end up in these situations. Especially when it's a once off (not someone seeking this type of drama), because women tend to end up with a guy who seemed nice at first, who maybe would be nice if he'd stop clinging and leering. Women are basically taught that a lot of relationship stuff can be dealt with through subtle hints so by the time you realize you've got a pest, it's messy.
The guy above, though, really does take the cake. Obsession is a scary thing. It's really amazing how much people can twist a situation in their own head and fully believe it's true.
"Clear and direct = more effective than not clear and direct. Always."
ReplyDeleteWrong.
Sorry, dude, but I know a guy (used to consider him a friend until I got to know him better) who has made it a bad habit to fixate on the much-younger, often taken, always uninterested/unattainable women he worked with. A woman who was "clear and direct" with him (HI. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND. PLS LEAVE ME ALONE FOREVER KTHANXBAI), and told him NO, was treated to him pestering her EVEN MORE--bringing her cookies to her workplace, asking her to lunch, asking her to dinner, asking her to movies, filling her email box up with forwards and jokes and little notes to her. whatever. When he heard through the grapevine that she broke up with her boyfriend, he asked her out. She said no (AGAIN). "I'm not interested in you," she said. He then complained to us, "I'm so nice. Why do women only like assholes?" Whine, whine, whine. You aren't nice, douchebag. You're a self-involved, entitled little shit who refuses to accept the no and move the fuck on. He proceeded to shower her with attention (snacks! coffee! come to lunch with me! I know you said you aren't interested, but I'm a nice guy and you should be!!1!), to the point where she went off on him and told him to cut the shit. Cue the "women only like assholes and don't appreciate nice guys like meeeeee" BS. He also insisted that she never told him to stop before, and got pissy when I pointed out that she did--she told him NO when he asked her out and kept refusing his offers when he persisted.
I called him on his BS when he started the fucking Nice Guy TM whine again. The rest of his friends think I'm the biggest bitch in the universe because he's such a "nice guy" and he's "harmless" and that these women are overreacting.
She was clear and direct. It didn't work. It wasn't her fault, dipshit, it was his fault as he refused to see that maybe, just maybe, he should accept the no and move on.
You can come up with every reason to argue why this shouldn't be happening. None of it changes the fact that it is happening and it's entirely up to you to do something about it. If you don't stick up for yourself, he won't do it for you.
ReplyDelete10 years is plenty of time to see the indirect approach (even saying you're a lesbian) isn't working. Doing the same thing will not produce different results. You should either burn the bridge entirely and reject that facebook request or deliver a direct, clear, NEGATIVE message as she finally did. His mental anguish is not your concern. He needs it.
No need to be nice, or try to soften the blow with someone who just refuses to get it.
ReplyDeleteAnd Weasel's entry did remind me of a good trick for getting rid of unwanted guy attention. (Not the stalker sort - just the everyday garden-variety annoying dude). Ask him, "Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?" Then start waxing eloquent about your own experiences with the savior. Hardcore religion is great lech repellent.
How is saying she's a lesbian when she really is one an indirect approach? She wasn't pulling another variation on the "I have a boyfriend" lie, after all. She was doing something about it. He just refused to put on his big boy panties and accept that she didn't like the cock in general, his in particular, and stop being a clingy little bitch.
ReplyDeleteOf course, any reasoning or rational argument here is apparently going to bounce right off your same old "DIRECT AND CLEAR OMG" refrain.
The whole "DIRECT AND CLEAR OMG" refrain is ludicrous here. What, was she leading him on somehow? Dude was clearly leading _himself_ on. This _should_ be his problem to recognize, address, and resolve after so many years of self-delusion. Not hers.
ReplyDeleteAccepting a Facebook request or whatever reeeeallly doesn't justify years and years of crazy.
P.S.: Is accepting a friends request the digital equivalent of "she dressed slutty, she was asking for it" in some people's minds?
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong, I think handing a lunatic anything he can misinterpret as encouragement is not a good idea. But pouncing on that specifically as if she's the one crossing the line is still irrationally victim-hostile.
Like others have pointed out, her non-faux lesbianism plus pictures of her with her girlfriend are pretty clear indicators of her utter lack of interest.
ReplyDeleteShe did do something about it. What is one supposed to do when all of the "direct, clear, NEGATIVE messages" fail? Shoot the motherfucker?
@battyjeri: You mean you DIDN'T know that accepting a friend request is the digital equivalent of fishnet hose, come-fuck-me-pumps, and batting eyelashes?
ReplyDeleteI had a guy like this when I was in the 9th grade and he was in the 8th.
ReplyDeleteHe crocheted me a rose.
I am not making that up. Yes, he has a boyfriend today. We caught up on classmates.com and laughed about it!
In fact, let Lea explain how bad it got...Yes, let's. In fact, let's let all of the psychotic letter receivers explain. Weasel, please, please, please stop trying to 'enhance' each entry with your crappy lead-ins, every new paragraph with more idiotic exposition.
ReplyDelete@lafinjack: let's see you do better.
ReplyDeleteThere doesn't need to be better. The stories are strong enough on their own without needless clutter.
ReplyDelete@lafinjack: Why criticize Weasel? That's why most of us come here. Is for what's added on. If you don't like it,don't read it.
ReplyDeleteOnto teh big ass basket of crazy....
I feel bad that she had to go through that. Cause I know that there are guys on this planet that just don't get the point, even when you tell them off and kick them square in the junk.
I actually enjoy this blog more because of Weasel's commentary. If you don't, you might consider fmylife.com.
ReplyDeleteThere was a, kind of socially awkward, guy who used to follow me around for most of high school.
ReplyDeleteI figured I was okay because he had never actually learned my name, so he couldn't look me up online or anything after Graduation. Unfortunately we ended up on the track team together at the end of Senior year, where he inevitably learned my name was Paige... not Pam.
He still messages me on Facebook and doesn't seem to understand that I've moved 300 miles away and don't really have any intention of moving back.
I too smell a "she asked for it" blame the victim response in disguise!
ReplyDeletenote to, not so nice, nice guys: Being nice, read pushy, doesn't mean that women have a moral obligation to fuck you! However, if you choose to act like a decent human being, i.e respect her sexual disinterest, she might eventually want to do that or introduce you to her various girlfriends.
ReplyDeleteFinally, being "harmless, as in not violent, doesn't mean you are a nice guy!
oh, and love your commentary, weasel! Reading the ramblings of loons wouldn't be half as fun without it!
ReplyDeleteI agree that the "clear & direct" tack is the best one to take, but I also know that some asshats don't listen. Sometimes I wonder if they've just seen one too many movies where the underdog (Read: LOSER.) eventually gets the girl & it is cuteness forever & ever, amen.
ReplyDeleteI had a stalker all through high school even though he graduated when I was still a sophomore. He was a friend of a gf's bf & initially he seemed like a pretty nice guy. Maybe little awkward, a little shy, but harmless. (Also, he was ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirtroad. Like, a poodle had sex with the Elephant Man & a toucan.)
I knew he liked me. Everyone knew he liked me. My MOM used to make fun of him when he called because even she knew he liked me. He of course, thought it was a huge secret that he was desperately pining for moi. The boner-concealing notebook/couch pillow maneuver was pretty obvious. It wasn't long before I pulled him aside & told him in no uncertain terms that it wasn't going to happen. That he needed to back the fuck up off me. He eased up a for bit. Little did I know, he was regrouping.
It didn't take long for the mixCDs to begin. The driving past my house/job. The hangups when my parents answered the phone. The pestering of all of our mutual friends (Whom also told him he was pissing in the wind). Flowers, cards, letters, more mixCDs, this lovely little pastel painting he'd done. I always returned his trinkets to him.
I very firmly, but calmly shot him down SEVERAL times that year. I never made any excuses or lies. Just, "No thanks. I do not want to go out with you. We are just platonic friends."
Prom time came. He made a very public gesture of asking me to be his prom date. I declined. "But, but I said I wanted to just go as friends!" Riiiiight. He only asked me publicly because he thought I would be too embarrassed to say no to him with everyone watching.
You'd think he'd have been finished, but no. I had to switch friends, hangouts, activities, etc. I also found a nice boyfriend. He pestered me for another *two* years.
Eventually I handed his ass to him in a total flying bitchcakes rage. He asked me out for the final time two weeks after said rage, "Have you cooled down & thought about what I said the last time we talked? Because I think if you really think about it , you'll see that . . ." *door slammed in face* Never saw him again.
Apparently he is now our local Boo Radley.
@lafinjack:
ReplyDeleteWell that's certainly a first around these parts, eh? XD
When it comes to the idea of the direct approach in regard to "ten years"....
ReplyDeleteI don't really get the idea from reading this blog entry that Matt stalked Lea for ten years straight. Instead, what I'm reading is that they sort of fade in and out of each other's lives over a ten-year period. It's not like every weekend, there's another dozen roses for Lea from Matt. I don't gather that they had any interaction between high school and him finding her on Facebook.
@ Mack Truck, plus all those who are taking issue with the 'I have a BF/husband' line:
ReplyDelete*shrug* For me, it has worked.
On the rare occasions where it didn't (mainly because the guy in question knew I was single at the time)? Phase 2 was to be barely civil to them. Borderline cold, very laconic, and to act like I was 100 times more interested in whatever I was doing than in talking to them. Worked EVERY time. I never even had to come up with a Phase 3, but I imagine that would've been the full-on bitchiness you describe, Mack Truck.
An example: When I was doing research at a university, we had one janitor who was basically sexually-harassing every single female (undergrad, grad student, staff member) he encountered in a day. Tried the 'BF' line on him, didn't work, but 'Phase 2' worked really well at getting him to just say hi and then scurry away when I did run into him. After 3 months (univ bureaucracy moves SLOW) they finally fired his ass...but not after he had 'befriended' (and I use the term loosely) one female lab tech. She was in fact LIVING with her BF, but had for some strange reason given Creepy!Janitor her home phone number (out of pity, I wonder?), and he'd been calling her at her BF's every day, multiple times a day, inviting her to go out with him, to come visit his home country with him, etc.
Clearly, my strategy worked better than hers.
But call it 'stupid' if you will, Mack Truck. YMMV, after all.
Bonnie, you can do what you want, but I find the direct, shoot 'em down before they take flight approach works the best.
ReplyDeletePlus, as I already noted, these freaks assume if your BF or DH was out of the picture, you'd be interested. I never even want them to get CLOSE to that idea.
Some asswipes never seem to get the message, until they're handed a restraining order. Even then, some of 'em think we're just on the rag or something, and will eventually come around.
Oh, and for the poster who doesn't like Weasie's narrative? There are plenty of other blogs, darling. I suggest you go find them.
@lafinjackoff
ReplyDelete"Weasel, please, please, please stop trying to 'enhance' each entry with your crappy lead-ins, every new paragraph with more idiotic exposition."
If you don't like weasel's commentary, why are you even here?
Bonnie, even by your own admission that approach doesn't work. You had to use "phase 2"--being negative: entirely different approach. And your coworker was only being stupider.
ReplyDelete---
Arguing about what he should do doesn't change what he does. Ideals are not reality. This situation is personal and changing it is entirely up to you. You have to stick up for yourself.
Saying you're a lesbian passively tells him to lay off. A direct, clear approach is to actually tell him to lay off full blown rejection style (as she did after 10 years). Accepting a facebook request and saying you'll maybe have a friendly drink (when you are NOT friends) detracts from the message's clarity of rejection.
"Cattypex, sometimes being a bitch is all that a woman has to hold onto.
ReplyDeleteMy parents, and particularly my father, raised me to with the belief that there was NO ONE better than me. "
Awesome!!!! :)
Dude, I am a CARD-CARRYING FEMINIST. Even when people claim to hate that word (WHY!!???!) I just soldier on.
But my FAMILY is too nice. As in, my DAD is too nice. And passive-agtressive. You become attuned to various emotional undercurrents, and you KNOW when "No, really, I'm fine" actually means "I want to scream at you very loudly."
So I tend to think that other people can get a good read, and take hints. Slooooooooowly, I've grown more vocal. I married a straight-ahead kind of guy, and sometimes I actually have to *tell* him that I'm upset, and why. ; )
What I think of as "yelling" usually doesn't even involve a raised voice. That was how I was raised. Ubercivil, to the point of becoming a frustrated doormat.
I don't do well with people who don't understand basic social cues & codes. I always expect a certain level of sophistication in communications (except when making fart jokes), and I think most intelligent women expect that, too.
Also... people hear what they want to hear.
*goes off to find a DVD of Free to Be You and Me for her daughter*
@Anon 7:01; Whatevs, HWSNBN. You just keep on keepin' on with that victim-blaming "clear and direct" party line.
ReplyDelete@ Bonnie: I've also found that the "I have a boyfriend" line can be effective in certain situations too. Not always, not on some of the really creepy jerks, but occasionally.
ReplyDeleteFunnily enough, I have a "pest" on whom the boyfriend line is the ONLY thing that will work. He has asked me out multiple times over the course of our friendship, even though each time I told him directly and clearly that I liked being just friends and would NEVER GO OUT WITH HIM (in so many words, actually). When I don't use the boyfriend line, this just leads to passive behaviour like scooting closer and closer across the couch until he's almost on top of me, or "stretching" so his arm is near me (seriously, it's lame).
I deal because he is a nice guy, and I have fun hanging out with him in our group of friends (never alone, because I don't want him to see any mixed signals there). When I have a boyfriend (or at least tell him I do, haha) or he has a girlfriend, we get along great.
One of my pet peeves is confusing "nice guy" with "passive-aggressive, pushy, overbearing self-centered douchebag"! (Can ya tell?) Real nice guys are such gems, I just can't stand whiny guys who complain their stalking attempt failed to land the target because "she's only interested in assholes and the hypocrite doesn't want the nice guy she says she does." Oooooh! It's been one of very few things that has driven me into a full-fledged bitchfest rant.
ReplyDelete@cattypex: I hear ya. My parents aren't that ubercivil but they can be quite passive-aggressive. They also manifest anger in very different ways and aren't always stellar communicators. I became really good at reading people when I was pretty young (which I didn't realize wasn't normal until I was almost 21!) and it threw me for a long time when around people who don't read those undercurrents automatically. I'm sure it delayed the amount of time it took to finally cut my stalker/bf off in high school. I couldn't believe someone could not get it.
@ Mack Truck
ReplyDeleteMaybe there's a contextual element at work? If I recall correctly from past comments, you're a trucker, right? (correct me if I am misremembering). I'd guess the trucking employers don't have much of a sexual harassment policy (or if they do, it's largely lip-service). Considering I've usually worked in college/university settings, perhaps they take such things more seriously (although, considering it took months to get rid of a person who was annoying an entire DEPARTMENT of women, not exactly a perfect system either).
And then there's the whole male-dominant culture of trucking, and all the bravado that goes with it. Not so much in universities, though come to think of it, my particular research area was fairly male-dominated, at least at the upper levels.
Anyways, point is, I totally get that in some situations, verbally smacking down the men who persist in their boundary-crossing makes perfect sense.
@ Anon 7:01
You're overstating. I never said my 'fake BF' approach worked 100% of the time. Does ANY strategy work 100% of the time? Not in this universe.
I also take issue with your claim that 'saying I'm a lesbian' = passive rejection. What's passive about it? As Weasel says, lesbian = 'don't want cock, kthxbai'. Any male who believes otherwise has likely been watching too much pornography, and is confusing fantasy with reality.
@ Anon 8:33
Glad to know I'm not the only one it can work for. ;)
No, it doesn't always work, but see, my default mode is (initially) to try to be polite. That's how my parents raised me. And no, not just to be polite to men, but to be polite to ANYBODY, no matter what genitalia (or lack of, heheh) they happen to have.
But if the person doesn't get the hint (i.e. with the BF lie...though in my case these days, it's 'husband' and not a lie), then I would allow myself to get rude. Because while there's a time to be polite, there's also a time to lay on a verbal smackdown, because heck, if that person isn't respecting my boundaries, then they've lost the privilege of being treated as an equal (i.e. politely).
Bonnie, no dear, I'm an accountant.
ReplyDeleteI started working in the 1970s, when it was still acceptable to come on to women in the workplace, as well as make racist/sexist jokes and remarks.
The workplace is a far different place today than it was back then. Rarely did anyone get fired for being a lecherous horndog; they usually got a slap on the wrist, and told to leave the "bitch without a sense of humor" alone.
There are still lecherous horndogs who can't seem to take "no" as a valid answer, but they're weeded out pretty quickly in a working environment, so they have to resort to social settings.
I learned early on that I had to shut them down myself, because simpering and telling them my BF wouldn't like it, only gave them hope that if HE were gone, I'd fall into their arms.
P.S.--I'm not talking about non-lunatic men, who when you say "no", stop bothering you.
ReplyDeleteI don't usually break out the Hell Bitch unless I have to. It's only the freaks, who think with just a little more persistence that I'll say "yes", who actually get to see her.
Hey! About those mixed CDs!
ReplyDeleteBack in *my* day they were still tapes.
And all of the "pleeeease don't break up with meeee" tapes directed at me (or my friends) had Extreme's "More Than Words" on 'em. GOD I hate that friggin song.
@ Mack Truck!
ReplyDeleteWhoops! My bad. Ah well, I can always blame 'pregnancy brain'. *grins and pats belly*
And wow, no wonder you've had to resort to 'bitch mode', given a work environment like that! *shakes head* So much for the stereotype that (male) accountants are all mild-mannered and boring!
>It's only the freaks, who think
>with just a little more persistence
>that I'll say "yes", who actually
>get to see her.
Hey, makes sense to me. And there HAVE been situations in my life where I did jump immediately to 'bitch mode'...though both of those were situations where strangers accosted me in the street/subway, and didn't take 'no' for an answer. Luckily similar scenarios have never happened happened in my work environments...yet.
Accountants or not, some men just need a knee to their balls!
ReplyDeleteI don't get hit on much nowadays (older'n dirt), but I do get the occasional old redneck on dis'bility who thinks because I live alone, that I'm "lonely". Blech!
Nope, I live alone because my SO and I aren't married (yet), and he currently lives in another state.
"I'm a lesbian" is not "lay off". Only "lay off" is "lay off". Direct.
ReplyDelete"I'm a lesbian" is as effective as a guy telling women "I'm gay". If anything, women feel welcome and lower their guard. Shit is not that simple.
The boyfriend line is not reliable. Sure, a punctured bottle can hold some water. Giving counterexamples while trying to argue its effectiveness doesn't help your case. There are better, simpler ways that don't require dishonesty.
---
Hellkell, victim blaming? You might as well let someone remain the perfect victim by not urging them how to take control. Cheap.
Oh, fuck you. You're not urging them to take control, you're on an endless wank loop always putting the blame on whoever is being stalked by insinuating that they are at fault for not being direct enough to suit you.
ReplyDeleteI have been debating whether or not to send my story into you for a while now,.....!! Eerily similiar to this!
ReplyDeleteHellkell, he's startin' to sound more and more like He Who Must Not Be Named.....
ReplyDeleteElectric, go ahead. We're always ready for a good assclam story!
Mack, it's totally HWSNBN. I should know better than to feed his ass, but his is a special kind of stupid.
ReplyDeleteSadly, a few posts ago I mentioned my 'worst date' where I woke with a guy masturbating over my head. He stalked me for awhile (letters) after I came back to the US. I hadn't heard anything about or from him in YEARS. (Thankfully)...UNTIL....I responed to a a friend on facebook (damn facebook)and he was also their friend. He just made some casual comment about my comment, but I looked all over the 'shared friends' wall and found NOT one single post from the stalker-type. He was hoping I would see him and be like "OMG, it is M. I am so glad I found him..." Uh NOT!
ReplyDelete@ Mack Truck:
ReplyDelete>some men just need a knee to their balls!
Too true!
@ Anon 11:34:
Overstating AGAIN? How repetitive of you. *yawns in boredom*
Yeah, this 'Anon' is definitely seeming more and more like He Who Must Not Be Named... next he'll be asking for 'published scientific articles' to back up our claims!
I mean, SERIOUSLY.
ReplyDeleteFag Hags (like me and my mom) are WAAAAAY different from "you only say you're a lesbian cuz you haven't fucked MEMEMEMEMEME."
Maladjusted lonely guys spend WAY too much time with Porn, and somehow get it mixed up with reality.
Still got my own stalker-man...this one genuinely is harmless, and is one of those really annoying Klingons you can't reject because he won't make a move. He just stares and offers rides and cookies, and scootches close when he can, and etc. etc. etc.
ReplyDeleteStarted in my first year of University. I'm a gamer chick, a geek at heart, and he saw me reading a Terry Pratchett novel, invited me into the University gamer club. Great, I thought. A chance to make some friends. He also had a car and offered me a ride home. Which was great, since I lived out in the suburbs and it took me almost two hours to get home via bus. He, on the other hand, lived a five minute drive from campus, so to say driving me home took him out of his way was an understatement...but I thought he was just being polite. Silly me.
For the next two years I was in that gaming group he would sit next to me, bring me homemade cookies, offer to take me to the movies (I went a few times...never, ever made a move, not ONCE). Stare at me. Howl with laughter at any joke I made (and if he made a joke, he'd immediately whip around to see if I was laughing). If we ran into each other in the halls, he'd glom onto my side and follow me, chattering the whole way, to wherever I was going. After a while I got tired of it, quit getting rides with him, stopped taking his calls, and changed gaming groups. The other players all knew why...and then he switched to my new group, much to everyone's dismay (he was a lousy, lousy gamer).
For the next two years he'd still call me to invite me out..never on a DATE, just to hang out. I turned him down, every time, using the same excuse, every time. He never caught on, or rather, never wanted to.
Then he found out that I hang out at a local bar with a group of friends on Thursday nights. And decided to join us. At first I encouraged this...a lot of the girls in the group aren't picky, and to be honest I was hoping one of them might give him a pity fuck. But he managed to alienate himself so quickly from everyone in the group that it was startling. I discovered that his desperate clinginess actually applies to must girls; any female who spoke to him quickly discovered she had an eager follower for the next hour or so. He'd always fall back on me, since I was his "first", but the other girls in the bar learned not to make eye contact. The guys didn't appreciate him hassling the girls, nor his bogarting of the drinks (he'd buy a pitcher of beer occasionally, but he started helping himself to a pitcher of mixed drinks bought by one guy for himself. Said guy is quite generous about sharing when ASKED....puppy boy didn't ask. And in between all of this, he's positively LEAPING into the seat beside mine whenever it's vacated, or else standing behind my char...still staring at me mournfully and hanging on every word...still making lame jokes and checking to see if I laugh...it's the saddest thing you have ever seen.
He hasn't made a single move I can reject, but he's so obvious it's sad. And it's gone on for almost a decade now. Positively mind-boggling.
hey theres one of those on my facebook page right now!
ReplyDeletehe says he wants to hang out....but only if it's to explore our bodies because he would never want to be "just" my friend.
nice eh?
@ hellkell: *applauds your response to He Who Must Not Be Named anon*
ReplyDelete@ Anon 12:29: Ew, I'm sorry. Those clingy, non-confrontational Klingons are the worst because they don't DO anything you can put your finger on, really. And telling them to fuck off just seems like kicking a puppy. ...But sometimes, that puppy just needs to be kicked. ;)
Hellkell,
ReplyDeleteRegardless of how much you think this is about me, there is a concrete notion of clarity. Imagine you were speaking to a child and sex were like a toy or candy. Do you think a child understands or cares about homosexuality? Do you think they won't try to get it, anyway? Whereas a firm "NO!" is very clear. The rejection is unmistakable.
Your "blaming the victim" objection is cheap. I've not been blaming. When they complain of the consequences, am I not allowed to point out their inept handling of the situation or a simple, effective measure to take control? Neither of the two is blaming though comprehending that may be beyond you. Maybe you need to look up the definition.
If a car slowly coasts toward someone, they see it, yell at it to stop for 5 minutes but don't get out of the way, then complain the car runs over them, am I not allowed to say he should have moved out of the way? He's a victim! I guess not.
@ hellkell: I too applaud your response to He Who Must Not Be Named anon
ReplyDeleteDear Woldemort: When people label themselves as being gay it means they are only interested in same sex relationships. Anyone with half a brain knows that. To state otherwise is pathetic.
Btw, if a guy ever pretended to be gay to somehow lure me into sleeping with him, he would end up speaking in falsetto on a permanent basis! A:He'd be mocking the real life trials and suffering that gay men go through. and B: Oh please, don't insult my intelligence, you stupid git!
If you don't like weasel's commentary, why are you even here?I'm here for what it says on the tin: Psychotic Letters From Men. Like you, I like feeling superior to the sad sacks of humanity who are the Psychotic Letter Men and commiserating with the Psychotic Letter Victims.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm not here for: Repetitive Exposition From Some Guy Who Is Psychotic But Doesn't Write Letters. What he adds to the blog is not interesting and not original, and is only there to draw attention to Weasel and away from the focus of the blog.
And I'm not sure why it's taking the line breaks out of my comments. Maybe the HTML?
ReplyDeleteAnon,
ReplyDeleteJust stop. It's not her responsibility to drill the rejection into his head. It was there, and it was clear. His behavior in this is abnormal, and I hardly expect a 12yr old or even a 22yr old person to pick the exact right way to deal with him. Who's to say your approach would have been any better?
Dear woldemort
ReplyDeletein response to your latest comment
You didn't just say that you though Lea might have handled the situation in a more efficient manner, you called her retarded!
She said that she was gay!
(yells it out loud while slapping my forehead to express the depth of my unfathomable amazement)
Btw, if I were a guy I would be offended by your implied but decidedly low opinion of men and their cognitive abilities. So unless you treat a man as if he was three year old child magically endowed with the libido of a sixteen year old, you aren't being clear in regard to your intentions? Oh please!
lafinjack:
ReplyDeleteHonoes! Some stranger on the internet doesn't format his posts to fit your desires! What the fuck is this world coming to?!?!?! D:
Woldemort (*snort*):
So I suppose telling people I'm a nihilist isn't direct enough to stop evangelical religious types from proselytizing at me? *eyeroll* Y'know, it's not unreasonable to expect an adult of seemingly normal cognition to be able to put two and two together.
@ Anon 2:58, a.k.a. He Who Shall Not Be Named:
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing. Your lips are moving, yet I am still BORED.
Bonnie:
ReplyDeleteMaybe if we needle him enough, he'll pick up on something new to yammer on about. Maybe.
Eric,
ReplyDelete...really?
It did work. Did you not read the end?
Oh for heaven's sake Woldemort, "Matthew" is not a child. He isn't even a hormonal teenage boy in high school by the end of the story. He is a fucking adult, and therefore being told "I AM A LESBIAN" is, emphatically, a NO.
ReplyDeleteBesides, as to your analogy, have you ever told a young child NO when they really want a toy or candy? They don't just placidly say "oh, all right, I guess that's a no, then". They whine and scream and cry. Rather like whiny Matt when told clearly that Lea did not want any cock, kthnx.
Guys, do you repeat the same ineffectual move for 10 years and ever expect something different? If you do, you are retards. It's clear the subtlety is failing before that.
ReplyDelete"I'm a lesbian" is not an emphatic "NO!". A full blown rejection is what she wrote last, after 10 years. It worked.
Er, let me revise me comment at 4:29. What that first sentence of the reply to Woldemort should say is "So I suppose telling people I'm a nihilist isn't direct enough when evangelical religious types proselytize at me?". Because, as most of us know, direct doesn't necessarily equal effective. :D
ReplyDeleteHonoes, he broke out "retards"! Seriously dude, use of lazy-ass, middle-school insults like "retard" is an automatic 1,000 point deduction.
ReplyDelete*Woldemort* Ha, that's good.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Woldemort, you're being disingenuous now. It's a look that doesn't suit you. This about you and your complete yet asinine instance on clarity in this installment. You're still placing the onus on the Lea. Now in addition to being clear, she has to dumb it down. You really do think highly of men, don't you?
@lafinjack: Let him without a lame LJ cast the first stone. I'm lookin' at you, Bubba.
Dear Woldemort
ReplyDeleteTorn between the indignation I feel on Lea's
On different note: Have anyone of you actually experienced the "I'm a sensitive gay man, but wait, maybe I like women too" con? I mean does it actually take place outside the fictional world of cheesy comedies? Seeing as most men doesn't like to be though of as feminine in any sense of the word, I inclined to believe that it isn't the case.
Just to make myself clear, by this question I don't mean to suggest that being bisexual isn't a viable option! I'm a firm believer in the explanatory prowess of the Kinsey Scale
posted my last comment a bit to quick. The intended opening line was just my continued dismissal of Woldemort's crude interpretation of the situation, so you guys didn't miss out on much
ReplyDeleteHey, Woldemort. It's called reading comprehension. It wasn't "the same ineffectual move for 10 years." It was one encounter at age 12, then a few encounters in high school which clearly made more of an impression on him than her. Then YEARS LATER, it was a friend request on Facebook. It wasn't constant, and it is not unreasonable to think that someone might grow up in the interludes between encounters. Besides, it seems that everyone friends everyone on Facebook... it's not an invitation to be hit on.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it is clearly unreasonable to think that you'll grow up between posts, so whatever. Once you descend to calling people retards, you undermine your own position, imho.
"Honoes! Some stranger on the internet doesn't format his posts to fit your desires! What the fuck is this world coming to?!?!?! D:"
ReplyDeleteWhat are you talking about? I was referring to my own comments, not anybody else's, and how some of the line breaks disappeared when the preview looked fine.
"@lafinjack: Let him without a lame LJ cast the first stone. I'm lookin' at you, Bubba."
Are you seriously saying that one blog service is inherently less lame than another?
No, I'm talking content.
ReplyDeleteI had a guy who was sort of like that in that he has only recently decided to stop pestering me to be with him. I've been in a relationship with another guy for about a year and a half, but Guy A couldn't get over the fact that he missed his opportunity with me.
ReplyDeleteWe went out once, and then he blew me off afterward. I guess he was trying to play hard to get. Unfortunately for him, two other guys wanted to get me, and one really worked for it. Every once in a while, A would send me some IM about whatever, trying to see if I was single yet (not that I would go for him, anyway). The last time he did it, he had the gall to ask when my boyfriend and I were breaking up (again, not that he could have me). When I told him off, he let me know that he was over me like a cow over a hill.
I hope that cow stays on the other side of that hill. Otherwise, I'm making burgers.
"No, I'm talking content."
ReplyDelete...except you have a blog whose idea of content is sticking "FAIL" on the end of things.
Readers are always nice, darling. I'm glad you could stop by and spread good cheer and wit.
ReplyDeletelafinjack, you're boring and NOT funny.
ReplyDeleteWeasel, on the other hand, is hilarious.
But I can see how Weas might want to change everything just to please you. ( I'm wondering if lj is sharp enough to understand sarcasm? )
You can come up with every reason to argue why this shouldn't be happening. None of it changes the fact that it is happening and it's entirely up to you to do something about it. If you don't stick up for yourself, he won't do it for you.Except, hello, the woman in the OP DID stick up for herself. The woman at my former friend's workplace ALSO stuck up for herself.
ReplyDeleteReading is fundamental.
Seriously, cupcake, were you born stupid, or do you practice every day?
Don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question.
"Readers are always nice, darling. I'm glad you could stop by and spread good cheer and wit."
ReplyDeleteYou're cute when you get high and mighty.
"But I can see how Weas might want to change everything just to please you."
Funny, I coulda sworn this was the comments section. I commented with my opinion, just as all of you are. Clearly nobody agrees with me, which I'm used to. Why do you have such a problem with this?
Oh Lafinjack, you're hopelessly outnumbered here. This is one battle you don't need to pick, believe me. Your opinion is noted, thank you, and your right to it respected, as are all. But the majority of readers here like the commentary. That's why we keep coming back.
ReplyDeleteAnd seeing as how this is Weasel's blog where he can express himself in a way he likes to, there's no reason he should change his writing style unless he decides he wants it different.
If you don't like it that much, why not just read the letters and skip over the rest? =)
As for me personally, reading each entry is like having a mental orgasm.
I wouldn't have 'em any other way!
@ mr. mrs. fangface:
ReplyDelete>Maybe if we needle him enough, he'll
>pick up on something new to yammer on about. >Maybe.
Nope, seems like the same old arguments. Darn. And here I thought I was being CLEAR and DIRECT, as per his request. Maybe he's mentally even younger than the 3-year-old mentality he claims men have?
Loving 'Woldemort' as an alternative handle for him, as well. I'd also, however, like to submit "Captain Logical Fallacy" to the short-list of nicknames, too. ;)
Anon (9:13),
ReplyDeleteAfter doing the same ineffective thing for 10 years. Maybe you need reading comprehension.
Hellkell,
Get out of your fantasy bubble world where all your personal grievances fix themselves. The world is not ideal. There is no Hellkell's Personal Greivance Squad that patrols the world and fixes everything in your favor. In conflicts of interest, the onus is on you to get your way.
Which you're doing. You're assuming the onus to push your opinion with forceful directness and clarity. It's the most effective way and your actions confirm it.
Dumbing down is part of clarifying when initial attempts fail.
Blahblahblahclarityblahblahblahdirectblahblahonusisstillonyou
ReplyDelete@Bonnie: another alternate nickname--Commander One Note.
ReplyDeleteSo as far as I can tell, the take-home message here is...
ReplyDeleteGirls should realize that same behavior = same unsuccessful result.
Guys don't have to realize that same behavior = same unsuccessful result.
It's all so clear now!! :D
battyjeri, get your head out your ass. Anon 12:38 already said it.
ReplyDeleteWoldemort....
ReplyDeleteYour story has grown tiresome.
Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance.
The only PROBLEM with how Lea - and other women - has handled this is that sane, normal people kind of expect other people to be normal and sane, and interact on the Normal Sanity Plane of Society.
Especially when we're all grownups.
lafinjack:
ReplyDeleteI was referring to your dislike of Weasel's commentary, not to your linebreaks crapping out. :D Probably should've been clearer and said something closer to "
Honoes! Some stranger on the internet doesn't write his blog posts in a style that fits your desires! What the fuck is this world coming to?!?!?! D:"
Also:
ReplyDeleteHooray for bitch fits on the internet! Just the thing to snap me out of my funk of self-worthlessness and boredom when sitting on my ass like a useless blob. :D
Voldermort--except that she didn't have any contact with him for 6 years(not 10 years--the party in question was six years ago).
ReplyDeleteAgain, dipshit--reading is fundamental.
So as far as I can tell, the take-home message here is...
Girls should realize that same behavior = same unsuccessful result.
Guys don't have to realize that same behavior = same unsuccessful result.Yeah, pretty much. Guys can also whine and snivel about how the chicks don't dig Nice Guys like them or bother with a shred of introspection to figure out where they're going wrong. They are special snowflakes.
Anon 5:50, get your head out your ass. Anon 9:59 already said it.
ReplyDeleteAnon 7:02: take your own advice.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLook, this thread is spiraling away from discussion of the fact that I matter and what I think is important.
ReplyDeletecasualencounters.com
ReplyDeleteYou're right
@hellkell:
ReplyDelete>Commander One Note
I like that! And in his case, it's always a FLAT note.
@casualencounters:
LOL! Thank you for your insight. SO much more intelligent than 'One Note's' contributions. ;D
Weasie darling, Mack Truck has a short attention span as well as what she suspects is a touch of ADD, and is getting bored. Time for another post!
ReplyDelete@casualencounters: you're so right, and we've been so wrong.
ReplyDeleteClosest I got to having a pest was this one guy who belonged to the same online forum I did. He seemed OK, so I chatted with him once in a while. the number of times he posted on the forum lamenting his physical shortcomings and wanting to know ways to fix them (height, penis, etc.) should have tipped me off.
ReplyDeleteI was sort in a relationship at the time, albeit long-distance. The guy in question wasn't deterred when I told him - he kept offering to meet me for a weekend romp. Having also been raised to be nice to practically every person I meet, and stupidly kind of enjoying the attention since I was the type who rarely got any as a teen, I always said something like, "Maybe in the future, should I be desperate enough." Really, I should have told him, "listen pipsqueak, it was nice talking to you, but I've got a bf and I have no intention of EVER meeting up with you."
I eventually told my bf, whose immediate concern was that I would be OK handling this on my own. I told him yes, blocked the guy after telling him no again, and haven't spoken to him since. He hasn't tried to contact me about meeting up, so I guess he's either found someone or has decided to find new hunting ground.
My pest has been attached to me since freshman year in high school. I was new to the school, and I decided to sit with that one guy who sits by himself at his own table. He was really quiet, and hardly spoke at all, but he didn't tell me to leave or anything. Eventually we moved on as I became friends with more people in school, and he joined his own group. What I didn't know is that he had never forgotten that one gesture by me. He later found out my home phone number and online messenger accounts through mutual friends, and proceeded to call me. I was a particularly dense girl (and admittedly focused on someone else named J), and thought that he just wanted to be really good friends.
ReplyDeleteThrough all of high school I was his crutch. Every day he whined about how hard his life was, and how he wanted to commit suicide. He constantly did stupid things to get attention. But I didn't tell him to bug off because I was young, stupid, and thought I was being a good friend to him.
Things changed one day in senior year when I was cheated on and dumped by my boyfriend from another school (not J). He spent the entire class period telling me how he would be the perfect boyfriend, because he was so sensitive and a thoughtful guy, and he would never treat me like my ex did. He was so obnoxious and pestering about it, that the teacher stepped in and told him to leave me alone.
It was that day that I realized that the thought of a relationship with him was hell. He was so whiny and depressing, that I wanted someone completely opposite of him. I wanted someone who could stand up for himself... someone who was sane!
We graduated and moved on. Despite living four hours away for college, this guy still managed to drive me up the wall. He remained back in our home town and eventually moved out to live with his online girlfriend in another state. Yet still he constantly proclaimed his love to me, and how he wished he could be with me and not his girlfriend. Then his girlfriend cheated on him, and instead of handling it like a mature person, he started calling me again with suicide threats. I gave him sane, reasonable advice to just leave her if he was that miserable with her, but he said he couldn't bring up the courage. Geez, maybe she cheated on him because he's so darn spineless. He even drove her to go have sex with the guy she was cheating with, and he STILL called me to complain about how miserable he was!
Finally, in my junior year of college, things came to an end. He had found out that I started a relationship with J, and flipped out. I explained to him how I had always had a crush on J, but we were never single at the same time and too dense to figure out we felt the same way for each other. He barraged me with questions about why J was so special and not him, and I finally had to tell him exactly why. J was not a whiny, spineless, and mooching off of his underage girlfriend's parents.
He did not stop trying to talk to me, but I have done my best to block him. He eventually did marry is girlfriend, but he still tries to send me messages. He found my facebook account and recently sent me a note saying he wishes he could have sex with me, and that he hates J for "taking the most important thing" in his life away. He also sent me money when he found out I was struggling, but I sent it back promptly.
I really hope one day he can move on and be happy, and just leave me alone!
Wow.
ReplyDeleteIf only more men understood "Sir, you assume too much."
But then, I want a butler so he can answer the door for me and firmly say, "Madam is not receiving."
Excellent, thanks troops. Great to have your validation. Back on track.
ReplyDeleteAnd do you know what I think RIGHT NOW? I think that it's time to finish writing a comment on psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com and mosey over to the kitchen for another coffee.
And that's important.
I didn't even know that Jesus condoned blow jobs...
ReplyDelete"He found my facebook account and recently sent me a note saying he wishes he could have sex with me, and that he hates J for "taking the most important thing" in his life away."
ReplyDeleteWhen these creepy guys start Facebook stalking, put them on block immediately! Once they're on block, it's as if you don't exist on Facebook. If they try other techniques such as making new accounts to regain access to your Facebook page, put their new names on block as well. Don't give these stalking creeps the satisfaction!
I wish I'd known about this site years ago. I learned the hard way that letting these weirdos down gently is not the way to go.
I just ran across this article in The Nation and it is so apropos:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.thenation.com/doc/20090601/pollitt