You've been dating someone for a couple weeks, maybe a month. Things seem to be going alright, nothing too out of the ordinary.
And then it hits you out of nowhere.
The premature "I love you."
From a guy.
Now, I'm a guy, and I really don't have too much a problem saying it if I mean it, but it usually takes me at least 6 months or more to work up the nerve. Most guys are that way.
But there's something to be said about a guy who can say "I love you" after a couple dinner dates and a few rounds of Skee-Ball.
That something is "run the fuck away from him."
You got yourself a needy little bitch. With a penis.
Lachelle had been dating Chris for over two years. Deeply in love, Lachelle and Chris did what some couples just have to do on occasion: break up.
It wasn't the usual minor tiff, but rather the kind of fight where she dusts off the list of everything he's done wrong since he was a sperm, he ignores her furious ranting and then he smashes a pan or something, and they end up taking the dreaded "break."
So Lachelle just hung out with her friend Andrew for a couple weeks. In was a hot, torrid and juicy affair, if you consider playing video games, watching a movie or two, and maybe looking at some of his artwork "hot and juicy."
I sure do.
But nothing happened, and it was two fucking weeks. That's like, this Saturday and next Saturday, and that's about it.
Lachelle and Chris eventually came to their senses however, and rekindled their relationship.
But Andrew was left all alone with nothing but a shoulder full of Lachelle's tears and fond memories of that one night where they watched Legally Blonde and ate some pretzels. What a night of magic it was.
And .... well .... you can probably smell the cookies in the kitchen by now, can't you?
Well, it just so happens that Andrew is a blogger. What a fucking loser, right? A fucking blogger. I mean, who's ever heard of such a stupid thing?
Anyway, guess who had a sudden need to make a very important blog entry?
Take it away, Andrew.
I'm done with her. As much as I loved her. Yea I said love. You did once too then said I was being a bit quick to say it. Not anymore. You crushed my heart twice and that is one too many. I should have never given you a second chance. You were weak and fell into his trap. He is an asshole. You know that. One act of kindness does not mean he will treat you right.
I hope you feel accomplished Chris. You begged for weeks like a fucking dog for table scraps. Have your food. You called over and over. She gave in. You called every fucking minute. More annoying then anything. She did nothing. I hope you feel happy. I bet you do. Thats good. Im upset. Youre pry hard as a rock at that thought. I dont care anymore. I do and I dont. I care this had to happen to me but I dont care what happens now. I just know you both will be misreble and in the end never be happy with your lives.
Lachelle. You made a mistake. You know it. I dont know how you let it happen. I treated you so well. I did everything right. Everything I possibly could to make you happy and treat you right. He wont do that. He never did and yet you went back? Good luck with that. Not to sound cocky but I feel I was of some quality and you just used me. You fucking used me and betrayed me. Oh Chris you like that thought dont you. I bet you do you little fucker.
So you two. Go get married have a few retarded children that have to live on machines or are too incompetent to function a normal life due to their parents lack of intelligence. Have a wonderful american deam.
Listen, I sound harsh in these words. My feelings were true. I loved you. I cared for you beyond everything else. But this is how you treat me in return. I hope you feel aweful, I know you do. Your going to feel even worse when I say I never want to talk to you ever again beyond the friendly hello or light chat. Apparntly we cant handle anything beyond that because I not you I end up getting fucked over. So have fun. I'm going to go drink some 151 now to try and forget this ever happened.
And for the record, Lachelle never said she loved him. Because she never did. And never would.
But was Andrew done?
So fond he was of his brilliance, he also posted it on a MySpace bulletin board for all to see, and then on her MySpace page just in case she didn't happen to catch it the first two times around.
Nice job Andrew.
But that's not what makes you the bitch.
What makes you the bitch is saying "I never want to talk to you ever again... beyond the friendly hello or light chat."
Way to leave yourself open for more abuse. Put your fucking alpha pants back on, sister.Feel free to post in the comments how early is too early for someone to say "I love you."
My vote? You say it in the first two months, you're out.