Cancel your OK Cupid accounts.
Seriously, every time I open a "Letters From Men" email and it starts out with "I have a profile on OK Cupid, and ... ....", I just know it's going to be trouble.
It's never that the OK Cupid guy ended up "quirky" or a just a little too possessive on a date, it's usually something more like the guy routinely snacked on congealed squares of kitty litter stored in his sock, spent the entire date conversing with imaginary birds of prey, or insisted that you smell his infected hangnail over appetizers.
Liz has been on OK Cupid for so long that she actually collects the bizarre responses she receives from the amalgamation of chronic masturbators, earwax addicts and dentally challenged suitors vying for her affections. She recently received an email from Chris on OK Cupid, who found Liz particularly attractive and felt they were well-suited for each other.
Unfortunately, Liz didn't respond promptly, as she had already accepted a date request from another gentleman, and had gone on three dates with him.
One week later, Chris wrote again.
"I wrote to you a week ago. Did you get my message? Why didn't you write back?"
Liz didn't want to be a total bitch and completely ignore the guy, so she wrote him back a kind email explaining that she had met another gentleman and had already gone on three dates with him, and was interested in seeing where the relationship might go.
That was her very first correspondence with him.
Can you guess how he responded?
Chris immediately stopped snacking on dried earwigs, took the olives off his typing fingers, and fired off this congenial response.*
*(Somewhat edited for those of us that enjoy the activity of reading without the assistance of a Rosetta Stone.)
Take it away, Chris....
Liz,I dont give up easily!!!
If your on your 3rd date and he is very nice? NICE.
Nice is not good. A third date should be "hey he is great he is everything im looking for in a man."
NOT NICE!! You said it not me.
One more thing, if your not really looking too hard you wouldnt be on here you would be thinking and planning to be with him.
My opinion is your not THAT interested in him.
Call me jealous yes, but this is an outsiders view.
You wouldnt be on here if you were really in love with him. Your looking for something better dont lie. You dont even realize it. I know its tough not to check the site when your getting a ton of messages according to you. I would keep checking to if i was you.
Who knows, Richard Gere from pretty woman might message you.
In closing you know im right. Who else is going to be this honest with you!
Considering he's posted on OK Cupid, I think he took it pretty well.
Though I wouldn't exactly want to be an "eye of newt" in his apartment after this exchange.
The scary thing is, someone might eventually agree to go out with this guy.