Friday, June 26, 2009

Photo Finish (Entry Not Safe For Work)

Sarah was frustrated.

An attractive woman with a full set of teeth, Sarah had recently waded into the deepest depths of her local dating pool only to emerge with lightly splashed kneecaps.

There just wasn't that much out there for her.

So Sarah elected to join a popular national dating website instead, hoping she might find an attractive man in her area with at least a few similar interests.

She didn't find much to her liking, but apparently several guys found Sarah quite the catch. She eventually fell into casual conversation with a man named Bob.

Right away, Sarah realized Bob might have some issues.

Raised as an only child and spoiled rotten throughout his life, Bob constantly craved Sarah's undying attention, yet simultaneously spoke only of himself and always had to have the last word.

She wasn't attracted to Bob, but frankly, she didn't have any other dating prospects, and actually kind of felt bad for the guy.

"I guess it was the way he laid all his pathetic stuff out for me, like a yard sale of the sads," she says. "I think sometimes I date just because I'm bored."

In only their second online conversation, Bob admitted to Sarah he hadn't been on a date in nearly 5 years. "I'm just not that into casual sex," he explained.

For those women not in the know, that's man-speak for "I can't find anyone who will fuck me." Sarah concurs, adding "If I show up at this guy's house wearing only a thin layer of oil, he'll be all up in me like stuffing in a Thanksgiving turkey."

Agreed, Sarah. Agreed.

Anyway, Bob and Sarah end up going out on one date, which Sarah described as "painful." Rather than dumping Bob on the spot, Sarah decided to help Bob out a little by politely highlighting some personality changes he might consider in order to make himself more attractive to single women in the future.

"He did not take it well," reflects Sarah, and Bob went right back to showcasing the "sads."

Sarah and Bob conversed via text over the next week or so. While Bob slowly became infatuated with Sarah, Sarah became completely indifferent to Bob. She was trying to be nice, but Bob's texts became increasingly needy and, well, strange.

"I don't really remember, he says some things to me that are pretty wacky. I dismiss them, I mean, he's not exactly socially retarded," recalls Sarah.

Unfortunately, she was just about to find out exactly how socially retarded Bob really was.

Only a couple weeks after meeting Sarah, Bob was apparently hanging out with his best female friend when he sent Sarah the following text:

Bob: Do you want to have kids?

Sarah was a bit taken aback. She did, but certainly not his kids. She didn't know where he was going with this, so she texted back:

Sarah: I haven't decided yet.

Bob: My best friend says that since you're 30, you shouldn't have kids past the age of 35.

Now Sarah was pissed off. Why the fuck was this assclown discussing her womb with some woman she didn't even know?

Sarah: It's none of her business, and I don't want to discuss it further.

Bob: Yeah, I just told her she has too big of a heart.

Sarah: I think she needs to mind her business about the kid thing because that is something that is not her concern. Unless she gets me pregnant.

Bob: You blow things way out of proportion!

Personally, I disagree. As a guy, I certainly wouldn't want some woman I barely know having a casual conversation about my penis over coffee with some guy I didn't know at all.

So on this note, Sarah stopped responding to his texts.

And Bob got upset, because he sensed Sarah was upset.

What could he possibly do to get back in her good graces? He hadn't talked to her for over an hour!

To express his true feelings for Sarah, Bob decided to put together a nice little picture for her.

And this is what he sent Sarah one hour later:

Yes, folks, that's right.

As a token of his affection for Sarah, Bob took her online profile picture and Photo-shopped his cock onto her lips.

Absolutely lovely.

This blog is just fucking kittens and rainbows sometimes, isn't it?

Anyway, Sarah isn't one of those people that reacts hysterically to anything. In fact, she initially just laughed at how truly pathetic Bob had become.

You see, Bob didn't even understand that there was anything wrong with this type of behavior.

But Bob wasn't quite finished, and Sarah was genuinely offended by Bob's next work of art, which unfortunately we don't have.

Bob found a photo of himself with his dog, and proceeded to Photoshop an image of Sarah into the picture, creating a family photo of the group.

After two weeks, one date, and no physical contact.

And keep in mind, he sent the "family" photo after his Pulitzer prize-winning "Whence One Kisses a Penis" photo.

Needless to say, it was time to have "that" conversation with Bob.

"A conversation he's probably had many times before," adds Sarah.

Sarah informed Bob his love affair with her was officially over, and Bob needed to re-direct his romantic aspirations elsewhere.

"I won't give up on you that easily. You told me before that I was too demanding, and I changed that," Bob doth protested.

Yet Sara held firm as Bob tried to guilt her into establishing some sort of "relationship" with him, a ploy almost as effective as his sub-par Photoshop handiwork.

Eventually, Bob realized he was done.

"The fucked up part is, I feel bad for him. Because, like it or not, I know he's wondering what exactly he did," says Sarah. "He's probably even a pretty good guy, to his dog. And his mom."

Sarah remains single today, but she always carries a little memento of her brief experience with Bob.

"Now when people ask me why I'm single, I just show them Bob's photo."

Proving once again that a picture most certainly is worth a thousand words.

Or more.

PLFM would seriously like to thank Sarah for being such a great sport about sharing her story with us, and sharing her photo in particular.

Unfortunately, we know this isn't an isolated incident.

If you've had a guy text you a photo of his dick or whip out his dick out way too early in the dating process, please let us know in the comments.


  1. I, unfortunately, due to work and home life (ie not much time to "fish" the dating pool), have resorted to online personals and seem to attract men that only want to talk about their penis.

    The most recent fellow I chatted with before discontinuing use of the site wanted to talk to me over and over about the girth of his penis.

    I clearly state in my profile that I am not interested in casual sex or one night stands nor do I chat "dirty" like some girls seem to - therefore giving him no real fodder except his inability to resist his urge to talk about his penis. I even had to tell him on multiple occasions "Dude, do NOT send me a picture of your dick. Seriously."

  2. Men, just because YOU are fascinated with your Johnsons, doesn't mean we women are!

    And I really fail to see what's romantic at all about Photoshopped fellatio. It's almost as bad as those men who seem to think all women like wearing their spooge as some kind of makeup (by the way, the answer to that is NO, we DON'T. Load up a water pistol, hold it as far away from you as you can, and then squirt yourselves in the face a few times....yeah, SEXXEY!! NOT....)

    Bravo, Bob, for demonstrating yet again just how much the spoiled-rotten entitlement!h0rs are trying (and failing) to take over the world.

  3. The contradiction here is still making me laugh:
    "I won't give up on you that easily. You told me before that I was too demanding, and I changed that."

    So... in other words, he's demanding her attention even though she said to stop. *giggle*

  4. I frequent karaoke bars because...well, I love to sing and my bandmate is a slacker so I don't get to record as much as I would like to. I will NEVER forget one night I was out with my girlfriend. We were doing our normal sunday drink and karaoke time, and this guy comes over and starts hitting on us. As usual, we are cold and disinterested (neither of us single) and made it clear that he wasn't welcome at our table. He kept bothering us as I got more and more verbally abusive (I am a bitch when men don't take no for an answer) and I began to respond to every comment he made with a derogatory comment. Finally, he stopped talking (my friend couldn't stop snickering at everything I responded to him) and he said "Why are you so damn hostile? No matter what you have at home, it can't POSSIBLY be as good as THIS!" and with that he stood up and yanked out his cock. I stared for a moment nonplussed, then said in a VERY loud voice (yay for breaks in the music!) "Oh LOOK Enid! He's got a second belly button! It's so damn cute! We should get it a hat." He zipped up so fast I swear he had to have zipped that bitch into his zipper, then rushed into the bathroom. The people at the nearby tables were laughing and high fiving me, and we didn't have to buy anymore drinks that night.

  5. Man, I wish I was a pathetic, lonely guy with zero social skills and then maybe I could get someone as hot as Sarah to pity date me. :(

  6. I had a guy I met online send me a video from his phone of him masturbating to a printout of my profile picture.

    I wonder if he send videos like that TO HIS WIFE?


  7. I've always thought that if guys send you those pictures, it's not usually because they think that YOU will like it, rather that it turns them on to expose themselves in that way.

  8. Truly well-played, Vampkat. Nothing ruins a drunk exhibitionist's mood quite like uncontrolled giggling. ;)

    As for Sarah's photoshopped "present," I think we can safely say the WTF meter has reached a new height (or low, rather). Anyone less charitable would have submitted that picture as Exhibit A in Bob's mental competency hearing. Just imagine the future you two could have had! Sunshine, lolly-pops, and a trainload of psychological disfunction. :)

  9. it supposed to be grey? that just doesn't look like a healthy penis.

  10. Jack, I was wondering that myself. Ewwwww.....

    I've seen more than a fair share of penises in my day, and none of them were ever grey.

    I've never understood the "let me show you my cock" move. As if that's supposed to get us all hot, horny, and unable to restrain ourselves? Again, I blame porn for that misrepresentation.

    Gentlemen, normal (non-porn actress) women DO NOT want to see your cock on the first date, or as an introduction to yourselves. Really.

    So keep it in your pants until we find out if we like the guy it's attached to. If we do, then your best friend just MIGHT get to come out and play.

  11. @Vampkat - Kudos! That'd learn 'im I hope.

    @ MackTruck - Well said, but it seems you're preaching to the choir there, Reverend. But we can hope not. )

    As for the picture, um, was thinking Bob was into necrophilia or something - it seems to me to be cadaver grey. *shudder*

  12. Eccentric, I'd like to think men can understand that concept, but I've seen far too many penis pictures, as well as having IM conversations that turned sexual in an instant after the first "Hi, how's it going?".

    I think the crazies have always been out there, but now the interwebz gives them a bigger audience upon which to subject their fucktardedness.

    Glad I'm out of the dating pool now. It could use a brisk cleaning and some chlorine!

  13. who/what is teaching men how to interact with women? porn? other men that have never had a real girlfriend? so thankful i am out of the dating pool.
    i've had pathetic stalkers after 1 evening of casual conversation, 1 even told his friends I moved after i rejected him
    I'm thankful none have sent me wang photos. I would prosecute.

  14. mr. mrs. fangfaceJune 26, 2009 at 7:58 AM

    Bonnie: I've actually seen porn where dudes ejaculated on their own faces. SRSLY. But then again, it was gay porn, and gay porn tends to do stuff, erm, differently... >.>

  15. mr. mrs. fangfaceJune 26, 2009 at 8:05 AM

    I don't really date and I've never done the online dating thing, so I've never had the pleasure of some dude getting way too, ah, "familiar" with me far too soon. The closest thing I've had is high school kids being little tool children on the game Gunbound, wanting me to be their "Gunbound girlfriend" and asking me for my nonexistent Myspace when they can't even call me by my name. ('Cuz, y'know, "Hey girl!" is a really effective way of getting you on someone's good side...):P Annoying as they are, I'd much rather deal with the dumbass high school kids than these creepers anyday.

    P.S. What the fuck is wrong with that dude's dick? Was it featured on Desperately Seeking .....Something? at some point in time?

  16. First of all...Sarah really took that FUCKING CREEPY photoshopping in stride. That is creepy as all get out.

    Second of all, vampkat reminded me of a story my boyfriend told me. He was at a party that got a little rowdy, and while one he was talking to a lady friend, another guy decided it would be a good idea to put his dick on the lady friend's shoulder.

    The woman glanced at it and said "Huh. Looks just like a penis, only smaller."

  17. mr. mrs. fangfaceJune 26, 2009 at 8:06 AM

    P.P.S. (To my first comment...)

    Although, I must, of course, mention that porn is nowhere near being real life. ;D

  18. Weasel - you're losing your touch. Clearly you forgot to note that Bob is indeed a zombie. Yes, the walking dead with a wrinkled cadaver penis. And the ability to use photoshop.

  19. Bob neds to get his junk checked out. That does NOT look right at all. Tiny too.

    I've been the recipient of dick pics and the dirty talk right after "hi." I think these guys just need to add to their spank bank and are hoping that if they try hard enough with every woman they come into contact with, something will stick. The Spaghetti/Shit Approach, if you will.

  20. @Tronner: you may be right about the zombie thing, Bob sure could use some "BRAAAAIIIIINNNNNNSSSSS."

  21. I still don't understand how women often find themselves in situations with these kinds of dumb fucks *I hope swearing isn't an issue here ;)

    Ladies, I think its time to disconnect from these dating sites :D Sure, the stories might be worth it. There's tons of great guys out there, but we don't use those websites (we enjoy the challenge).

    It seems that the population of men is segregated in two portions; the socially inept and the decent guys. And for some reason, the socially inept group seems to be a majority.

    Sure every man makes mistakes (when they're 14), but every time I read this blog, I don't want to laugh, but cry. I've heard these kinds of stories from some lady friends (and my sister too), and I just don't understand this kind of animalistic behaviour; maybe this is society's problem.

  22. "This blog is just fucking kittens and rainbows sometimes, isn't it?"

    And Smurf dicks!

    Cause that man's junk looks BLUE.

    Futher proof that "choking your chicken" can actually cut off it's oxygen supply, thus causing that whole "dead" look.

  23. @vampkat: LOL! I read this at the library though - terrible mistake. I almost cracked a rib trying not to burst out laughing. I'm going to remember that for later use. :)

    As to the Further proof that porn rules the world. Seriously, fellatio, photoshopped or otherwise, is just GROSS. Not sexy. Yech.

  24. Bob.

    Cumming ... Going.

    what an frickin' jerkoff!

  25. I tied online dating amd started chatting with a guy who was extremely elloquent and well written. We chatted for hours online before meeting and covered every topic. We had set a day to meet but then he texted me and asked if we coupld meet earlier. The plans that I had that were preventing us from meeting that day had fallen through and I was bored and thought what the heck! Plan was to grab take out and go watch a movie at his house. So I met him, we grabbed dinner, there was almost no talking... it was an awkward and stilted conversation and I was thinking 'where is the guy I have been chatting with for the last few days'. I thought maybe he is just a bit shy and the online-guy would emerge with a bit more time. So I went back to his place to watch a movie and eat dinner. I barely had my shoes off and sat on his couch when he dropped his pants and asked if I wanted to touch 'this'. I said no and he at least had the good grace to pull his pants up. I left and ate my dinner on the way home... shaking my head the whole way. I told the story to everyone and he became known as the cock flopper. After that every date I went on friends would ask if it was another cock flopper date. Luckily was only one

  26. mr. mrs. fangfaceJune 26, 2009 at 9:38 AM

    Persnickety Ticker:

    Off topic, but speaking of Smurf dicks, I've actually seen porn of people dressed as Smurfs. It got really gross when the blue paint started smudging off. XD

    (God, it must seem like I do nothing but look at weird porn and play online games. I promise you, I'm not that much of a loser. XD )

  27. Sometimes my own words fail me.

    Eyes, however, were quickly shielded by hands and suddenly I found myself quoting from Hearth of Darkness: "The horror! The Horror!

    How is that picture not supposed to be an insult? There more I thought about, the less I bought his "good guy, but socially" akward persona.

    Sure, he doesn't kick his dog and he's nice to his mum, but, really, is this any great accomplishment when the former is dependent on you to feed it and the latter have spoiled you rotten? In short, they make no demands that entail him focusing on someone other than his precious self, while continuing to cater to his ego.

    When it comes to women he is, not surprsingly, nonplussed as they appear to be need of convincing. While he expected them to fall on his knees and worship him, they merely scoffed. Yelling didn't help him either. Finally, he went the passive agressive route, which has an infinite appeal to some sad men as it allows them to feel terribly misunderstood while acting like a plague infested boil on the ass of collective womanhood.

    Enter: the unfortunate Sarah.

    Let me translate his douchetastic action and make the implied text explicit.

    The whole "you wanna get married and have kids" debacle = You're runnning out of time girl, don't blink 'cause then my high quality manjuice and earning power might just pass you by..."

    Isn't it just adorable when they try to hold your future children hostage?

    The horror! = "In your face!"

    A fairly literal display of sexual agression and a sad testament to the fact that he hasn't had sex in five years.

    The pretend family portrait = read "the whole you wanna get married and have kids" debacle.

  28. Oh my god. Photoshopping his cock onto her face? Classic! And very disturbing. I'd be trying to figure out how to move houses, jobs, and phone numbers without him finding out.

    Also, what is wrong with his cock? It's an odd colour.

  29. When I was a senior in high school, I left a party for a little drunk make out sesh w/a guy I had just met. I only wanted to make out because, at that time, I had no interest in doing more htna that with a stranger.
    So we're out near the bushes against a fence kissing for a while and I'm getting a little bored when all of a sudden I feel his peen on my leg. I look down and there is this HUGE wet spot on my pants and I start to freak out. Did he just pop on my leg?! I called him out on it and walked back to the party.

    Later, his friends found him passed out in a pool of his own puke in his little old VW Bug. They left him there.

  30. I used to be a youth group leader. In a church. One evening, I was chatting online to one of the kids, a 16 y/o boy. I only ever had online contact with the kids with the written consent of parents. We chatted frequently, casually. He asked me to look at his english essay, which I had done in the past. I agreed and he sent me a file. I wasn't paying much attention as I opened it. But man, was I paying attention as there appeared on my screen, a lovely picture of the completely naked AROUSED teenage boy. And now I was in possession of some lovely pedophelia! I immediately called the pastor of the church to say what had happened, and then he called the kid's parents. Appaently, he just clicked on the wrong file, by accident. That was intended for his girlfriend. He was humiliated, and in soo much trouble! And that is the story of the most shocking penis reveal to which I have ever been subjected.

  31. Surprising someone with your zombie penis = not cool, man, not cool at all. Men just don't understand that women aren't as visual (and penises just aren't that exciting to look at!) so showing us a picture of your gray-blue smurf cadaver penis is about as likely to arouse us as... a smurf cadaver.

  32. So back in the day, as a teen, my teen guy friends set me up with a guy they work with, who was 22. Believe it or not, I had the sense to say,"Hmmmm" but he was a friend of theirs and it was only a date. On a second date, we went by his house, where his mother slept, and in his room making out turns into him wanting to get it on with my 17 yr old self. I decline, he insists, and o-for the day- I protested that I did not want to get pregnant. (!) He -true story- went into the kitchen- his mother's kitchen, mind you- and got a ...baggie. To use as a -yep. Wow. thank God mom was in the next room, I might not have made it out without an embryo...
    If anyone from my home town ever reads this they'll know who posted; one of my bbfs drunkenly hollared the story all over a now defunct bar in Daytona Beach after Baggie man followed me down there trying to get me to come up to his hotel room. (!)

  33. When I was in my teens and hung out at dance clubs, a guy grabbed my hand and with his other yanked his thingie out of his pants and put it in my hand. (I think I said something that annoyed him somehow.) I was horrified, but as a naive girl, I didn't know what to do. Oh, if that happened now, I'd make sure he was immediately put in a place where EVERYONE would want to hold his thingie. And in strange and unusual places, too.

  34. I'm not sure if you're doing it now intentionally or not Weas, but I've noticed that in your stories the men are very creepy but the females are just as bitchy. Sympathy dating? C'mon. Why manipulate someone like that? I've seen some real "winner" women in these stories too, and I weep for my own gender!

  35. Why was his penis a weird blueish/grey? Awkward.

    Poor Sarah. Guys can be so creepy.

  36. "A yard sale of sads." Has me laughing way more than is appropriate.
    My ex used to send me pics of his less-than-stellar manhood to let me know he was still thinking of me. AWESOME, thanks.

  37. I don't know. I would feel extremely uncomfortable to take a picture of my second brain, only so someone has a chance to post it online. There's a reason why they call it privates (not to be mistaken with pirates).

  38. I just had some random old guy whip it out for me at a gas station the other day. :< And this was after repeated refusals of 'No, I don't want to go to the adjacent vinyeard and get it on with you.' To think seeing something old and shrivelled and....ugh, EWWW would make me suddenly change my mind......

    But for Bob, wow. Back in art school, we went to the cadaver labs to draw dead bodies. Even THEIR bits looked healthier than that. (I'm inclined to agree with the zombie consensus).

  39. Does every girl find that picture offensive, or is it just me??

    What is it with dudes and bjs?

  40. I'm happy to say I've never seen a guy whip it out under inappropriate circumstances. But wow, that photoshopped photo--if I were a guy and I had a cock that hideous and diseased-looking, I wouldn't want ANYONE to see it. And it's not like he couldn't have prettied it up, given he was using photoshop. Maybe he doesn't know what a healthy cock looks like.

  41. ..That peen looks like it belongs on a zombie. That is not a naturally occuring color. Yikes.

  42. As I think I've mentioned before, part of my job used to be approving profile photos for dating sites, and I guarantee you that at least 1 in 10 of the pictures submitted by men were of their wangs.

    This on sites where the photo submission guidelines (posted directly above the link reading UPLOAD PHOTO) had "NO NUDITY" screaming at the user in red 36-point bolded font.

    It really bends my mind that there's this huge seething, roiling mass of penis-owners out there who are thinking that prospective female partners will take one look at their proud little soldiers (and honestly, a lot of them looked more like disenchanted strip mall security guards) and be instantaneously smitten, compelled to be hopelessly and forever in lust with their clearly-gold-medal-winning-in-the-Awesome-Olympics owners.

    But that's the truth of it. And one thing I really love about this site (and WWHM) is that Weasel helps me to get my head around the existence of those guys. He makes them seem, if not comprehensible or quite-human, at least real. And I suppose anything that increases my understanding of and empathy for my fellow primates can only be a good.

    This rant also seems like a good place to let you guys know that Weasel recently agreed to give a deliciously in-depth interview to one of the blogs I work on.

    I published it yesterday, here.

    If you're at all interested in the mysterious machinations and motivations of the man's mind, I'd urge you to give it a one-over. A lot of things he revealed there surprised me.

    Stay saucy. Enjoy the weekend.

  43. I broke up with a guy after 2 days because he invited me to view his webcam, and immediately whipped out his dick.

    ... And he still doesn't understand why I immediately broke up with him and haven't spoken to him since.


  44. omg, I just remembered something hilarious XD

    There is this guy I know because of a forum I worked on. He's nice and funny, but he is obsessed with sex. One of the things he enjoys most? Getting women to look at his webcam so he can show them his "tinyness". It's not tiny, but he sure is pervy for a guy with a live in gf that he can have anytime he wants, lol.

    I wasn't offended, tbh. But I didn't feel threatened by him either. It makes a diff. It was a goof, not a come on. Too bad I forgot to take a screenie though!

  45. Maybe Sarah is here reading... or someone else with better interpretive skills....
    To me the photo is odd. I don't know how to use Photoshop so forgive my ignorance, but it doesn't look like an altered version of a dating-site headshot. Eyes closed, rapt gaze at zombie penis--did this picture start out as a normal one on a dating board?

  46. Wow. Nice zombie cock, dude. You might wanna get that looked at. It doesn't look right. *shudders*

    I can't even count how many conversations I've had with guys online that started out tame and about half an hour into it, out comes the cock pics or a cam invite and bam, cock on cam. I don't accept things unless they're from friends I've known for a long ass time. It just creeps me out when a guy wants to show me his cock right away.

    Which brings to mind a blind date I went on because a friend of mine wanted me to date her "sensitive, kind, loving" friend.
    We went to a gothic type club that night and things were going fine until we went out to dance and he pressed up against me, spun me around, whipped his cock out and whispered in my ear "every inch of this is for you." I laughed hysterically for a good five minutes and asked him if he planned on tickling me to death.
    He didn't take that too well. Called me a bitch and left.

    Guys, if we want to see your cock, we'll ask. Trust me.

  47. I used to have a dating profile. I had to specifically ask men who read it *not* to send me a picture of their penis. Surprisingly enough, it worked! Yet they frequently ignored the part about not wanting to meet married men. odd.

  48. I don't get sent penis, I get guys demanding naked pics. They wonder why I block them when that is all they want to talk about.

  49. that penis looks like a rotten piece of meat. absolutely vile. i don't think i would be able to sleep at night.

  50. When I was pregnant with my first child, my now ex-husband and I were living in two different cities (I worked while he went to school). I started hanging out with a mutual 'friend' who had graduated a few months earlier and moved to the city. Anyways, I was at his place watching a movie and he asks something about the movie. As I turned to look at him to answer - there it was. In all of its' glory. Peeking out of his shorts, as if to say, "can I play, too?" Keep in mind I'm married and very PREGNANT! EWWWWWWWWWWwwwwww I pretended as though I had missed it, like it was just a shadow.
    Taking my cue, he starts playing with it! Gee, look at the time, I gotta go . . .
    Needless to say, after that I just couldn't find the time to hang out anymore. I hope he got the message. Then again, he coule have been agustin96's cock flopper. I'm sorry I didn't fix this when I had the chance. But, would he really have listened anyway?

  51. @CE: the was a remarkably huggy post, and a great interview.

  52. My personal favorite is when I'm out dancing with my girlfriends and guys decide that's an invitation to come rub their boners on me...and grab onto my so I can't get away. And don't seem to understand that when I stop moving and am trying to pull away i don't want your tiny penis touching me.

    Luckily no one has ever whipped it out

  53. I guess that guy's penis transplant didn't take. That willie is looking corpse-y. Don't worry ladies, I predict it'll fall off soon.

  54. Not a man-junk story, but a Photoshop story.

    I had a guy I was good friends with for about a year and a half on the internet, no romantic intentions on either of our parts whatesoever. But I decided to meet up with him for about an hour when I was in his area.

    After that, for whatever reason, he decided he was in love with me and couldn't get enough of me. He photoshopped a picture of me from our meeting onto his couch. In that I mean he took a picture of me, and Photoshopped me into a picture of his living room. He showed it to me and told me it was his desktop background.

    It was all just very sad. The guy was in his mid-20s, for reference.

  55. I used to walk to a nearby cafe to get lunch on my break when the weather was nice; it gave me a chance to sneak a cigarette, for one thing.
    One lovely spring day, I was crossing the parking lot, cigarette about half-smoked, and some dude motioned to me wanting directions. I'm smart enough to know better than to get within snatching range of a strange man's car, but I did step close enough to see that he had his dick out.
    Usually I have no aim when trying to hit something with a projectile. But on this day, when I threw that still-burning cigarette in through the window of his car, the vengeance gods were smiling. . .it landed bullseye on his peen. The howl of anguish was music to my ears!

  56. With all these stories of perverted guys, I'm starting to wonder; is it just us men, or is there women out there with socially unacceptable sexual behaviours? I'm aware that the majority of men wouldn't complain, as most I consider are douches.

  57. Seriously, what is it with guys thinking their cocks are god's gift to us women? A cock shot or the sight of a guy's cock simply doesn't do it for me...maybe if it was a particularly large one, perhaps, but even then - no.

    I used to use online dating sites so I've been emailed dozens of cockshots from guys I'd never met and never would meet. But I've seen this IRL too - guys who think if they pull out their cock I'm going to get all hot and jump them. Dude, if you want to get me hot, touch me. Seeing your cock does nothing for me. Especially if I've already told you, Mr. Married Man whose wife is my friend, that I don't want to see it and I'm never going to sleep with you!

  58. No guy ever whipped it out or sent me creepy wiener pics. BUT, when I was about 14 I used to use yahoo messenger. My profile was apparently accessible to anyone who used yahoo and was prowling for people to talk to. My age and gender were in my profile so I'd CONSTANTLY get these creepy old perverts in my town IMing me on messenger. They'd start off as normal conversations and then they'd suddenly start talking about sex and about wanting to meet me. Keep in mind I was only 14 and these guys were like 40. One guy even tried to get me to agree to let him come over to my house so that I could make him a sandwich and then sleep with him LOL wtf??? Now I use MSN where only people I know can add me :D

  59. OMG!!! I had some douchebag send me a picture of his dick. I was totally shocked at what a dumbfuck he turned out to be. I had never talked to him nor had I ever seen him except on his myspace profile. We sent text messages of jokes and stuff like that. Then he started sending me only the ones that said stuff like send this to 5 people that you love and shit like that. Then I get a damn cock shot on my damn phone!! What a complete and utter asstard!!! What is it with these dumbasses having to show their weiners off to us anyways?? I guess they are just showing us their intelligence...literally!!

  60. Omg xD

    And I have gotten several of similar pictures from guys I've never met in person (online "contacts")

  61. @ mr. mrs. fangface:

    > Bonnie: I've actually seen porn where >dudes ejaculated on their own faces. SRSLY. >But then again, it was gay porn, and gay >porn tends to do stuff, erm, differently...

    Hey, I have no objection to guys (gay or straight) ejaculating on themselves if it floats their boat.

    What bugs me is this assumption on the part of (at least some) men (thanks probably to porn) that we women as a whole want a facefull of spooge. Or that we're dying to swallow it. Or just dying to get our hands/eyes on their junk in general. Um, NO.

    >Although, I must, of course, mention that >porn is nowhere near being real life. ;D

    Exactly! Now, even that would be OK if men were capable of realizing it's a nice fantasy...alas, if the comments here are any indication, that's a resounding NO, they don't.

    Although, after reading all these stories of unsolicited cockshots and whipping it out in public and whatnot, I have to wonder whether exhibitionism is an element as well. Especially on the Internet, where anonymity rules, maybe these guys are not so much hoping the sight of their equipment will make the woman at the other end fall madly in lust with them....maybe what they really want is just to shock someone. Like the classic flasher in his trenchcoat, leaping out of the bushes and waving the junk at scandalized female passersby...

    Funny, isn't it, how exhibitionism is a predominantly male thing? You never hear about women flashing their naked bodies at strange men, or emailing random pussy-shots to strange men.

    Then again, the men at the other end probably wouldn't have the same reaction women do to unsolicited cockshots!

  62. I, too, have tried to use online dating as a cheaper alternative to paying a babysitter so I can be bored silly "live". Unfortunately, I had a couple of run-ins with guys who love to send me pics too. As a result, I added this to my profile:

    Now for what I can very safely say I do not want...if it has ever crossed your mind that because a woman is a single mom she would be happy to have you "hook her up"...if you are so busy "working" or doing anything that you think justifies ONLY calling after the late news is off...if you live in your mother's basement in your own "apartment" and swear that she "never comes down here"...if you have ever thought it was a good idea to send a picture or video of any part of your anatomy other than your face to a woman you barely know with the thought that she'd love to receive it...then please. PLEASE. Attempt to inflict your charms on someone else and keep clicking. Do not pause here. I've had about all I can stand of what you have to offer.:run:

  63. Guest of a BishopJune 28, 2009 at 10:14 AM

    @ Melanie P.: I am not sure if it falling off is a good thing... All I can think of is those horror movies with the evil hand scuttling around.

    The best I can do is a story of how to get homophobes bragging about their cocks to shut up. "All right, whip it out and let's measure up. I want to hear that meaty thud as it whacks against the bar." Sadly, this only really works for men, but I have seen it work quite well a few times.

    Advice for women looking to use dating sites: Contact men you are interested in, ignore the ones who contact you first.
    The logic here is similar to telling your kids to ask strangers for help and run from strangers who ask to help them. 99.9% of people won't hurt a lost kid, but those .1% who are looking to hurt a kid are the ones who are out looking for lost kids and will approach first.
    I, at least, believe that most men are not dangerous crazy, but the ones who are are the ones who are often are the type who initiate contact.

  64. My personal favorite: a young guy I worked with while I was on nights at the grocery was utterly fascinated by the fact that I was bisexual, so despite knowing I was in a committed relationship (and so was he) he began regaling me with tales of his penis. It was, he said, the exact size and girth of a Red Bull can. He seemed to think this was impressive. That didn't bother me, sexual harassment laws aside, but I admit when he brought in the cell phone to show me pictures I was pretty amused. ... Oddly, when I laughed at it he didn't seem pleased.

    After about a week of me referring to him as Red Bull every time I saw him, he decided he didn't like working there anymore. So long, Red Bull. You did not give me wings, but you gave me a good story to embarrass you with on the internet.

  65. In all honesty, the guy's penis probably isn't grey. It's a badly, badly photoshopped picture using two totally different light sources. In the right light, anything would look grey. He just didn't use the filters to make the lighting match the original photo, making himself look ill, dead, etc. There are 5.2 million photos on the web with poor lighting, ranging from pink to yellow to blue to grey. It's not that uncommon.

    So, yes, it's a poor photoshop job, in more ways than one.

    Really, though, making fun of a man's penis is one of the most horrible things you can do to him. If you're not more considerate you'll take a socially inept person and convert him in to a sociopath. I know it's snarky and cool to do so, but I hope that the guys reading this don't think all women feel that way.

    Just my two coppers, and yes, I think the photoshopped photo is creepy as hell, but the woman in the story enabled it by keeping contact when she should have walked away.

  66. PS - what the hell was she doing posting a photo of her puckered lips and her head against a pillow in the first place, anyway?

  67. Kat: Why are you blaming Sarah? We don't know what the original picture was - but why do you assume that its something sexually provocative? YOu must have great eyes - because I wouldn't not have guessed her head was on a pillow. Puckered lips? Looks more like blowing out birthday candles to me.

    Making fun of a guys cock is mean. Which is why its one of the best methods of getting rid of a creep. None of the mean comments alluded to here came without first receiving innappropriate attention from the guy. And WTF - if this turns some pathetic creep into an insane axe killer its the women's fault.

    If you really are female, you need to take a good look at how low your self esteem has to be to blame women for the bad conduct of men. But methinks I smell a troll. Get back under your bridge!

  68. @ Kat: Look hon, no one here is going up to nice, friendly guys and dissing their dicks without provocation. That would be uncalled for. But hey, guys who display themselves are looking to get a reaction, so a negative reaction is exactly what is called for.

    Displaying your cock to a woman who expressed no interest in seeing it is sexual harassment--not to mention really skeevy--and you're complaining that the women are being inconsiderate? That's scarier than Bob's photoshopping skills.

  69. Kat - As a guy - making fun of someone's cock IS mean, but most guys that are secure in their manhood are exactly that - secure with the size of their penis; big, small, thick, thin, or horribly disfigured, grey and looking like the it had been pickled in formaldahyde for fifteen years.

    I doubt that the actions of one woman is going to change a socially inept person into a psychopath. Psychopaths typically have personality disorders. That means their entire personality is...uh....disordered. It is a pervasive and severe illness. Poking fun at the dude's wrinkled sack isn't exaclty going to transform them like (insert evil comic book villain alter ego) into (insert evil comic book villian) when (evil comic book villain life changing catastrophe) happened.

    but, 2CatMom is probably why do I bother posting?

  70. @hellkell


    Or maybe I'll just send someone a picture of my cock.

  71. Wow, I love this site. I wish I didn't relate to so many of the posts.

    I picked a guy up for date once (we'd met online, I went to a small college and had decided to meet people in my city outside my little bubble) and he introduced me to his female roommate, showed me the lovely condo they shared, and then asked if I wanted to see some photos.

    We had time to kill before the movie and he said he'd just moved to the area. I figured he was homesick so I said "sure" and most of the photos were of his family back home, landscapes, in other words; normal.

    Then he showed me not one, but two photos of his ass.

    Did I knee him in the groin and leave? No. I suggested we get going or else we'd be late to the movie.

    Did I kick him out of my car when he lit up a cigarette? No. I asked him to please extinguish it outside the car.

    He didn't bring any money to the movie and we were late after his photography show. He suggested we rent something instead as he had a Blockbuster giftcard. I should have left him on the curb, I know this now.

    We had no tastes in common it turned out, yet I consented to and watched the entirity of Austin Powers 3 back at his place. I sat on one sofa and took up as much of it as I could. At the end of the movie he looked over from his sofa and asked "so are we going to make out or what?"

    Thick-skulled girl that I am, I finally took that as my cue and left.

    You'd think that would be the end of it, but he emailed and called me daily for over a month. (He had my cell number because I'd gotten a little lost on the way to his place and had called to verify which street to take.) I told him I wasn't interested but he thought we'd made a connection. Every day around noon my backpack would suddenly begin buzzing as "Ed" called. He didn't know what school I went to though, I discontinued my online dating account, and he only had a generic email of mine (no last name) so at some point he gave up and quit leaving sad, desperate voicemails. He must have found someone else to show his ass to.

  72. @Kat: assuming you're not a troll, we don't make fun of guys who have a grip on reality and would never dream of showing us their cocks unless expressly invited to do so. I don't know if you've looked around, but the guys we're roasting here do NOT have the aforementioned grips. Except on themselves (thank you, try the veal and tip your waitress). Anyway, us saying he's got ZombieCock is not going to turn him or any one else into a sociopath. Besides, do you really need to hear yet again that woman are not responsible for male behavior?

    @CE: Huggy as hell, darlin'. Better up the man-juice.

  73. This is UNREAL. Seriously. Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your sad, sad story and your sad, sad photoshop. What a creep he was!

    Mara: I hope you are telling the truth because that is one of the best stories ever.

    Kat: Seriously, shut up.

  74. I was once stupid enough to date a complete nympho. At one point I was woken up around dawn because I felt something in my hand, namely his dick. Who the hell rapes their sleeping girlfriend's hand???

    I was so shocked I just pretended not to notice what was happening and never mentioned it. I was even stupid enough to keep dating him for a couple months after that happened. After being asked to give him a bj dressed up as a geisha, however, I started to wise up. Thank God the guy I'm seeing now isn't a deranged pervert who tries to turn life into a bad porno.

  75. Luckily, I have only dated one strange loser dude, and even he did not whip out the dick immediately. What he did whip out after ONE week of dating, though, was the "I just know you're The One , and I want to spend the rest of my life with you". I don't know why I didn't dump him then.
    Later I found out why it was that and not the dick: he was frickin' impotent (at the ripe old age of 23).
    I (un)fortunately(?) did not get the chance to end the relationship, as he got there first by announcing that he had found someone else. That someone was 16 years old. He was 24. The 16 year old dumped him shortly after :P

    This entire relationship was the lowest point in my entire social life.

  76. Wow, original - shut up?

    The fact remains, she kept in contact with the guy and encouraged him. I think that says plenty.

  77. PS... It's the wrinkles behind her head that give us the first clue that it's a pillow or cushion. Sure, I could be wrong, but it's definitely not the sort of picture of myself I'd post. I know better. It's pretty visible and easy to see, too. I doubt anyone would be blowing out a candle on a birthday cake while in bed, but hey, who am I to criticize?

    Yes, you bet I'm female, I've been harassed, and I am quite capable of both thinking for myself and taking care of myself. I also happen to be a professional graphic artist, so I know a bit about photoshop. It's bad and it's inappropriate, I agree. I never disagreed with that. I've also never had to stoop to making fun of anyone to make myself feel better or get rid of them, nor have I kept them dangling with wishy washy diatribe, which this story sounds full of. It's just as easy to cut off the texts as it is to feel sorry for them and keep encouraging contact. In this particular case, it was definitely not a one-sided creeptastic event, she enabled what eventually happened.

  78. @Kat:

    As someone with a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, let me tell you that the scenario you are implying is HIGHLY unlikely. As someone above pointed out, 'sociopathy' is a personality disorder (antisocial personality disorder, to be precise, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

    Most personality disorders are triggered by severe sexual and/or physical abuse in childhood, not by some woman making a comment about the size/quality of a guy's junk. Now, if you're 6 years old and your mommy or daddy takes your dick out and makes derogatory comments about it and then sexually/physically abuses you, THAT would be more likely to result in later sociopathy.

    Besides which, by your same logic, men making derogatory comments about the size of women's breasts would potentially lead to the same kind of sociopathy in small-breasted women, wouldn't it?

  79. I was considering hooking up with a guy who had some serious issues about his ex-girlfriend, which I didn't really care about because I didn't want to talk to him or date him, I just liked that he had a tongue piercing and I wanted to try it out. The only picture he ever sent me of his dick was when it was INSIDE his ex's vag. I got the fuck away from that freak show.

  80. Yes, the weird penis picture was a bad move, but my personal hypothesis was that he was fucking with Sarah 100%. He knew he would never get in bed with her, and was seeing how high he could ping the freak-o-meter before she cut him loose for good. Think of it as real-life trolling. I mean, seriously. You don't think his penis really looks like that, do you?

    And he had reason to do it, too. Seriously, on the FIRST DATE, Sarah "decided to help Bob out" by pointing out his romantic shortcomings. Really? On the first date? Golly, Sarah. Thanks a whole fuckin' bunch.

  81. O. >.> I think you dated my second bf after me XD

    After only a few days of knowing him he said:

    1 That he wanted me to be his date to his best friends wedding.
    2 That he wanted me to meet his mom.
    3 "Wherever I go, there will be a place for you".

    I started babbling about how psychotic my sis's future mother in law was. (And, yes she is, I have many stories. *shudder*)

    And yeah, he also couldn't keep it up. The relationship, as it was, ended by him after less than 2 weeks in the parking lot of a Buffalo Wild Wings on our way to meet a bunch of friends. Can we say rebound fail?

    What can I say for sticking around even that long? >.> Our mutual friends liked him, he was sweet, and if he'd been able to keep it up... he had a nice cock. But yeah, it probably would have been ended by me in another week. Though, ending something like that on the way to meet friends... as a couple? >.> Dude, I made sure he knew that was an asshole move.

  82. @ Mila:

    Could not have been the same guy, because mine = Pencil Dick (yes, it requires capitalization here)-.-

    And oh my god if it had only lasted a couple of weeks... But no, I don't dare to publicly humiliate myself by admitting to how long I stuck around.

  83. So this bitch led him on, had the stupidist ever photo on her MySpace and just seems like a general cunt, and then is shocked by retaliation? Take a look in the mirror, sweetheart.

  84. Oh! We have a troll ^^

    Isn't it cute!

    Yes, him/her's the cutest little ickle troll there ever was! Yes him/her is!


  85. mr. mrs. fangfaceJune 29, 2009 at 11:57 AM

    Hofuck, it's Bob! AH!

    BTW, people who refer to women as bitches and cunts are often immature, entitled losers who haven't learned how to grow the hell up and deal with their own inadequacies as people. :D

  86. Mila:
    Can we "love him and pet him and call him George"? ;)

  87. Cats:

    We sure can ^^ and we can hug him and squeeze him too! >.> With vicegrips ^^

  88. I think women should learn how to spontaneously vomit. If a freak doesn't get the hint or whips it out you can just throw up on him. This would clarify the situation quickly.

  89. In regards to women exposing themselves inappropriately-

    A few years ago, a friend was driving to work extremely early in the morning. It was winter so it wasn’t long past sunrise. As she slowed for an intersection, she drove past one of the more spectacular species of fucked up street prostitute. This particular prostitute was evidently so desperate for customers she was willing to keep trying in daylight, even though daylight trading was frowned upon greatly by the local police. Every car that went past she would lift up her skirt, and thus my female friend was treated to a full on shot of the prostitute’s demuffed muff in glorious technicoloured detail. The fact that the prostitute was clean-shaven was another layer of trauma because in that particular time and place Brazilian was practically unknown.

    My friend was by no means a prude, but the time, place, and circumstances conspired to make things a little traumatic. Also, in recent years I’ve moved into the lesbian scene and believe me, things can get pretty weird there as well.

    That said, I don’t know if a professional’s trolling is in the same league as photoshopping one’s penis onto the photo of an acquaintance. I think a lot of the time it’s not so much hoping that the lady will go wild with desire, as getting a thrill from exposing oneself.

    I’ve always wondered if gay men have the same sorts of dating problems as heterosexual women?

  90. Just to be clear, the 1st "Anonymous" (moi) who speculated that the guy is, in effect, trolling Sarah, is NOT the same Anonymous who started slinging the "C" word around. I wouldn't do that. Really.

    Now, that said, it seems like both Sarah and Bob could do with a big, healthy dose of Get the Fuck Over Yourself.

    Honestly. On a first date. "Here are a few of your personality deficiencies". Charming.

  91. One of my family elders (no names or relations given, just she was in her late teens...about forty years ago) had an experience with this.

    She lived in an apartment in an area that was pretty mixed, although a lot of young employees at the local famous theme park did. One day, she and some girlfriends were walking out to their cars for work, when a man came out on his balcony in a robe, then made...

    THE BIG REVEAL! (sweeping away the robe in grand fashion, of course)

    At first, the teen trio stood in complete shock, debating whether to scream and run or bellow, "What the fuck is WRONG with you!!!"

    Not sure who initiated it, but one of the girls settled on the perfect answer. A very calm assessment of this individual's assets, followed by a slow, langorous yawn. The other two followed suit, and they turned deliberately away and continued into the parking lot for their cars.

    (Granted, this is more of a textbook "indecent exposure by a pervert who'd never met these barely-legal lasses, but I give them props for a good response!)

  92. @ Bonnie:
    No, I can't think of any women with low self esteem that did horrible things, or men, either.

    /sarcasm off

  93. @ Bonnie again (it wouldn't be me if I didn't double post!)

    Most sociopaths are caused by sexual trauma in childhood? Where did you get that psychobabble? Sometimes, yes, but many events can cause it, including schoolyard bullies, coworkers, life altering events such as fire or death - I could go on. It sounds more like a popular misconception and stereotype than it does anything backed by real fact. How do we ever know what really pushes someone over the edge? We've all heard it, that "he was so quiet, he never hurt anyone until..." fill in the blank.

    Look, I completely agree that the guy is a creep. I just would have cut him off right away and I wouldn't have posted a questionable picture of myself online. I learned that long ago! That's what happens when you DO that.

    I am just saying that I would not make fun of someone's penis or breasts, as you pointed out, because I've seen the harm it could do. It doesn't have to be when Billy is six and it's Mom, and I would think any kind of psychiatrist or psychotherapist would know that.

    Is it really that difficult to maintain some sort of decorum and act like a lady? We've been accused many times on this blog of being snickering witches with no class or taste, why prove them right? We're asked if we have any stories of guys showing themselves too soon; we respond by pointing out bad photography and laughing at a man's penis. Doesn't that make us just as bad?

    In this particular case, I still believe she enabled the later behaviour. And yes, I still believe this ranks up there with creeptastic responses. (Ok, so I like the word creeptastic.)

    Anyway, take care and happy reading, folks.

  94. Seriously, Kat, shut the fuck up. You sound more insane and buhtarded with every post.

  95. @Kat: I didn't know they handed out psychology and sociology degrees when you studied graphic design! How does that work? Did they just give you a grab bag? I'm a Japanese major, and I hope I can get the complimentary medical degree when I graduate!

  96. "who/what is teaching men how to interact with women?"

    Therein lies the problem...

    My mother has NO stories of men whippin' it out when SHE was dating, and she totally played the field!!

    And I've seen PLENTY of women show off their womanly stuff - it's just easier to show all-but-nipple in socially acceptable settings than it is to show off Mr Happy.

    Glitter thongs, ass cleavage, camel toes.... all of these can be found prowling the halls of a high school near you.

    Unfortunately, men like looking at strange nekked women a lot more than women like looking a random wee wee (or "worm" as my grandma called it), so there's not nearly so much complaining. (Heck, I'D rather look at random boobies than random cock any day of the week - they're just prettier. And useful for little babies.)

  97. Kat, I completely understand your point about how there are many other factors that can contribute to antisocial personality disorder. But simply from being bullied (in this case, having his penis mocked) or a life-altering event will not cause ASPD. The DSM-IV says that in addition to a possible genetic disposition, chronic and pervasive abuse and/or a lack of a stable parent figure are the leading causes of ASPD. I believe you have your diagnoses mixed up.

    The kids who shot up Columbine High School were supposedly ASPD; they were mercilessly bullied and alienated from their peers in addition to psychologic problems they both suffered from.

    This guy, who photoshopped his penis onto a picture of a woman who had expressed very little interest in him, is just a creeper. He may have underlying psychologic problems that may make it difficult for him to determine social appropriateness. Without knowing what his history is, we'll never know. Having his penis mocked (when he was the one who put it out there for people to view) is unlikely to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

    And in regards to your complaint about the level of decorum on this blog; well, if you don't like it, you don't have to read it. This is for women who have suffered through men like Bob and it's a sounding board for their stories. If their manhood (physical or otherwise) is somehow involved in their stories (and in Sarah's case... his physical manhood is CERTAINLY involved), then it's up for grabs.

  98. Wow Kat, you're totally right. It's totally all Sarah's fault for posting a non-sexual photograph online and not cutting off contact immediately after she decided she didn't want to date him. You've figured it out!/sarcasm. Seriously dude, that picture is not what I would call inappropriate or non-"decorous" -- so what if her head's on a pillow? She's fully dressed, and not exactly posing provocatively. I bet you're one of those girls who, upon hearing of a rape, asks "but what was she wearing?" Additionally, sociopaths don't just "snap," sociopathy is an extreme, generally uncurable mental disorder that often manifests in childhood in such ways as torturing & killing small animals, etc. As for your belief that she "enabled" him by not cutting off all contact, have you ever considered that women in our society are socialized to be nice at all costs? And it might be really hard for some women to just say "Dude, you're a creep, don't contact me again" to someone's face? Fuck, books have been written on this subject (The Gift of Fear)! Additionally, she DID stop responding to him after his first inappropriate text. She only resumed contact to tell him to fuck off -- how is that enabling if that's what you thought she should do anyway?

  99. When I was in the online dating world, it became a joke among my friends about my penis picture collection. I literally had a file folder full of them.

    I never talked to the ones who sent me penis pics again. But I kept the pics until my harddrive crashed.

  100. I'm a long-time reader of WWHM and PLFM, and I often find the comments section to be almost as enjoyable as the posts themselves. That is, until someone has the SHEER AUDACITY to question part of the story or suggest that the victim of the story wasn't entirely innocent.

    It's the same pattern in the past several posts -- someone will make a comment, in this instance, Kat, suggesting that while the victim certainly didn't DESERVE what happened to her (no one deserves to be stalked or abused or to have dicks photoshopped onto their faces, really) that she didn't do anything to PREVENT it, either. Then everyone has to flame the filthy heathen dissenter for "blaming the victim," and if the person dares to defend themselves they get accused of being a small-cocked basement troll, told that they don't have the credentials to have opinions (apparently it takes a psychology degree to suggest that verbal abuse might have long-term effects?), and people start growing PhDs so they can tell them how stupid they are for disagreeing with them, but now with a doctor's authority(and karate-chop action)!

    Seriously, guys, the whole point of this blog is to showcase the stupid and sometimes creepy lengths that men will go to in their attempts to attract uninterested women, but to be honest I, like Kat, have found the last few stories a bit less interesting and a little more irritating because the women seem at least a little manipulative and dishonest. "Pity dating" in this story, and the story last week, with the girl who stretched a rebound relationship out for three years and then decided to completely cut all ties with the guy?

    Yes, he was a complete and utter asshat, but what disturbs me about a lot of these stories, looking back, is how the women very seldomly just tell the guys up front that they're not interested. It's always "letting down gently" or "ignoring and hoping he'll get the message" or "pity dating." No, that absolutely does NOT justify the actions of these men in any way, shape, or form, but you have to wonder how these stories would have been different if these ladies had rejected the guys with more finality BEFORE things started to go downhill and into restraining order territory.

    If Sarah detected "right away" that Bob had issues, wasn't attracted to him at all, and thought of him as a "yard sale of the sads" (admittedly that made me giggle), then she shouldn't have led him on and certainly shouldn't have gone on a date with him. NO I AM NOT BLAMING HER FOR HIS DOUCHEBAGGERY but I still think she acted inappropriately.

  101. I kinda sorta agree and see where Kat et al. are coming from, but what prevents me from truly agreeing in practice is the fact that this woman in question did not really behave in a way that deserved a crappy cock-photoshop, and a creepy "family picture photoshop" after the cock one...

    I simply cannot agree to an opinion that is basically saying that not explicitly forbidding any conduct that could be seen as inappropriate, before any such conduct had really even happened, would be the same as "asking for it" in some way.

    No one meets a new person immediately imagining all the super weird creepy stuff he/she will probably soon do, and what bodyparts they are going to awkwardly photoshop onto your face. 98% of the asshattery displayed in these stories could not have been completely anticipated, and certainly no one deserved any of it. Therefore I find it way too much to ask for anyone to be constantly so prejudiced against anyone they meet as to say "don't do such-and-such" before it happens.

    Being polite does also not warrant any kind of dick-on-your-face response, ever, and if someone was not rude beforehand, it does not equal anyone having the right to that kind of response, nor any sort of stalking, harassing, or any other inappropriateness.

    The real question raised by most of the stories here is, what makes these men's lives so sad that if a woman does not greet them with a swift kick in the nuts, they think they have found love? What breeds such delusions and sense of entitlement that anything less than said kick will not make them wake up and smell the indifference?


  102. I never said she deserved it. I said she enabled it. She's not some helpless woman that can't figure out why she was sent such a thing, she's a full grown adult who should have handled the situation more responsibly. As I stated, you'd never find a photo of myself online with my head on a pillow and my eyes closed, and so, I've never received a photoshopped penis propped on my lips.

    This isn't rape, this is a photo received in an email. Of course no woman deserves rape and no, I don't think cleavage and miniskirts entitle any man.

    I also never stated that it wasn't a foul, putrid photo worthy of the seventh circle of hell. It is. I stated my opinion on the bad photoshopping and the snarky, tasteless comments. I'm not going to change my mind or take them back.

    It is also entirely possible to know something about psychology without a degree. There's this wonderful thing called the written language that allows knowledge and experience to be passed from generation to generation, thus allowing civilization to exist.

  103. Right, uh, I'm going to go vomit now.


    I have a hard time believing that is the genitalia of a human being, honestly.

  104. :[ On a not-even-close-to-a-date I was chatting with a guy in whom I was pretty interested, when he asked me if I'd like to see his balls. I replied that I would not. He proceeded to expose his scrotum by hiking up his loose shorts.

    I was rather unimpressed and thoroughly disgusted.

    And for fuck's sake, he set them on the seat of my car.

    His sack.

    On the seat of my car.


  105. I guess no one has to believe me. It is, after all, my sister's story.

    My sister worked for Greenpeace - the following is one of many reasons I hate Greenpeace, because it's personal.

    Because she's my fucking SISTER.

    So, this douchebag guy who worked for Greenpeace thought it was okay to hit on all his coworkers. I guess he was successful in getting some pussy this way sometimes. Ya know. To each his own, I guess.

    But my sister, brilliant as ever, had a plan for this creeper. And dare I say - it was the most brilliant plan of all time.

    The first and last time he asked my sister to have sex with him, my sister told him YES, on ONE condition.

    Of course, this creeper was all ears. He'd prolly never heard the word 'YES' before by being a fucking creepy fucking bastard. (Imagine that!)

    But I guess you're more interested in learning what that ONE condition was, at this point... amirite?

    "I will have sex with you if you let me shit in your mouth."


    "I will have sex with you if you let me shit in your mouth. I get off on shitty sex. So, will you let me shit in your mouth?"

    He told her he'd think about it. So that's exactly what he did. Thought about it. And decided he'd be down with it, after a few more questions I guess.

    ...I'm not sure exactly how my sister warded off this unbelievably kinky creeper, but she did so without having sex with him or shitting in his mouth - this much I am sure of.

    Anyway, I started typing this as an advice piece, but then I realized I just felt like sharing one really funny story with all y'all readers. Even if all y'all readers happens to be no one else but Weasel at this point. Hope you enjoyed it, Weasel.

  106. one guy on okcupid wanted to me to tell him to get circumcised

  107. I guess I'm going to have to stop complaining. My problem is that I keep meeting gentlemen who also happen to be unbelievably boring.

    Although I am currently fielding weird emails from one particularly boring guy. He's unemployed, never really had a career, and doesn't have any interests as far as I can tell, but he keeps sending me papers he wrote in one class in community college. He also just recently sent me an "article," basically a blurb in a festival newsletter about the volunteer work he did at the festival, um, once. I think if that were the best thing I'd accomplished in my life, to the point where I'd think it a good idea to show it off to someone I'm trying to impress, I'd off myself.

  108. Gobsmacked at this article.

  109. i don't know what's worse....the fact that this looser had the audacity to photoshop her head near his cock - of the fact that it's got to be the most atrocious cock I've ever seen in my life!

  110. Once upon a time, at a 24 Hour Fitness, when I was about sixteen, I met a guy. More in passing, he said hi, so I said hi back before continuing on my way. He worked there everyday, and I went to the gym everyday, so, naturally, we saw each other. It became a ritual to say hi to one another. Granted, this wasn't a sexy "hi" but just a plain, generic one.

    But, as an extremely social person, this was hardly out of the ordinary for me. Then, one day, after maybe a month of seeing each other around, he came up to me while I was working out and slipped me his phone number. So he could "get to know me." Now I actually sent him a text to ask him a question about personal training (since he was a personal trainer). My mistake. He also told me how old he was. 29. I was on my way to another 24 Hour Fitness location when this guy sent me a text. "Can I show you a picture of me?" He asked. "Want to see something sexy?" Came a second text. I said, "Um... no, that's alright." But then came another one. "Something really sexxxxxxxxiiiiiiii." So I replied that I'd rather not. Then the next text came. I opened it, and there displayed was a picture of his cock. Needless to say, I continued by literally telling him to leave me the fuck alone. After asking me "why I had to be like that" he stopped talking to me altogether. And I stopped seeing him around, too. Nifty!

  111. When I was seventeen or so I was interested in a guy in the grade below mine. We had been talking frequently over AIM and the phone, but it was just casual talking and some mild flirting.

    When he finally asked me out after a week or so, I had said yes pretty joyfully and I felt pretty good about it in general.

    Of course, that was before I got an email entitled (and I quote) "muahahahahaha Ash". I opened it, curious as to what he could have possibly sent me...

    ...And that's when I saw five pictures of him, nude. Specifically of his penis.

    Why I still dated him for six months is beyond me, but luckily it ended.

  112. I recently met someone on an online dating site wherein his first email was something like a "hey, how's it going? I just saw your profile and liked it, so I thought I'd say hello", nothing long or profound. I responded briefly but in a friendly-ish manner, and his next email asked, if you can believe this, how much vaginal discharge I might have in a day.

    I clicked "block user" in record time, I'm thinking! UGH!

  113. When I was 16, I went out on a first date with a 19 year old guy. He knew I was a virgin, simply because he was Navy, and my FATHER was his boss, and it was known, chief's daughter don't put out, lol. This was because I didn't. Too many of my friends had already gotten preggo between 12 & 16. I was looking for a date, not a sex partner, not a husband. He took me to Arbys for a meal, hey, he was a young sailor, not much money.....then a movie. We then went 'driving'.....I should have known better.

    He pulled in to a rural area and we kissed. About 5 minutes. I let him feel me up through my bra for a minute or so. Next thing I know, he's unleashed his penis and put my hand on it......I was like, ummmmm, no and removed my hand, removed his hand and had him take me home.

    It didn't end there. He tried nothing else that week.....but the next weekend I stayed the night at an 18 yr old friend's house while her father was out to sea and mother was gone for the weekend. He was a friend of her boyfriend's and came over to hang out. Let me add he had been a gentleman all week. I kissed him a few times, and we went to sleep, in separate rooms. When I woke up in the middle of the night it was because he basically woke up and decided to make out with me and feel me up......I slapped him and told him that was his second strike, there would be no third, and that my father would be made aware of his behavior if he tried anything else.

    Damn if he didn't try again before morning, resulting in my friend's boyfriend punching him out and throwing him out, then going to my father the next day and telling him that his good friend had tried to force me to do things I was not willing to do.

    Let me add, I would never have used my father's position against him unless he actually tried to use force against me. My friend's boyfriend had known me since I was 14, was a friend of my older brother and felt very protective of me. He introduced the young man and I, and only had him over under the promise he wouldn't push me to do anything, so when Sean found out it was the 3rd time in one week, he was pissed.

    On the plus side, this was before the internet, so I never had to worry about stupid vids on youtube:)

  114. I kind of take his point of view on this one.

    She goes out on a date with a guy and starts giving him "personality pointers" so he can have success with future dates? So she not only rejects him, she appoints herself as his "coach"? How pathetic. Did he ask for her advice?

    His response both with his "friend" and then the photoshop, is just passive aggressive attacks on his part. No doubt he's immature and it was a clownish thing to do and all but she's a little bit of a bitch herself.

    Why hasn't SHE had lots of dates, given that she's so "attractive"? Why did she have to "settle" for him? And date "only because she was bored"? Maybe she needs some personality coaching, huh? Maybe she isn't as attractive as she thinks?

    Women never think of that though. If they don't have lots of dates, they blame the men for not being good enough for them (OK, this guy probably wasn't), but if the men can't get dates, they're losers who need "personality coaching".

    As for the pictures of genitals thing, I find that hard to believe. I've done online dating and corresponded with a few women and it would never occur to me in a million years to do that. I just don't believe there is that much of a segment of the male population who would a) think a woman would like that and b) do it even if he DID believe "a" were true.

  115. unfortunately, i can post a comment. this happened the second time the guy had been to my apartment, only the third time we'd seen each other. while we kissing on the couch for the first time, he decided that was an appropriate time to whip it out and take care of himself. i was mortified and told him to leave, yet decided to see him one more time after that. i'm reassured to know that i'm not the only one out there who was taken advantage of by a guy who to be appeared nice and normal at first!

  116. I once went to a movie with my best friend, her husband, and a few of his friends. We were sitting there in the dark when all of a sudden the guy next to me grabs my hand and shoves it down his pants so I could feel his (tiny) erect penis. I kept trying to yank my hand away but he wouldn't let it go. I was too young to realize that I should have yelled at him, whether it disturbed anyone else or not. My friend noticed that something was going on but she wasn't sure what. I clued her in after the movie when the guy was in the bathroom and she was both horrified and amused. He rode home with my friend and her husband and told everyone what he had done, and that it was all my fault he had done that. He was drunk, so basically everyone just rolled their eyes at him. Thankfully I never saw him again.

  117. Sarah's behavior and pic were indeed misleading. Though it should have looked like a live piece.

  118. I'm a guy who just happened by this site when i was googling the question "should i text a picture my cock to my blind date?.

    I met this girl on a site that requires the man to divulge his penus length. We'd talked a few times and texted every day for about a week. We also texted each other a few recent face pics. She seems to like me and enjoy conversation, but she seems too busy to meet so far. I am attracted to her from her pictures and personality and i assume she feels the same. But i have trouble getting her to flirt with me.

    So, being a guy and wanting to speed things up, i was wondering if seeing a picture of my junk would spark her sexual interest. Especially, since we met through a hookup site, figuring she is as interested in the cock as i am in using it.

    The point of this story ladies, is most guys have no idea what turns a girl on. So we figure women will get as hot as we get when we see some nice tits or ass. So there is no need to think that we are creeps for wanting to do so. Almost any guy loves a woman who is willing to be visually alluring for him. So true, these guys think they are giving you ladies a gift, the gift of horniness.

    But seriously, some of you sound like typical bitter man haters. I find that women who love to belittle men, have had one too many asshole encounters. But, they never learn, and keep going for the assholes because they percieve them as "Alpha". As a result of all these bad encounters, you feel the need to take away mens dignity by belittling them, just to puff up your own ego. I will continue to believe that most of you love the Penus, but you will never admit it to us.

    I agree men are pretty stupid when they allow thier libido to think for them (myself obviously included). But, most women understand the kind of power they can have over a man by leading him on, and love to use it. So give us guys a break.

    Hope i didnt offend anyone, not my intention. But I wanted to help shed a little light on the situation, and i had to include my opinion.
    This is a great site, and now i know what not to do. John

  119. Hi John! I have some advice: NO ONE FUCKING WANTS TO SEE YOUR COCK. Srsly. Put it the fuck away. Can I be any more clear about this?

    Also, if you seem to always encounter women who hate men, maybe you should consider that it's not them, it's you.

    Also, it's PENIS. Jesus.

  120. really really awfull just let me get this straight sarah just kept up with him and let it all happen thats pretty understanding, I think all women do this to some degtree with us men which is a bit weird and I think if we knew it would shock us but they (women) keep being the magic amazing glue for out emotional unstuckness. ( theres a metaphor)

  121. I am 40 and my current girlfriend is 19 I met her at a festival and she jumped my bones when i was drunk and had the audacity to do it, she said once she got over the older guy thing she was fine, we have been together for 7 years and its the best relationship I have ever had, I would never go out and think I could score a girl that age let alone try and even pick one up or flirt with someone that age. so i was feeling pretty weird the first day when i found out she was actually 17 yrs old and in a couple of weeks she would be 18 and that was interesting, so it took me a year of hanging out with her and visiting her to see if this was for real, i mean I wasn't complaining but I thought it a bit wierd and strange that this girl was so young anf beautiful and sweet and wanting me! I thought this was wrong and a bit strange but it was sexy and kinky and all that. so how this rrelated to the thread, I thought I was very proper and stand offish and took my time waiting for the catch, it wasnt just a aberation on her part she liked older guys, so I just went with it I mean you would be mad not too, I just wanted to be sure she wasnt a weirdo. so thats it I was feeling creeped out by a young gorgeous beautiful girl who was so fucking hot and so up for it that I baulked and took a reality pill. what made me feel better but also at the same time a bit awkward, she had a friend who was younger and she was with a guy 10 years older, she was still at boarding school and pretended to be her uncle to get her on weekkends. her mum was so ok with it as was mine. me and him became friends and so did the girls. every one has grown up and we are now normalised but I was desperate back then and i thought this could be fun but also not last. I gave it a shot. I am the envy of all my mates who just see the superficial side of me and girl half my age and the best sex ever they are jealous and envious as all get out. of course its a bit funny we go out sometimes and people say "oh you've brought yout daughter" I don't have to claify or explain. they just think its a bit odd when they see us make out and who knows what some people think? I would probably like to have a relationship with a very young girl again but it aint happenning and I just feel like a sugar daddy and the girls are not for real they just want to explore the daddy thing and its all a bit forced. I am still in touch with her and have the best friendship and we are mates, I habe allways prefered younger women who doesnt but a relationship is something different emotionally.

    1. If she was 19 when you wrote the post and had been with you for 7 years it means that she was 12 when you started this. It also means that you are a pedophile.

  122. I don't want photos sent to my phone of penises I haven't seen in real life. Luckily, I have never been sent anything like that from the guys I have dated, although, I have seen my fair share of them in person. (I must say I'm relieved that I have no cock-shots).

    The best dick-in-public story I have was once when I was kissing an ex-coworker that I had run into out in town. We were making out outside, at the front of the building; when he opens his fly, pulls out his wang, puts it in my hand and says "so, are you gonna call me or what?"

    I dropped his appendage and walked away yelling back over my shoulder "I might have considered it if you hadn't just pulled your dick out of your pants." It didn't look too different to the one growing out of his forehead really...

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