Sarah was frustrated.
An attractive woman with a full set of teeth, Sarah had recently waded into the deepest depths of her local dating pool only to emerge with lightly splashed kneecaps.
There just wasn't that much out there for her.
So Sarah elected to join a popular national dating website instead, hoping she might find an attractive man in her area with at least a few similar interests.
She didn't find much to her liking, but apparently several guys found Sarah quite the catch. She eventually fell into casual conversation with a man named Bob.
Right away, Sarah realized Bob might have some issues.
Raised as an only child and spoiled rotten throughout his life, Bob constantly craved Sarah's undying attention, yet simultaneously spoke only of himself and always had to have the last word.
She wasn't attracted to Bob, but frankly, she didn't have any other dating prospects, and actually kind of felt bad for the guy.
"I guess it was the way he laid all his pathetic stuff out for me, like a yard sale of the sads," she says. "I think sometimes I date just because I'm bored."
In only their second online conversation, Bob admitted to Sarah he hadn't been on a date in nearly 5 years. "I'm just not that into casual sex," he explained.
For those women not in the know, that's man-speak for "I can't find anyone who will fuck me." Sarah concurs, adding "If I show up at this guy's house wearing only a thin layer of oil, he'll be all up in me like stuffing in a Thanksgiving turkey."
Agreed, Sarah. Agreed.
Anyway, Bob and Sarah end up going out on one date, which Sarah described as "painful." Rather than dumping Bob on the spot, Sarah decided to help Bob out a little by politely highlighting some personality changes he might consider in order to make himself more attractive to single women in the future.
"He did not take it well," reflects Sarah, and Bob went right back to showcasing the "sads."
Sarah and Bob conversed via text over the next week or so. While Bob slowly became infatuated with Sarah, Sarah became completely indifferent to Bob. She was trying to be nice, but Bob's texts became increasingly needy and, well, strange.
"I don't really remember, he says some things to me that are pretty wacky. I dismiss them, I mean, he's not exactly socially retarded," recalls Sarah.
Unfortunately, she was just about to find out exactly how socially retarded Bob really was.
Only a couple weeks after meeting Sarah, Bob was apparently hanging out with his best female friend when he sent Sarah the following text:
Bob: Do you want to have kids?
Sarah was a bit taken aback. She did, but certainly not his kids. She didn't know where he was going with this, so she texted back:
Sarah: I haven't decided yet.
Bob: My best friend says that since you're 30, you shouldn't have kids past the age of 35.
Now Sarah was pissed off. Why the fuck was this assclown discussing her womb with some woman she didn't even know?
Sarah: It's none of her business, and I don't want to discuss it further.
Bob: Yeah, I just told her she has too big of a heart.
Sarah: I think she needs to mind her business about the kid thing because that is something that is not her concern. Unless she gets me pregnant.
Bob: You blow things way out of proportion!
Personally, I disagree. As a guy, I certainly wouldn't want some woman I barely know having a casual conversation about my penis over coffee with some guy I didn't know at all.
So on this note, Sarah stopped responding to his texts.
And Bob got upset, because he sensed Sarah was upset.
What could he possibly do to get back in her good graces? He hadn't talked to her for over an hour!
To express his true feelings for Sarah, Bob decided to put together a nice little picture for her.
And this is what he sent Sarah one hour later:
Yes, folks, that's right.
As a token of his affection for Sarah, Bob took her online profile picture and Photo-shopped his cock onto her lips.
This blog is just fucking kittens and rainbows sometimes, isn't it?
Anyway, Sarah isn't one of those people that reacts hysterically to anything. In fact, she initially just laughed at how truly pathetic Bob had become.
You see, Bob didn't even understand that there was anything wrong with this type of behavior.
But Bob wasn't quite finished, and Sarah was genuinely offended by Bob's next work of art, which unfortunately we don't have.
Bob found a photo of himself with his dog, and proceeded to Photoshop an image of Sarah into the picture, creating a family photo of the group.
After two weeks, one date, and no physical contact.
And keep in mind, he sent the "family" photo after his Pulitzer prize-winning "Whence One Kisses a Penis" photo.
Needless to say, it was time to have "that" conversation with Bob.
"A conversation he's probably had many times before," adds Sarah.
Sarah informed Bob his love affair with her was officially over, and Bob needed to re-direct his romantic aspirations elsewhere.
"I won't give up on you that easily. You told me before that I was too demanding, and I changed that," Bob doth protested.
Yet Sara held firm as Bob tried to guilt her into establishing some sort of "relationship" with him, a ploy almost as effective as his sub-par Photoshop handiwork.
Eventually, Bob realized he was done.
"The fucked up part is, I feel bad for him. Because, like it or not, I know he's wondering what exactly he did," says Sarah. "He's probably even a pretty good guy, to his dog. And his mom."
Sarah remains single today, but she always carries a little memento of her brief experience with Bob.
"Now when people ask me why I'm single, I just show them Bob's photo."
Proving once again that a picture most certainly is worth a thousand words.
PLFM would seriously like to thank Sarah for being such a great sport about sharing her story with us, and sharing her photo in particular.
Unfortunately, we know this isn't an isolated incident.
If you've had a guy text you a photo of his dick or whip out his dick out way too early in the dating process, please let us know in the comments.