Today, PLFM takes a step back and lets two fighters duke it out.
Now, PLFM didn't get much backstory on today's case, but one thing is very clear:
There's some free planters sitting out on the corner somewhere in Baltimore.
Now, let's go over what we do know:
Dan and Laura recently went out on a date.
Maybe two, we're not really sure.
Initially, it sounds like Dan and Laura felt a little spark between one another.
But somehow, somewhere, the spark suddenly exploded, and both parties got burned.
And today, my friends, we sift through the ashes.
First up, we have Dan providing a little sunshine:
I'm really sorry if I did anything to upset you. I was really happy to have met someone with a very silly sense of humor, open minded, attractive and jewish. I was excited that you are going to journey out to XXXX and just (and still) wanted to be helpful.
I'm home from work and running errands in the area. If you are around I will quickly pick the planters up and be on my way.
Hmmmm, Dan's email seems a little cloudy.
Perhaps Laura can provide some cleansing rain?
You are a cool guy, but it boggles my mind that you walked up to the ticket booth and said, "1 for star trek" and then stepped aside so I could get my own ticket. Where I come from a guy pays for a woman in the beginning.
While I was shocked when you took the $ at the bar on Saturday, I recognized that I did offer.
You made me laugh so hard and I had a good time that I chose not to dwell on a petty $ issue, but then you did it again.
It's just not classy, especially when followed by a comment along the lines that you thought you'd get more, like a kiss or something when I went to say goodbye outside the theater.
I'm actually in and out all day. I can leave the boxes outside, like I mentioned, so you can pick them up. Does that work?
And now take cover my friends, because here comes Dan's big thunder!
Thank you for writing back and being honest.
Allowing you to pay for your own ticket "boggles your mind", huh?
Well, I'll tell you what boggles MY mind. For some reason you have these outrageous expectations that a man can only be classy if he gives the woman he's interested in a total free ride.
You claim to choose to not dwell on a petty money issue, but that's exactly what you are doing. You actually chose to focus your emotions on whether I was picking up your bar tab instead of allowing you to possess a modicum of self reliance.
Where *I* come from, it is 2009 and its a great place to live. This is where women aren't looked at as 'the fairer (read "weaker") sex, but seen as equals to men. Its not the 1950's which was a time of one-income households, but a time of shared burdens.
Oh sure there are plenty of sugar daddies to be found out there, but how many of them will give you the same deep belly laughs where your cheeks hurt from smiling so hard? If you hold on to those outdated beliefs of yours, then you should also be eagar to service the man that is bankrolling you too, b/c that's what is expected from that type of exchange.
When I tried kissing you in the vestibule before the movie, you muttered a remark which you did not want to repeat, but now I understand it was likely about accepting your previous offer of buying your own drink. I'd say that's painfully shallow, forgetful, and hurtful that you so easily overlooked my previous generosity.
I feel obligated to recap the charges I DID pay for since you are clearly caught up on the two that I didn't.
Starting with paying for that second slice of pizza you split with Bob the first night meeting you, there was your lunch after the park, 70% of that burger meal, buying our breakfast the morning of Lowes, getting a six pack for you & Christy, graciously supplying greeeens the whole time I was with you, and even after you went ice cold b/c I didn't pony up your movie ticket, i STILL covered the popcorn and soda even though you asked me so sourly.
Now lets talk about class and "classy". One of the reasons why I didn't pay for your movie ticket was b/c I wasn't sure what was going on in your head up to that point in the day. You had stopped being flirtatious. The whole walk to the theater you were cold to me. I was feeling rather unappreciated and also somewhat confused by how you were behaving.
I showed the quality of my character and had been a complete gentleman throughout by running out specially for drinks, running up and down the stairs for water, being genuinely concerned for your friend's well being, making your neighbor's children laugh, entertaining your friends and even helping you paint!
I'd say that's pretty high class, and had you shown me some interest and not gotten caught up in that small minded thinking I most certainly would have bought the movie ticket too. THAT is just the kind of guy that I am.
Amongst my friends and family, I'm well known as being very generous with my money and most especially generous with my time. So after the movie when I said that I thought I'd get more of a response from you, or at the very least a goodbye kiss, yeah, REALLY.
Overall, you need to re-examine the values you look for in a man. It boggles my mind that you squashed something that I thought could have been really great between us b/c your movie wasn't on my dime.
I work really hard and long hours and put up with a ton of crap for my dollars. I don't think you can say the same, yet you have an outrageous sense of self-entitlement that is pretty undeserved.
I'm bummed it didn't work out between us, but not too bad since I see you are quite superficial and not worth a quality guy like myself.
One last thing, you can keep those planters. It will almost cover the cost of the burger and movie ticket while saving me travel time and keeping my dignity.
Pretty harsh email there, Dan.
I don't know though folks, this could be a tough one.
Was Laura wrong for sparking the money issue?
Was Dan a cheap asshole? Or was he an asshole for the reason he was being cheap?
Or both? Or neither?
Either way, from now on I'm pretty sure vaginas will slam shut around Dan like his penis was selling vacuum cleaners.