Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Cineplex Ohmygod

Kristin recently finished off another round of unsuccessful dates through Match.com, and had pretty much given up on the whole idea of online dating.

"I wanted chemistry, and I wasn't finding it through the computer. A guy may look good on the screen, and even in person, but when there's no chemistry, there's no chemistry. Period."

Kristin ignored her profile for a couple weeks, but checked in on a whim one day to find a message from a guy named Mark.

"Hi! I saw you as I was looking through some profiles. I think you sound interesting, would you like to meet me after work for a drink sometime? If not, I understand and good luck out there in the dating world!"

Kristin checked his profile, and was surprised to discover that he was quite good-looking and apparently successful to boot. Kristin wrote him back a note and asked him a few questions, which he answered within the hour. He seemed pleasant, funny and genuinely excited to meet her.

Mark invited Kristin to dinner that Friday, and they had a great time together. No awkward moments of silence, no lull in the conversation, and he even buttered her rolls. And I mean that literally, not figuratively.

Mark and Kristin spent nearly six hours together that night.

"We had a great time. He was really funny and seemed really interested in me, plus he was polite like men used to be, he pulled out my chair before I sat and he put my coat on me before we went outside."

At the end of the night, Mark walked Kristin to her door. Mark had mentioned earlier that he had hoped to catch Gran Torino the next night, and asked if Kristin would like to join him. Kristin said yes, but according to Kristin, it came out more like "HELL YES!!!!"

Mark pecked her on the lips, got in his car, and drove away.

Kristin says she was floored. The guy was hot as hell, successful, and funny, and had just taken her on one of the better dates of her life. "I had butterflies after the first date. Good thing!"

Good thing indeed, Kristin.

We can't wait to hear about the second date.

Or... can we?

Cue the Jaws theme once again please.

Prince Charming came by the next evening and parked directly in front of her house. Kristin was still getting ready when she heard a car horn, so she looked outside to see Mark waiting in the car with the engine running. Perplexed, she called Mark on her cell.

"Hey, I'll be ready in just a second," she said, and then laughingly added "Why didn't you just call me and tell me you were outside instead of honking the horn?"

His charming response?

"Does it really matter?"

Turn up that ominous music a notch.

Kristin got into the car to find the Mark from the previous evening had been replaced with a surlier, less-talkative version. Kristin's initial excitement to see him wore off rather quickly. He wasn't talking much, didn't smile, and was getting angry with the traffic.

When they arrived at the theater, Mark and Kristin found a seat together and waited for the movie to start. Kristin heard someone call her name behind her, and turned around to see her high school boyfriend sitting a few rows back with his new boyfriend. They had remained friendly over the years after he came out of the closet, and she hadn't seen him in a while, so she excused herself to go say hello.

"I was gone all of five minutes," Kristin insists.

She returned to her seat, and Mark scowled at her.

"Who's that?" he asked.

"That was just a guy I knew from high school," she answered.

"OK, whatever. Did you sleep with him?"

Kristin, at 27, found that question a little perplexing. And rude. "Is that really any of your business?"

Mark didn't respond right away, but rather found it more appropriate to respond mid-way through the movie. "Yes, I do. I'm on a date with you, and leave me sitting here alone to go talk to a guy you obviously fucked."

Kristin's blood began to boil, but she remained quiet. After the movie, Mark and Kristin got up to leave the theater. Mark was ahead of Kristin as they shuffled out, and Kristin had to use the restroom before they left.

"He was so far ahead of me at that point that I practically had to yell out to him that I was going to use the restroom. He turned around and looked at me and just stood in place as if he was going to wait for me. Which he didn't. The fucking asshole left me at the theater with no ride home."

That's right folks, Kristin finished up in the theater restroom and Mark was gone. She called and got no answer. She texted him and got no response. In a fit of rage, she texted "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!"

Kristin got a ride home from her ex-boyfriend, and found an email waiting for her when she walked in the door.

From Mark.

Take it away, Prince Charming.

1. First of all, what gives you the fucking rights to tell me to call you instead of honking my horn. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? You were supposeed to be READY and you weren't ready and it was late and I told you how much I wanted to see Gran torino. The funniest part is for all the time you must have taken to get ready you didn't even look that good. Seriously I usually date 8's and above. You do not meet that qualifications tonight.

2. I suggest that you never tell a person you are on a date with to calm down when they are driving as it just provides more of a distraction and makes a driver angrier.

3. You left me sitting for 15 minutes in a theater all by myself, do you not understand how inconsiderate that is especially when you go to talk to a guy that you obviously fucked or are fucking lmao? We were on a date and on a date that means you should be paying attention to me, not all the other guys you fucked before you met me. I was embarrassed that I sat there alone while other people looked at me and thought I was some loser that goes to movies by himself. Thanks for that, very nice of you.

4. I DID waited for you for 5 minutes and when you did not come out I figured you left me there so I just left, so no FUCK YOU ASSHOLE.

You are really one classy lady you know that. Does your whole family speak that way? Maybe you need to take a class on manners Kristen, that is not how civilized people speak with each other.

I have given this some consideration and I will be willing to go out with you again under the following rules.

1. No talking to other guys you FUCKED.
2. Especially no talking to GAY GUYS YOU FUCKED.
3. I drive again and honk my horn at you.

Just kidding I wouldn't go out with you again. I don't like to date women that have sex with gay guys.

Well good luck dating to you you're going to need it, and lose my number NOW I don't want you getting drunk again and calling me. By the way on your next date maybe you shouldn't get so drunk? just something for you to think about.


Way to show your maturity level Mark.

"I don't even know what the drunk reference is," says Kristin, "I didn't even have four drinks the first night we went out. For me, that's certainly not drunk. Never in my life have I met such a jekyll and hyde asshole!"

We agree, Kristin.

We agree.


  1. My mouth is still agape from this.

    First of all, where in the conversation is the "Oh yes, that is a man I fucked" part?

    Then come the rules - NO TALKING TO GUYS YOU FUCKED.

    And the GAY GUYS you fucked? Wow - apparently an even bigger threat.

    He's probably afraid that he'll catch teh ghey if he sleeps with her.

    Seriously. What a doucheface.

  2. "Gay guys you fucked.." WTF? Any of you gay guys out there make a habit of banging women?

  3. Wow, apparently Mark has the slick operator thing down. Good thing for Kristin that he couldn't keep up the facade for long. I'd have hated to think things were great and wonderful for a month or two and then deal with the off-the-meds personality change.

  4. I think she should get her high school ex and his boyfriend to beat him up, if she's not wanting to do it herself. Or inform the match.com administration ppl of his true nature. Isn't that the site that weeds people out? I don't know, I can't keep all these dating sites straight. And ooooooh, five whole minutes! He does realize that girls have to sit down to pee, right? Cuz on average it takes a woman about seven minutes in the bathroom. Also, how did she leave from the bathroom? Crawl out the window?
    Lastly, so much for knowing how civilized people speak to each other, Mark. They say fuck ALL the damn time! Obviously, Mark has had no experience actually speaking to civilized people.

  5. What I want to know is why all of a sudden there was a personality change from night one to night two. Did he skip some meds or something?

    And seriously...does this guy honestly think that Kristin goes around fucking gay guys? Somehow that does not compute in my mind.

  6. He's definitely off his meds or needs to be on meds. Either way, not a good person to have a relationship with. Off meds or no meds usually escalates into physical violence. And he's a douche bag regardless.

  7. Am I the only one who has met a normal guy online? I like to think so. He's nothing like this, that's for sure.

    (http://www.okcupid.com) Although, let's be honest... my friends have met freaks off that website. Guess I am lucky and was spared of that.

  8. I have to say that while nothing excuses his crappy behavior, if I'm on a date and spot someone, I just give them a smile and wave. I would not have went over there out of respect for my date. But hey, after the road rage thing, she may have already figured out he was a whack job.

  9. Jekyll and Hyde indeed! Gads, what a whack-a-doodle!

    If I saw someone I knew, I'd introduce my date to them.

    It IS kind of rude to let someone sit while you chat up an old friend, but his reaction was way too far off the charts to be considered anywhere in the universe of normal.

    The guy appears to have some serious anger issues, seems to be a misogynist, and is obviously a homophobe. Glad he played his hand early, instead of months into the relationship.

    I'm sure he'd be an abuser too, since it's YOUR fault he's angry! If didn't MAKE him mad all the time, he wouldn't NEED to hit you!


  10. Didn't he pull out the "uncivilized" language first?

  11. Now that you mention it, he did say it first in the theater, Hjorrdis.

  12. What is with these badly-behaved men self-righteously lecturing the women about manners?? I have been on the receiving end of this too.

  13. I was going out with a guy in college who after a couple of months of being really sweet and kind turned into a psycho after a couple of months.

    I had been sick with the flu for a week. My first day back on campus I was sitting in the cafeteria eating eggs with a couple of friends. It was the first thing I had eaten in days. The dude comes down to hang out with me and when he sees what I'm eating he SLAPS ME and YELLS at me because eggs are disgusting and I shouldn't be eating them.

    Needless to say we stopped dating.

  14. "Hjorrdis said...
    Didn't he pull out the "uncivilized" language first?"

    I'm not sure, but fuck, his **behavior** was uncivilized!! Ugh, I hate this guy..! And the difference between honking the horn and going in to get someone -- after one date -- is "I care enough not to be a douchehat, and you're good enough to not kind of just slow the car down while you try to hop on." I'm so mad for you, Kristen, cuz dating is HARD and you got suckered by a dick! Argh, I hate that!

  15. Mack Truck said...
    Jekyll and Hyde indeed! Gads, what a whack-a-doodle!

    If I saw someone I knew, I'd introduce my date to them.


    I did this once. I thought it was the polite thing to do at the time, and it was. The guy I was dating/living with, we ran into my ex-boyfriends' brother and his wife in the grocery store. We had been apart for several years and I hadn't seen anyone from the family in some time.

    I introduced everyone, asked how the family was- mom and dad, nice to see you... it was probably no more than a 3 minute exchange of pleasantries.

    Just out of earshot and down the next aisle- Kaboom! The meltdown happened...

    Who the hell is that?
    How do you know him?
    And just like from the main post-

    "OK, whatever. Did you sleep with him?"

    Oh, yeah. Because I make a habit out of sleeping with my boyfriends MARRIED brothers. All the time. Too bad you have only sisters. Hey one of them is married should I put the moves on her?

    Truth be told the brother was better looking, but had other (bigger) issues to deal with.

  16. And yes, I dumped Mr. You Must Have Slept With Every Guy You Know.

    That was one of his many meltdowns.

    I don't need that kind of shit. If I want drama, I'll create my own.

  17. Dang Cut-N-Jump, what a loser asshole that guy of yours was!

    If ANYONE I was dating dared to question if I'd slept with someone just because I was being friendly, that would be the last time I'd go out with them.

    I don't play that shit, and expect the same courtesy from the man I'm seeing.

    I don't like a man who's so freakin' insecure that he thinks you can't POSSIBLY be just friends with another man.

    Most of my friends are male, because I grew up in a house with 5 brothers and no sisters. I LIKE the company of men, regardless of whether we're dating or not.

    I don't need to date a whiny little bitch. If I want to deal with that kind of attitude, I'll be friends with some high maintenance woman!

  18. do you not understand how inconsiderate that is especially when you go to talk to a guy that you obviously fucked or are fucking lmao?

    Is he laughing his ass off in the middle of a psychotic tirade?

  19. I'm impressed he was able to keep up the facade for the first night. Reminds me of the movie "mr. brooks"... I can just see his alter-ego whispering in his ear LOL

    Oh, and no socializing with someone you previously fucked? Well, my BF and I are in serious trouble. I'm still good friends with my ex-husband and we hang out with 2 of his ex's quite regularly. Guess we're just weird that way :)

  20. Still reeling over the grammatical retard-o-rama of "You do not meet that qualifications tonight."

  21. @ Lora and Mack - Typicaly I'd agree with indroducing / prioritizing your date, but if he's already being an asshole why ruin your ex boyfriend's date with the surlyness? She probubly needed a break by minute 3 anyway.

    I love that the man is so insecure that he cant sit in a theater on his own without being sure the entire place is convinced hes a looser. Or that a woman would never talk to a man, even an obviously gay one, if she was not sleeping with him. What a douche.

  22. My daddy always told me that if a guy EVER honks his horn to get me outside, he is not a gentleman and not worthy of the company of a lady. Girls, you are ladies and NEVER forget that or let some douche try to call you outside like a dog.

  23. damn, i think i dated this asshole.
    a few times.

  24. Uh...if someone I was on a date with asked me if I had just talked to someone I had fucked, I would have kicked them in their minuscule balls right in from of everyone. Then they would have KNOWN he was a loser!!!

  25. I once went to see a movie by myself. It was a matinee show and the most annoying thing I had to deal with was the old ladies who were asking what was going on because they didn't have their hearing aids turned on and weren't wearing the right glasses for distance-vision to see what was happening.

    No one, not even the teenage-somethings, looked at me like I was some wacked-out chick goin on a date with herself.

    And I agree, this guy is one real nutjob.

  26. Excuse me while I wipe brains off my monitor, my head just exploded reading this.

    Funniest part is I bet this asshole wonders why he's still single.

  27. mr. mrs. fangfaceMarch 24, 2009 at 6:44 PM

    Is it just me, or does it seem like this ass might be a gay dude in denial? Perhaps he's projecting his self hatred on those around him? Either that, or he's just a whackjob. I'll take either one.

  28. hahahahahahahaaaaaaa i freaking love this website. it cracks me up to no end

  29. >>Funniest part is I bet this asshole wonders why he's still single.<<

    I think she may have met Seth, for real.

  30. Well, HELLO Mr Nice Guy (tm).

    Men like this are everywhere.
    I just want to grab one of their ears and yell into it "your privillage is showing".

    You all know these men. All they do is bitch about women (no matter what they do) and how these bitches won't do what they want 24/7 (which will change depending on their desires)and how feminism ruined it for them (although they'll defend it's benefits when it suites them)

    FUCK, they're the REASON it exists!

  31. @Fugs: Maybe she did meet Seth. HA!

    Guys who use the 1-10 rating system for the women in their lives deserve long, lonely existences.

  32. &quot;Kelly&quot;March 25, 2009 at 8:56 AM

    Wow, what a whackjob!!! lol I think he almost beats Ryan...well idk at least he didnt stalk her..but still. What a freak! I bet he thought he was all macho and powerful for telling her off. I bet he is on a high thinking "damnn I just broke her heart. I bet shes at home crying her eyes out right now because she lost a catch like me."

    Men are crazy

  33. Anonymous said...

    Well, HELLO Mr Nice Guy (tm).

    Men like this are everywhere.
    I just want to grab one of their ears and yell into it "your privillage is showing".

    You all know these men. All they do is bitch about women (no matter what they do) and how these bitches won't do what they want 24/7 (which will change depending on their desires)and how feminism ruined it for them (although they'll defend it's benefits when it suites them)

    FUCK, they're the REASON it exists!


  34. Thank the Gods...it's a new post!! I've been waiting impatiently for a new letter.

    Unfortunately, gender roles encourages this type of prick. Men are much more bitchy and nasty and women to the point that it's very difficult to shut I guy up. He views his bitching and nattering as noble struggle and an expression of individualism while viewing anger in females as silly, irrational, and irritating. There is little effort if any placed on self reflection or self control. This type of thinking always produces a mouthy prick.

  35. Sounds like she dodged some really bad times ahead, but him acting so horribly so soon.

    I do agree it was rude to leave your date to go chat with someone else like that, but that doesn't justify his reactions.

  36. Shieldmaiden, I would have avoided the whole scenario because if Romeo had honked his horn for me instead of coming to the door, I'd have told him the date was off.

    That was Kristen's mistake for still going out with him after he treated her that way. So yes, I think if she's going to go out with Assholio after he honked his horn and was rude to her, then she should have been prepared to introduce him to her friends.

    The guy's obviously a nutjob and I understand her desire to have some NORMAL human interaction, but being passive-aggressive rude back to him didn't make it right.

    His comment about people in the theater laughing at him and thinking he's a loser, makes me realize this guy is freakazoid material.

    Trust me Mark, you're not so important or amazing that folks are LOOKING at you in public. They're out to have a good time, and couldn't care less about some random guy. You don't even register on their radar, dude.

  37. He is really paranoid or anxious if he thinks that everyone is looking at him.

    After the rude comment she never should have gone with him. His snideness is only a small sampling of what is store for her if she sticks around.

  38. Hmmm. Still waiting for Kristin to show up and give more info...

    Mack Truck- It wasn't long after the grocery store encounter that I ended things between myself and Mr. You Sleep With Everything Male.

    He had other issues, much like Mark from the OP. Are we sure his name is Mark? Could this be my ex Mike instead? Sounds to similar/familiar. He is/was a huge homophob, but also had issues with race and would pretty openly spew forth things that would make everyones head explode. The real *treat* to all of this- he would do/say it in front of his children.

    Needless to say, I dumped his ass.

  39. This comment has been removed by the author.

  40. Back to the main topic of Mark, when he honked the horn, Kristin would have been justified to tell him right there, exactly where to go and what he could do when he got there.

    I like how he was planning to go see Grand Torino, having her along was a bonus, but sitting alone in the theater for a minute or two = loser. How big a loser would he be if he had sat through the entire movie alone as he had originally planned? People would surely talk...

  41. Guys who use the 1-10 rating system for the women in their lives deserve long, lonely existences.

    I agree wholeheartedly!

  42. I think everyone should just get with the program and make good decisions about everything all the time. IS IT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK.

  43. With the horn honking thing, I can see why she gave him a pass on that at first--he seemed so cool on the first date. But my mother told me that her stepdad had a thing about that--he wouldn't let any of the girls go out to the car of a guy they had a date with, no matter how much they honked. They were to come to the door. Once one guy came to the door, and my Grampa said, "Jeez, sounds like there's somthing wrong with your horn. Were you trying to fix it before coming to the door to pick up my daughter like a gentleman?" Jeez, I dated a guy who was a juvie regular back in HS, and even he had the brains to come to the door.

    My Grampa can be a real prick. That's why I love him, LOL.

    As for the rudeness of leaving her date, maybe Kristin was just being clueless. I don't think it's a punishable and horrible offense to talk to a HS friend and his boyfriend.

  44. Also--Kristen was gone all of five minutes to say hello to a HS friend (and if they lost their seats because she brought her date with them, I'm sure he'd flip out on her for that too). Come on, that's not even rude, in my book. Not even passive-aggressive. What IS rude and passive-aggressive is leaving your date stranded because you're convinced that she is fucking her gay ex from HS and that she took "too long" in the bathroom.

  45. Some of these sound like we're only hearing half of the story, though. You gotta wonder about some of these girls. This guy certainly has bad anger problems, but if a girl made me late for a movie I really wanted to see and then abandoned me as soon as we got there to talk to her ex, I'd be annoyed, too.

  46. wow! what a colossal DOUCHE BAG! >:(

    Now I've been single for some time, but *this* is exactly why I'm seriously reluctant to sign up for any dating sites (in addition to the mutants on WWHM).

  47. Am I the only one who sees the fact that this article it obviously completely exaggerated? Just some angry chick trying to get back at some guy that ditched her for because of her lack of consideration.

  48. Of course, since we only hear about this from her perspective, it's real easy to think he's a dick.

    It doesn't sound credible to me.

    Just because someone says that some action took "gone all of five minutes" doesn't mean it's close to true. I know LOTS of people of both sexes who are TERRIBLE at judging time when they are having a good time.

  49. Even I know women take a while to get ready to go out. Yes, it can be irritating, but it is easy to get over.
    Mark, if a girl makes a polite inquiry, you don't need to be such a blaitent arse.
    If a girl has slept with a gay guy, don't you think it might have been BEFORE he realised he was gay? DUH!
    If you are driving like a wild beast, you probably scared her half to hell, so you should consider her feeliongs... oops, forgot, you turned that outlet off.
    And, fucking DUH! Women need to take longer in the bathroom because there is a lot more to clean up. How could she have left you there without exiting the bathroom? It's not like bathrooms come with two exits at a cinema. Why do men carry so little logic and diplomacy to deal with such things?
    Marks problem: his ego is larger than his prostate. In 25 years it will be the other way around.

  50. OK, the honking would've been a dealbreaker right there.

    Then the "Did you fuck him" question.

    I'd have been like "I said good DAY, sir" and gone up to sit with my fun gay ex.

    And the bathroom thing? Hello????? There was probably a LINE.

    Oh well.. better she not ride home with him. He's totally the type to take advantage.

  51. In this day in age its probably best not to have a guy pick you up after the first date at your house that you just met online - this would have elminated the honking, bad driving and ditching at the movie theatre.

  52. This post is so lame. He did what he had to. I bet you didn't hear his side of the story. And of course, women always are such innocent bunnies when they talk about meanie men.
    I wonder what most of you would say if HE chatted with his former GF. I bet - 'oh noes, he shows no respect for her, she talk iwth former fiancee with her nearby. What a douchenozzle! How could he?'

  53. Exactly. Seems kind of a Witch(Warlock?)hunt to me, reading only half of the story...
    He expressed his anger in a really rude manner (if this is true), but every normal human would be offended by the actions of Kristin.
    Typical human behavior, pushing your own side while talking bad about the other.

  54. Ok Anonymous, you've posted several similar responses calling bullshit on this...but I am calling bullshit on you. You are probably the guy this post is about.

  55. psychoticbehaviorsfromwomen.blogspot.com?

  56. This guy is my hero. A little rude, sure, crazy, maybe, but she deserves it.

    Little prissy girl...goes to talk to an old boyfriend for 15 minutes. Duh! Rude!

    I love how he ditched her too...big points for that! He should have said that her gay boyfriend came out and told him he was giving her a ride home.

    A guy has to stick up for himself or these bitches will ride all over you.

  57. This girl is so lucky! These guys can usually keep up the facade for a while, sucking you in and then when you've fallen for the "nice" guy, the "monster" starts showing his face. I know she's thanking her lucky stars.

  58. Oh my gosh. What a douchebag! And this person too! "This guy is my hero. A little rude, sure, crazy, maybe, but she deserves it.

    Little prissy girl...goes to talk to an old boyfriend for 15 minutes. Duh! Rude!

    I love how he ditched her too...big points for that! He should have said that her gay boyfriend came out and told him he was giving her a ride home.

    A guy has to stick up for himself or these bitches will ride all over you."

    Really? She can't go say hi to a old friend? I am so fucking pissed off at this person that I can barely think of anything to say. REALLY?!? HOW THE HELL IS THIS FUCKING DOUCHE YOUR HERO!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDE, WHAT THE FUCK....