Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Employee Relations

Dana takes pride in her unofficial role as "social chairman" for her large Midwestern corporate office.

She frequently organizes after-work events and parties for her co-workers to attend, and recently met a fellow employee named Nate at one of these events.

Nate seemed like a nice enough guy, so Dana took down his information and added him to her Evite list, which she regularly sends around the office to notify fellow employees of upcoming events. The list is hardly exclusive; each Evite goes out to well over 50 people in her department alone.

Nate subsequently declined every invitation to Dana's employee events, yet would mysteriously show up anyway. Although Dana found his behavior peculiar, she didn't think much of it. After all, she barely knew the guy aside from a few casual conversations.

"No big deal," she thought.

But then things began to take a strange turn.

Nate began sending private texts and emails to Dana, asking her if she'd like to go out for a round of drinks or perhaps a nice dinner. Dana politely declined Nate's requests, explaining that she had a long-term boyfriend with whom she was quite happy. She felt she made it quite clear to Nate that she wasn't interested. At all.

Or so she thought.

Halloween came around, and Dana decided to organize a huge Halloween Pub Crawl for her friends and co-workers. Nate declined the initial group invitation as usual, but sure enough halfway through the evening Nate appeared, dressed up in a Hershey's T-shirt covered in fake lipstick kisses.

A more appropriate costume would have been 60 Minutes correspondent Morley Safer however, because Nate spent the entire evening conducting ruthless interrogation sessions with Dana's non-work friends, trying desperately to find out more information about her. Dana wasn't aware of the commotion; she was too busy hosting the pub crawl and having a great time with her boyfriend.

The party ended up at Dana's apartment later that night, and everybody was having a great time. Everyone, that is, except for Nate.

Nate suddenly pulled Dana into the living room, and inexplicably began screaming at her for "ignoring him" throughout the course of the evening. He tossed a stuffed animal gift at her, followed by the impromptu delivery of a speech intended to qualify the muted symbolism of his chosen attire for the evening.

"I'm dressed as a piece of chocolate because you're allergic to chocolate. But I'm a piece of chocolate you can have!" screamed Nate.

I'm not saying the room suddenly grew silent, but a well-timed gnat fart reverberated like a close-range thunderclap.

After thoroughly embarrassing himself, Nate stormed out the door into the night.

Oddly, he didn't stick around to enjoy cake.

"Then the emails and texts started coming," says Dana, adding, "I should say hate texts and emails."

Dana attempted to smooth out any misunderstandings with Nate by explaining, once again, that she had a long-term boyfriend, and had no interest whatsoever in dating Nate.

She didn't hear from him again until late November, when Dana's uncle died. Nate once again began texting Dana repeatedly, asking her out for drinks so she could have an opportunity to "vent" her feelings about her uncle's death.

Dana completely ignored his texts, and, cautious of his bizarre behavior, quickly removed his name from the employee Evite list.

The texts slowly began to die off until December, when Dana came into work one day to find a Christmas gift on her desk.

From Nate.

Nate had purchased Dana a set of "Bow Biters," essentially small plastic neon Muppet heads designed to permanently fasten shoelaces. Bow Biters primarily appeal to three year-olds, as the packaging clearly warns "CHOKING HAZARD-Small Parts." (Insert your own joke here.) She initially thought of them as a gag gift, but Nate's ensuing email proves otherwise.

Nate wrapped the Bow Biters in a Cherry Pie box, and left a really creepy card on top of the ensemble.

Dana ignored Nate's overture, hoping he would simply get the hint and go away.

In January, Dana began to fire up the employee social schedule again by organizing a Roller Derby event amongst her closest friends at work. Nate somehow found out about the event, and arrived uninvited. Dana was disturbed at Nate's behavior up to this point, so she left the function early to avoid any further confrontations with Nate.

Which of course led to another barrage of texts and emails.

Sick of his unwelcome missives, Dana decided to issue one last text, again attempting the courteous route:

"It's no big deal, but you make me feel uncomfortable. I will NOT meet you for drinks."

Now, remember folks, Dana barely even knows this guy.

Yet here is Nate's email response to her text:

Dana,

Uncomfortable, not sure what I can do to help you with that other than the passage of time. Without knowing more from you, I’m not even sure what aspect of Halloween has you feeling uncomfortable.

(1) You could be angry, disgusted, and offended all wrapped up into a cute little 5’5-8ish”( In heels?) just below my chin, ball of fiery wrath.

(2) You could feel uncomfortable, because you feel bad or think I resent you in some way.

- The truth is, I only think about Halloween when I begin to feel awkward after I sense you are feeling weird or I get lost in thoughts of past miss-steps on my behalf, turning my cheeks red with embarrassment within the confines of my car, nothing you did.

- It wasn’t as an enormous deal in a relationship sense. We weren’t a couple, I wasn’t getting cheated on. The only thing that upset me was what I felt was a gross disrespect toward me as a person and friend. Everyone is a loser in love throughout their life, I accept that side of the coin on face value.

- I was already broken, I had "betrayal" tattooed on my chest earlier that summer by someone I’d been seeing for over a year, who had another boyfriend that whole time as well.


(3) You could feel weird because you think I am still pursuing you romantically and have chosen the path of cold resistance to throw me off your trail,. Your patience definitely seemed to run out shortly after you received those glamorous bowbiters (A girls true best friend forever).

First let me say, any gentleman would consider himself “once in a life time lucky” to be immersed in you everything that is you. You are exceptionally beautiful, great smile (the real one that occasionally escapes unchecked, although I know you have a real knockout you’ve rehearsed since highschool for potential photo-ops), a glint in your eye, infectious laugh, just an incredible person with a real spark and enthusiasm for life in you. What more does a guy need?!?

- The answer is no, I have not been pursuing you. I have been on hiatus since Halloween. I realized I needed a break from women in general to get my shit together and rebuild my confidence in the integrity of the better half of our species. It was long overdue. I haven’t been going out of my way to pursue you or anyone else.

Nate

Dana responded with an email of her own, simply requesting that Nate no longer contact her, something she had been trying to get him to understand for months by completely ignoring him.

Would that explanation suffice?

Of course not.

Go ahead, Nate:

Dana,

I appreciate all the effort you put into "trying." If you have a problem with me, I deserve to hear what it is. None of this glossing over it as just being uncomfortable. People fight all the time over dumb shit and life isn't awkward 3 months later.

It is weird situation to be the one who had to do the forgiving instead of walking away.

I can't even tell you how disheartening it is to see you are still friends with that douchebag. I will go to my grave seething over that fella, but his comments were no fault of your own. On the flip side, as far as I can tell, you never stuck up for me at all.

I was done with halloween and had moved on. I'll respect the decision if thats what you want, but I will not respect the process nor you for making it 3 months after the fact w/o saying anything. Ignoring a problem isn't trying and hoping I eventually go away isn't trying.

I'm finding the more I ramble the whinier, bizarre, and greater the bleeding heart gets. You aren't going to get over anything if you've been doing the opposite of trying though.

In most instances I am a man of my word except when it comes to unfiltered streams of panic'd thought and mixed emotions I guess. I am going to earn a cry baby title fairly soon and should probably butch up a bit ;)


Nate

Yeah, Nate, you might want to butch up just a bit. I've seen bigger balls sprinkled on the frosting of my morning cupcake.

Dana realized that providing Nate any sort of response simply added fuel to the fire, so she kept quiet. She only had a few more weeks to go before she transferred to a different department anyhow, and Nate would be out of her hair forever.

But of course, her lack of response brought yet another email from Nate:

Dana,

A fourth grader can hold her breath in silent protest. It doesn't resolve or prove anything, nor make her any more mature.

I genuinely tried to do a nice thing and offer to sit down over drinks and discuss what ever is obviously bothering you. Up till now, I hadn't brought up Halloween once, and I literally sat down and brain stormed what the problem may be.

My circle is all about peace love and lollipops. If someone is in that circle struggling, I want to do what I can to help. This is also about me just as much as you. Your discomfort is my discomfort. So I did it for myself just as much as you. I came up with a few things, some of which you saw and others you didnt where there was no nice way to put it so I left them off.

1. maybe something has you mad, I was harsh and perhaps your feelings are still sore. it was a lot nicer than saying, get that sand out of your ass.. don't you think?

2. Maybe you thought I secretly loathe you. Not the case. I even made light of a past relationship and due to that maybe overreacted to some degree on Halloween.

3. Finally, I considered that despite everything I still have a romantic interest.

This came to mind because, I have actually been in your seat with three other people who have worked for XXXXXXX that wanted to date me and it made things weird. So I have empathy for your position, if that is where you are sitting.

It was easier to date every hot waitress I worked with when I was 20, not so much now as an adult. I genuinely tried to be nice about this point. I tried to give you a shot of confidence in the arm, tell you about some of your great qualities and go get 'em tiger there is a stud out there for you! but I'm personally not interested.

It is a lot nicer of a gesture Dana, than to say you fell so far down the list, you do not even make my top 100 anymore. Not that its any of your business, but of the people I've been seeing casually, I have one in particular who I've been growing extremely fond of, and when I'm ready, I think I'd really like to see on a more formal basis. She isn't you.

I'm done ranting endlessly. Its pointless, and your senseless actions have only flustered me to the point where everything seems childish. I'm going to leave it be for a couple weeks to let us both cool down, but I will not let this go.

You pretty much came out of the blue and are behaving.. stupid. I'm not a boyfriend you dump and forget, I am your friend and I deserve better than this.

I'm sorry if I've upset you over the last few days, but we had an opportunity to take the high road on this, and you chose to steer us in the ditch.

Nate

Done? No.

One final attempt made it into Dana's inbox:

Dana,

If you'd like to get together over a milk shake or burrito and air your grievances before partying this evening, I'll make myself available. I still deserve an answer how we went from being the best gift giver, nettle soup, and nip/tuck banter in December to you doing a 180.

Nate

Dana finally escaped Nate's confused affections once she left his department, but it wasn't quite the last she heard of him.

A few weeks later, two co-workers pulled Dana aside and informed her Nate had been sending them emails about her.

Not only that, but Nate had also written the women emails about the newfound "friendship" he felt with them, and how it had begun to "affect him professionally."

They took notes, and promptly told him to go fuck himself sideways.

Dana hasn't heard from him since.

Now, a couple weeks ago we ran a similar story dealing with slimy customers rather than slimy co-workers, and that entry alone had racked up over 600 comments the last time I checked.

Though we probably won't beat that, feel free to put your experiences with your own fucked-up co-workers, male or female, in the comments.

And if you have incriminating letters or emails, screw the comments and send them directly to me at weaselworden@yahoo.com.

We'll print them up for the world to see.

Because I'm an asshole like that.

116 comments:

  1. This site is just brilliant, you always manage to entertain me!

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  2. Holy cow. Ladies, on behalf of men everywhere, I apologize for Nate's inability to catch a clue.
    Where the hell do you dig these people up, Weasel?

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  3. It is situations like this where the boyfriend should take the guy aside for a quiet word.

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  4. Wow, I'll bet Dana was crushed to fall out of Nate's Top 100 list. Hell, she was probably ahead of the tooth fairy, Snow White, and a half-dozen minor cartoon characters too. What a shame she didn't go out for that burrito and milkshake to patch things up.

    As far as weird co-workers go, I haven't had to deal with anything strange like Dana did, but I've seen others who were less fortunate. It's always awkward at office parties when you can sense the creepy dude from marketing trying to build up the courage to ask out one of your friends who clearly has no interest. Worse still is when one of your former 50-ish, mildly-incompetent subordinates (who bore a striking resemblance to that old boss of yours, Weasel) tries to get frisky with the college interns. I say "former" because we soon had a lovely chat about harassment in the workplace and how it can lead to employee termination (which it happily did).

    Seriously, if a co-worker is being inappropriate to you, bring it up with your supervisor. We can't be everywhere at once and sometimes we simply don't learn about this stuff until it gets too strange. Once we know about it, however, I'd say most bosses would be more than happy to back you up.

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  5. Hmmm where to even start...

    I'm a young reasonably attractive female lawyer...

    I've had one partner offer to promote me to partnership within a year if I would be his official mistress... when I declined he went out of his way to be an asshole

    I've had another who used to talk to me all the time about how his wife was such a bitch and didn't understand him and everytime their was a firm function he would 'try' to seduce me.. I always told him I wouldn't date anyone I worked with.. he resigned and took up partnership elsewhere and at his leaving drinks told me that now we no longer worked together we could start having an affair that night. I told him well actually I haven't slept with anyone in 3 years and have no intention of doing so again until I find someone I'm serious about..

    His reason... loudly... at the top of his lungs in a room full of my colleagues..

    YOU HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN 3 YEARS? THAT'S JUST A WASTE OF GOOD PUSSY...

    Charming..

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  7. ...Bow Biters are a girl's best friend? Clearly, Nate hasn't heard of chocolate, roller coasters, or PLFM.

    He also says he wasn't pursuing her. Right...whatever.
    He certainly won her over at the party, with the screaming and all. Not.

    I don't have any creepy work stories, although I've been hit on by store employees while I was shopping. Nothing PLFM worthy, but still annoying.

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  8. The Bow Biters thing leaves me totally confused.

    I also wonder how many of his "relationships" were the exact same situation poor Dana was in.

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  9. I nearly tripped over my own keyboard when my friend said texted to say new plfm. :) Weasel, we love you..(metaphorically speaking of course! Not stalker following sort) hahahhaa

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  10. he soooo needs to get fired.

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  11. While working at an afterschool program my sophomore year of college an older co-worker developed an odd fixation with me. He wasn't a direct supervisor but was in a higher-up position and would frequently specifically request me when he needed a second person in his classroom or on a trip, would insist I go to lunch with him, ect. At first I thought he was just being friendly, but then it started to extend into odd overly-familiar touches and invitations out to bars and such(despite my repeatedly reminding him that I had 2 more years of covert underage drinking ahead of me and couldn't get in to any of those bars). Once he was telling a story about moving in to his freshman dorm and mentioned the year so I responded with "wow, while you were movnig into college I was....shopping for my first day of kindergarten" which, rather than creeping him out, only seemed to encourage him. It was gross gross gross. He backed off for a bit after my boyfriend at the time, who was 6 foot 6, picked me up from work one day, but didn't actually end until I finally quit

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  12. I worked for a horse trainer and there was one other guy working there too. I was 16, and he was 160. She, the trainer, was gone one day and said 160 year old cornered me and tried to kiss me. I punched him in the stomach...as hard as I could. Fucking asshole.

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  13. Mr.Spkr:

    *patpat* Not to worry. Even those of us women who have been the recipient of slimy attentions like Nate's do know that he's a particularly lousy specimen and not representative of his gender.

    Please just do forgive those of us who act unusually standoffish to an innocent attempt at getting friendly or even getting a date - we may have recently escaped such a slimeball and be in Uber!Caution mode.

    There's nothing wrong with trying to pursue a coworker (assuming he/she hasn't already said no and that the work rules don't prohibit it), but a little courtesy and respect goes a long way!

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  14. Clearly someone, read Nate, has problems seperating pretend world from actual reality. While I initially judged him to be fairly harmless as in caught up in a momentary emotional whirlwind of insanity, the persistence displayed is really scary.

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  15. While I was in college, I worked for a large District Attorney's office as a part-time clerk. One of the male attorneys would hang around my window and make very sexual comments. I was 19; he was 40 and married. It started with him calling me by pet names and quickly escalated to asking me to bend over to pick up things so that he could look down my shirt. Yes, Einstein actually said "Bend over and get that for me so that I can see more of your boobs."

    So I'm young and naive and all, but I'd had enough and reported him to my supervisor. We all ended up meeting with the District Attorney, who is a very smart, strong woman. She was lovely to me; not so much to him.

    The best part was his defense. He argued that he was entitled to treat me like that because one of the Judges frequently called me "Honey" and "Sweetheart" and even gave me occasional hugs. Apparently, that meant I was everyone's bitch. Problem was...the judge in question was my godfather and everyone knew it. Under the theory that people who changed your diapers as a baby get to call you "Honey" if they want to, his 'defense' didn't fly.

    He wasn't fired, but he was demoted. Sadly for him (not) that meant he was removed from the loop when the cops did a vice sting a couple years later and he was picked up in a NoTellMotel with a hooker. Then he was fired. Karma is a bitch.

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  16. Nate just... bewilders me more than anything. Where does his assertion of this supposed friendship even COME from? A single conversation at one event? His letters are not only creepy, but creepily random. Also, wtf @ bowbiters? I'd never heard of them before.

    The Top 100 list made me lol, too. I bet Dana was REALLY devastated to be told she no longer made the cut.

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  17. This shit is a whole new world of crazy. Weasel, I love your writing. Seriously. You crack my stuff up!!!

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  18. Holy crickets that guy was flipping nuts. I'm glad that Dana was finally able to escape his clutches in the end.

    Sadly I've had dealings with creepy co-workers as well, though not nearly as bad as this. My incident took place a few years ago when I was working as a server in a banquete hall. I was in my late teens at the time and had not yet realized that you don't always have to be polite to people who disrespect your personal space and are just completely skeevy in general. (Completely and utterly naieve in other words)

    Anyway, one of the prep cooks in the kitchen apparently took a liking to me. He would speak to me in spanish, and since I was studying it at the time, I would use it as an opportunity to practice. Until he turned creepy that is. He started to follow me around and exclaim, "you're beautiful, I love you!" in spanish. Since he was easily old enough to qualify for a senior citizen discount, I found this to be profoundly unsettling and began to ignore him. Surprisingly enough, he did not get the message(yes, I now realize this is partly my fault too.)

    Soon after this, he comes and stands way to close to me as I'm scooping ice out of the ice machine and starts asking me if I have a boyfried, want to go out, etc. Which I also found intimidating because he was taller than me by at least a foot. So of course I lied and said that I did have a boyfriend(lol!) and that he did martial arts(LOL!!). Yeah, yeah, I know. So he stood there waaay too close the entire time and only left after I did. At this point, I went straight to my boss and told her of the situation. She said that she would speak to him. And I knew that she would follow through as she most certainly has the biggest cajones of anyone I know. The next day he acted like I didn't even exist, which was both a welcome reprieve and a confirmation of his nefarious intentions. Anyway, he was fired soon after and I haven't seen him since, much to my delight.

    I really wish I had known of this blog back then. It has really taught me alot in regards to unacceptable behavior, and what someone should do when they encounter it. I now realize that I should have worked on perfecting a withering glare or at least looked up some colorful spanish profanities as I understand that they have some good ones. In conclusion, props to you Weas. Keep up the good work!

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  19. She should have reported this to her HR department immediately. Recent court decisions have held companies liable for harassment between employees even if it happens in an after-work context.

    I can see she might be reluctant if he were her boss, but it sounds like he was a peer and a well known asshat at that.

    while I'm sure that there are big companies that cover up or ignore this kind of stuff, almost all the large companies I've worked for have an EEO officer and this type of stuff is dealt with quickly. I'm now an EEO Officer myself and really, I don't care who the hell you are, if you jeopardize my company's reputation, you'll be fired in a New York minute. The usual excuse is "I thought he/she was interested" which is easily dealt with a 'she/he's not; do it again, your toast.'


    Unfortunately, its been my experience that its usually the small or family owned companies that you have to worry about (cause the boss' frisky nephew isn't going to be fired) - or a franchise situation where you are working away from the corporate office and your 'Manager' is really in control of the work environment. And yes, law firms are the absolute worst! Probably because they think the laws don't apply to them. (Just like if you want to see violations of employee confidentiality, go work in a hospital).

    So folks, if you really want to put a stop to this, don't be nice, don't ignore, keep the emails, use your companies' resources and if they are unresponsive, well at least you've got the evidence to get a restraining order or a lawyer to sue the hell out of the company.

    Hey its 2009, its time the Neanderthals in the dating scene and corporate hierarchies get on the clue train.

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  20. How does one confuse bow-biters and diamonds? I mean... just damn. He's seriously deluded... His letters/e-mails are just non-sensical! Poor guy needs to get his meds checked me thinks or go back on them.

    I think I let fly all my weirdy guy stories on the slimy customers... they would have likely been more appropriate here. BLAST!

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  21. Bow biters? How, in any sense of mind, does that equal a good gift? I can't even decide if it was supposed to be an insult towards her or not. Nate is one interesting case. Not so much psycho as he is clueless. I think he should have been fired from the company.

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  22. I love how this dude's "circle" is all about "peace, love, and lollipops." Lollipops are totally appropriate in this case, since this dude is the epitome of SUCK.

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  23. What 2CatMom said times infinity. Document everything and kick it up the food chain. Most companies are only motivated by the bottom line, and these situations can negatively affect that in a big way.

    This guy is way beyond clueless. But I'm sure someone will come along and say the poor dear simply didn't understand eleventy billion variations of "not interested."

    Off the "top 100 list" cracked me up. Reminded me of Duckie in Pretty in Pink: "I'm taking you off my route."

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  24. Men are always touching me at work, and it creeps me out. Thats why I won't do lap dances anymore, only stage. Everyone knows it's 100% possible to put a bill down a thong without touching the person. JUST KIDDING!!!!
    Seriously though men constantly touch me at work and it makes me feel like a stripper or a hooker. Why can they not make conversation without putting their meathooks on ya? I have two customers that will even try to hold my hand between their two when I hand them change. Their hands look like little rat claws, with yellow brittle nails, dirt and old semen from the last time they had a little jerkoff session caked underneath. They smell like an old beer and an italian hoagie with extra onions left to ferment in an armpit.
    MORAL OF THE STORY: just like our friend Nate here, when your crazy...what do you have to lose? The best case scenario is she'll say yes. Worst case scenario is a restraining order and in the land of "crazy" that's really no big deal. As normal as making a pot of coffee to these guys.

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  25. I actually had to Google "bowbiters". I had no idea what they were, nor that they equate with diamonds. Who knew?

    The worst I had with guys at work was when I worked as a restaurant hostess. Seemed that any new lady was automatically "fresh meat" in that environment.

    Ugh.

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  26. BTW: LMAO @ Nikki!
    "They smell like an old beer and an italian hoagie with extra onions left to ferment in an armpit."

    Best description EVER!

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  27. Pish posh, he's just confused because she didn't give clear and concise signals! The poor dear boy!

    Gads, what a bitch that Dana is, to continuously lead poor Nate on like that! And after he'd given her such a nice gift, too.

    Maybe if she'd just said 'NO', and 'I'm not INTERESTED', he'd have left her alone. But of course she gave no clear signals at all, and so all the hateful, useless, stupid vagina owners on here all blame poor, innocent, misunderstood Nate!

    Note to all trollmeisters: that was SARCASM, dears. I knew you wouldn't get it, so I figured I needed to be Captain Obvious.

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  28. The thing I love most about this blog is that it totally makes me feel less guilty about my weak moments in the past. I thought I went off the deep end once or twice, but compared to these dudes I have very little to be embarassed about! Keep up the great work! This is one of the best blogs on the 'net.

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  29. Also, this could realistically save a poor girl's life someday...it's a very valuable resource for the ladies to read these kinds of stories. Stick up for yourselves! Let it be known when someone is going too far!

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  30. I am so utterly confused by the bow biters thing...

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  31. Only just recently did I have a coworker of this shitty magnitude.

    We were out for a cigarette on a soon to be stormy day and he and I got in a conversation about the storm and about him being a storm chaser (I am obsessed with weather and tornados). We talked about storm chasing and what not and he offered to let me come with him sometime and I obviously squee'd at the opportunity.

    So that night the storms fell apart and nothing happened and he started texting me, innocent enough at first but then they just kept going and going and going. In the span of about 4 hours he had to have sent me 30 texts. The next day at work the emails and texts continued racking up an obscene number and when I would ignore them he would text me with "are you still there?" "did I make you mad?" "Oh you are mad" all within seconds of each other.

    He kept saying he wanted to go out "as friends" for drinks at a local uh.."alternative lifestyle" club that I frequent which made me a little uncomfortable. There are some coworkers that it would be fine..but not this guy. That night I went to a friend's place for a bonfire and he texted me AGAIN asking to go to the club I said I was out with friends, then he asked if I'd already left and then seconds later asking if he can come too. I replied with yes and no and shut up. And the texts kept on coming.

    So then he asks if I wanted to hang out when I was done with my friends and I said no, he asked why and I said because I was staying there. Then the next day he texted me at like 7am wanting to hang out and I said no I have my kid. Then more texts and more texts that I just ignored.

    That night he texted me at 1AM and then again at 8AM and all day the next day. And monday morning it was the same thing.

    4 days of CONSTANT TEXT MESSAGES all because I expressed a fasination with weather. He has finally been quiet for 2 days after telling him he's being a creepy asshole. Not sure how long it will last though.

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  32. Dana, please come comment! What is this about Nettle Soup? Why would this asshat think you needed an ego boost? And why the hell would he think you owe him some kind of explanation??

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  33. At age 18, I had my first job, the summer before I started college. I was working for the U.S. Army. One sergeant hit on me within the first hour I was there. He was old, at least 26 and married. One of the women warned me about him. I finally convinced him I wasn't interested. Later, one of my high school friends started to work in my office. I warned her about him so she was able to run him off right when he tried to ask her out. Apparently she told him what I had told her, because he reported me the command sergeant major. I received a stern talk from him and he told me that it wasn't my business to tell anyone that the creep was married. That's how things were back in the olden days of the 1960's. I'm glad that some men today can accept a "no", but some still think that the rules don't apply to the them.

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  34. Oh, and this, too. WTH is this all about?
    "I can't even tell you how disheartening it is to see you are still friends with that douchebag. I will go to my grave seething over that fella, but his comments were no fault of your own. On the flip side, as far as I can tell, you never stuck up for me at all."

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  35. I can only guess as to what the off-the-wall comments in the emails refer to, but here goes:

    1.) Nettle Soup. After some Google searching it appears to be a dish made in Ireland around the holidays. I'm part Irish.

    2.) Bow Biters. Since their purpose is to keep your shoes tied, I assume he thought they would be helpful during the Breast Cancer 3Day walk. I participate in it every year. The events he was invited to: all fundraisers for breast cancer.

    3.) I completely forgot to include the subject line of the emails: The Spaghetti Approach.

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  36. EVEN MORE LULZ at all of these new details, Dana. Thanks for posting the update!

    That guy really is a total whackjob. The Spaghetti Approach? I don't think I even want to know what that's supposed to be in reference to. And also, I love the randomness of the nettle soup comment. That's what he comes up with when he thinks of something Irish? Wow.

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  37. The Spaghetti Approach? What the hell? Is that where he tries to ensnare you in his noodly appendages?

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  38. But, but... you 2 were the best Nettle Soupers EVER!

    Maybe the Spaghetti Approach means he thinks he's as interesting as a bowl of wet noodles? Because I find him to be about that level.

    I cannot fathom why this person feels you owe him any type of explanation whatsoever.

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  39. And I'm seriously creeped out that he keeps saying "we" as if you're a couple or something.

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  40. Pish posh, he's just confused because she didn't give clear and concise signals! The poor dear boy!

    Gads, what a bitch that Dana is, to continuously lead poor Nate on like that! And after he'd given her such a nice gift, too.

    Maybe if she'd just said 'NO', and 'I'm not INTERESTED', he'd have left her alone. But of course she gave no clear signals at all, and so all the hateful, useless, stupid vagina owners on here all blame poor, innocent, misunderstood Nate!

    TRUTH

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  41. "I'm dressed as a piece of chocolate because you're allergic to chocolate. But I'm a piece of chocolate you can have!"

    That's amazing.

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  42. Oy, now they're even too lazy to post their own drivel; just hijack a sarcastic one and try to make it their own. FAIL.

    I'm now intrigued, Dana. Just what the heck is the Spaghetti Approach?

    This guy creeps me out. He has no idea of what real social skills are. His references are screwy, and he obviously has some kind of secret code that only HE knows, but you're supposed to understand. Ewwww.

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  43. i came across this post because Dana vomited the link on a well-known and widely accessed personal site that could and probably will very easily get back to Nate.

    professionalism aside, it leaves your motivation in question.

    a bit counter-productive if moving beyond the situation were actually your goal.

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  44. What the f**k planet is this freak from? Do these dickbag losers actually think that by sending email after retarded email they'll win you over? There is no way Dana and Psychoboy were ever friends...in any way...stupid weirdo.

    I think this blog should be required reading for every young woman ... we're raised to be 'nice' and to not make waves. We have to teach our daughters to use their bullsh*t meters and to tell a loser to F**K OFF without fear of being 'mean'.

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  45. I had this once, but not to this extent. There aren't a lot of vaginas in the IT support world. I was one of perhaps 8 women in the department, and one of only a few who put any effort into looking decent.

    I was giving my phone number to a friend (verbally, bad girl!) at work and one of the nasty typical IT guys overheard it... and called me. While I was in line buying tampons at the drug store. I was so flabbergasted that it came off as me being flattered.

    Burst that bubble in a hurry.

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  46. Reading that made me get goosebumps...what a psycho!

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  47. A big Amen to Melanie P! Even today, women are so conditioned to be polite that sicko men use that to their advantage. I watch young women who can't even seem to speak up to get to the door to exit the bus at their stop. WTF - I feel like the Rush Limbaugh's of the world have intimidated women back into the 1950s.

    Not even remotely close to this story, but I remember circa mid 1980s, when I was made one of the first female managers at a manufacturing firm, an older male manager (who was constantly needling me) said in front of a large group of guys "What are you, some type of women's libber or are you just a lesbian?" I answered, that if expecting to earn the same money for the same work as a man makes me a women's libber or a dike, then "hell yes, I'm the biggest fucking flaming feminist you'll ever meet and my dyke balls are larger than yours." The silence was deafening. He walked away red faced and he never bothered me again. (Funniest thing is the number of calls I received from the other guys telling me what I did was great...everyone hated him).

    Now I'm not advocating getting out the flamethrower first thing, but if you've said 'no' politely once, that's all they're entitled to. Second time around get the death ray out and set it on maximum power. Because that's the only thing that maybe, just maybe will work these clueless wet bottomed excuses for men.

    And if he tells everyone that you are a bitch/dyke/empress of evil, do you really care? This creep did that to Dana anyway and she was pretty nice about everything.

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  48. @Anon 12:54
    Really? You read that and questioned HER motivation? How about to spread the word about crazy men who are threatening? Make no mistake, men like this are threatening with their lack of a connection to reality.

    If I got a post up on PLFM I'd be telling everyone. They'd all know the story anyway.

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  49. For the life of me I cannot figure out the Bow Biters? And how he honestly thought them to be "A girls best friend."

    Ya, maybe when a girl was 8. Grow up Nate.

    http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

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  50. What the HELL?

    I read this thing twice and I still have no idea what Nate was going on about. What a freaking lunatic.

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  51. "I answered, that if expecting to earn the same money for the same work as a man makes me a women's libber or a dike, then 'hell yes, I'm the biggest fucking flaming feminist you'll ever meet and my dyke balls are larger than yours.'"

    2CatMom: Holy crap, you are awesome!

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  52. Well, Macky, we were thinking what a deluded, narcissistic cancer Nate is, then you had lambast us with faggotry.

    Mack Truck said...
    FAIL.


    Yes. You do.

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  53. Hmm, can a heterosexual woman be a faggot? I don't think that's possible.

    Did you actually READ my initial post Anon2:16? Because you're not making a hell of a lot of sense.

    I just made a preemptive strike before you trollmeisters got started on how poor Nate was soooo misunderstood.

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  54. Maybe "The Spaghetti Approach" means throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing what sticks?

    (In this case, none of it. What an ass Nate is.)

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  55. I've had two experiences that stand out as uber-creepy. I was all of 14 and working in a snack bar at a local gym when we had one night where the power went off. I was alone in the snack bar with the food and bev manager and managed to avoid his grasp only by climbing underneath the counter and hiding among some boxes.

    The other situation was much later in life. My co-worker had thought I was interested in him (I was soooo not!) and proceeded to email me for months on end asking for a "sextra" relationship. He was married, so was I but he wanted to have some on the side. I saved all of his emails, counted the times he'd physically come on to me and reported him to the manager.

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  56. Anon2:31, I thought that was the "Shit Approach". Y'know, throw shit at a wall and see if any sticks. But I guess you could use the same analogy for spaghetti.

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  57. does anyone else feel like there is something else to this story? I dunno... his psychotic e-mail is just to unwarranted...

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    Replies
    1. I've met guys who considered eye contact to be flirting. I'm not exaggerating. These are the guys who say things like 'your lips say no, but your eyes say yes'.

      Delete
  58. I work at the post office (wanna see my gun collection?) and one (of many) of my creepy co-workers was working the window selling stamps and generally inflicting himself on the public when in comes a very pretty woman. She wanted stamps and then made her first mistake, getting in his line, second mistake was making eye contact, and third mistake, paying by check. He only made one mistake, copying her phone # from said check and calling her that night for a date. She freaked out as any sensible person would do and called the postmaster the next day, who called the postal inspectors, who sent out a pretty postal inspector (a federal police officer by the way) and he was loudly and quickly fired. Can you say schmuck?

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  59. I've been fairly lucky with this particular problem. The only guy I can think of was from a few years back. I started a new job, and went through three weeks of training with him. He was married, with kids. He was also some kind of preacher.

    Through our training he'd constantly attempt to cut into conversations I was having, and showered me with the oddest passive-aggressive flirting I've ever seen. Being constantly surrounded by the twenty other people in the training class made him easy enough to ignore, though.

    But on the first day we finally got out to our jobs, he showed up while I was setting up my desk to ask me out to drinks. I declined. He left. He continued to drop by my desk at least twice a week, to intrude into my space and pester me about drinks or lunch together. I'd never been friendly to him, and at this point stopped being even civil. It didn't get through.

    Finally, one day he grabbed my desk keys and started to shake them in front of my face. I'll never know what he was going to say or do after that, because I jerked out of my chair, grabbed the keys back, and told him that it would be in his best interest to leave me the hell alone from then on out.

    Apparently I frightened some sense into him, because he never came by again. So, in all, not that bad.

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  60. 2CatMom

    That was just awesome in every sense of the word!

    ------------------------

    Personally, this story left me pondering how many people I'm dating at present date. Sometimes times I hand out homebaked goods to male friends without any other occasion than they happen to be hanging around when I'm using the shared kitchen facilities. Hell, to Nate, that must be the equivalent of a Wegas wedding!

    Western women, I tell ya, so fickle and complicated...

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  61. Anon 3: 25

    You clearly underestimate how delusional people can be.

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  62. Yeeeep...gotta love his attempts to "now if I could just get you alone..." Ha! Yeah right >.> And how he's not over-reacting, yet Dana is. Interesting...

    nikki said... "MORAL OF THE STORY: just like our friend Nate here, when your crazy...what do you have to lose? The best case scenario is she'll say yes. Worst case scenario is a restraining order and in the land of "crazy" that's really no big deal. As normal as making a pot of coffee to these guys."

    Gah, so true unfortunately.

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  63. What sort of freaks me out a little is that his writing, technically, isn't what I'd expect of someone whose thoughts are so completely disorganized and unconsidered.

    I mean, I'm not wanting to imply that his form is so fantastic, but when the content is the kind of mindless headache-inducing blather you expect from someone who takes a drool cup to restaurants and has a sexual fetish involving the wearing of diapers and consumption of feces, it's jarring that the expressive vehicle of same is merely "meh".

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  64. I exploded water all over my desk at his "little ball of fiery wrath" comment. I had some idiot say something similar to me (at a sushi bar, of all places). He must have had too much plum wine because he came up and said I was the cutest 5'2" bundle he'd ever seen. I was very obviously sitting with my serious boyfriend.

    I gave him the glare I reserve for very poorly behaved horses and told him that I didn't know who he was talking to, but if he'd like to see what a real 5'3" (yes, the inch is important to me!) bundle of feminine outrage with a brown belt looked like, he was in the right spot. He just goggled at me in astonishment and his buddy came and led him away.

    Said boyfriend, who had amazingly stayed quiet, smiled at me and patted me on the head. He's the kind of guy that thinks it's sexy when I can take care of myself :)

    But geez, Nate... make enough lists? He must be one of those people that makes lists for EVERYTHING. Glad Dana had the foresight to try to keep him at a distance from the beginning.

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  65. These emails are so astoundingly incoherent that it's hard to believe that the guy graduated high school.

    I've been mostly lucky with co-workers. Some weird but v. few stalker types. Had a crush on a boss myself in my youth, but never said a word or wrote a note, just confined myself to wistful thoughts, and eventually got the heck over it w/o ever inflicting my feelings on the object of them. Later on, at another gig, a colleague fell for me. But knowing I had a boyfriend, he never said anything about it - was just pleasant and well-behaved, and many years later we are still friends.

    On the other hand, when I was in my mid-40s, long married and a mother, I attending the holiday party at the small firm where I was working at the time. Toward the end of the evening a colleague got hold of me, stuck his tongue in my mouth, and grabbed my breast. In front of everyone, including the office manager, who was his live-in girlfriend. This was ... a bit much. I just pretended it didn't happen and it was never discussed.

    Why didn't I report him to HR? Because he was the company president. Instead I quit as soon as possible afterward.

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  66. 2CatMom: I want to be in a situation so I can use that response because it's fucking awesome.

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  67. When I worked in publications, I was part of a staff that pretty much got along well. One of the maintenance guys had been going through a divorce (his third), and most of us felt sorry for him.

    I have always been rather heavy in the "sisters" department, and one day this co-worker looked at my boobs and said, "Do you rent those out?"

    I was so shocked that I couldn't answer, but someone nearby said, "You idiot, don't you know saying something like constitutes sexual harassment?"

    His defense: "Hey, I haven't been with a woman in three months! Give me a break here!"

    He didn't work there much longer.

    Did I mention I was working at a church at the time?

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  68. Hells yeah.

    Scariest part? All my girls and I have probably met this dude and several others like him.

    Your blog serves a purpose. It reminds us we're not alone dealin with the crazies.

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  69. What a complete and total loon. He had an entire relationship with Dana that was only in his head!

    Mind-boggling.

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  70. Nate's almost too pathetic to take seriously. Obviously he was inadequately socialized as a child.
    I can see why Dana didn't report him. . .he comes off as more of a nuisance than a threat.

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  71. I will agree that ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.

    BUT, I don't think having two or three short semi-friendly conversations at group events means you're anything more than casual acquaintances. So I don't think she had any need to respond to him if she didn't want to. Especially if he was being insanely creepy.

    Also, yes, all these mofos should be reported. There's no reason for anyone to feel uncomfortable in a work environment, no matter how attractive they are.

    Lulz @ Mack Truck's initial comment.

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  72. Disturbing thought about the 'girl's best friend' comment. Unless I've lost my memory, the Muppet on those Bowbiters is Elmo, yes? Wasn't there some nonsense a while back about women masturbating with Tickle Me Elmo?

    Of course, that just makes it worse.

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  73. Gotta say, not awesome, just a BIG MOUTH!

    My biggest fault and greatest talent is that I not only won't suffer fools gladly, I won't suffer them at all. Which I freely admit has not always served me well either in job or personal relationships.

    Seems to me that a lot of these problems could be avoided if women weren't conditioned to be so damn nice. (And no, I'm not blaming women here). I'm willing to bet that a face to face with a dweed like Nate that included a really direct smack down, would work around 80% of the time. The other 20% are truly dangerous and unfortunately that becomes an issue for law enforcement.

    So next time you find yourself in a situation like Dana's try something like this (and if you can have a couple of friends to witness - even better). "I do not want to date you, I don't want to be your friend, in fact I don't want any contact with you. Don't call me, email me, or text me in any way. The answer is no, it will be no tomorrow, no the day after that and on into infinity. Now what part of that don't you understand?"

    Or, if you were me, you'd probably say: "If you were the last man on earth and the survival of the human race depended on us getting together, I'd become a lesbian."

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  74. A few years ago I was working at a youth center of all places with one of my best friends as part of our service in AmeriCorps. Initially the only other staff was our supervisor--a very pleasant soccer mom--and the director, a creepy middle-aged man that thankfully spent most of his time locked in his office. When it became apparent that we needed more staff, said creepy director hired a likewise creepy but slightly younger man to help out. Let me just pose this question now--what kind of adult man looks for dates at a youth center? That's right folks, a pedophile.

    The first time I worked with Mr Pedo, he spent the majority of the time watching my chest and then commenting on my "beautiful brown eyes" whenever I glared at him. My friend worked with him the next shift and called me immediately after to complain about his inappropriate looks and comments about her "beautiful blue eyes." (Maybe this line still works on adolescents.)

    Initially we just brushed him off and then laughed at him outside of work, but his attempts to "woo" both of us became increasingly aggressive. It takes balls to hit on two women at the same time (literally the same time), especially when they're giving you twin death stares, but apparently he wasn't going to let logic stand in the way of his sexual harassment.

    Long story short, when he started to compliment body parts below the eyes and became persistent about us coming home with him after work (to his parents' house of course) all the while in front of children mind you, and when he used the emergency number list to start drunk dialing us on weekends, we both went to our supervisor to complain. He'd been hitting on her too! But when she went to the director, he told us that Mr Pedo was just "friendly."

    Shortly thereafter one of our youth--a 14-year old girl--told me that he'd been contacting her online. To that point I figured I could protect myself, but he'd crossed a different line hitting on a girl. I told my friend who in turn told the supervisor, and all three of us filed separate sexual harassment claims with the head office. I was devastated when my term ended before the issue was resolved, but my friend came back a second term and...

    They let him stay! The director vouched for him, so he didn't even get a write-up. Instead my friend, a new girl, and the supervisor had to watch a presentation on "what constitutes sexual harassment." I guess they can talk about squeezing your breasts, but if they don't actually do it no harm done. All we can guess is that the youth center didn't want a scandal. Thankfully the director quit under mysterious circumstances less than a year later, and Mr Pedo was not asked to stay on by the new management.

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  75. What the hell is Nate even TALKING about? His emails seemed to make NO SENSE with events! Maybe it's just me, maybe I've missed something, but half the time I had no fucking idea what he's talking about!


    Although, honestly, I don't think it's me. I think he's a tad crazy.

    Remember, kids, restraining orders are your friends!

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  76. I haven't had anything of this magnitude happen to me, but it just illustrates to me how many women put up with quasi- and completely inappropriate comments on a daily basis. I was at the grocery the other day, buying a big stack of those $1 totino's pizzas, because i'm a poor college student. The cashier began to ask me a bunch of teasing questions about having a pizza party, ostensibly because my one-step-up-from-cardboard dinners are called "party pizzas." I sort of tried to make conversation, but then he started saying how skinny and pretty I was. Now, I may not be the ugliest girl, but I'm 5'3" and about 180, by no means skinny. At that point I was just like, "Ok, byeeeeee..."
    I don't know whether he just really likes to talk to people about their food choices, or he was trying to hit on me. What if I was buying tampons? Was he gonna be like, "Oh, are you menstruating this week? Awesome!"

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  77. Nothing is worse than sucking cock

    the vile taste of a dick in your mouth
    unwashed, dirty ‘n thrusting to the back of your throat
    like it’s a normal thing to do…

    And if that’s not bad enough, they expect you to
    swallow their cum and enjoy the taste.

    Repulsive, throat gagging, vile sliver of
    spunk splurts down your throat and you swallow
    wishing you had just bit his dick off instead
    so that you never have to do that shit again.

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  78. This is incredible. Somehow it feels like the worst one yet - I think it's the Bowbiters.

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  79. 2CatMom, you reminded me of something that happened in the late 80s/early 90s, just when sexual harassment (then pronounced "harRASSment") was getting attention. I worked for a huge corporation that assigned an HR guy to work as the EEO officer. He'd go around the country giving seminars on sexual harassment to the different offices. He was extremely creepy-looking, with a greasy combover (good idea, men, you really fool us with that, making us believe you have lush, thick hair) and painting eyes, the kind that follow you around the room no matter where you are. Oddly, he was always invited to sales seminars (a corporate excuse for going somewhere annually and getting drunk for a few days), even though he had no business being there. I wouldn't complain, because I was technically in marketing and they let my department go, but the corporate belief seemed to be that HR stood for "High Royalty," and we were expected to treat HR people with the utmost respect. Therefore, if this guy asked you to dance--and if you were female and didn't look like you should be pulling a plow behind you he would--you danced, and you smiled when you did. A few months after the seminar he was fired. This will come as a complete shock to everyone who reads this wonderful blog, but he was fired for sexual harassment. I actually got in trouble for laughing out loud when I heard. I still laugh when I think about it. Thanks, karma!

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  80. I work in a publishing firm. A guy who had worked there for a really long time, and had a reputation for sleeping around the office (even though his wife also worked there) started hitting on me. This guy is really well liked, involved in benefits and stuff that different members put on, and while he does not suffer fools lightly, he is pretty nice to everyone around the building.

    At first it was really subtle, he was just being nice, right? So of course I was nice back, but once I realized what he was doing, I told him clearly that I wasn't interested.

    Of course, there he was the next day, with some trumped up reason to be in my department, hitting on me again. I just got up and walked away from my desk this time, thinking that he'd get the hint. However, "No" is apparently an aphrodisiac to this guy, because all he did was try harder. He'd just be there wherever I was. He'd just smile or just say hi, but he was THERE, and it just happened once too often.

    I went to his boss and complained. His boss told him to leave me alone. But there he was, every time I turned around. I could even feel him watching me, and it really creeped me out.

    Then I found out that not only did his wife work in the building, so did his girlfriend, (apparently he was separated from his wife by this time). But there he was, talking about getting together and flirting with me, even after a warning from his boss.

    I was getting pretty tired of this, and quite frankly, it was stressing me out at work, and it was affecting my work. So I went to HR. Who like his boss before, just warned him. Did that stop him? You guessed it, nooooooo.

    So, finally I went to HR again. And yes, he left the company. But the word is, he left on his own. I'm sure he didn't, I'm sure it was due to the harassment, since it happened right after my second complaint.

    The most amazing part of this. His behavior toward me became somewhat of an office gossip topic, as I told one of my co workers that I probably shouldn't have said anything to, but I was so upset by the whole thing. So everyone pretty much knows what this douchebag did to me, and why he got fired. The part that amazes me, is his girlfriend, the one he was dating while he was doing this to me, the one he was dating while his wife worked in the same building, they are apparently living together now. She's smart.

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  81. @2catmom:

    I usually say that if it were just me and him, the human race was doomed. ;) It took personal experience for me to grow the ovaries to be blunt and 'rude'. I lovelovelove your retort to the obnoxious manager. You go, girl! *G*

    Nine years ago, I was working at a children's museum that had a 50's style diner run by a local burger place in the main atrium and some of the Guest Relations Hosts (read: finds kids b/c parents think we're babysitters, wipe fingerprints off display cases, and other such things) would be sent over there each day to run food from the kitchen to the tables. One of the cooks there took a shine to me and, after a fellow co-worker told him I didn't read minds and he'd actually have to say something, asked me out. I accepted, figuring 'what the heck?'. I was moving out of the area for school in a few weeks, but close enough that getting back wasn't a huge deal if anything clicked between us.

    We went to a local coffee joint and while it wasn't a bad way to pass a few hours it wasn't anything special (for me, at least). A few days later he asks me to lunch after I get off work. Yeah, okay, fine. We go to a nearby indoor mall--and I end up having to pay for my own food, something he'd neglected to mention or I'd have taken a pass b/c money was Tight. While we're eating, he pretty much just stared at me and didn't say much, which totally weirded me out. I finally used having to go dogsit for a friend (which was true) as an excuse to get the heck out of there. IIRC, I mentioned during one of our dates since I was moving, I wasn't looking to get into anything serious.

    I moved a few weeks later and we traded emails. I wanted to get into the honors program at my school so I wrote the required essays and asked several friends to read them over and crit them for me. This guy was one of them and after I turned in the essays, I jokingly said that I'd have him to thank when I graduated with high honors, got a prestegious position somewhere and earned an obscenely large salary. His reply involved something about how we could take our family to Tahiti on vacation, or something about our family going to Tahiti. Riiiiiight. To try and slow his love train down, I shoot back something like, "Or maybe our families will meet up in Tahiti to celebrate each year". I never heard from him again.

    A few years before that, I'd had to deal with a guy friend in my major who lived off-campus with the same family I did wanting to be more than friends. I made some communication faux pas because I was Really Clueless about guys and what (not) to say, and that culminated in him kissing me and my having to tell him that I really didn't think our dating was a good idea. A few days later, he and I are home between classes, sitting at the top of the stairs and shooting the bull. What happened comes up and I pretty much restate what I'd told him before, that I'm not interested in being more than friends and I'm really sorry if I gave him any other idea. I figured that was clear enough, but I guess not because it was only a minute or three later that he starts to move to sit closer to me. I move away from him because, dude, didn't I just say I only want to be friends so what part of that didn't you understand. That seems to have gotten through to him--but only temporarily, as it turned out. Dealing with him finally ended at the beginning of April when he got his boxers in a bunch between classes one day b/c the department head told him he couldn't bring his dog into the building (this had been going on all year), went home, threw all his stuff in the back of his car, and went home to PA--and then wouldn't tell me or our landlady why he'd suddenly flown the coop. I got the story from classmates later.

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  82. Oh my, and I thought my former co-worker issue was bad. I am a nice person, and I try very hard to have a good relationship with all of my co-workers. My last job I had I was a payroll clerk for a school bus company and I started in the middle of the summer. Well there is not much to do at a bus company in the summer other then stand around and talk. I would chat with all the drivers who were in the office when I had free time. Well apparently my polite conversation really was me flirting with one person. Few months later that person was promoted to a supervisors spot in another yard that I also did the payroll for. He started asking if I wanted to go to lunch and what not when he would bring paperwork down for me to enter, and after that did nto work he tried other things. For months I swear he was bathing is cheap drug store cologine, you could smell it for ages even after he left the office. It got to the point the others who worked in my office would so "oh, here comes stinky" and tell me to go take a walk... Thank goodness I'm not there dealing with that anymore.

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  83. I have to wonder if dear ol' Nate has some kind of personality disorder. There's a few such disorders in particular that involve a marked lack of social skills, and I'd say Nate's apparent lack of those, plus any kind of contact with reality, certainly seems to qualify.

    He puts me in mind of a situation I was in recently. The hubby and I were at a party, where this fellow I didn’t know started talking to me at the buffet table, then followed me when I went back to the hubby. He sat down, engaged us both in conversation, and within 10 minutes, he'd told us he had schizotypal personality disorder.

    But that wasn't the problem. The problem was, he started to compliment me and flirt with me non-stop for the entire next hour. Let's give you all some context - I was about 8.5 months pregnant at the time, with my hands feeling swollen and my back feeling quite sore, and this guy is proceeding to comment on EVERY aspect of my appearance - how I was 'glowing', the colour of my sneakers, the colour of my shirt, my eye colour, my hair colour, etc... I did my best to laugh all the comments off, but it got really old pretty fast, let me tell you.

    Did I also mention that my husband was sitting BETWEEN me and Mr. Schizotypal this whole time?

    Anyways, when Schizotypal proceeded to tell me I was 'purple-licious' (I was wearing a purple shirt), I decided I'd had enough, and got up to see the host's extensive train set, which he keeps in the basement.

    Little did I know that 2 minutes after I left, Schizotypal announced that it was about time for HIM to check out the train set himself, and he apparently tried to follow me into the house...by some miracle he didn't catch up to me. *whew*

    Anyways, I was relieved when I rejoined my husband and Schizotypal was busy talking to (hitting on?) other girls.

    However, it didn't last long. Soon he was back among the group of people we were talking to, this time touching my shoulder literally EVERY chance he got. I’m fine with physical contact if I know the person, but someone I just met a couple hours ago? No thanks. I did my best to ignore him, focusing on my own conversation with another friend, though Schizotypal kept trying to get my attention (the worst was when he made a bad ‘thanks for the mammaries’ pun…then repeated it literally 4 times in a row, in an obvious bid for a reaction from me).

    Finally, I decided I’d had enough, when Schizotypal once again told me I was ‘purple-licious’. I told him VERY firmly that it was enough and he was being inappropriate, which started him off on a string of endless apologies which also became old very fast (notice how he was STILL paying attention to me, this time through apologies instead? All the same process. Only the content changes). Luckily we left soon after.

    I think Hubby felt bad for not shutting Schizotypal down, but he said he felt a bit sorry for the guy. And I can understand that. But the obvious lack of boundaries (which Nate obviously suffers from, too) really started to grate after awhile. Hats off to Dana for trying to be polite to the guy, anyways, but I’m not surprised it didn’t work. He was too caught up in his fantasies to notice, and even if she’d gone to his house, boyfriend in tow, and had loud, graphic sex with the BF on Nate’s couch IN FRONT OF HIM, he’d still somehow interpret that as Dana wanting him. Or, insert another highly-obvious FUCK OFF NATE message/act of yours here. Makes no difference.

    ReplyDelete
  84. First of all: I love this blog.
    Unfortunately my english is really bad...
    Never met a guy nearly as creepy as Nate, but creepy anyway.
    I worked as a salesperson for a small retail store chain when I was 19. Most of the days I sat in the shop waiting for the hours to pass. Then one day some older guy enters the shop and wants to buy a shirt for his girlfriend. I show him all the shirts we sell, but he keeps talking to me forever. Turns out he owns one of the flats above the store. From this day on he stopped by EVERY day. Funny enough, he never mentions his girlfriend again, instead he starts telling me that I have got "beautiful eyes" and that he likes me a lot. Being a shy 19 year old I never told him to fuck off, but I informed my colleague about his behaviour. As a result, I got to switch between stores regularly in order to avoid him. Sadly, the creep somehow always found out where I worked that day. One day he asked me some questions about a particulary heavy piece of furniture in the store. Being a good salesperson I told him that the thing weighs about 250 pounds. As soon as I said that he grabbed me from behind and lifted me up, hugged me and told me that I was "light as a feather". I was still shaking when I called my boss to tell him that I would quit the job.
    Looking back I should have called the police on that guy...

    ReplyDelete
  85. It's my first day on the job at a software company. I'm having a brief introductory conversation with a short older married man who seems nice enough. Out of nowhere he's like "so... do you ever worried about getting raped, a pretty girl like you?"

    Really?

    ReplyDelete
  86. As per "The Spaghetti Attempt" - that WAS included in the original letters. He referred to his attempts to reconcile the "friendship" as the "Spaghetti Attempt." ????

    I had to edit the letters somewhat because they went ON and ON and ON. The message is exactly the same, but I cut out some of the endless pontificating about ... um ... well, nothing.

    Here's something for contributors to think about:

    On Why Women Hate Men, I ALWAYS pull down posts when the actual author of the personal ad contacts me. Legally, I don't have to, but I do. Only happened three times.

    On Psycho Letters, I do not legally have to pull the letters because any and all identifying characteristics have been changed. I change the names and the locations, and I'm simply re-printing correspondence between one person and another.

    But I will say this: I understand the letters I receive may be a bit one-sided (although I don't think so in this case) on the part of the contributor.

    As such, if the author of a "Psycho Letter" writes in and tells me to take the letter down, I probably won't do it.

    BUT I WILL allow the subject free space to provide their side of the story. It's only fair.

    On that note, can I get some of the guys on here to PLEASE send me some psychotic letters from women?? I'm all about turning it around, and I KNOW they are out there.

    Teaser for next entry:

    Yep, we got a cock pic WWHM-style coming up.

    ReplyDelete
  87. Eres hermosa, te amo!

    ReplyDelete
  88. "On that note, can I get some of the guys on here to PLEASE send me some psychotic letters from women??"

    Good to know, Weasel - I had a couple I was going to send in, but thought I'd get a response along the lines of "This is PLFM, if you want a PLFW do it yourself..." :)

    ReplyDelete
  89. Weas, you tease! Can't wait for me!

    Sometimes, I wish the subject would come in a give their rambly side of the story, if only to bring on my LULZ!

    ReplyDelete
  90. A coworker used to corner me in the stock room at my former employer's and masturbate on me. It was a no camera, huge stockroom. But he always managed to corner me in the one spot I couldn't get away.
    Oh and when I filed a complaint with management?? They fired me.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Tronner, Weasie is an equal opportunity hater, as are all of his regulars.

    We'd be thrilled if some of the men on here sent psycho letters from women, because we know they're out there!

    I'm a woman and I've met far too many crazy bitches in my lifetime to think the problem is relegated only to men.

    ReplyDelete
  92. Yes, I'd LOVE to see Weasel rip apart some psychotic letters from women. Pleeease submit them!

    Some women can be incredibly fucked-up in their deviousness toward each other, like they never left junior high school. The idea of one of them getting fixated on someone sexually sends chills down my spine!

    Although that reminds me, something I've been wondering about. Thus far the letters have all been psychotic + wanting to date. While I'm sure that's the #1 area of psycho letter writing... Weasel, would you also accept letters that are just psychotic in _general_?

    Also, I suggest you repost your above comments about when you yank entries and inviting submissions as a standalone post to make sure it gets max. visibility.

    ReplyDelete
  93. My story is, my first job was in a restraunt and the waitresses and bus boys loved to flirt and joke. It was a fun environment. Until they hired a new bus boy. He was quiet, kind of country and a bit plump. I thought he was friendly to me, and when he asked for my phone number in his southern accent I thought, what the hell why not and wrote it down.

    That night he called. At 2am. He was obviously drunk, and asked me if I liked to (do something sexual). I told him it was too late for this shit. He then got quiet and began yelling, "You like girls don't you? You're one of them lesbians!!! I KNEW IT! You like the P*****!!!"

    The next time I saw him at work I didn't speak to him. I never told my co-workers about what happened. Later I heard he told them I was his girlfriend and I was a ice queen. He quit the job a few weeks later and during that time I never received another call nor did I speak to him at work.

    ReplyDelete
  94. I work in a kitchen as a sous chef with about 12 other guys. One of them is a dishwasher named Everardo seemed to take a liking to me. By liking I mean offering me $200 to sexually service him all night. I told him to fuck off. He always comes back and touches me on the waist in the prep area when I'm preoccupied.I tell him to quit it, but he never listens. I'd love to report him to management, but there's never any witnesses. If he touches me one more time, I'm going to call the police and tell them that he hit my car and has been driving around without a license or insurance.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Um, Anon9:51, that's pretty passive-aggressive, as well as fucked up.

    If you make a claim like that, you'll get charged with making a false statement to police. Which means YOU get charged with a crime.

    Just report the asshat to management, regardless of witnesses. If he's doing it to you, he's most likely hitting on other women, too.

    All it takes is one to blow the whistle. The rest usually chime in when they know it's gone public.

    ReplyDelete
  96. Go Weasel; I was about to add, and I can't go into specifics, b/c I still wk there, that our harassers are THE GIRLS! Innapropriate touching, creeepy language, and the females stalking and bullying the males' exs are all examples.

    ReplyDelete
  97. LORD HAVE MERCY!! and I'm not even a christian. Please for the love of God, tell me this are not real. Are men really that hard up in the department of finding love, because this is straight up pitiful. This just shows that the mind is a powerful thing, for a man to think this woman has any romantic interest in him, when she has said quite clearly and politely that she is not and never will be interested. I'm happy she has moved on from that department, because I don't know what else she could do or say to get him out of her hair.
    As for you Weasel, don't stop giving us these mad crazy letters. For a man to highlight the madness of men, you are truly appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
  98. This reminds me of a couple of coworkers I had at my old job. I used to work at a video game company in the art department. Naturally, this meant there was a greater number of men than women at the company, but luckily there was about a dozen of us ladies there so it wasn't too lonely.

    Of course, this also meant there were a lot of programmars who were all men. Which meant naturally that some of them were those typical stereotype nerds when it came to their behaviors, and how they reacted to women. Which is to say awkward, with unrealistic ideas about what women like/say/think/how they react to things. This resulted in more than one occasion of boys being a bit leery, or saying the wrong thing, or just generally making a poor impression upon all the women there.

    One, whom I dubbed 'little remora fish' behind his back before I left, used to try to make awkward weird conversation (when he wasn't trying to say I'd either shirked work or done it wrong), and had taken to inviting himself along on lunches without any of us really extending an offer. I heard after I left he was apparently rather sad to see me go. Thankfully, he still hasn't found me on facebook.

    ReplyDelete
  99. autumnblaze said...
    How does one confuse bow-biters and diamonds? I mean... just damn. He's seriously deluded


    Diamonds over bow-biters?!?!? Now who is delusional...geesh! LMAO!!!

    ReplyDelete
  100. Don't even get me started here. As a female truck driver...well that pretty much says it right there! I have had assholes tell me they want to lift my skirt and for me to have their baby over the CB (I considered his wife a friend), to my boss (I don't work for that jackass anymore thank god) send me texts to send him pics of my pussy and asking his dad what he thought about him marrying me then having it spread all over the shop that I was going to be his wife (I should add his girlfriend worked in the office and there was no way in hell I would have ever said yes to him) to having him tell me how much he loved me and wanted me to tell him I loved him back, being called every name in the book and told I belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, and of course my boobs and ass grabbed and I was even offered $50 for 5 minutes of my time...I still to this day don't know how I managed to turn that offer down!

    ReplyDelete
  101. Is there some self-help book out there that's telling these losers not to take "no" for an answer? Because there are just too fucking many of them out there!

    ReplyDelete
  102. Dana: "...you make me feel uncomfortable."

    Nate: "...I’m not even sure what aspect of Halloween has you feeling uncomfortable."

    That exchange says it all right there. It didn't matter what Dana said or did, Nate was going to project his delusions onto her.

    ReplyDelete
  103. I work at a museum, and one day, just before close, I was staring at the WW1 memorial wall, just idly, because I was waiting for the closing call to come through, and yawning hugely from being up for something like two days straight with crazy!study. Yawning + tired and bored had made my eyes water. Suddenly, one of the security guards, who I'd never talked to before, pops out from behind a corner, stares for a moment, then says 'did you lose someone?'
    Me: buh...?
    Security guard: You're crying. In the war, did you lose someone?
    Me(thinking): did I lose someone *in the first world war*?
    Security guard (apparently non sequiter): Do you like poetry? Have you heard of (incomprehensible to me).
    Me: Um... sometimes, sure.
    Security guard: He is our greatest poet! I'll give you his work! *runs off to do his job, possibly*
    So about a week later, he sidles up to me (and this guy is a six-foot-five lebanese dude in his forties), and hands me a 'complete works of Omar Khayam'. 'Great,' I thought. 'He gave me porn poetry.'
    So I started ignoring him a little harder, making sure I had company or something to do when he was around. And he KEPT turning up, usually out of breath, so I'm fairly sure he was checking the security pass logs to see where I was, then running to meet me. The last day (or, I had thought it was for six months before he started again, but anyway), he came up to me to ask when I finished. Reluctantly, I told him, and he said he had something important to ask me when I'd logged off. I didn't see him in any of the staff areas after signing off, breathed a sigh of relief, and headed out to the unauthorised car park. Where he JUMPED OUT OF A BUSH to beckon me closer (to the place where the security camera coverage stopped, I noticed), then did a sort of shuffling, staring-at-his-feet-and-looking-up-through-his-eyelashes creepy thing, and asked me out in the most twelve-year-old girl way I've heard since I WAS a 12y.o girl. I told him DO NOT WANT, and stomped away when he tried to reply, but the dude still works there, still gives me kicked puppy looks whenever he sees me, and STILL turns up unexpectedly when I'm near security-pass doors.

    ReplyDelete
  104. I'm a pretty quiet, reserved guy...and this guy is giving me a bad name!

    I think he has something called narcissistic personality disorder (maybe spelled that wrong) whereas he can't fathom that another person thinks about something differently than he does. If he thinks they have a relationship, then they do!

    Most of the guys on here are kind of sad and pathetic...I'm alittle bit suprirsed at the coldness of the women who relish how they dump them...no mercy or compassion at all...I guess it's true, women hate men who show any weakness at all.

    But this guy is in a different category. Impossible to feel sorry for him. She should have gone on some more activities with him and other people just to really fry him and keep the spectacle going.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Late to the game here, but I have to share this. When I was 16, I worked as a file clerk in a legal office. One of the IT guys, who if I remember correctly was 32 at the time, developed a crush on me. This was in the days before "geek chic", and this guy was a textbook nerd. Sweet guy, really, but creepy once he got into full swing with gifts and invitations to dinner.

    Yes, folks... the 32-year-old computer geek with bad breath, a bowtie, and a boatload of false bravado started bringing coffee and french fries to the 16-year-old file clerk. He honestly thought that because I was geeky too, the age difference didn't matter.

    At the time, I had only an inkling of the creep-factor involved in this bizarre scene. When I think about it now (I am in my 30s), I get some serious chills. Luckily, I quit the job not long after the onset of dude's attentions. I made more money babysitting!

    ReplyDelete
  106. total psycho. BTW anyone know how to turn off the comment list on this thing? i cant find a button

    ReplyDelete
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