In a mid-sized plastic bowl, mix:
One (1) "seems kind of nice."
One (1) "pretty much keeps to himself."
One (1) "doesn't say much."
Stir lightly. Add one date.
What's the recipe?
If you guessed "a fucking psychopathic stalker," you win a pair of pants made out of the scalps of Brownie Troop #472.
Congratulations, and please remember to refrigerate your stylish new flesh pants.
PLFM reader Sarah writes in about her brief encounter with a man named Derek:
"I used to take my work to the Starbucks in the lower level of my building. This one guy was always there and he was kind of cute, not really my type though. So one day I ended up sitting next to him and he smiled at me, so I thought I'd introduce myself. He didn't say much but we talked little bit, I just figured he was shy but he seemed pretty nice."
"Before I left he asked me if I wanted to go out sometime which kind of shocked me. He seemed really nervous but harmless so we exchanged phone numbers, and I admit I was kind of desperate for a real date. He called me to see if I wanted to meet him after work the next day so I agreed."
"The date was kind of awkward at first because he just kind of kept to himself at first. Then after a few drinks Derek opened up a bit more but there was just something really off about him. I ended up getting wasted and he walked me a mile home."
And after that, Sarah and Derek walked off into the sunset surrounded by woodland creatures and songbirds.
Oh, wait. I forgot this part:"So he asks me out again, and I said OK. I thought maybe he was just one of those quiet guys and we'd get to know each other a little better on the next date."
"The next week I was sitting in the Starbucks with my brother Mark who was in town and I get this text from Derek:
"hey u fuckin bitch enjoy ur date u hore i hope he gives you herpies"
Not to let some douchebag get the best of her, Sarah decided to send him a nice little text in response:
"Im with my brother you asshole."
Is the relationship over? Apparently not, because several hours later, Sarah gets another text from Derek:
"sorry bout earlier i didnt know so what time to you want to meet tomorrow?"
I would really like to be the fly in the soup of that dinner conversation.
But Sarah, for some reason, never texted him back.