Sunday, March 1, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Lucy met Rich a while back and they went out on a couple of dates. And by a couple dates I mean exactly two dates. They met once, dated twice, and that was it. They saw each other a total of three or four times.

Lucy felt absolutley no physical or emotional chemistry with Rich. He was too needy, he refused to pay for dinners, and had a surprisingly eclectic "why bother?" attitude about showering and washing his hair. After the second date, Lucy decided to banish Rich to the "friend" zone.

But he was a nice guy, so when Rich's birthday rolled around soon after, Lucy thought she'd send him a little Happy Birthday! email to brighten his day.

Let's just say it didn't brighten his day much.

As contributor Eva writes "It seems absurd that anyone would send anyone they've meet 3-4 times in their life a letter like this, but here he goes......."

Here he goes indeed.

Happy Birthday Rich! Nice having you as a friend!

"It's more than friendship that I want --all i've really ever expected or wanted was to be thought of and known that i was wanted by you.

Anyway, what I NEVER would want -- but what your note felt to me -- was an empty perfunctoriness. Maybe your note, if I could have heard inflection (and it wasn't a note) or seen inside your mind, was sincerely "warmth" to you, but I couldn't tell by those few words written, without a sound or anything else articulated or nearly any other action in a long while.

So, all I was left to conclude and think was, well, you must not care or think much of me then, if that note and nothing more even on my birthday was all you could meagerly muster.. Your message seemed no more expressive (or at least I couldn't tell it was) than from some random people whom I feel and care next to nothing for.

P.s. If there's nothing new or different to express goodly and warmly -- if there's nothing other than the coldness and distance I am by default assuming -- don't feel obligated to reiterate it or anything. it would dismay me to hear.

Fucking lighten up, Francis.

Needless to say, Rich will probably be getting one less birthday card next year.


  1. Wow... how about being happy someone even bothered to think of him on his birthday.

  2. And the sad thing is that was probably the ONLY Happy Birthday he got from friends.

  3. Gee, talk about sour grapes, two dates does not qualify you for anything more than a 'hope you have a great day' in my eyes.

    No wonder he doesn't have many people wishing him a happy birthday with more feeling.

  4. How morbid. The guy must spend his days wallowing in self pity. No wonder he's alone.

  5. On the plus side, this is the most articulate letter yet. There are some great spelling bee words in there.

  6. eatingalmonds--that's exactly what I was about to say. He was probably sitting at home by himself drinking and feeling sorry for himself so when a friendly email came in he vented all his resentment at once, at someone who didn't deserve it.

  7. Wow, someone fell into a thesaurus recently....

  8. He forgot to say that he will be OD'ing on midol tonight.

    It's bad enough she has to deal with her own version of PMS, she has to deal with his too? Wow, how can she resist running to him?

    Lack of hygene is a duh.. That thing about the dirty hair is totally understandable, she gave him far enough time to clean up his act. (and hair) Do people honestly think that doesn't matter?

  9. You have to love those clingy, obsessive types that think they're in love with you after two dates.

    Seems that someone had sand in his mangina and decided to take it out on the only person that probably acknowledged his existence.

  10. Wow I even felt MY happiness disappear into a dark pool of depression after reading his emo letter. I need to go find some happy pills or maybe I will call up one of my friends and we'll make fun of this moron....yep that should do it!! This guy needs to go get some professional help and soon.

  11. Someone sends you a birthday greeting and all you can do is complain. There's something very wrong with this guy.

  12. Oh man. I totally hooked up with Rich once. Oh man.

  13. At least he's not completely psychotic, just morose. Extremely morose. But at least he didn't say something like the guy that said "I hope you feel aweful, I know you do. Your going to feel even worse when I say I never want to talk to you ever again beyond the friendly hello or light chat. Apparntly we cant handle anything beyond that because I not you I end up getting fucked over. So have fun. I'm going to go drink some 151 now to try and forget this ever happened."

    And he didn't drop any curse words. Hey, it could have been worse.

    He sounds like a weenie. He should hook up with my very needy dachshund. Her name is Chloe.

    And yes she has been recently vaccinated.

  14. Okay, at the risk of making myself horribly thread-unpopular, here's the thing:

    Rich is a sad little Beta male, no argument.

    But he has a point.

    Lucy sending him the birthday greeting was an empty, perfunctory gesture. The guy had been banished to the friend zone; we all know what that means. It means you're not really a friend, or at least if you are it's the kind of friend that, you know, you never talk to, hang out with, you don't like, etc.

    Lucy knew that too, but for some reason she felt guilty about the fact that she didn't really give a shit if Rich lived or died. How to deal with this feeling? Hey, why not send him a happy birthday email! Then it's not really like I'm refusing to be honest about the box I've put him in! It's like we're still kind-of pals! And I'm a good person.

    His response was lame, over the top, pretty cringe-inducing, whatever. But she should never have sent the email. It was the bullshit act of a self-deceiver.


  15. casualencountersblog said...
    Lucy sending him the birthday greeting was an empty, perfunctory gesture. The guy had been banished to the friend zone; we all know what that means. It means you're not really a friend, or at least if you are it's the kind of friend that, you know, you never talk to, hang out with, you don't like, etc.But she should never have sent the email. It was the bullshit act of a self-deceiver.

    Umm...two dates does not a relationship make. At that point all they are just friends and nothing more. A casual card is appropriate.

    Self-deceiver? I don't understand this at all. It seem really like an over-the-top accusation.

  16. But why send anything at all? I have to agree that 2 dates isn't a relationship, but I have to wonder why Lucy sent a card. Like casualencounters before me, I think she may have been feeling a bit of guilt.

    Not Rich's response was appropriate, but I'm not sure Lucy's card was appropriate either.

  17. I think Rich is a he-bitch. If he'd cared so much about Lucy he'd have showered. He's lucky he even got a second date, let alone an acknowledgment of his birthday. Perhaps if he pulls himself together, stops whining, and stops deluding himself he'll be able to NOT make a complete ass of himself in the future.

  18. Ironically, you posted this on my birthday.

  19. As my friend just pointed out when I read this to her, someone with Rich's vocabulary ought to be able to find the shower.

    Hey, Rich, can you spell O-B-S-E-S-S-I-V-E?

  20. Wow, reminds me of the couple from the Northeastern area of the US that had been together for decades, yet the man NEVER made any romantic gestures towards his woman. She seemed happy enough, but no one knew why until someone asked her.

    "He told me he loved me, and that if he changes his mind, he'll let me know."

    That is a rare woman indeed. It's so much healthier to hear it, IMHO!

  21. It's not fair to blame her for being nice. I send out birthday emails to friends, acquaintances, teachers, coworkers... there are a lot of people out there who don't get any attention at all, and even just one message can cheer them up. If he didn't like the email, he should have just deleted it instead of making her feel like shit for being kind. Not every gesture has to be a grand preplanned endeavor to be a nice idea. Don't blame the victim of his creepiness and poor me attitude.

  22. @bhm

    Yeah, the point is that they're NOT friends, and they never were. She's told him they were, but she doesn't regard him that way. She's just banished him to the nebulous kidding-herself semantic fairytale world also known as the "friend zone" and is kidding herself about what that means.

    She needed to be honest with him and just tell him that he was nothing to her and that they should both move on. Instead "have a birthday email, fake-friend of don't-really-care-about-you".

    The guy's a loser, for sure. I just don't think Lucy is all that much more wonderful.

  23. I agree with casualencounters original observation. Yes, Rich is obviously embittered and wallowing in self-loathing. That is why he CHOSE to read a great deal more into less than 10 words than were possibly intended. But that's precisley why, even with the best and most innocent intentions, Lucy's note was better left un-sent.

    Rich has a point that tone cannot be detected in an email, so from his dark pit of despair he assumes the worst and gets pissed about it. It's self preservation. If my female friends were to send me a "it's great having you as a friend" note, I would think, "Aw. That's sweet. I'm lucky to have people like that in my life." If my ex were to send that, my first thought would be, "What's that supposed to mean, asshole?" And I broke up with him!

    That's why when one receives a vacuous little email bomb like this note, it's best to send one of equal or lesser interpretive value.

    Rich's note should have said no more or no less than:

    "Thank you!"

  24. You people do realize that this blog is for entertainment value, yes?

    I can't believe people are wasting time debating over a birthday email... made me laugh more than the original posting.

    Love you weas... you always brighten up my day!!

  25. Overanalysis is half the fun here, SweetPea!

    And yeah, I think given that they weren't communicating in other friend-type ways... probably best to not send a birthday message. Just let him fade away, the more quietly, the better...

  26. Wish my ex would do that.... just fade away

  27. Given that comments are permitted this blog is really about what we make it about. Right now we're making it for half-assed armchair overanalysis punctuated by oh you GUYS this is just for LAFFS you so CRAYZEE.


  28. My guess is that Rich was pining for her, and when he got the email his heart just about exploded in his chest from excitment. That made the two lines she wrote to him doubly disappointing. Thus, the overreaction on his part. (Which I'm sure he regreted directly after pushing the "send" button.)

  29. Rich totally did the right thing. He told off that female dog, so she would not lie again. They always want to get king's riches and not get butt humped at the same time. Not possible.
    Good job, Rich!

  30. previous comment posted by "abDULLah the gut slasher"

    he of limited vocabulary and dangerously few brain cells

  31. i think we are living in a cool word of peace can any one tell me where to find a sweet girl friend
    i am Philip from African

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