Thursday, March 5, 2009


Due to an obligation, Mary spent a couple days a month in a different city. Not really thrilled about the idea of paying for hotels each time she made the trip, Mary decided to post an ad on a "roommates" website in an attempt to find someplace to stay while she was in town. Bed, couch, pile of milk crates, Mary didn't really care- she's hard as nails, and just wanted a goddamn roof over her head.

In a shocking turn of events, a man responded to her ad. Who would have thunk it?

Rob said he worked very long hours and was rarely home, but Mary was welcome to use the couch during her visits, and if his roommate wasn't home, she could even use the bed. He didn't have much of a social life (Ed. note: HINT! HINT! HINT!) and he would "enjoy the company."

Mary didn't need the room for a while, so she and Rob communicated briefly in an attempt to set up a meeting face to face to make sure that they were somewhat compatible with each other. He seemed normal enough, so Mary thought she'd give it a shot.

After a couple of missed opportunities, they both finally found a free day where they could get together for a meeting. They decided he would meet her after a class she was taking, and they'd go grab some sushi on his motorcycle.

The morning of the meeting, Rob called Mary with a strange suggestion.

"Hey," Rob says, "I thought I'd just get us a room at a local bed and breakfast so we can just eat, chill and watch some movies."


Well, Mary had a hotel room, and Rob lived in town, so that didn't make much sense to Mary. They were meeting for a business arrangement, not a date. She said that wasn't in the cards, she just wanted to grab some sushi. He agreed to pick her up after class.

At this point the author of this blog would like to call an intermission. During this intermission, the author would like to construct a lemonade stand outside Mary's hotel. Yet rather than write "Lemonade- 10 cents" across the top of my stand, I'm going to write "Hints- 10 cents", followed by throwing dimes at Mary when she walks out of her hotel.


So Mary gets out of class early, and sends Rob a text to have him meet her at her hotel. Mary goes back to her hotel and falls asleep, only to awaken three hours later starving and no sign of Rob. She texts him, calls him and emails him. No response.

Desperate for the rental room, Mary repeatedly texted and emailed Rob over the course of the next week to a.) see if he was ok, and b.) arrange to get the room. She never heard back from him, and Mary was convinced he had somehow been injured or killed on the day they were supposed to meet.

Two weeks later, Mary's at home studying, and guess who sends a text?


Take it away, Rob.

Rob: what's up?
Mary: Oh, so you're alive?
Rob: what are you doing?
Mary: in bed studying, what happened to you, I thought you were dead
Rob: what are you wearing?
Mary: seriously, is this how you are going to play this?
Rob: what do you mean?
Mary: two weeks ago you blew me off with no word, I called, texted, e-mailed and even googled you to see if you died I thought you were dead
Rob: it was a bad night, one of my friends got fired for the place I work
Mary: why didnt you respond to any of my calls?
Rob: sorry, it was really messed up, they thought he was stealing money and we all had to go into work and be questioned
Mary: That was two weeks ago
Rob: well by the time we got out of there I figured it was too late to tell you
Mary: what about the 14 days since then when I asked if you were okay and told you I thought you were probably dead.
Rob: Ive had a bad day, cant you just talk dirty to me?
Mary: No, why would you ask me that, I dont even know you, we've never even met
Rob: but I need to relax
Mary: first you want to go to a B&B, then you totally blow me off and let me think you are dead and now you want me to talk dirty to you so you can relax?
Rob: i didnt blow you off, I couldnt help it that night
Mary: we are not dating, a B&B is not the right place for us to first meet and see if we are comfortable enough to have me stay at your place
Rob: I just wanted to go and relax, all you women think that every man wants to fuck you. Get over yourself.
Mary: I cant get over you waiting two weeks to tell me you are alive and then you ask what I'm wearing
Rob: I just had a bad day and wanted to have you talk dirty to me, thats's all.
Mary: its time for you to lose my number
Rob: you women are all alike

Classy, Rob.

Classy indeed.


  1. Rob: Ive had a bad day, cant you just talk dirty to me?
    ... and then ...
    Rob: I just wanted to go and relax, all you women think that every man wants to fuck you. Get over yourself.

    I can't IMAGINE what might have led her to that conclusion, Rob! She's being so unreasonably paranoid!

  2. I'd say Mary is damn lucky she didn't end up having to meet this guy! Stalker/rapist/murderer alert!

  3. @battyjeri: I know. She's so unreasonable, asking what the heck is up with him. Definitely a sign she's reading way too much into his wanting to meet at a B&B and asking her to talk dirty to him, and that he's the one to bring up getting it on? Yeah, she's definitely the one with the problem. *rolls eyes*

    A number of years ago, a guy who'd treated me like a convenience about a year prior emails me pretty much from out of nowhere, asking how I'm doing and all that. I respond and a week goes by with no answer. I'm annoyed and shoot of a message about how if he wanted to "renew the acquaintance" it would be nice if got back to me sometime before Hell froze over. I distinctly remember using "renew the acquaintance" because I wanted to be careful not to give him the idea I had any interest in a dating relationship, and because of what came not long after.

    He replies in a day or so, saying he'd been busy with a friend from out of town and I shouldn't assume his intentions, blahblahblah. Whatever. I send off a reply of superficial stuff about what's going on with me. I get an email back w/in a day or so and one of the first things he wants to know is what my boundaries in dating are and there's a short list that follows, starting with kissing and going right on up to having sex whenever and wherever the mood strikes (or something that involved having sex). I was, to say the least, surprised, considering he was the one who'd chastised me for making assumptions about his wanting to "renew the acquaintance". I somehow managed to keep my reply polite, saying I wasn't interested in dating and I was sorry if I'd given him any idea I was. Wasn't long after that he became 'busy' again (for six weeks), at which point I told him if he couldn't be arsed to reply in a reasonable period of time to do me a favor and not bother me again. A year or so after that, I heard through a friend he had, at the age of twenty-nine, been arrested for driving from western NY to Ohio to have sex with a thirteen-year-old girl. He happened to be employed at a middle school at the time of his arrest, and he'd been working at a different middle school when I first met him (he left there of his own accord).

  4. I think she should consider this fortunate before she actually met him. Some nutcases are actually capable of masking their nuttiness far longer than this dude. I hope she considers safety before convenience next time. He could have done anything to her, right on up to murder.

  5. I don't know about other women, but the only guys I'd ever room with are the ones I know. Even if she's a black widow, a woman as a roommate is slightly more comforting than the possibility that a guy COULD have some bad intentions. Then again, some women out there are just plain despicable, so of course anything can happen I guess.

    /never used one of those roommates sites, so no experience here

  6. "I just wanted to go and relax, all you women think that every man wants to fuck you. Get over yourself."

    That's his version of farting and then looking accusingly at the people around him. "What ME? No, it's YOU who's gone off on the wrong track."

  7. While there's no excuse for rob's odd behavior - I have to agree with Weasel, Mary deserves to have dimes thrown at her. I know desperate times call for desperate measures - but a B&B to meet for the first time? (Most B&Bs don't even have TVs) The writing was on the wall with this one...unless she's completely naive and was raised by Mary Poppins, she should have known better.

  8. Reminds me of the Robert I met in New York at my sister-in-law's wedding...

    However, I have to say I probably would've walked away and called it quits after the B&B suggestion.

  9. @x-penny-x: Words mean things. Skipping a planned meeting with, avoiding, and ignoring the person in question is not called stalking. The word that fits here is idiot: that guy's an idiot lacking common decency.

  10. While I feel bad for Mary, she really needs to buy herself a permanent pass to the Clue Bus.

    Unless you have a long-established friend that lives where you need to stay, forget a roommate and fork out for the frickin' hotel room.

    Also, once someone expresses their attraction to you, especially before the closure of a living arrangement, run like a pair of cheap hose. Because all of the discussion and setting of boundaries will be perceived as a challenge, rather than as a honest and sincere attempt of to do an otherwise seemingly nice a chance. Take it from a formerly youthful landlady who had to learn the hard way from one of her tenants.

  11. She's lucky to have gotten out of the situation safely. The guy is a nut job.

  12. Mary was foolish, no argument. But she really needs to be thanking whoever or whatever she prays to that she's not currently in pieces, in a black plastic bag, in the trunk of Rob's vehicle. (Or, well, if he only has the motorbike I guess I might mean in one of those cute little sidecar things that no one really seems to use anymore.)

  13. Is Mary dumber than mashed-up mice? There were some fairly good clues even before the bed-and-breakfast suggestion, but that wasn't so much a clue as a big ol' mallet to the head. And then, even after that, and after he'd totally blown her off, she spent the next two weeks REPEATEDLY texting and emailing him because she still wanted to rent a room from him? She's certainly lucky her body isn't in a shallow hole in the desert, but at the rate she's trying, it may happen yet!

  14. Hmmm...

    I almost thought this one was fake until I remembered that Mary texted this freak over and over, concerned about his well-being. In certain male minds, this equated to her wanting him, hence the talk-dirty-to-me text.

    Men may be idiots at times, but sometimes women invite idiocy. Hard to feel too bad for ol' Mary on this one. I agree with pagemaq. She may end up in a shallow hole in the desert before long.

  15. I agree about throwing dimes at Mary. Do they have to be loose or can we throw rolled ones?

    I know $0.10 per throw or 1 throw for $10.

    I always made a rule of meeting somewhere public, arriving by my own means of transpo, and having enough cash to cover my portion of the bill no matter where we went.

    It always kept me from having to worry about or rely on some asswipe like Rob whose intentions may not be so good.

    Mary after trying to make contact the first few days after he blew you off- give it up already. He's a dick and clearly not worthy of your time.

  16. ...He says 'Talk dirty to me' and 'all you women think that every man wants to fuck you. Get over yourself.' in the same conversation. Wow. I wonder what he was sniffing and where I can get some.

  17. CNJ - I'm with you on this one. How many times do you reach out to someone you DON'T EVEN KNOW? I mean, c'mon!!

    These are the women who end up dead with everyone else wondering how the hell they didn't see it coming...

  18. I think Mary definitely should have put the pieces together--but I don't think she's quite as dim as all that. From the description, it sounds like she was trying to contact him out of genuine concern that something might have happened to him; that might be somewhat naive in its niceness, but it wasn't entirely unfounded. Should she have realized he probably had impure intentions? Yeah, she should have. But does it make her terminally stupid that she didn't? No. Just unexpectedly concerned for her fellow man.

  19. In Mary's defense, they'd already agreed to meet up for sushi, when Rob called and suggested the B&B; and Mary said no, she just wanted to go for sushi.

    Personally, I'm of a paranoid generation (X) that takes drinks out on the dance floor at wedding receptions lest someone drop something in it; never goes anywhere without the means to get home alone; and no way in hell rooms with a guy who isn't already known.

    If there was a B&B in the area, why didn't she stay there? It's cheaper than a hotel, nicer than a motel, and you get breakfast.

    I'm also very surprised that she texted him past the first day. I sure as hell wouldn't have, but I rarely give a stranger a second chance. I'm mean that way :D

    He's a jerk, true; but Mary acted very naively in all this.

  20. Blaming the victim is never cool. This guy was a grade A weirdo.

  21. I don't see it as "blaming the victim" so much as railing on her for not seeing through the rose-colored glasses. This girl had such tunnel vision with finding a cheap place to stay that she completely disregarded the HINTS this guy was dropping, and in turn, her own safety. The text message conversation doesn't indicate much learning there either: the first time I see her "Getting a clue" is when she tells him to lose her number. That's way too late for comfort.

  22. @Lora
    GOD DAMNIT Lora. Making me question my own sanity here.

  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

  24. I find it hard to call it 'blaming the victim' when this obviously isn't the case. Why the texting/emailing and all after the no-show. Once or twice as a nice gesture and to express your concern- yes. Totally acceptable and understandable.

    But seeing as how Mary never even met the guy or knew him from anyone else on the street, she really had nothing 'invested' in the relationship and no real reason to worry about him or try to keep in contact with him.

    Since Mary had never met Rob, he could have been at the hotel waiting for her, at the airport when she got off the plane or anywhere in her surroundings and she wouldn't have known. That is just way beyond creepy.

    Didn't he mention something about a roommate? Sounds like he already has a bed partner, which may be why he suggested the B&B. For a little action on the side.

    There are things called 'Extended Stay Suites'. Something I think Mary should certainly look into. She will be far safer and any money spent on personal safety, to me anyways, is money well spent.

  25. I wasn't trying to blame the "victim"... however, I am a big fan of personal accountability. And this was opening the door to something that could have ended very badly.

    I'm not sayin'... I'm just sayin'

  26. I'm also surprised that the last interaction lasted as long as it did. He had me at "what are you wearing?"

  27. Ezekiel, I'm not sure that being stood up for a potential coach surf then receiving an inappropriate text makes Mary a "victim." However, if she doesn't wise the heck up, I think such a word will, in fact, apply to her in spades.

  28. This sounds kind of like this one guy I know. I've never met him or talked on the phone just text messaged and e-mailed. A friend of mine sent a pic text of a flashing teddy bear, I thought it was funny in a cute sort of way so forwarded it on, "T" was one of them that got it. He replied back that he was hung bigger than the bear okay?? Then he wants to know if I would flash no! So what does good old Mr. "T" do he sends me a pic text...come on can you guess!!?? Bingo I get a personal pic text of his I'm hung larger than the picture text flashing teddy you're kidding right?? Nope that's exactly what he did then informs me I get to send him a pic of myself to wrong answer as I have some very sick, perverted and twisted friends, I believe he ended up with a picture of some gal with an octopus coming out get the picture hahaha and so did he, he actually thought that was me...the caption that read with the picture was "why you don't skinny dip in the ocean" and no I don't have anything to do with him anymore after that not so "private" moment. Some guys just don't get it and probably never will...kinda scary.

  29. Too bad more women aren't "all alike", and able to give a turd like this a wide wide berth!

    If you think "they" are all alike, perhaps your behavior is causing a standard human response. Get a mirror...

  30. Haha, she was trolledddd. What a stupid lady.

  31. Love all the comments about how she 'could be dead' and the like. Real fucking classy.

  32. Rob is COMPLETELY right. That is all.

  33. Surely if she's 'hard as nails' she could find something in between forking out for a hotel and this creepy, strings-attached option. Like a hostel?