Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Joys of Online Dating

PLFM gladly accepts online exchanges from assholes trying to meet you in online dating forums.

God knows they're a fucking charming bunch.

PLFM reader SS had gone off to college her freshman year and found herself feeling a bit lonely. Late one night she decided to post an ad on an online dating site, but soon thereafter started participating in a variety of social clubs on campus.

Not feeling too lonely anymore, she all but forgot about the little ad she had posted.

Four years later somebody actually answered her ad, but the guy who responded obviously didn't have his reading glasses on. You see, SS is a girl that likes the boobs 'n stuff. She's a lesbian, and had placed her ad under women seeking women.

The man that wrote SS seemed very sweet in his response, so SS thought it would be nice to send him a little note thanking him for responding and being so kind.

She wrote:

"I realize that there's no truly kind way to write this, but if you had checked my profile, you would have seen that I am a woman looking for another woman, not for a man. You sound like a very sweet person, and I hope you find someone wonderful. But be certain to specify on your searches that you are looking for a woman who is looking for a man.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience."

Well that was nice of her wasn't it?

A simple misunderstanding, and a very nice little note to explain the situation.

He'll probably thank her and apologize for the errant response.

Let's see.

You damn freakazoid muffdiving dyke. Why on earth would you want to rub your pussy against another pussy instead of letting me put my cock in your pussy and exchanging ultimate pleasure, then when I cum in your pussy we can have a baby together. What is your problem? You dont like me as your man? You are a disgrace to the human species. Why dont you go commit suicide you damn cunt. Who in the hell in their right mind would hunt tuna???

What a sweet little man.

SS didn't respond, but reflects to PLFM:

"I think that letter actually made me more gay."


  1. Yeesh. It makes me lean a little more in the direction of girls (I'm bi). Maybe this fella was actually trolling the wfw listings in hopes of getting a response to which he could rant?

    Despite myself I like "freakazoid muffdiving dyke". It has an interesting cadence.

  2. Guess if I continue reading PLFM I might end up 100% Lesbian, too. Can somebody pleasepost a psychotic letter from a WOMAN?

  3. Oooh, I have one somewhere from an ex lesbian lover, she knew right from the start I was bi and that was fine until we broke up.

    I'll see if I can find it and send it to Weasel.

  4. Whoa. Guy has a whole lot of hatin' going on there!

    I'm a rampant hetero, but damn! Some guys need a visit from the gelding bus, and put on lifetime Prozac.

  5. This one made me snort coffee through my nose. Wow.

  6. I'm straight but after that guy...hell!! I thought SS's note to him was very nice and she didn't even owe that to him and to have him go off like a complete homophob psychofuck from TOTALLY uncalled for!! I'm glad I'm single and after reading about all these dumbass douchebags...I think I'm going to stay that way. I don't think it matters if you are gay, straight or bi that guy was just "off". I'm with you Mack Truck on the gelding bus needs to find this guy and get him.

  7. "complete homophob psychofuck from hell"

    That has great cadence too! lmao

  8. "Who in the hell in their right mind would hunt tuna???"

    Isn't that also what hetero guys do? Like, supposedly, him?

  9. "actually made me more gay"

    LMFAO.... oh dear lord. can't blame you, ss!!

  10. Meg- my thoughts exactly! I guess tuna is only okay to hunt if you have a spear...

    Katrina- "freakazoid muffdiving dyke" made me smile, too, in spite of myself and my "tuna huntin'" ways Hahaha, tuna on dowels! (anyone else addicted to "Harvey Birdman; Attorney at Law"?)

    Can we make a human-gelding bus? Please? I think anyone who makes PLFM should be handed a ticket to ride, as their prize or something...

  11. I've always wanted to be a lesbian, too. Some even understand (un)common courtesy. Dude is either a talented troll or ... has issues.

  12. Wasn't that guy technically hunting "tuna?" XD He's mad at her for doing what he was doing? I got lost.

    Plech, that's a gross turn of phrase, isn't it?

  13. Oh, I see Amy.mangos addressed my question. Very clever, Amy XD <3

  14. Who in the hell in their right mind would hunt tuna???

    This one line cracked me up as I sit here thinking- Isn't that exactly what YOU are doing dickweed?

    All righty then!

  15. Yet another reason to explore space for another habitable planet to send these idiots to!!! Or maybe we'll leave them behind.....

  16. OMG, I would have sent the whole exchange to the site manager! That abusive unstable jerk would be banned from the site for that kind of vulgarity and rudeness to ANY other member!!!

    And yeah, that would make ME more gay too!

  17. I think my uterus just shriveled and went into hiding with that one.

    There are some scary sperm deposits wandering around out there masquarading as men.

  18. That made me throw up in my mouth a little bit...what a flaming dickweed.

    Then people wonder why I'm anti-social...there's a real good reason right there.

  19. I'm bi, and sometimes a letter or comment or the witnessed stupidity of some men will push me more toward the women. Then, some other days, the vapid, shallow, cattiness of some women will push me more toward the men. Then, there are the days where I'm pushed toward becoming a hermit in middle of the Himalayas and never coming back.

  20. ..I think that even made me a little more gay, and I'm married :)

  21. @ryuu-no-namida: I like the whole 'hermit in the Himalayas' idea. You mind if I join you for the trek into the mountains? ;)

    @Weasel: I love how the jerk is taking it personally that she's gay. I wonder what he'd say to a hetero chick who turned him down; accuse her of being a "freakazoid muffdiving dyke" who wasn't woman enough to handle a manly man like himself? My favorite, though? When he says "we can have a baby together". O_o Riiiiight. I'll assume that means he doesn't believe in using condoms.

  22. I'm straight as an arrow, but guys like this chode make me want to seriously reconsider my sexual orientation.

  23. Wow! I'm guessing that he's such an ass that he had a g/f leave him for a woman and THAT's where all his anger comes from!

  24. I'm not suprised - every girl seeking girl site I know is filled with looser guys trying to either get an extra girl to sex up their boring relationship or trying to talk us back to the penis-side of the force. Dumbass.

  25. Wow. You're a true misogynist when your hated can't even let you get to the "Can I watch hur hur?" level.

  26. "Why on earth would you want to rub your pussy against another pussy instead of letting me put my cock in your pussy and exchanging ultimate pleasure, then when I cum in your pussy we can have a baby together."

    Like... what the fuck. This is so beyond ridiculous. Does he think lesbians just dryhump??
    And WHY would he mention having kids together to someone he hasn't even MET yet. This is one of those guys who will say he had a vasectomy just so he can get a gal pregnant and spread his ever-so-precious seed as much as possible.

    I'm bi, and this guy has made me just a little gayer.

  27. Whoops! Sounds like someone felt their masculinity and heterosexuality threatened...

  28. I kind of like him and his agressive hypermasculinity. I wonder if he would be into fucking a dude?

  29. -wait. Am I understanding this right? So this bloke is saying

    1)You suck.
    2)Why don't you like ME?
    3)I want us to have a baby!
    4)What's your problem? [Hers? Whoopsee!]
    5)Why don't you like MEEE?
    6)You suck.
    8)Who in their right mind would be looking for p*ssy? [You are, you clown.]

  30. lol i've actually encountered guys like this in person, then there's the ones that try to convince you to have sex with them

    my response?

    Yes, I'll consider having sex with them. If they don't mind me using a strap-on up their ass =P

    usually shuts them up pretty quick

  31. No sympathy for the gayfags? Who'd expect that?

  32. Wow, that letter made me gay.

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  42. OH WOW!!! what a spoiled bastard, he is not that polite.

    But it's crazy when most girls like men who are assholes. I had been a member of filipino dating , she shared me a story about "she always liked the assholes. because the assholes were always the hot ones.
    but then realized how shallow she was!

    So she started liking this boy that wasn't exactly hot and wasn't an asshole, then realized that all that really matters is how he treats me. and a nice guy is going to get so much further in life than someone who acts like a dick.

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