Thursday, March 19, 2009

But You're The One That's Pregnant

Sometimes we fall into relationships of lust.

Based solely on animal sexual attraction, we don't mince words when we call each other. We're not looking for a Scrabble partner, or a date to the freestyle goat herding exhibition.

While we enjoy these relationships from time to time, we have to realize that fucking for sport is still fucking, and with fucking comes problems.

Emotions boil up.

STD's abound.

Hotel towels become crispy.

But worst of all... ... we occasionally mix our caustic ingredients to form infants.

That wasn't supposed to happen, was it? We were just having a good time. We used protection. Shit, we barely even like each other.

Now what?

Samantha and Tom had been doing the nasty for quite a few months. The relationship wasn't serious, and neither had formed an emotional connection with the other. They pretty much had it down to a science. Exchange some pleasantries about the seasons, share a beverage and perhaps some high-calorie snack items, then tear each other's clothes off and fuck like steroid-fueled meerkats.

Samantha and Tom liked to call their fornification excursions "dirty weekends." After a particularly torrid dirty weekend, Samantha returned home to find something missing.

Namely, her period.

Samantha was pregnant.

Samantha immediately attempted to contact Tom to give him the news, but Tom wasn't answering his phone. "Anything you need to tell me, you can just tell me by email," he said.

So she emailed him. "I'm pregnant."

Tom didn't say much. In fact, Samantha says "he was pretty quiet about the whole thing." Which, of course, left Samantha to do all the talking. Tom may have just wanted to avoid the subject, but Samantha's the one walking around with some bread in the oven.

"I told him I'd take responsibility, be an adult, and didn't believe in abortion, but the rest was up to him."

So Tom stepped up to the plate and did the responsible thing.

He started by blaming Samantha's other lovers. Then he said it was impossible because he always used condoms. Then he attempted to convince Samantha that she had been on her period the last time they were together, so there was no way it was his. Then Tom stepped his game up from responsible to classy.

The devout Catholic began sending Samantha incessant emails about the joys of abortion, followed by additional emails expressing his desire to get laid immediately. He didn't want this stupid little "pregnancy" issue to get in the way of their torrid, hot and baby-forming relationship.

So he completely ignored the fact that she was pregnant. Completely. She asked him over and over to deal with it, and he responded each time by expressing his need to get laid. Finally, Samantha put her foot down.

"I tried to explain to him that since he wasn't willing to discuss or consider any pregnancy related issues then he was free to walk away and I'd cope alone - HOWEVER..we couldn't keep sleeping together. If he wanted to sleep together and continue to see me he'd have to deal with baby questions."

Forced into a corner, Tom responded in a manner which Samantha accurately describes as "wanting his cake and eating it too."

Tom's response?

Hey

I wasn't expecting an email like that!

Anyway... it is up to you to do what ever you want if you are pregnant.

With regard to your questions, I don't think it is my involvement still as I am pretty sure my sperm can't fertilize anymore. It has happened before. Docs have said that there is a very slim chance to get fertilized with my sperm due to number of reasons.

Do you want anything to do with the pregnancy?

I don't want anyone to get pregnant. If you want to terminate, sure you can.

Do you want any involvement in the kid's life?

No I don't.

Do you want to be on the birth certificate?

No I don't.

Money?

No. As it is I have lot of commitments and do not want to be involved in anything.

Hope you are not angry. If you don't want to come to the coast [for the planned dirty weekend] it's OK. I'll leave it up to you. The invitation is there however.

If you would like to have to have some "fun" I am available tomorrow afternoon as I am going to my Mums place tonight. She has baked a cake for us.

As you can see, Samantha's pregnancy weighs heavily on Tom.

But he sure needs some more of that great sex!

Adds Samantha:

1) He has TWINS already to another woman that he does claim. Sounds like his sperm works to me - and what is the "It has happened before" line - are there others out there with kids to him besides the twins?

2) His offer to fly me to the coast for a dirty weekend would mean he's spend close to $500 at least on me in one week - yet he can't think of contributing any money to a child.

3) He still thinks I'd go and sleep with him after telling me to terminate and that he wants no involvement.

4) What the FUCK is that cake reference?

Feel free to leave your anonymous pregnancy stories in the comments.

129 comments:

  1. Holy crap. Samantha I hope that you are ok with whatever decision you made, all the best.

    Tom, you are a douche and should have gotten the snip a long time ago.

    I really have nothing else to add.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good Gods, what a tool!

    While I totally respect Samantha's decision to bare this moron's offspring, douches like Tom don't deserve to procreate!

    Oh well, so much for natural selection...I'll bet Darwin is turning over in his grave.

    Sigh... :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've got the gardening shears. Someone hold him down for me and we'll take care of his little pregnancy habit.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Woah, what an arsehole, between the douche on the other site and good old Tom up there, a girl could get a very jaded out look on males.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So...he won't take responsibility for their baby but he still wants to fuck her? Typical. Really typical.
    *shakes her head*

    ReplyDelete
  6. Samantha,

    Get an attorney. Whether he wants to or not, he owes you child support. Don't let him walk away - he may be a douche, but he needs to step up. Assert yourself woman!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm gonna join the "get an attorney" route. Get an attorney, get a DNA test, get money from that fucker.

    And if you decide to raise the kid, tell 'em "daddy" was eaten by bears while hiking in the woods.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Protip: if you don't want kids, don't have sex with people who are anti-abortion. He's still an ass though.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Have to agree with that protip, though, Maybe neither of them knew. I mean it did say they didn't have much emotional/mental/social connection.

    ReplyDelete
  10. the whole thing sounds weird to me, why wasn't she on the pill? Who would want to raise an assholes baby...did she plan it?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Why do people always blame the man?
    There is no such thing as an "accidental pregnancy" in this day and age. If you have sex be on the pill, shot, iud, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Occasionally the pill doesn't work. Nothing except abstinence is 100%. Though with both using protection the chances should be pretty none to nil.

    But hind sight is 20/20.

    Get an attorney if you feel like it. Have the baby, abort or put up for adoption, its your choice. If you do have the baby and keep it, please have a court order drawn up so later in life this asshole cant suddenly show up and decide to be part of the kid's life after you tell the kid his father was eaten by a bear. Ten years down the road this kid doesn't need to be messed up by some asshole.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Just a thought, but those things are not 100%, and there are factors that will cause them to fail. Nor are they always available to everyone. I do believe that if you don't do everything you can then you're kind of asking for trouble, but this doesn't take away from the amazing douche-baggery of this jerk.

    ReplyDelete
  14. If he doesn't want kids then why isn't he snipped. It's one thing to emphasize the woman's responsibility for contraceptives as it effects her life, but it's not completely her responsibility for both of them.

    ReplyDelete
  15. To add to the "Why wasn't she on the pill" discussion...whereas a man can pretty much always put on a condom, sometimes a woman CAN'T be on the pill (I should know, I am one of those women) as it changes your hormone levels and body chemistry and interacts with other medications. As it is, the chances are slim with protection, but it does happen. They are not 100%, close as they may be.
    Anyway, where does it say she wasn't on the pill? I didn't see that. Maybe she was. Maybe it didn't work. Either way, it's sort of a moot point, since it does say they used protection.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I AM an attorney. Child support isn't optional - he can't pull the "But I didn't WANT the child" crap. I actually had the dad on the other side say in Court that "I shouldn't have to pay because I told that bitch abort that little bastard." It worked wonders - he's paying child support AND the Judge ordered that he not get any parenting time.

    Also, child support isn't the right of the mother - it's the right of the child. If Samantha has the baby, and doesn't want to use his money, get the child support and put it in a college fund, but get the child support.

    Finally, document your birth expenses, including prenatal care. Most states allow you to ask for partial reimbursement for those as well.

    Oh, and he's a dick.

    ReplyDelete
  17. THANK YOU, ryuu - yes, the pill is great (especially for people who are, um, ALLERGIC to latex) - but it does react adversely for some women. It wasn't that I had a bad reaction to the pill, but I gained wait, my PMS was actually WORSE when I was on it... the only two things I really liked it for were steadying my period and none on weekends, and the whole birth control thing.

    In hindsight we were really lucky I was militant about taking the pill, because we stopped using condoms after my latex allergy appeared.

    I agree with the lawyer thing, and don't think she planned it.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Responsible breeding isn't just for thoroughbreds. I wish there was a database a girl can go check perspective dates out on. Then she can go look up this idiot's name and think.. Ok he's hot but ain't going there.

    Anyone want to hold him down while I castrate him? Can't have him breeding willy-nilly like that. (pun intended)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I was "seeing" a guy, much like the relationship described in this blog. We didn't even talk on the phone, it was all text.

    One of us would send the other some sassy text, eluding to, but not mentioning sex, which would then escalate to a conversation about how we shouldn't even have sex, and then finally one of us would break down, and we'd meet up to play around.

    This happened one time, and I had just finished my period a couple days before. We didn't use a condom, because he was snipped. 2 weeks later, I have intense cramps, and what I thought at first was my period, but A. I never cramp, and B. I just HAD my period. Go to the Dr. and find out I had a miscarriage.

    Since the guy was supposed to be fixed, I called to tell him what had happened. I made exceptionally clear that I didn't need anything from him, and that I was for all intents and purposes, absolutely fine. I explained I just wanted to let him know so that he could get checked out by the dr.

    He goes to the Dr. Dr. tells him he's shooting blanks, so he instantly starts being REALLY nasty to me in public (there was public us, and private us.. public us just knew each other, private us got naked). So I confront him, and he goes on and on about what a lying whore I am, that HE didn't knock me up, and that he didn't want ANYTHING to do with me anymore.

    (Until of course, his dick got hard again.)

    I reminded him that I didn't want or need anything from him, that I was, in fact, fine. That I only told him about it because that kind of stuff wasn't supposed to happen to him.

    Yeah, he's a douche.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Another idea... get an abortion. Not trying to start any nastiness, but it's hard out there for an unwanted child. Any help you get from Tom is going to be a huge struggle, and you clearly didn't think you were ready for a child until you found yourself carrying one.

    If you keep it... I wish you and the child the best. At least you'll be better off not having a DB like that give any input into the child's upbringing!

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Why do people always blame the man?
    There is no such thing as an "accidental pregnancy" in this day and age. If you have sex be on the pill, shot, iud, etc."

    Contraceptives aren't just a woman's responsibility. Wear a fucking condom. some women CANNOT be on the pill.

    ReplyDelete
  22. @ the whole pill debate--it's specifically mentioned that they WERE using protection. You're whining at someone for jumping out of a plane without a parachute when actually the parachute just failed.

    As to "don't have sex with anyone not pro-abortion" that's just silly. For one, not everyone who believes in the right to abortion would have one themselves, and if they would have one it depends on the circumstances. One of my coworkers is pro-choice and ended up accidentally pregnant but since she's an adult with supportive parents and a long-term love-of-her-life boyfriend she kept it.

    Men can be douches. It takes two to tango. A lot of men see pregnancy as not really their problem. My friend Earl was joking about having a baby or whatever and says "it only takes a few minutes..." but that's for HIM. It actually takes nine months to make a baby, but most men don't think about that because 'their' part is over in ten minutes.

    I think the lesson to take away from this is to be glad she's not a "shotgun wedding" type--imagine being MARRIED to that creep just cause you have a kid with him and being stuck with him forever. Yuck.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Do what is best for yourself and the child.

    Get the attorney and child support if you do intend to keep the child.

    Chalk it up to experience- live and learn.

    No, not all forms of contraceptives are 100%, even when used in a combination, pill, condoms, etc.

    Not all women get pregnant to 'trap' the man they think is 'the one'. Ladies if you have to 'trap him' this way, is he really worth it? You would go to that length to keep someone around who clearly doesn't want to be there? As with the prick in the OP, a child isn't even a gaurantee he will be sticking around either...

    ReplyDelete
  24. Friends with benifits, fuck buddies whatever you wish to call it, sex without strings...

    If you're going to play, be prepared to pay. I think responsibility goes both ways here- you don't want to get pregnant, you do what you need to do to prevent it. Don't rely on him, his word or anything from him implying he doesn't want to reproduce or will take responsibility if it happens.

    Men lie too.

    Like one doctor told us- "It's a great pick up line at the bar."

    Sure I'll use a condom. Sure he can't have anymore kids. Sure he will stick around and help you out. Sure he will be a part of the kids life...

    I bet the group of us here has heard just about every line possible to get us into bed. Maybe even used a few of them ourselves at some point.

    ReplyDelete
  25. It's not 100% the man's fault, but it's certainly 50% his fault.

    I agree with those who are saying sue for child support. It's not about blaming or punishing anyone. It's about the welfare of the child, which ought to be both parties' first priority right now. (Clearly, it isn't the guy's first priority in this case, which is why we have laws mandating support.)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Finally, a post I have some experience with. I had a "scare" a couple of years back with one of those "dirty weekend" types. When I told the guy that I way overdue on my period, I pretty much got the same reaction -- He didn't say much, and then proceeded to decide that it couldn't possibly be his, and started asking who else I'd been sleeping with..and not politely. If I'd been sleeping with anyone else...I wouldn't have gone to him. He took me to get tested, and fortunately, it came up negative. Obviously we were both relieved...He dropped me off, and I pretty much just told him to have a nice life. I really didnt ever want to see him again, especially after the way he behaved. Guess how long it took him to call me again?

    ...and guess what he wanted?

    ReplyDelete
  27. I will laugh at that comment "I am going to my Mums place tonight. She has baked a cake for us" until the de-sexed cows come home. It puts the ludicrousness of the whole situation in perspective... men can have vasectomies, along with lobotomies.

    ReplyDelete
  28. >>Child support isn't optional - he can't pull the "But I didn't WANT the child" crap. <<

    Exactly. Legally, it doesn't matter what your feelings are - if you fathered it, you will pay for it. Don't want the risk? Get snipped.

    ReplyDelete
  29. OOoops.

    The author of the letter did mention she had used a diaphragm that ultimately failed.


    Hope that clears up a little.

    Stll sucks though.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Eww a diaphragm? What is she..50 years old??

    I didnt think people used those anymore. I thought people in the 21st century use rubbers or pills...lol

    ReplyDelete
  31. Definitely sucks. Poor "Samantha" - I hope things are turning out well for you and I agree with the others about suing for child support - for the kid's sake, not yours.

    Also, that new show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" freaks me the fuck out. I know someone who didn't know until she was in labor (had periods, on the pill and everything). That scares the bejesus out of me!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I just looked up the effectivness of all the birth control methods..

    Diaphragms only have an 80% effectiveness rate when used correctly

    In contrast, the Depo-Provera shot (which you only need to get once every 3 months) has a 99.7% effectiveness rate...Thats what I'm on plus my boyfriend pulls out.

    Not saying that its her fault she got pregnant, but she definately should have been smarter and more careful.

    You can't have casual, barely protected sex and not expect to pay the consequences

    And I think she needs to shake his ass down for child support. She dropped the ball on protecting herself, but no more than he did. It was 50/50, and he deserves to pay his share. I dont think she should let him anywhere near that poor child of course, but he needs to pay for his actions. A judge isn't going to buy the whole "But I said I didnt want it" excuse. Uhh no, you contributed the sperm..you have no say in what that woman decides to do with the baby and you are going to pay for it for the next 18 years

    ReplyDelete
  33. Well, Anon, other posters have mentioned that not all women can handle hormonal bc, which your Depo is. Possibly the diaphragm was the most comfortable for her... who knows or cares, really?

    Besides, pulling out is SO effective. *Giant eye roll*

    ReplyDelete
  34. Depo can cause huge issues, as it's one giant load of hormones. Can't quit taking it or anything, if you have a bad reaction it's there for 12 weeks or whenever it wears off.

    A diaphragm is actually not a bad idea. Just not used very much lately.

    An IUD, however, comes in non-hormonal and can be used for a decade and is pretty cheap if you spread the cost out over that amount of time (plus, insurance will usually cover it). Finding someone to actually insert one, when you're white, middle class, and younger, on the other hand, is pretty much impossible. (15 gynos and counting. And planned parenthood doesnt take my insurance.)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Pulling out alone is not effective. Did I say it was? But pulling out IN ADDITION to the Depo shot is pretty damn effective. Those sneeky .3% chance of pregnancy sperms dont really get much of a chance if they arent ejaculated inside.

    All I'm saying is that if she really was concerned about pregnancy she would have used something much more effective than a diaphramn...sure maybe she couldnt take the pill, but she could have used a condom, an IUD, or used the pull out method IN ADDITON to her diaphragm. Or ya know, if she really couldnt use a better method, maybe she shouldn't have been having sex in the first place with someone she had no intentions on being in a long-term relationship with.

    ReplyDelete
  36. So you've never ever had sex with someone with whom you couldn't see a long term relationship with? Really?

    I'll go you one better and say that I personally would not be keeping in any way, shape, or form the issue of a non-relationship such as this, but all of our Monday morning quarterbacking really isn't doing much, and I'm not going to judge her bc methods or her sexual choices.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Do the crime, do the time!

    Were the organisms one sided? I'm think NOT.

    Call an attorney on the fuck head!!!!!

    Then find a birth control method that works for you!

    Life lessons SUCK.

    ReplyDelete
  38. @Anon
    "An IUD, however, comes in non-hormonal and can be used for a decade and is pretty cheap if you spread the cost out over that amount of time (plus, insurance will usually cover it). Finding someone to actually insert one, when you're white, middle class, and younger, on the other hand, is pretty much impossible. (15 gynos and counting. And planned parenthood doesnt take my insurance.)"

    IUDs are best used on a woman that had a child...I tried having an IUD inserted and it was damn near impossible as well as extremely painful to attempt it when my cervix kept shutting like a steel trap door after they literally popped it open to try to insert the IUD. So speaking from personal experience, if you never had a kid, chances are IUDs are not for you.

    ReplyDelete
  39. "So you've never ever had sex with someone with whom you couldn't see a long term relationship with? Really?

    I'll go you one better and say that I personally would not be keeping in any way, shape, or form the issue of a non-relationship such as this, but all of our Monday morning quarterbacking really isn't doing much, and I'm not going to judge her bc methods or her sexual choices."

    No, I actually have not. Its cool if others want to do that, but its not my thing.

    I'm not judging her or saying shes a bad person and she deserves this..all I'm saying is that you cant really complain about the outcome of a situation that you could have prevented if you really wanted to. Honestly, avoiding pregnancy is really not that hard if you really care enough to make the effort.

    But this whole situation is unfortunate and I wish her all the best with the baby (and I applaud her for not killing it). I hope she has the balls to make him pay for his half of this situation. He is obviously a complete dickhead.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Increasingly, this blog should be entitled "Psycho Men and Idiotic Woman." The last few entries have made it hard for me to work up much sympathy for the women involved in these situations.

    Accidental pregnancies (what is this? the 1950s?), giving out phone numbers on MySpace so creepy men will buy you beer, overtexting weirdos... At some point, the sheer idiocy on the parts of these women overshadows some of the psycho-ness the men possess.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My sister ended up unintentionally pregnant by her then-boyfriend. They were using BOTH condoms and the pill. Consistently. The little girl that resulted was either a complete accident or meant to be, depending on your take. They are not together anymore, but he does pay child support (willingly, btw). But accidents do happen.

    I also join the call to get child support from that asshat. A cake? Really? Is that supposed to be distracting or was it someone's birthday?

    If you're having sex, you should be responsible for the results. That goes for both sides. If you absolutely don't want kids, don't have sex. It will certainly take a lot of complication out of your life.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Oh, Christ, anonymous, you bloody well ARE judging her and why don't you fuck off with that 'not killing it' crap, too? You're anti-abortion and judgemental, just say it. "Why does everybody blame the guy?" Well, for starters, guys never get blamed, even though they should, and they try and have it both ways. Oh, you're a slut, you trapped me, it can't be mine....let's fuck though. Well, pick one and stick with it. And stop criticizing her birth control choices. Do you know her? Are you footing the bill? God, what a nasty auntie you are.

    Men are fertile every day of the month, but women aren't. Women only have a limited number of eggs; men have unlimited sperm. Meanwhile, male birth control useage in developed countries is about twenty percent.

    And you can call me Bitch Anonymous, because I'm in no mood for this woman-bashing shit. People fuck. People are going to fuck. Birth control fucks up. So do people. But unless you're handing out birth control to people and having them toss it back in your face, it's pretty fucking irritating watching you get all righteous and twisted-knickers about it.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Wtf on the cake? How did he think that was relevant? Also, I completely agree on the child support thing.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Um, Anon? The original post said that they "always used condoms" & Weasel added that she used a diaphragm as well. How is using a condom WITH a diaphragm "barely protected"?

    Also, the cake is clearly a lie.

    ReplyDelete
  45. As far as pulling out in addition to what ever else you use for birth control... All because he pulls out doesnt mean he hasnt already 'leaked'.. Pulling out is NOT a method of birth control. Makes me think of that damn movie in 10th grade high school... "Hope is not a method"... and pulling out is NOT a method in any way, shape or form!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I'm gonna have to sympathize with Tom here. It takes two to make a baby (who is the offspring of BOTH parents), then if a woman has the right to choose to abort or keep, raise or adopt out the infant, then the man (who is legally obligated to financially support the child) should also have a partial say in what becomes of it.

    Why should she have COMPLETE control over his wallet for the next 18 years? It's not so much of him getting her preggers as they kinda got pregnant together, and I think it's ludicrous that he basically isn't given a say in this situation. I mean, even if she is totally, ethically against abortion, adoption is another option right?

    ReplyDelete
  47. He told his mother about Samantha, and Mom baked a cake for them?? So he's told his mother about his "Dirty-Weekend" girl. That's interesting. I say, Samantha, wait until your showing nicely and then take him up on that offer. What you cannot do to convince him, your child's Grandmother will. Hopefully with a fry pan to the head.

    ReplyDelete
  48. A friend of mine has a darling child. The feckless sperm donor pulled an "i luv u, but enuf to marry u." In front of her family. He's lucky he made it out alive.

    Another friend, very, very smart & ambitious. Her life is going right, has a good plan. Enlisted in the military, already lined up for training in intel analysis. Another darling child. Because the local golden boy has a fondness for undetectable chemicals and a mother with a ginormous blind spot.

    I have several other friends with darling children.

    And my mother wonders why I'm not really interested in dating? (Aside from the fact that I wouldn't touch a man I wouldn't be willing to have a child by...that's a damned short list)

    ReplyDelete
  49. Monica, why in fuck should he get to tell her what to do with her body? WTF? HEr body equals his goddamned wallet? Poor slob, he wants to dump his sperm and his sprog on her. Who are you, his mother?

    ReplyDelete
  50. Monica said...

    I'm gonna have to sympathize with Tom here. It takes two to make a baby (who is the offspring of BOTH parents), then if a woman has the right to choose to abort or keep, raise or adopt out the infant, then the man (who is legally obligated to financially support the child) should also have a partial say in what becomes of it.
    ---------------

    The man has a right to say in child's life as long as he is a responsible parent. As for a right to say in her abortion, you've got to be kidding me! Are you willing to have surgery against your will. Nope didn't think so.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Honestly, avoiding pregnancy is really not that hard if you really care enough to make the effort.
    -----------

    For Christ Sake, she is on birth control. What more can you ask. Well, let me answer that. He should have been snipped. If he doesn't want children then don't have sex or get snipped. Birth control, focused solely on the female, can fail.

    I don't applaud her for having the child. If you put your self centred reasons before the quality of life for the child then it's deplorable.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anon, "pulling out" isn't really accomplishing anything other than getting a load of sperm on your stomach (or back or whatever creams your twinkie) because some of the pre-ejaculate can and often DOES contain sperm. Even though the "pull out" method AND your depo shot seem to be working for you now, there IS still that .3% chance that it "could" happen to you. So if you don't want it to happen then perhaps abstaining would be your best bet. Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder...oh wait...sorry, couldn't resist.

    I think they both have fault in this and I won't judge either of them (altho, he seems like a real gentleman *cough cough*). But as others have said, you have to pay to play. He should have to pay child support and if he wishes not to be a part of the child's life, GET IT IN WRITING.

    Kuddos to awdrey-gore for suggesting "Psychotic Men and Idiotic Women". I also like "Psychotic Men and the Women Who Love them...sort of"

    J

    ReplyDelete
  53. "Increasingly, this blog should be entitled "Psycho Men and Idiotic Woman." The last few entries have made it hard for me to work up much sympathy for the women involved in these situations.

    Accidental pregnancies (what is this? the 1950s?), giving out phone numbers on MySpace so creepy men will buy you beer, overtexting weirdos... At some point, the sheer idiocy on the parts of these women overshadows some of the psycho-ness the men possess."

    Umm..you are kind of a dumbass. If you actually read through the comment and read the clarifications to the stories, you would learn that "Kelly" from the myspace stalker story DID NOT give him her number..he somehow got it...but she did not ever ever ever give him her phone number. Why dont you learn a little more about the story before you go and call the women idiots...

    ReplyDelete
  54. No shit, Julie. Everyone knows that pre-cum can have sperm. I think what Anon is saying is that by pulling out (in addition to her bc shot) she is decreasing the risk because what do you think is worse..a very small amount of semen or a huge load at the end? Sure, I know that it just takes 1 to get you preg, but dont you think you are decreasing your odds if you decrease the amount of semen that actually ends up inside you? Whats better? Use the shot and let him cum inside you every single time or use the shot and decrease the amount that he cums inside you? There is still a risk, because like I said, it only takes 1, but its better than the big risk when he dumps his load (full of hundreds of millions of sperms)into a woman

    ReplyDelete
  55. it's 2009, i'm a 35 year old women who likes to get her fuck on and never got pregnant. why?

    because i took precautions and when they failed i ran my ass out and got Plan B.

    grow the fuck up ladies, this isn't cancer, do your part or live with the consequences.
    quit expecting the man to step up and be your Prince Charming.

    ReplyDelete
  56. For anyone who is allergic to latex condoms and that's why you (or your man) don't use them... remember, there are nifty non-latex ones :) Find them at every local drug store around here, they are called Avanti. Whoo!

    Don't geyt the stupid sheep gut condoms though, they are worthless (and crepy).

    ReplyDelete
  57. Meant to say "creepy"- who wants to wear sheep intestines on their privates, eh? Especially when the sperm can swim right through 'em... yay for crappy design!
    Avanti all the way baby!

    ReplyDelete
  58. quit expecting the man to step up and be your Prince Charming.
    ---------

    No one is expecting him to be a Prince Charming. I don't know where you got that from. Being a human being would be nice, but no one is expecting him to be a Prince.

    ReplyDelete
  59. SweetZippinChip said...

    "Increasingly, this blog should be entitled "Psycho Men and Idiotic Woman." The last few entries have made it hard for me to work up much sympathy for the women involved in these situations.

    Accidental pregnancies (what is this? the 1950s?), giving out phone numbers on MySpace so creepy men will buy you beer, overtexting weirdos... At some point, the sheer idiocy on the parts of these women overshadows some of the psycho-ness the men possess."

    Umm..you are kind of a dumbass. If you actually read through the comment and read the clarifications to the stories, you would learn that "Kelly" from the myspace stalker story DID NOT give him her number..he somehow got it...but she did not ever ever ever give him her phone number. Why dont you learn a little more about the story before you go and call the women idiots...
    -----------

    To add to your dumbass comment, when someone is using bc and they get pregnant anyway then it's called an accident, dumbass.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Wow, totally hot topic!

    I'm not going to get into the "he's an asshole and should pay child support forevah" argument, because my opinions might not be too popular with some of the women. I'm a woman, BTW.

    Yep, I would definitely call this pregnancy either an accident or a miracle, depending on how you choose to look at it.

    They were using two types of BC and she got pregnant anyway, so it fits whichever of the two categories works best for you.

    I have a friend (a REAL friend; a friend of mine, not someone's brother's cousin's friend's sister) who was also on BC, the man wore a condom, and she got pregnant.

    She chose to think that her pregnancy was a miracle, and told the father. He, like this guy, wanted nothing to do with the baby.

    My friend was fine with that, because she had no emotional connection to this man, and had no intentions of asking him for help; just thought he should know.

    My friend was 18 at the time. She had the baby, and was raising her daughter as a single parent. She didn't ask for, nor received, any help from the sperm donor.

    She met a wonderful man right after Emily's birth, they subsequently got married, and he adopted Emmy.

    Emmy has only known one father her whole life. Her mother told Emmy when she was old enough to understand, that the man who is raising her isn't her biological father.

    Emmy's SEEN the sperm donor, but that was by accident, and he wanted nothing to do with her. She's fine with that, because she already has a father.

    My friend and her husband have a little boy now, but never once has her husband been anything but a loving father to Emmy. He may not have contributed the sperm, but he's most certainly her real father.

    So yes, it can and does happen. I can only hope that Samantha's as lucky as my friend, if she decides to keep the baby and raise it on her own.

    ReplyDelete
  61. Mack Truck- Your friends story is similar to mine.

    Our teen daughter's 'father', hasn't seen her since she was 2. When she turns 18 she has opted to drop his last name and I stand behind her in her decision.

    JR has been a great addition to her life as well as my own.

    BTW- He wasn't supposed to be able to have kids. Five years of marriage and look where we are now. Twins!

    And as many know, I made sure there won't be anymore little replica's running amuck...


    Annon from 7:28 pm- 15 gyno's and counting?

    Sounds like the gyno that tried talking me out of a tubal some years back. (which I obviously didn't do then)

    The criteria before considering you a candidate for that is 1) do you have children 2) are you married or in a stable relationship and 3) your age.

    They want to be sure before its done that you aren't going to want everything reversed when you get older and meet someone.

    When we got to question #2 I asked the doctor to define 'stable'. He looked puzzled. I told him I have known couples who after XX years of marriage decided to split up.

    It probably didn't change that being part of the criteria, but it made him stop and think about it.



    As for the birth control arguments going on, both men and women need to take control of their own selves and their future. You and your doctor know what is best for YOU.

    Women- you don't want kids, do what you need to do so you don't end up in that situation.

    Men- you don't want kids or to pay child support- do what you need to do so no woman can ever trap you.

    ReplyDelete
  62. If there's delicious cake, it is never a trap.

    ReplyDelete
  63. PLEASE be very very careful if you go on Depo-Provera!! It's the drug they use to chemically castrate sex offenders. Does pretty much the same thing to YOUR sex drive.

    It also thins the uterine walls; mine hemorrhaged. So did my sister-in-law's. Scary shit.

    As to any pregnancy, the man shares equal responsibility with the woman.

    ReplyDelete
  64. "Jadis said...
    PLEASE be very very careful if you go on Depo-Provera!! It's the drug they use to chemically castrate sex offenders. Does pretty much the same thing to YOUR sex drive."

    Hmmm...I already have a pretty low sex drive so I haven't noticed any difference. If anything, mines actually been higher. Well, actually just the same. Idk..I'm not a very sexual person to begin with.

    ReplyDelete
  65. >>Sounds like the gyno that tried talking me out of a tubal some years back. (which I obviously didn't do then)

    The criteria before considering you a candidate for that is 1) do you have children 2) are you married or in a stable relationship and 3) your age.<<

    DO NOT accept that. There ARE docs who will do it if you are childless. I got it done at 29 with no kids (I was married though). Just keep asking til you find the doc who will do it. There is nothing better than not having to EVER worry EVER again.

    ReplyDelete
  66. If you have a tubal ligation there is still a chance you can get pregnant. Its not 100% either. There have been cases that the tubes have grown back together. Just like in a vasectomy it has also happend. I worked with a guy many years ago who's wife popped up pregnant. They almost divorced over it. He had gotten 'snipped'. They had grown kids. He swore his wife had cheated on him. IT got real ugly. Finally he went to the doctor and guess what... he wasnt shooting blanks anymore! Paternity test said he was the daddy. Like he said to have a new baby when they were both almost 50 was quite a blow. But in the end he loved it. Plus he had built in baby sitters with his adult kids LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  67. I'm not saying a sperm donor should be able to force a woman to have an abortion. But I also don't agree that a woman has full legal right to decide to have and keep their baby against the other parent's will, cut the man out of their lives, AND force him to support the child until adulthood. It's like he has none of the rights but all of the responsibility. If abortion is out of the question, there's always the long line of couples waiting to adopt. Does he have any choice at all in putting up THEIR child for adoption rather than having to bear childraising's financial burdens (without any of its emotional benefits)?

    ReplyDelete
  68. The diaphragm is a poor birth control method. It's incredibly bad without spermicide (comparable to the rhythm method). It's only redeeming feature is the barrier it provides. And pullout is so bad even as a supplement, it's like you're just half-assing. When you're already using such an incredibly effective method like Depo Provera, either take the whole load and enjoy it, or use a real supplement, like the condom.

    @Eccentric_Lady: Just because you get pain doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe you're special or your doctor was inexperienced (did your doctor administer anything to reduce discomfort or local anesthetic or anything to assist dilation?). Even though side-effects are somewhat more likely, not previously giving birth is not a contraindication for IUD use. It's effectiveness (for both typical and perfect use) comes right after that of tubal ligation. According to some economic reports, it's the most cost-effective treatment.

    @Monica: Holy shit! Fairness in my PLFM? This can't be!

    @Anonymous, bhm: Wait, who are we talking about? The mother or the child? She said a man should have some say in the child, not in the mother's body. Lrn2read.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Monica said...

    I'm gonna have to sympathize with Tom here. It takes two to make a baby, then if a woman has the right to choose to abort or keep, raise or adopt out the infant, then the man should also have a partial say in what becomes of it.
    -------
    Anon,
    If you read her statement she includes abortion in her list of rights of say. It's later on that she clarifies her statement.

    ReplyDelete
  70. the man should also have a partial say in what becomes of it.
    -----------

    This is a false statement. The man, legally, does have a say in what happens to the child. The only way that that legal right can be denied is if he has been proven in court to be an unfit parent.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Does he have any choice at all in putting up THEIR child for adoption rather than having to bear childraising's financial burdens (without any of its emotional benefits)?
    -------------

    Of course he does. Who say that he doesn't get emotional benefits.

    ReplyDelete
  72. I hear you, Lynda.

    After having four kids with my father, my mother had her tubes tied. When she was past 40 and my dad nearly 50, she got pregnant again anyway. The doctor said the chance was only something like 0.03%. But that success rate still means three women out of a thousand get pregnant, and my mother was one of those women. Being against abortion, my parents had the kids, and now we can't imagine life without my sister (12 years my junior).

    Afterward, my father had a vasectomy done. When he went to get tested afterwards, it turned out the vasectomy had ALSO failed - and the chances of that were something like 0.003% (or something equally ridiculous). BOTH of my parents had CONTRACEPTIVE SURGERIES fail them. It took a second vasectomy and my mom hitting menopause for them to finally stop having kids.

    There's no such thing as completely safe sex. If you have sex, the only 100% effective means of birth control is being a robot.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Monica, it's not fair to the kid. Child support is for the kid. Men have been forcing all the worry and shit about birth control on women for ages, and now you support biological ignorance as well. Guys don't get to tell women what to do becuase guys get to make a decision, too: it just occurs in a shorter time window than womens' does. You don't get rights that alter the biological facts.

    Either the father pays for his mistakes, or the mom and society does, because who pays for child support when the feckless fool doesn't? Society. Great idea, there.

    ReplyDelete
  74. God, I can't believe how many women can't understand the basic concept of: child support doesn't equal pregnancy. Ejaculation and the time before it doesn't equal pregnancy. It's her body. If these guys don't want to impregnate women, then pick women who don't want kids and have had their tubes tied, but still grasp the concept that accidents happen, or have gay sex or sex that doesn't involve ejaculating in a vagina.

    What people are trying to do here is give men a biological choice that they don't logically get. Oh, it's SO not fair that women have choices dictated by their body!It's like people can't see beyond the fact that this one situation gives women more decision time because guess what! Life makes pregnancy harder on women than on men, who don't get pregnant!

    Men don't want to have to worry about accidental pregnancies. Show me the woman who doesn't worry about it. Then she gets to worry about the guy being an ass, too. These guys want a totally carefree existence, and if it means women have to do more worrying, well fuck 'em! And here's women sympathizing with this, by supporting this 'guys should be able to change their mind' bullshit. Like guys don't get away with this already.

    So who pays support for the kid, ladies? Society or the dad? Who has to worry about pregnancy to the point of toxic chemicals in their body? Who has to worry about real life and reality? Not men!

    ReplyDelete
  75. That sounds like someone I wouldn't want to be a part of my kid's life anyway.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Okay, I've got two friendly suggestions for Samantha:

    1) Honey, please let this be a learning experience for you that diaphragms hardly work for shit (my brother is living proof of it, lol!). Pill + condoms = way more effective.

    2) As others have commented above me, you really should milk this looser for child support - afterall, it is for the child you're carrying and raising a kid these days can be quite financially draining. And if he's still whining that the kid is not his, then then get a DNA test to prove paternity once and for all.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Just wanted to add a note on the IUD - sure they can be difficult to put in if you havent had kids, but a gentle doctor can definetly do it with minimal pain (though you'll have period-like cramps afterwards). They are one of the most effective methods out there, completely reversable (your fertility resumes faster than hormonal methods, assuming you get a just copper one) and last up to 10 years.

    This was just for your general information, of course. Also wanted to chime in that the dude is an asshole, but the cake sounds good.

    ReplyDelete
  78. I'm a bit surprised there is even a "pull-out debate" going on here. When are people going to realize it's all about the *quality* of the sperm, not the quantity.

    Sex Ed 101 folks: It doesn't matter how much a man cums inside a woman - all it takes is one determined little swimmer to reach and fertilize an egg.

    Not sure the exact effectiveness on pull-out methods (though I don't think it's 80%), but I do know it's extremely low.

    ReplyDelete
  79. Elffire, there was only a pull-out debate because one overly self-righteous and judgmental (yet anonymous) poster mentioned that's what she used in conjunction with her Depo.

    I tried the IUD--the Mirena--but between the pain and the hormones, I couldn't take it. When I got it out, my jackass of doc (whole other rant) asked what I was going to use for bc. I told him, "at this point, my sparkling personality."

    Anyway. Now I want cake!

    ReplyDelete
  80. @Anonymous, Anonymous: Are you suggesting adoption or whatever else isn't fair to the kid, either?

    You keep returning to the subject of a woman's choice over her body and her pregnancy when she was talking about the child, not the mother. You're either obfuscating the matter by raising straw men or not drawing a clear enough relationship this has to why the mother's rights to the child overrides the father's.

    ReplyDelete
  81. @hellkell: That's called an IUS, not an IUD. Unlike the IUD, it releases hormones and has a different set of side-effects. Although it's more effective than the IUD, it needs more frequent replacement.

    ReplyDelete
  82. @lolwut: you say tomato, I say it sucked either way.

    ReplyDelete
  83. This conversation is drifting a long way away from discussion of delicious cake, and I'm losing interest.

    ReplyDelete
  84. LOlwut, sweetie, in case you haven't been keeping up on current events, women get stuck with he child rearing. And oh, yeah, there's the minor fact that pregnancy affects the woman's body in sometimes disastrous ways for nine months. Do you need a refresher biology course?
    Men don't raise children these days. Mothers do. Keep wup with current events. It's not like these daddies are clamoring for the opportunity. Did you even read the post? Do you even have a clue?

    ReplyDelete
  85. Back in the day, long long ago, my 24-year-old unmarried mother was having a fling with a handsome contractor. They used condoms; one of them failed. My mother found herself pregnant and the dude fled so fast he left an outline. Mom went to an OB/gyn who told her to abort. She went to a second OB/gyn, who told her to abort. This wasn't an option for my mom; she finally found someone to take care of her, had me (entirely without financial or emotional support from the sperm donor), and two years later met and married my dad, who is, as far as I'm concerned, my father. He's the only one I've known.

    My friend was nineteen and getting over an abusive relationship when she met a super-nice guy. They went on three dates, had sex once on the third one--she was on the pill and he used a condom--and she found herself pregnant. Luckily, the guy stood up and took responsibility. Not only did he want to support the child, he married my friend, has been the best and most supportive guy in the world, and now they have a second daughter in the mix (plus my friend has her own successful business, and her darling hubby helps her out whenever he has free time).

    So, it's not all bad. Everyone's life and life-choices are different, and not all accidental fathers are jerks.

    Just thought I'd add a little sunshine to a gloomy set of comments! :)

    ReplyDelete
  86. What kind of cake?

    She should definitely stop over for cake. Eat it ravenously; just wolf it down. When mum remarks on her voracious appetite, cheerfully reply, "Well, I'm eating for two!"

    ReplyDelete
  87. I guess all cake is delicious, but for me Mississippi mud cake is MAXIMO DELICIOSO. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KIND OF CAKE, PLFMers?

    ReplyDelete
  88. @hellkell: Suck or not, they were talking about beans, you were talking about jellybeans. What does your dislike of jellybeans have to do with beans?

    @Anonymous: And perhaps you need a refresher on reading. You may raise a huge BAWWWWWWWWWWWfest over women's modern plights, but that in no way addresses the actual issue she was discussing: rights over the child. A women has a whole set of choices, rights, and responsibilities (whether fair or unfair) over her pregnant body, and that subject is entirely distinct from the rights a genetic benefactor should have over a child. You fail to argue relevance.

    ReplyDelete
  89. Late to the party but ...
    .. let's imagine you're Tom. You're in a fuck-buddy relationship with Samantha: no strings, no commitments. You use a condom and she uses a diaphragm. The last time the two of you had sex, she was on her period.
    Then she tells you she's pregnant and you're the man responsible.
    Could Samantha be right? Maybe. But not many spermatozoa can swim through condom + diaphragm + wrong time of the month.
    Are you still a big douchebag if you respond the way Tom did? Sure you are. The correct response to that message is NOT "La la, can't hear you, it isn't mine, why aren't we fucking, my mother baked a cake?" I am not defending him; I just wonder about Samantha's story.

    ReplyDelete
  90. When mum remarks on her voracious appetite, cheerfully reply, "Well, I'm eating for two!"
    ----------------
    LOL. She could also ask, "Am I showing yet?" Hover down the entire cake and then head home leaving the idiot high and dry.

    ReplyDelete
  91. ...not drawing a clear enough relationship this has to why the mother's rights to the child overrides the father's.
    --------

    Legally the mother's rights do not override the father's. We need to get past this point.

    ReplyDelete
  92. @bhm: Then maybe you're more familiar with the legal codes. When a mother doesn't want to keep a newly born, but the father does, and they're unwed, what happens? Does she pay maternity while the father parents? What happens if one wants to put it up for adoption and the other does not and it's the mother? It's the father?

    ReplyDelete
  93. This is why I just say no to sex with pro-lifers. And I'm also surgically sterilized. ;) Tubal at 28, while divorced with no kids FTW. Gotta love Planned Parenthood.

    At least in my case, no man could force me to have a kid. Thank goodness.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Does she pay maternity while the father parents? What happens if one wants to put it up for adoption and the other does not and it's the mother? It's the father?
    ----------------

    She is legally required to pay maternity.

    The consent of both parents are required for an adoption to be processes.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Two different types of contraception sounds pretty damn careful to me. The chances of conceiving are vanishingly low, but 'low' is NOT 'nonexistent'. Diaphrams aren't the best, but as previously stated, there may be problems with alternative contraceptive devices. Nothing works for everyone, that's why there are alternatives in the first place. And when used in conjunction with other devices, they may be acceptable. (Most of the time.)

    If this lady had had unprotected sex I'd be slinging mud, but she DID use protection- two different types of protection- and they failed. Again: 'LOW CHANCE' DOES NOT EQUAL 'NO CHANCE'. As stated, the only sure fire contraceptive is abstinence. And there are a lot of people in the world who like sex, which is perfectly natural.

    Samantha, get the DNA test and lawyer up. If he's so convinced it isn't his, then he should be perfectly happy to hand over a hair follicle. Even if you decide to give the baby up for adoption, you owe it a name on the birth certificate. If nothing else, there are genetic diseases where it becomes necessary to examine the family history, even if there is utterly no desire for an emotional connection on both sides.

    If you do decide to keep the baby, best of luck for the future. I'm of the opinion that the harder people have to fight for their children, the more likely they are to take care of the damn things.

    ReplyDelete
  96. @bhm: After some light reading, I find you're absolutely right. Men really are BAWWWWWing over a necessary consequence that can't be helped. Killing the fetus just happens to be a fringe benefit of a woman exercising control over her body.

    It's a shame they can't remove the fetus without killing it, and equally fuck everyone--great for society that fetuses get killed at all, but a shame for the equal control over child-rearing responsibilities.

    ReplyDelete
  97. Lolwut, you're the one that needs to do some reading. There's been a great deal of commenting about OMG how unfair it is that women have all these rights that men don't. Well, that's because they're often the ones left standing in the dust. If the father buggers off, it's not like the mom can abandon the kid. And in fact if mom gives custody to the dad, she does in fact pay support.

    As for adoption, I recommnend you read what adoption's like for the mothers who give up the kids. It's a heart wrenching experience for the mom, and there's an excellent piece on it at Shakesville, called "Living the way pro lifers want you to." Turns out it's not the casual, effortless solution people seem to think it is. And when you talk about how I'm using strawmen when I talk about the mother, it needs to be pointed out: fathers put ten minutes of effort into causing a pregnancy, and a woman puts in nine months of health complications into it, and yet men whine about how the woman gets to have all these decisions over whether she wants it or not, and how unfair it is that somebody who says he doesn't want kids has to pay for one for eighteen years. Chances are, the thought didn't even cross his fancy free mind, as the tales of abandonment show.

    ReplyDelete
  98. I have to agree with Kate and others: find an attorney, have a paternity test performed (by court order, if necessary), and secure child support. You aren't doing it for yourself; you are doing it for your unborn child.

    As a Texas attorney, I'd be all over this guy like white on bread. He elected to have sex with this woman, and now he doesn't want to deal with the consequences. Had she called him and informed him that she had tested positive for herpes, my guess is that his response would be quite different.

    Finally, as a response to the idiots blaming her, get real. My wife and I have four kids. Two of them were conceived while she was on birth control pills. One was conceived the first semester of law school -- NOT the time either of us would have desired, but that is just the way it worked out. No method of birth control is 100% effective.

    Frankly, if you do not want to take the risk of fathering (or mothering) a child, don't have sexual intercourse. That is the only foolproof way to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

    ReplyDelete
  99. FHOTD-
    I didn't accept the doc's criteria. I told him I wanted it done and I would have but for whatever reason I didn't then. I sure did it this time though.

    They have also switched to now not only snipping the tubes and removing a sizeable portion, but cauterizing them shut on a tubal ligation. It is still not 100%, but far more permanent than the old plastic hair clip looking things they used to use which could come undone and fall off. I honestly smelled smoke, so I'm pretty sure I am done for the most part.

    But as Lynda and Maggie have pointed out- there have been people who have been married, both of them 'fixed' and still having an unplanned pregnancy. I guess unless you are 'spayed' and have had a historectomy, you aren't comepletely 'out of the woods' in that regard.


    As for all the speak of child support- Maybe MrSpkr can help us all out on this one...

    Not all people who receive child support, use that money towards supporting the child. Is there some way the courts could put something into effect on this matter?

    I know women who have married other men, won't let new hubby adopt the child so they continue to get a check every month, then use that money to buy themselves or the new hubby gifts. One such peice of work was staying with the newly wed, long enough to collect alimony off him while still collecting child support from the last one. Talk about working the system...

    I know not all people who receive child support do this, but the courts should have some way of proving the child support is going towards actually supporting the child.

    FWIW- the courts in AZ take both parents income into consideration when setting the amount. The feeling is the children should not have to give up the lifestyle they are accustomed to, because the parents chose to get divorced. Individual mileage may vary.

    ReplyDelete
  100. @hellkell That sounds delicious. And so does an unwanted pregnancy.

    ReplyDelete
  101. "Sex Ed 101 folks: It doesn't matter how much a man cums inside a woman - all it takes is one determined little swimmer to reach and fertilize an egg."

    Probability Theory 101? Of course it matters. Toy example: if there's one determined swimmer with a 50% chance of reaching the egg, there's a 50% chance of fertilisation. If there are two DSs with a 50% chance each, there's a 1-(0.5^2)=0.75, or 75% chance of fertilisation. And so on for even greater numbers of DSs.

    Sorry for nitpicking :P

    ReplyDelete
  102. In NH they also look at both parents income. I get 600 dollars a month for three kids... The decree has no provision for when one child becomes and adult the amount goes down. I made sure it stayed at 600 a month... why.. cause it takes a hell of a lot more money than that to raise a kid. In the 14 years Ive been divorced I have never asked for more money. Actually he's suppose to pay for half the uninsured medical and he never has. He's suppose to supply the medical insurance and did until 2 years ago when he decided to cancel it and never tell me. I found out the hard way. So now my remaining child is on my insurance.

    My ex went through a time in his life that he met a new woman. Lets see his quote to me was "I have a new wife, a new life, and new responsibilities... Im not paying or seeing the kids anymore"... Oh the state made sure he paid, and the judge, cause I hauled his ass back to court to see the kids, said the least amount of visitation was once a month for 4 hours. Well that life of his didnt last long... and he came crawling back wanting to see the kids. I let him go back to every other weekend though the modified decree says only 4 hours a month. He has since moved to Texas (all you lucky texas gals! RUN!!!) So life here in NH has gotten so much better. Though I wanted my kids to see their dad, I wanted to make sure I never heard "you didnt let me get to know my dad"... hell my kids run when they hear him coming!

    ReplyDelete
  103. @Anonymous: Read. What you write neither clarifies nor addresses the issue you were answering.

    You write mostly that pregnancy places unequal burdens on women, women should decide whether to take care of a child after fertilization while men should not, and the position you were answering is wrong--nothing to point out error in the original comment's reasoning or clarify the apparent disparity women and men have in this binding decision. Even if it's not your position, you plausibly give the impression they should have this privilege disparity to make up for the burden disparity.

    You do not say the privilege is not special, but actually an instance of the same right everyone has to control their bodies and not be forced to keep unwanted things inside it. That any consequence of that is a side-effect. That if men got pregnant, they would be able to abort, too (and incidentally free themselves of childcare responsibilities). Or that current limitations are the only reason removing a fetus from one's own body (a procedure to which anyone is entitled) frees anyone of childcare responsibilities--when they figure out how to remove the fetus without killing it, everyone will get stuck with childcare no matter what rights a person exercises on their body. Writing any of this would have elucidated or addressed the subject.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Alright, before I go and feed the horses.

    I had an IUD put in around the age of 30. No kids. It was a little uncomfortable, but no big deal. Getting that sucker out later, that was a bit painful but also worked. I got a slight infection and had to take antibiotics a little later.

    Pills and shots. If you want breast-cancer go for pills and shots and let your boobs fill with tumors.

    Condoms, always use them unless you're trying to get preggos. If not there's all kinds of risks. AIDS, preggos, heck I think those other diseases are still around too.

    Poor Sam. Decide what you want to do for yourself (you are going to anyway) but get legal help and make sure the child gets support. It isn't about you anymore or what you want or don't want, it's about that little tyke that has no choice in the beginning. He/She needs all the help they can get, and that includes financial support. Even if the jerk tries to get out of it, ignore it all, just go for the support.

    Yes, if you go for support, he may want a role in that kid's life, its a risk, but the system is there to help the kid and no one else.

    ReplyDelete
  105. I have a verry similar situation with very different results...After a few WEEKS of random sex, I get pregnant. When I tell HIM about it, he flips. I've trapped him, done it on purpose, with intent (yeah, right?!), but he wants to stick it out...4 years later it's still hell but we haven't killed each other yet and our son is thriving

    ReplyDelete
  106. I was the one that posted there's no such thing as an "accidental pregnancy". I notice every post talks about getting child support from this man. IMO if you're married and the husband leaves, then yes you get all the support your entitled to, but if your out having nsa sex, with a fucking diaphragm that's 80% accurate IF used properly, $100 a month from the man is all they should get. NSA is no string attatched. Period. I'll bet if women didn't get these ungodly amounts of support there would be a lot less "accidents".
    I find it insane that because you get pregnant you should have 1/2 of this man's income for the next 18 yrs. I also find the posts stating but alot of women can't be on bc because...insert exuse here,Please grow up. This is 2009, if you can't be on hormones, get an iud, if that won't work use spermicides and condoms and keep track of your cycle. This is not rocket science

    ReplyDelete
  107. The woman DOES have rights that the man does not, though. She can opt out at any time -- take Plan B the day after they have sex, have an abortion, give the child up for adoption. He can do NOTHING -- from the minute they have sex, he is at the mercy of whatever she unilaterally decides to do. If she doesn't want the baby, she has several options. If he doesn't want the baby, he's completely powerless.

    Touchy subject, since it happened to my fiance (years before we met). He and some girl had a drunk one-night stand, in which she LIED to him and said she was on the pill, and got pregnant. We're now in debt up to our eyeballs because the state takes almost HALF his take-home pay, and gives it to her. Her child is 8 years old and in school full-time, and the mother sits at home doing nothing all day, collecting our money. There is no justice in that at all.

    ReplyDelete
  108. You know, sometimes the pill just plain doesn't work. Forget the whole extra-hormones, possible cancer argument--- with some women, it just plain doesn't work.

    My husband (then my boyfriend) insisted that pull-out had always worked great for him.

    I told him that it was nice that it worked for him in the past, but there was NO WAY we were just using that. So I went on the pill. And I was incredibly rigid about taking it within a 30 minute time period every day, without ever skipping a day, as there was NO WAY I wanted a kid in my life. I had an aunt that had gotten pregnant on the pill, but just figured she wasn't taking it the right way.

    And we now have a son. So, for all of you who think that the pill is perfect, it's not. It just doesn't work for some women.

    And on a side note, accidental pregnancies do suck (as far as timing), but like others have said, if you want to have sex, that's a risk you'd better be willing to assume.

    ReplyDelete
  109. I'm still amazed at all the morons saying that she ONLY used a diaphragm. Yes, a diaphragm ALONE is only 80%, but it CLEARLY states that they also used a condom (which alone is 97% effective). Condom + diaphragm =/= 80% effective. This was not anyone being careless or ONLY using a lesser method of contraception. There were TWO methods of contraception being used.

    ReplyDelete
  110. BOTH of them should have talked, before they took off so much as a stitch, about what should happen in the unlikely event that one of his tadpoles got past the defences.

    Of course based on what we've seen here, I suspect his response to THAT conversation might well not have matched the reality of how he dealt with it.

    But it's still better than blithely going ahead with happy fun times assuming nothing can go wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  111. OH MY F'ING GOD!!!!! What an arsehole!!!

    'nuff said

    ReplyDelete
  112. I always, ALWAYS, talk with guys about what we'd do if I got pregnant before I start sleeping with them regularly, whether it's a serious or casual relationship. I think it's incredibly important to be on the same page.

    Regardless, what an asshole! Take fucking responsibility for your actions.

    ReplyDelete
  113. As I man, I cannot get pregnant. As a gay man, I can't get someone pregnant. With medical issues, I can't get anyone pregnant.
    When it comes to situations like this, I like to play the game of 'I'll-play-your-game-until-I-can-hold-you-down-long-enough-to-play-my-game." In short, go to the coast, have the return ticket in hand and then pin him down on the bed in a compromising position and make him talk.
    The cake? If I was a pregnant woman and someone like him offered me cake, I'd take the whole cake and slam it in his face and tell his mother what he has been doing. Mothers are very useful like that.

    ReplyDelete
  114. I've been using the temperature method in combination with a diaphragm + spermicide for the past 27 years and got pregnant only once - when I neglected to use D+S.

    So don't tell me a diaphragm isn't an effective method of birth control. If used correctly and consistently, it is very effective!

    ReplyDelete
  115. Whatever you decide is up to you. I mean no judement on your decision.

    Love and Light

    ReplyDelete
  116. Are you sure his name wasn't TIM? I had a relationship with a douche like this, except he wanted to have a baby. We were going to start a family together. When I was 4 months pregnant, I found out another girl in another state was having twins, his twins, and was only a month further along than I was. I broke up with him. He no longer wanted anything to do with his child. It wasn't his responsibility because we weren't together anymore..but he kept texting me for sex, because he heard that sex helps bring on labor. (Oh yeah, he also kept telling me he loved me, and wanted me back...I almost bought it...till I found out there was ANOTHER girl knocked up, and she was due only a few weeks after I was...) Needless to say, he has nothing to do with his daughter or I.

    ReplyDelete
  117. What the fuck is wrong with this girl discussing money like there's any fucking discussion? He has a legal obligation to support his child financially. Period. No discussion. You never have to talk to him again, hon, but he does have to pay you. Take him to court for the child support he is legally bound to give. Come on! You two made this child, now it is his responsibility to make sure it is taken care of financially, and your responsibility to make sure he takes care of it.

    ReplyDelete
  118. Child support is just that....for the child.

    All other arguments to the contrary are BS.

    Get a lawyer and do the right thing for the baby and fuck what anyone else thinks.

    For you women who get involved with a man in this situation, shut the fuck up and realize it takes two to tango. If you think the mom is negligent, petition for custody and assume the burden of raising the child, then you can go after her for support. That comment about the mom hanging around doing nothing made me sick. You try raising a kid by yourself and then come back and tell us all about how nothing it was.

    ReplyDelete
  119. WTF is wrong with you people? All of you are bitching about how he has to pay child support,lets see.."You never have to talk to him again, hon, but he does have to pay you."
    That is bullshit. He is this childs father, and yes he does have a responsibility to pay for half of everything. But he also has a RIGHT to be in this childs life, like it or not. He has a RIGHT to help raise this child, like it or not.
    Right now, hes running scared, but none of us know him. He may come to his sences and want to be a part of this kids life. I hope he does, and I really hope she lets him. More than likely, he won't, but I hope for the best.

    The child support system is fucked. My dad, who would have killed to get a chance to see my sisters after their bitch mother ran off with them, owes the state a pile of money to pay back welfare the bitch got for 10 years. She wouldn't let me or my dad see them for over 10 years. No contact at all. She trashed the cards and presents we sent them for birthday and christmas. They never knew we tried.
    She lied to them about my dad, spent the money he did give her on drugs, and married an asshole who sexualy abused them for years while she was busy being a crack head.
    There are men out there who are AWESOME dads..and there are men out there who would love to be, if the bitch that has their kid would let them. Its not all about the money, seems like that is the first thing alot of you jumped to..NAIL HIM FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!! How about, talk to him..work it out..act like an adult.
    Yeah, the guy is a dick for the way he acted..but don't give her shitty advice like "you never have to see him again". Chances are, yes she will, and for the kids sake, I hope the dick mans up and turns out to be a great dad. If not..NAIL HIM FOR CHILD SUPPORT!!!

    ReplyDelete
  120. I got pregnant by a guy who I'd known for about five months, and we'd been sleeping together for about 3.5 months at the time of conception. Apparently even abstinence isn't enough, because neither of us can remember having sex around the time that it must have happened. Yeah, I'm being sarcastic about abstinence being bad birth control, but that was a very memorable time period. Heck, we could barely stand each other that month and I was about to leave him, so jumping into the sack together wasn't exactly on our daily to-do lists. We really don't know how or when it happened. He's never accused me of sleeping with anyone else (I didn't), but he's "joked" about it a few times. 

    The first time that I tried to talk to him about it was when I was two weeks late on my next period. His response? "Watch you be pregnant." That didn't really get things off to a great start, so I shut up about it. Then the four pregnancy tests came up positive -- I kept hoping for a negative that I never got. He asked me about the result after I took the first one and didn't say a word when I told him ... I don't remember if he ever really said anything about it.

    I'm pro-choice and started thinking about abortion. I made sure to get his reluctant approval because I thought that it was only fair to let him have a say in the matter. I couldn't go through with it, though. I couldn't kill the kid, but I didn't think that it was right to keep it. My thought process was very simple: We couldn't give it the life that it deserved, so we needed to give it up. But when the time for an abortion passed and I moved on to adoption as planned, he put his foot down. Absolutely not. He wouldn't even consider it. No discussion, no nothing. And it's his legal right to say no.

    You don't really have options when you can't put the kid up for adoption and you also can't let the father have custody because he's too fond of the bottle. So now what are my choices? Either I stay with him and we raise the kid together, or I deal with being a single mother. So tell me again how pregnant women have all of the control and all of the options? 'Cause it sure seems to me like a man can use a pregnancy to trap a woman, too.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Um, to the "woman" whose husband/fiance/penis/whatever loses "half his take home pay" on child support, I would LOVE to live in the imaginary state where you live. I'm divorced from my PLANNED child's father (because he forbade me to get my child treatment for autism) and I get $200 a month from the SOB. Take your bullshit somewhere else, "sister."

    ReplyDelete
  122. here i want to share a about tubal reversalTubal Reversal is a process for those women who would like to restore their fertility in order to have more babies. This surgery, also known as tubal ligation reversal, microsurgical tubal reanastomosis, and sterilization reversal, is done by opening the previously blocked fallopian tube so that the egg can be fertilized by the sperm. It is a very safe procedure.

    ReplyDelete
  123. I had a kid with a guy I just hooked up with for sex. We have a great parenting relationship. His mom and I get on like family. He and my husband get on well...it's actually really wonderful. He has never missed a payment and actually just gives me twelve post dated checks in January. We have really just become one goofy kind of family. It's not always a horror story.

    ReplyDelete
  124. Was the cake in celebration of the baby?

    ReplyDelete

  125. Hello! I want to share my testimony with all of you in this blog. Therapist Oniha gave me the possibility to start my new and happy life with my lover. The commitment and Marriage spells worked beyond my imagination. This wonderful spell will always be in my memory as the start of our new life. We had the most beautiful wedding and I was in the seventh heaven from happiness. I am sure that this feeling will be with us during the whole of our life and will never leave us. We’ll remain grateful forever. Please my friends if you need the help of this man just contact his email winexbackspell@gmail.com he can help you in any relationship problems.

    ReplyDelete